Shelter Me Home

by T. S. Joyce

  She couldn’t take her eyes from the little boy. “Crystal.”

  “Good. I don’t want you being friends with Aanon, and I sure as sugar don’t want you dating him.”

  “Wait wait wait,” she said shaking her head to clear the insanity that had just touched her ears. “Why would I be dating Aanon? He’s with you.”

  “Is that what he told you?” She snorted. “He probably said that to spare your feelings. You aren’t exactly in his league, Dweeb.”

  Oh, this girl was too much and had clearly been talking to some of the townies about her unfortunate high school awkwardness. “That’s The Dweeb to you, and I’m not shooting for anyone’s league. He’s said nothing but nice things about you, said you are together and that he gets frustrated when he doesn’t get to see you.”

  “Ha. It’s not me he’s trying to see.” She jammed a finger at Dodge. “It’s him. He had his chance to try and make us work, and he blew it when his dad died. We had these plans to buy a house in Anchorage together. Had one picked out and everything. We were supposed to be a family, but he decided to move out here to the fucking wilderness and ruin every chance we had.”

  Farrah’s eyeballs felt like they were going to fall from her sockets and onto the floor. Dodge didn’t even flinch at the curse word his mother had just flung.

  “So, this is how we work, and if you ruin this, I’ll yank his son away so hard and so fast, Aanon will never forgive you for ruining his life. What I say goes. I don’t want him dating anyone until I’m good and ready for him to. He takes me out to nice restaurants when he’s in town as part of our mediation, and if he behaves in a way I think is appropriate, he gets to see his son. This,” she said, twirling a manicured fingernail in a tiny circle. “This doesn’t work for me. And are you pregnant?”

  The crazy lady was now yelling, and Farrah put her hands over the fitted shirt covering her belly. “Yes,” she squeaked.

  “Oh, that’s rich. You stupid trollop. I’ll be damned if you or anyone else is up here playing on his sympathies. His focus right now needs to be me and his son and making up for ruining my life.”

  A horn blasted from outside and Erin stuck her head out the door to scream, “I’ll be there in a minute!” Shutting the door once more, she smirked. “That’s Daniel. He’s taking me on a weekend getaway before the snow hits. This shithole was on the way so I’m dropping off Dodge instead of meeting Aanon in the city.”

  “Whoa, wait. I already told you Aanon is out of town and will be for a few days. Does he know you are dropping his kid off here?”

  Her eyes grew wide, like Farrah was the dense one. “Well, I’m sure you can earn yourself some brownie points and tell him yourself.” Throwing open the door, she called over her shoulder. “You can tell him about Daniel, too, while you’re at it.”

  Farrah followed, panicked. “Wait! You can’t leave your son here. I’m a complete stranger, and I don’t even have a way to get in touch with Aanon from here. I’d have to go all the way to town.”

  Erin whirled around, her boots squeaking across the wet grass. “Remember what I said. I call how this goes.” With a disgusted look around the homestead, she snarled, “You know why that is? He has no chance of getting joint custody. Not when he lives in a place with no electricity or running water. What judge is going to okay a home where there is no heater? Where Dodge could get mauled to death by a bear? And is that a wolf?” She jabbed a finger at Luna.

  “Okay, wait,” Farrah said, holding her hands out in an effort to calm the rabid beasty. “I don’t think Aanon took this place to ruin your life, or I don’t know, choose this place over his son or anything like that. I think he took it because it’s been in his family for generations, and he probably wants a place to be able to pass down to Dodge, right?”

  Why did Erin’s laugh make her feel petty and stupid? “My son will never live in a crusty commune. He deserves better.”

  “Commune?”

  Oh God, this woman was nuts. How could she look around and see anything but paradise? Dodge would be lucky to grow up knowing this place, knowing his heritage.

  “You have no right to manipulate Aanon like this, Erin. Using his child as a tool to bend a man to your will? That’s disgusting.”

  “Yeah? Does your baby daddy have full rights to come see his child whenever he wants? To take his child whenever he wants? No? Accept it. You’re just as disgusting as me.” A cruel smile crooked her lips, and she spun for the shining black SUV that idled on the front lawn.

