The Stories of the Three Burglars

by Frank Richard Stockton

right,' says I, 'Imight as well take you along, but we'll have to go back by the railroadand foot it, at least two miles, to the station, and I don't know aboutwalkin' across the country with a little girl dressed as fine as youare. I might get myself suspicioned.'--'That's so,' says she; 'we mightmeet somebody that'd know me,' and then she wriggled up her littleforehead and began to think. I never did see such a little gal as sharpas that one was; needles was nothin' to her. In about a minute she says,'Where's that bag of yourn?'--'Here it is,' says I; and then she took itand looked at it up and down, with her head cocked on one side. 'If I'dsomethin' to cut that bag with,' says she, 'I could fix myself up sothat nobody'd know me, don't care who it was.'--'I don't want that bagcut,' says I; 'it's an extry good bag; it was made for a particularpurpose, and cost money.'--'Pop will pay expenses,' says she; 'how muchdid it cost?'--'It was four dollars cash,' said I.--'They cheated youlike everything,' says she; 'you could get a bag like that any day for adollar and seventy-five cents. Will you let it go at that?'--'Allright,' says I, for I was tickled to see how sharp that little Jew galwas, and ten to one I'd throwed away the bag before we got to town; soshe pulled a little book out of her pocket with a pencil stuck in it,and turnin' over to a blank page she put down, 'Bag, one dollar andseventy-five;' then she borrows my big knife, and holdin' the top of thebag up ag'in her belt, she made me stick a pin in it about ahand's-breadth from the floor; then she took the knife and cut the bagclean across, me a-holdin' one side of it; then she took the top end ofthat bag and slipped it on her, over her head and shoulders, and tiedthe drawin' strings in it round her waist, and it hung around her justlike a skirt, nearly touchin' the ground; then she split open the restof the bag, and made a kind of shawl out of it, puttin' it into shapewith a lot o' pins, and pinnin' it on herself real clever. She had lotsof pins in her belt, and she told me that she never passed a pin in thatschool without pickin' it up, and that she had four hundred andfifty-nine of them now in her room, which she was mighty sorry to leavebehind, and that these she had now was this day's pickin' up.

  "When she got done workin' at herself you couldn't see not a ribbon nora hem of her fine clothes; it was all black skirt and shawl, and she'dput up her sleeve, so that when her arm stuck out it was bare. Then shetook all the ribbons and flowers off her hat, and crumpled it up, andwhen she tied it on what a guy she was. 'Now,' says she, 'I can gobarefoot.'--'Which you won't,' says I, 'for you'll get your feet allcut, but you can muddy your shoes,' which she did, I pumpin' on 'em, sothat the dust in the back yard would stick. Then we starts off acrossthe country, and, upon my word, I was pretty nigh ashamed to be seenwalkin' with such a little scarecrow. When I bought the tickets at thestation she asked me how much they was, and put it down in her book.When we got into the cars the people all looked hard at her, and Ireckon they thought some kind of a home had been burnt down, and thiswas one of the orphans that had been saved. But they didn't say nothin',and she fixed herself as comfortable as you please; and before long aboy came through the car with fruit in a basket, and then says she tome, 'I want two apples.' The boy had gone past us, but I got up andfollowed him and bought her two apples. 'How much did you give forthem?' says she, when I come back.--'They was two for five cents,' saysI.--'Well,' says she, 'they do stick you dreadful. Two for three centsis all papa or I pays for apples like them,' and she took out her littlebook and put down, 'Apples, three cents.'--'Very well, miss,' says I,'but if you want any more refreshments you buy 'em yourself.'--'I thinkI'd better,' says she, and she went to work eatin' them two apples. Shehadn't more than got through with 'em when the boy came around ag'in. 'Iwant a banana,' says she; 'lend me five cents,' which I did, and she putdown, 'Cash, five cents.' Then the boy come up, and says she, 'How muchare your bananas?'--'Five cents,' said he.--'For two?' says she.--'No,'says he, 'for one.'--'What do you take me for?' says she. 'I've boughtbananas before. I'll give you three cents for that one,' pointin' to thebiggest in the lot.--'I can't do that,' said the boy; 'the price is fivecents.'--'I'd like a banana,' says she, 'but I don't pay more'n threecents; take it or leave it,' and with that the boy went on. 'Now,' saysI, 'you've gouged yourself out of a banana.'--'Not a bit of it,' saysshe; 'he'll be back;' and in two minutes he was back, and said she mighthave it for three cents. 'Have you got two coppers?' said she. 'Let mesee 'em.' He said he had, and showed 'em to her, and she took 'em andthe banana, and then give him five cents, and then she didn't give thechange to me, but put it in her pocket. 'Now,' says she, 'if you'd buythings that way, you'd be rich in time.'

