Baring Grudge

by Cynthia Sax

  Her lips flattened. There was no way in fuck she was ever going through that again.

  The kid, doing another victory lap, ventured too close to where Kutta and Grudge’s friend were wrestling on the ground. The retriever bit the cyborg’s ear.

  Biting was one of the Silan’s mating rituals.

  Alarm filled Taelyn.

  “Jasny.” She barked at the girl. “Get over here.”

  “She isn’t in danger, my female.” Grudge frowned. “Rancor would never damage her.”

  “Rancor and my friend are one scratch away from shedding their garments and fff…fragging like wild things right here in the open.” She whispered that intel back at him. “The kid has likely seen worse than the two of them going at it.” Jasny had been exposed to the harsher side of the universe before she’d arrived on Antares II. “But she won’t witness that on my watch.”

  Medic Neidan would tear a strip off her if she allowed that to happen.

  Her cyborg looked at the rolling couple. He narrowed his eyes at them.

  “Are we training again?” The kid bounced before her. Her eyes were lit with excitement.

  She was a true warrior, always wanting to battle.

  One of those clashes might get her killed.

  “We’re getting nourishment and beverage for ourselves and our guests.” Unable to deal with that possible future, Taelyn walked toward the beverage outlet.

  Both the kid and her cyborg followed her.

  “I’ll put the order in.” She told Jasny. Mulls sourced the nourishment from some locals. “You’ll wait for it outside the beverage outlet with Grudge. I’ll get Medic Neidan.”

  Her former guardian worked hard, would benefit from the break, and Taelyn needed some space from her newly acquired team.

  She couldn’t think rationally around them. Her damn caring for them interfered with that.

  And she had to contemplate her current situation, had to figure out a way to protect herself from the pain, from the grief that loomed in front of her.

  “We’ll accompany you to the medic bay.” Her cyborg overruled those plans. “I’m not leaving your side.”

  “I’m not leaving your side either.” The kid stuck out her chin.

  The two of them were now fuckin’ working together. Taelyn stifled a shriek of frustration, the tension inside her rapidly increasing. “I need to talk to her alone.”

  “We won’t interfere with that.” Grudge curled his fingers around her right hand. His grip was unrelenting, sent a message—he wasn’t letting her go.

  That escalated her meltdown. “There is no we.” Panic coiled around her chest. “You’re all going to fuckin’ die and I don’t care, shouldn’t care. I need to be alone. I—”

  Her cyborg turned her, pulled her face tight against his body armor-clad chest, smothering her words, hurtful sentiments she shouldn’t be expressing or thinking or feeling.

  “You’re strong.” He rubbed her back. “You can do this.”

  “Fuck you.” She pounded on his protective garment with her fists, fighting him, his comfort, his pity, seeking to be free, to be alone as she fuckin’ wanted to be.

  “What’s happening?” Jasny’’s tone held concern. “Is she hurt?”

  Fuck. She had worried the kid.

  “She’ll be fully functional soon.” Her cyborg rested his chin on the top of Taelyn’s head. His warmth surrounded her. His big palms navigated her form. The combination calmed her…a bit.

  “I’ll get Medic Neidan.” Judging by the rapid ringing of boot heels against the pathway, the kid had run off to do exactly that.

  “I’m scared too.” Grudge’s voice was soft.

  “I’m not fff…fraggin’ scared.” She said that out of habit, not because it was true.

  Because she was scared. She was petrified.

  They could die. She might fail to protect them.

  That would shred her to pieces.

  “I wasn’t manufactured with one purely mechanical arm, one purely mechanical leg.” Grudge didn’t address her lie. “I was hit by a missile during a battle and my arm and leg were destroyed.”

  Fuck. The male was a beast.

  Taelyn stopped battling him. He had been targeted by a missile and had survived that assault.

  “Scavengers found me. I wasn’t dead, but I couldn’t move of my own volition.” And that irked him. Greatly. She heard that in his voice. “If they had replaced my arm and leg immediately, my nanocybotics would have accepted them, would have covered them with organics. But they wanted to keep me semi-immobile, at their mercy.”