  A dark-headed man with an impatient expression waved Erin to him, and she hopped inside. Without a glance in Farrah’s direction, he pealed out of the yard, spraying mud over the big house’s front porch.

  “Oh, my gosh,” she said in utter shock. She spun, then jogged for her house and lit the lanterns inside.

  Little Dodge sat where he’d been on the bed, but now his tiny bottom lip trembled, and his eyes held a rim of moisture.

  “No, no, no,” she cooed, squatting next to him. “It’s okay, little buddy. Look, I’m Farrah, and we’re going to get this all sorted out, all right? We’ll just—” She wracked her brain for answers. It wasn’t as if she could just chill here with a three year old for a few days waiting on Aanon. He needed to be told, and now. But without a truck, how was she supposed to get to town to put a call into him? “We’ll just have an adventure. Does that sound like fun?”

  One tear slid down his rosy cheek, and she wiped it with the pad of her thumb. “Have you ridden a four-wheeler before?” Oh geez, was it even legal for little kids to ride them? She hadn’t a guess. At his nod yes, she jumped up. “Okay, let’s go see if your dad has a helmet anywhere for you. And then we’ll go into town and call him. And then maybe we can get some dinner and maybe some ice cream or something.”

  “I like ice cream,” he said softly. Oh great goodness, if she wasn’t pregnant, she’d ovulate right then and there. He was so cute, and his tiny voice made him even more adorable.

  There was, in fact, a tiny toddler-sized helmet in the barn. Way in the back where she would’ve never thought to look had she not been searching for it. With Aanon’s cell phone number shoved in her pocket, and Dodge’s coat zipped up to his chin, she secured him in front of her and rode about three miles an hour the entire way to town.

  When she pulled up to the back parking lot of Briney’s, she turned the motor off and lifted Dodge off the seat. With his little mitted hand in hers, she led him into the bar office and waved at Briney to let him know she was there. Her fingers shook as she punched in the number and waited.

  No answer.

  “Come on,” she pleaded to no one in particular. Punching the number again, she waited with the same results.

  Okay, one more time. If he didn’t pick up, she’d just leave a voice message for him to call her back at Briney’s, and she and Dodge would have dinner there. Right by the phone.

  “Hello?” Aanon asked across the static.

  The relief she felt was thicker than whole milk butter. “Hey, it’s me.”

  “Farrah? What do you need? I’m kind of busy at the moment. Are you okay?”

  “Yes, yes I’m fine. Kind of. Listen, you need to come home.”

  “What? Why?”

  “Dodge is here.”

  Static stretched on and on until finally, he said, “I’ll be home tonight,” and hung up the receiver.

  Dick.

  She was pissed at him. He’d left out a huge part of his life, and that was fine if he had secrets. He didn’t owe her explanations. But he’d lied about Erin, and he’d withheld the truth about his son. It felt like a slap to the face that he’d kept everything important as far away from her as he could.

  She didn’t know him at all.

  Chapter Nine

  According to a very in depth book on conquering the bedtime routine, Farrah really couldn’t keep Dodge up much longer to wait for Aanon. She flipped to the next page and squinted tiredly at the text.

  “Keep readin
g,” Dodge instructed from the sudsy bathwater she’d warmed for him in the tub. His blond locks were plastered to his head, and a blob of bubbles decorated his smiling cheek.

  “Are you sure? This stuff is super boring. Why don’t we read one of the books we got for you?”

  “Here puppy,” he said, ignoring her offer in an attempt to get Luna to lick a bar of soap in his outstretched hand.

  “All right, buckaroo. We need to get you in your new pajamas. That water has to be getting cold by now.”

  She rinsed him off with a plastic cup as he gripped the tiny tiger bath toy she’d picked up from the general store. After slathering him in lotion until his skin shone, she pulled on his night clothes and ran her comb through his hair.

  He plopped down on her lap beside the bathtub as she picked up the parenting book to figure out what to do next.

  When the door swung open, Aanon stood there, looking every bit like he hadn’t slept in days. He glanced from the bath water to the toddler in her lap and then to the book in her hands.