  "When we got to the city we took the elevated and went up town toForty-eighth street, and then walked over to her father's house. It wasa big one, on one of the cross streets. When we got there, she told meto wait a minute, and, lookin' around to see that nobody was comin', sheslipped off the skirt and the cape she had made and rolled 'em up in abundle. 'It don't matter about my hat and shoes,' says she, 'but theywouldn't know me in such duds.' Then, handin' me the bundle, she said,'For twenty-five cents you can get that bag mended just as good as new,so you can take it, and it will save us a dollar and a half.'--'No, youdon't,' says I, for I'd had enough of her stinginess. 'I don't touchthat bag ag'in, and I made up my mind that minute to charge the old manfive dollars' worth. When the front door was opened, the servant gallooked as if she couldn't believe her eyes, but my young woman was ascool as you please, and she had me showed into a room off the hall, andthen she went up-stairs.

  "I sat a-waitin' a long time, which gave me a good chance to look aroundat things. The room was real handsome, and I took a peep at the windowfastenin's and the lay of the doors, thinkin' the knowledge might comein handy some time. Right in front of me on a table was a little yellowmouse, and it struck me as I looked at it that that must be gold. Ilistened if anybody was comin', and then I picked it up to see if itreally was. I thought I heard the door-bell ring just then, and shut itup in my hand quick, but nobody went to the door; and then I looked atthe little mouse, and if it wasn't pure gold it was the best imitationever I see, so I slipped it quietly in my pocket to look at it ag'inwhen I had time.

  "Pretty soon old Groppeltacker come in, shut the door, and sot down. 'Soyou brought my daughter back,' says he.--'Yes,' says I.--'And you expectto be paid for it,' says he.--'Yes,' says I, 'I do.'--'How much do youask for your services?' says he. Now, this was a sort of a staggerer,for I hadn't made up my mind how much I was goin' to ask; but therewasn't time for no more thinkin' about it, and so says I, plum, 'Ahundred dollars, and there was some expenses besides.'--'Well, well,'says he, 'that seems like a good deal, just for bringin' a little galfrom school. It couldn't have took you more'n a couple of hours.'--'Idon't charge for time,' says I, 'it's for the risks and the science ofthe thing. There's mighty few men in this town could have brought yourdaughter home as neat as I did.'--'Well, well,' says he, rubbin' hishands, 'I expect I'll have to pay for the whole term of the school,whether she's there or not, and the business will come heavy on me.Don't you think sixty dollars would pay you?' Now, I know when you dealwith this sort of a man there's always a good deal of differencesplittin'; and so, says I, 'No, it won't. I might take ninety dollars,but that's the very lowest peg.'--'The very lowest?' says he, gettin' upand walkin' about a little; and then I thought I heard the door-bellring again, and I was dreadful afraid somebody would come and call offthe old man before he finished the bargain. 'Well,' says I, 'we'll callit eighty-five and expenses, and there I'll stop.'

  "Groppeltacker, now he set down ag'in and looked hard at me. 'I didn'task you to bring my daughter back,' says he, speakin' gruff, and verydifferent from the way he spoke before, 'and what's more, I didn't wanther back, and what's more yet, I'm not goin' to pay you a redcent.'--'Now, look a-here,' says I, mighty sharp, 'none