  Taelyn tightened her fists. She wanted to put the scavengers in a semi-immobile state, show them no mercy

  “I was passed from owner to owner, forced to follow their orders, unable to free myself.” Her cyborg shifted against her, his discomfort palpable. “Cadet, a fellow cyborg, rescued me. She replaced my limbs, but by then, it was too late for my organics to recover. My left arm and leg will always be purely mechanical.”

  Cadet sounded like she was a badass. Taelyn was grateful to the unknown female for saving Grudge, owed her an unrepayable debt.

  “I failed to liberate myself.” Her male’s shoulders rounded. “I could also fail you, fail Jasny.” He blew out a ragged breath. “And if I did that, if I lost you—” His voice broke.

  “You’d be angry with yourself.” She said the words he couldn’t utter.

  “I’d be dead.” Emotion roughened his voice. “I wouldn’t survive losing you.” He fervently kissed her forehead once, twice, three times. “Your death would end my lifespan also.”

  She wanted to argue that he hadn’t known her long enough to react that way.

  But she suspected she was as far gone as he was. That was what terrified her.

  Their connection was too strong, too right. She would be completely obliterated if he died. There would be nothing of her left to recover.

  “Walking away from you, fighting our bond, won’t prevent that pain, my female.” Grudge hugged her to his big form. “And staying together gives us the highest probability of surviving, of being happy. I am a skilled warrior once I have all my limbs.” His humor sounded forced. “And you are capable…for a little enhanced human.”

  She glared up at him. “I’m more than capable for any species.”

  But he was fraggin’ right. She would hurt when they died. It made no difference if she was by their sides when that happened or if she heard about it solar cycles later. The pain would be the same—excruciating.

  If they stayed together, she might be able to prevent that loss. Her forehead furrowed as she developed plans to safeguard them. “We have to train the kid harder.”

  Her cyborg nodded. “Her skills are non-existent. The kid—” He paused. “The kid is approaching with a humanoid I assume is your medic friend.”

  “They’re rushing to heal me.” Taelyn brushed her hands over her flushed cheeks, feeling like a fraggin’ fool. “I worried them both for nothing.” She stepped back from her cyborg.

  He was so fuckin’ big. Sunlight gleamed off his silver metallic left wrist.

  The sight of his mechanical arm reassured her. “You’re hard to kill, aren’t you?”

  He might have a chance at surviving. She might not lose him.

  “Cyborgs are designed to be hard to kill.” Grudge grinned at her. “My entire left side was blasted to bits. My skull was dented. My face and chest and hip were torn apart. My nanocybotics repaired all that.” He swept his hands over his muscular form. “They can’t replace what isn’t there, but they will restore us as close to our former condition as possible.”

  “I’m a healer, not a killer, but I will find a gun and shoot the cyborg if he harms you.” Her former guardian’s voice originated behind her.

  Taelyn turned to face her, shifting protectively in front of Grudge.

  Medic Neidan gripped a medic pack with both of her hands. Her silver-streaked hair was damp with sweat. Her face was flushed.

>   The kid stood behind her. Her eyes were wide with concern.

  She had caused that worry and for no rational reason. Taelyn wanted to wiggle with guilt. “The cyborg won’t harm me. There’s no need for fraggin’ shooting.”

  Medic Neidan didn’t hiss. Frag must be an acceptable profanity.

  “I was told you were hurt.” The older female’s gaze scanned her form.

  “I’m not physically hurt.” Taelyn reassured both the medic and the kid. “I lost my shhh…stuff for a moment, wasn’t thinking straight. But I’m better now.”

  She had the beginnings of a plan, and she had her cyborg to assist her. That allowed her to deal with her current reality.

  “We, the three of us—Jasny, Grudge, and myself, are leaving at sunrise for another mission.” She would no longer fight the evitable. They were now a team. There was no abandoning them. “We’re heading to Mulls’ to pick up beverage and nourishment, and we would like it if you would join us.”

  She gripped her cyborg’s hand, embracing him, their bond, deriving comfort from that physical connection.