  Unnecessarily, she explained. “I checked out a book on how to do bath time from the library.”

  “Daddy!” Dodge screamed with the jubilation of a child truly happy.

  Aanon caught the little boy in his arms and laughed despite the tired set of his eyes and grim line of his mouth. “Hey buddy,” he said, closing his eyes and leaning his cheek against his son’s.

  Farrah stacked the books Dodge had picked out on top of his folded dirty clothes and handed them to Aanon. She was tired and confused and didn’t feel like talking to him any more than he looked like he wanted to talk to her.

  “Night, Dodge.” She wasn’t exactly shoving Aanon out the door, but she was hinting heavily.

  “Farrah, I think we need to talk,” he said, rubbing the little boy’s back.

  Oh, hell no was she getting into it tonight when she could barely hold her eyes open. And maybe Erin was okay with discussing inappropriate matters in front of Dodge, but she didn’t feel right about it at all.

  “How about you enjoy your time with your son. We can talk later.”

  “Farrah—“

  “Aanon,” she said, overly patiently. “I just found out you have a son and that you lied to me about your relationship status. I was let in on the secret in a really messed up way, and I was stripped down to nothing by a woman I’ve never met before today. Our talk can wait.” Preferably until she didn’t want to strangle him anymore.

  “I’m really sorry.”

  “Don’t,” she drawled out. He wasn’t going to fix a lie so easily. She’d been through this with Miles. Why couldn’t men just be honest? “This is one of those things you could’ve trusted me with. Should’ve trusted me with.”

  Gently, she closed the door behind him and pressed her back against it until she was sure he was gone. He deserved time with his son, and she’d give him as much space as she could manage. Lighting into him now would only make him feel bad, and he needed to focus on Dodge. It hurt to swallow the things she wanted to say, but she’d be damned if she was going to be a manipulative attention-seeking crazy person like Erin. The woman had given her the perfect roadmap of the type of woman she didn’t want to be. Unfortunately for her, Erin was apparently Aanon’s type. She shook her head. No wonder he’d lied.

  Erin was the type of woman he liked, and who was she? Farrah wasn’t important to him. He’d made that clear from the get-go.

  ****

  The tractor was bulky, but easy enough to drive after Billy’s patient lessons. Farrah hit the lever that dropped the hay fork, then reversed and speared the giant round bale. When it was lifted off the ground, she pulled slowly from the barn and maneuvered it to the gate of the cattle’s enclosure.

  The small herd was fenced into a two acre square tract. Aanon had said that he and his father had always driven them to open pasture land during the few warm months, but at this time of year, predators would get desperate, and feeding the animals in the snow had to be made as simple as possible. So up near the house was where they’d stay for the rest of the winter.

  At the sound of the tractor, the cows and the one old, slow bull made their way to the fence. It was the same every morning. Usually they stayed far enough back for her to open the gate and get the tractor through, but today, number 417 was pacing the fence line.

  “Crazy heifer,” Farrah muttered as she pulled a chunk of hay from the bale and walked down the fence line to toss it over.

  When the herd was distracted, she pulled the gate chain and drove on through, then shut it again. Twenty yards in, she lowered the hay fork on the back and drove forward until the bale slipped off. Usually, she spread the hay out for them, but 417 was staring at her with an especially psychotic look on her bovine features. Add that to the backache that had been plaguing Farrah since early this morning, and today the herd would have to pull their own hay from the bale.

  Aanon and Dodge hadn’t made an appearance yet, but if the smell of griddle cakes that wafted across the clearing was anything to go by, they were inside enjoying breakfast together.

  Smiling to herself, she remembered Dodge’s face when he’d got to pick his own pint of ice cream from the gas station in town yesterday. Most of it still sat in the freezer on the back porch, but he’d been so excited, his grin had stretched the expanse of his adorable little face.

  The chicken coop was next, and when her basket was filled with brown eggs, she set it on the porch of the big house. It was warm enough they wouldn’t freeze, and she wasn’t in a rush to interrupt the father-son bonding time that was going on inside.