  Her former guardian looked at her, glanced down at their linked fingers and back up at her. “I see.” She smiled, and Taelyn suspected the medic did see. The female knew her better than she knew herself. “I’ve been waiting for this occasion, was despairing it would ever come, and I wouldn’t miss your celebration for all the medical supplies in the universe.”

  More of the unease lingering in Taelyn’s soul dissipated. Accepting her relationships with others was new to her. It felt…unusual.

  But it wasn’t a bad unusual. She could tolerate it.

  “Jasny, did you tell Medic Neidan about the training session?” She changed the topic, redirecting everyone’s attention to the girl. “She kicked ass.”

  That drew a hiss from her former guardian. Ass must now be on the bad words list.

  That was too fraggin’ bad. The kid, after solar cycles of doubt, was finally viewing herself as the badass she was.

  Taelyn wouldn’t take that from her.

  The celebration, as Medic Neidan had called it, lasted well into the rest cycle.

  Mulls asked his warriors to move some horizontal supports and chairs outside the structure. Beverage flowed. Platters of fire-cooked vegetables circulated. Containers of grains accompanied them.

  The kid didn’t see much of the impromptu party. The training and the excitement of the planet rotation must have exhausted her. She curled up on the seat, rested her head on Taelyn’s lap—ensuring her mentor couldn’t escape her, and fell asleep.

  Taelyn sighed and placed one of her hands on the kid’s shoulder. Jasny was firmly attached to her for some fraggin’ reason. Separating would cause the kid pain.

  Her cyborg was right about that.

  “Mulls.” She called out to the male. “Those Humanoid Alliance warships are under my protection.”

  Grudge, that fool, stopped chattering with his friend and Kutta and turned his head to grin at her. He likely thought her statement meant more than it did.

  It meant the ships wouldn’t be blown up. That was it.

  She assumed her cyborg would want to travel to the space station in her freighter. He’d vowed to stay by her side. And Mulls, the being who had taught her about explosives, tended to experiment with them on abandoned vessels.

  “We’ll see to it no one fuckin’ messes with them.” The older male nodded.

  “He’s the being most likely to mess with them.” Medic Neidan slid into the seat next to Taelyn. She plunked a large pack by her booted feet. “I finished the arms.”

  “The kid put in her request little over a planet rotation ago.” Taelyn frowned at her former guardian. “Did you sleep at all?”

  “It wasn’t too bad.” The medic shrugged. “I had the basics already crafted.” She didn’t answer the question. Which meant she hadn’t slept at all. “I wanted to give it to you before you left.”

  It was to have been one final gift from her. That was why the older female had worked all rest cycle on them. She wanted to give her protege more after having given her so much.

  Taelyn blinked, fighting the urge to cry. “He doesn’t plan to kill me.” She whispered that truth, not wishing the kid to hear her, to realize that had been a possibility.

  If the girl knew how close Taelyn’d been to dying, she would never allow her out of her sight.

  “No, he doesn’t plan to kill you.” Medic Neidan looked at Grudge and smiled.

  The damn cyborg winked at them.

  Taelyn’s heart squeezed. He was such an appealing ass.

  “Your cyborg seems like a good male.” Her former guardian had been won over by Grudge’s charm also. “He told me he’d protect you and Jasny with his lifespan, said he’d be transferring credits to the medic bay so I could help more fragile humans and humanoids.”

  “He’s an idiot.” Taelyn snorted. “I’m not fraggin’ fragile and I don’t need his fraggin’ protection.”

  He was the being, along with the kid, who needed to be safeguarded.

  If anything should happen to them… She pushed that thought from her head.

  “You don’t need his protection.” Medic Neidan mollified Taelyn’s unsettled feelings somewhat by confirming that fact. “But I’m glad you have it. I know the missions are important to you. You don’t want what happened to you, to your family, to happen to others.”

  The older female had always understood her reasons for taking action against the Humanoid Alliance and their army of battle robots.

  “I’ll worry less knowing he’s with you.” Medic Neidan smiled. “You and Jasny aren’t alone.” She squeezed Taelyn’s organic hand.