  Pulling a cherry-fried pie from her jacket pocket, she turned to go have her own second breakfast on the bench of her front porch. The scenery couldn’t be beat, and she needed to soak up as much of the remaining warmth as possible before months of chill set in.

  The front door to the big house creaked open and Aanon stood there with a wholly unsurprised look that said he’d been waiting for her. “I made breakfast,” he said gruffly.

  “Congratulations,” she said, ripping open the pie with her teeth.

  Inspecting the porch rafters, he swallowed. “I mean, would you like to have breakfast with me and Dodge?”

  Holding up the pie as proof, she said, “I’ve got my own. And anyways, I still have a lot of work to do before I run errands in town.”

  “What errands?” he asked, cocking his head. “Maybe we could make the trip with you.”

  It was so hard to say no to him when he looked so damned beautiful standing there in the morning light, arms crossed, leaning against the door frame like he had full confidence she’d say yes.

  “Look, Erin made it pretty clear that I’m supposed to stay away from you yesterday. I really don’t want to be the one to ruin the time you get with Dodge. Plus, you wouldn’t want to come with me on these errands.”

  “Erin doesn’t want me dating anyone. She has no jurisdiction over who I’m friends with, though.”

  She bit her lip against pointing out the man-eater shouldn’t have jurisdiction over his dating life either, but from their conversation yesterday, his relationship with the mother of his child was about as complicated as it got.

  “Let me worry about her,” he said in a persuasive voice. “What errands? You going to the doctor?”

  “Dammit, Aanon. Don’t you see? I’ve done this before with Miles. I was in this forbidden relationship, and even if I didn’t know it at the time, I never want to do it again. I don’t want to feel guilty when I’m hanging out with you or wonder if someone will see us together in town and tell Erin.”

  “Tell them what? That we’re hanging out? I’m not trying to marry you, Farrah. You were the one who suggested we be friends.”

  “Yeah? Well that was when I thought I could trust you. You have a kid, Aanon. And you have this really complicated relationship with his mother, which you hid from me. I’m barely able to handle my own situation right now. And I’m going shopping for maternity jeans becaus
e I haven’t been able to button my pants for three days.” The last part came out in a rush of admission. The baby was growing, and she needed to start making decisions.

  Where she’d thought surely Aanon would run for the hills at the threat of shopping for pregnancy pants, a slow smile took his face instead. “I think you’ll have to drive to Homer for a pair of those.”

  Narrowing her eyes, she asked, “Why?”

  “Because I’m pretty sure there is nowhere in Cooper Landing that sells those. Not much demand here.”

  “Fantastic. Can I borrow your truck? I’ll fill it up with gas on my way back.”

  His grin stretched. “Well, me and Dodge need it today. We could give you a ride to Homer, though, if you want.”

  Tricky, tricky, tricky. She was actually impressed with his cleverness. And nerve. Apparently, Aanon wasn’t adept at taking hints.

  “Fine,” she muttered and stomped off toward the horse corral.

  “Hey, don’t worry about doing the rest of the work today. Me and Dodge will take care of it while you go get ready.”

  She would’ve thanked him if she weren’t fuming that he’d invited himself into her life. He was a perfect, self-sufficient, Alaskan man, who was now apparently an awesome father, a trait she found eternally sexy. He was also completely and utterly off limits. Weaseling his way into her life and heart was disaster slathered in napalm.

  She could see their collision course from a mile away. Why couldn’t he?

  Since the remainder of the chores would take Aanon longer with a three-year-old in tow, she took the time to heat water for a bath, dry her hair, then put on make-up by the warmth of the stove. With another log on the fire, she eyed the small drawer of shirts. She washed her garments once a week in the sudsy tub, and most of her clothes were clean, but still, she hadn’t much to choose from.

  If she wore something bulky, like she usually did, she wouldn’t be able to see the fit of the maternity jeans as well, so she picked a green sweater that hugged her curves. She threaded a rubber band through the loophole of her jeans and tied it around the button, then turned in the bathroom mirror. Her stomach definitely appeared to have popped. Though she was only in the fourth month, and her stomach was still small, at least it no longer looked like she’d just overindulged on a meal.