  “I’d worry less about you if I knew you were sleeping a full shift.” Taelyn squeezed the older female’s hand back. “You always work too hard.”

  “And you always take too many risks.” Medic Neidan laughed. “You were determined to do that even when you were a child. You would make deals with me, negotiating until I allowed you to try some dangerous task.”

  “That sounds like my female.” Grudge joined them, standing tall and straight in front of Taelyn. His eyes gleamed. “One of the first things she did when I met her was make me a deal.”

  Taelyn’s face heated. “You won’t share the details of that deal.” She didn’t talk about her fucks with her former guardian.

  “Our girl has her pride.” Medic Neidan looked at her and her face softened. “She came to me when she had a mere nine solar cycles. I tried to give her a chamber in my structure, told her I’d provide nourishment, beverage, other supplies a child needed. She refused to accept that deal and made me a counteroffer, said she’d work for it, would clean the chambers, run errands for me.”

  “You needed that help.” Taelyn rolled her eyes. “You were doing too much then, as you do too much now.”

  “We needed each other.” Her former guardian hugged her. “I must get back to work.” She stood. “Keep our girl safe.” She patted Grudge’s arm as she wandered away, heading in the direction of the medic bay.

  “Get some sleep.” Taelyn called after her.

  “That’s good advice for all fragile humanoids and humans.” Grudge bent down and scooped Jasny into his arms. “I’ll carry her back to the ship.”

  “I’ll go with you.” Taelyn rose to her booted feet. The celebration could continue without them.

  She grasped the pack with the new mechanical arms and strode beside her cyborg.

  They walked in silence for a while. It was a companionable quiet.

  Her thoughts lingered on her former guardian. “Medic Neidan had twenty-six solar cycles when I arrived at the medic bay.” She owed the female her lifespan. “It must have scared her to suddenly be responsible for a kid…yet she did it.”

  Taelyn was scared also. But she would assume responsibility for the kid, and she would take a chance on Grudge, on being with him, caring for other beings, risking pain and loss.

  “All my females a
re brave.” He said that as though Medic Neidan belonged to him too.

  That touched Taelyn’s heart. She placed one of her hands on his right arm, holding on to him as he carried Jasny. The three of them were one unit, a team.

  They entered her…their freighter. She directed him to the kid’s chamber.

  He gently set Jasny on the sleeping support, began to straighten.

  “No.” The girl sat upright, frantically clutching at his body armor. Her eyes opened wide. Her fear was palpable. “She’ll leave me.”

  That was the kid’s greatest concern – being abandoned by her.

  Fuck. Taelyn looked away, blinking back tears.

  She had really fucked up this guardianship business.

  It was her responsibility to fix it.

  Determined to do that, she sat on the edge of the sleeping support. “You have the cyborg’s wrist armor, kid.” She knocked on the protective piece the girl continued to wear high on her arm. “He isn’t leaving my fraggin’ side. As long as you wear it, you know I’m close.”

  “You’re close.” The kid released Grudge and reclined with a heavy sigh. “I have the wrist armor.” She touched it. “You’re close.”

  “I’m close.” Taelyn would always protect her.

  “You’re close.” The girl’s eyes closed. “I’m not alone. You’re close.”

  She repeated those words, her voice fading more and more until she succumbed to sleep.

  Taelyn gazed at Jasny for one long moment. Fuck. She loved the fuckin’ kid so much.

  Surrendering to the force of that caring, she kissed the top of the girl’s head.

  “Close,” Jasny murmured. Her fingers splayed over the wrist armor.

  Taelyn stood and made the mistake of meeting Grudge’s gaze.

  He grinned at her. His eyes shone with knowing.

  “Fff… you.” She was being a good guardian. That was all.

  She scowled as she moved into the hallway.

  “You will fff… me.” Grudge followed her, closing the door behind them. “That’s a 100.0000 percent certainty.”

  Taelyn huffed and stalked toward her…toward their private chambers. She couldn’t fling a profanity-laced denial at the damn male because he was right. They would fuck.