Body Switches

by Barbara G. Tarn

  "Fine. Sweet dreams." Keith sounded disappointed. He rose and left.

  Ciaran followed him with his eyes, mentally apologizing to Harith. He wasn't going to sleep with a man. He wasn't becoming a sodomite, either. He shivered at the thought. God, forgive me, for I have sinned...

  4.

  Harith received a text message from Ciaran while he was having breakfast with his new family. Harith thought Ciaran was very smart using his phone to contact him – and he was saying to bring the cell phone to Mass, so they could swap them. At least on the phone, they could still be themselves. Ciaran also told him to tell Charlene his car was broken, so they should take hers.

  Harith sighed, put down the phone, and finished his tea.

  "Bhabhi, can we go in your car today? Mine is being repaired," he said.

  "Who's Babee?" Charlene's strangled voice made him realize his mistake.

  "It's not a name," he assured. "It's not an English word and..."

  "I really wish you'd stop using Gaelic with me," she snapped.

  Actually, it's Hindi, he thought, but kept his mouth shut this time.

  "So can we take your car?" he insisted innocently.

  "Fine." It was more a grunt than a word. The children's eyes were ping-ponging from him to her in puzzlement. "Let's get ready for Mass," she ordered the children, glaring at him.

  Harith exhaled and watched them leave the kitchen. He washed the mugs and plates and went upstairs – Ciaran's clothes were still in the bedroom. "What should I wear?" he asked, staring at the series of suits in dismay.

  Charlene picked one and threw him a shirt. Harith wondered if she was always so sour, then remembered she had fought with her husband before he came into this body.

  "Can I use the bathroom?" he asked shyly.

  "Just go," she waved irritably at the door then stormed out as Hugh called, "Mo-om!"

  Harith sighed and locked himself in the bathroom. It was weird showering someone else's body. And shaving someone else's face. And now he looked forward to seeing his own body again – it was fun watching himself from outside, except it wasn't really him and it showed. The situation was very confusing, but also exciting. Like watching a bad reflection – no, an unruly reflection – that didn't behave as it was supposed to. Maya was putting a veil over his eyes.

  He waited for Charlene with the boys, and then she drove them all to Mass. Harith sat imagining he was in a temple instead – not that he was very religious, even if he came from a caste of Brahmins. Mostly because if he'd stayed in India and entered a hijra community, he would have been denied cremation anyway. So he wasn't sure which god or goddess loved him, but someone up there did love him, as he'd been blessed. Well, before the body switch, that is.

  Maybe whatever god or goddess had protected him so far was mad at him for cheating on Keith and had punished him with the body switch. Try someone else's life and see if he'd be happier. He wasn't happy and he missed Keith, so he prayed to Ardhanarishvara – just to make sure he addressed both sexes – to deliver him from the curse of the switch. He closed his eyes and wished fervently to go back to his own body, but when he opened them again, he was still in the Catholic church next to Colin, with Hugh and Charlene.

  He sighed, unable to appreciate the religious ceremony, and started looking around. He didn't seem to be the only one bored. He thought some people around him went to church only to see others, or be seen, or gossip, or who knew what. They didn't look very devotional. Not even Charlene. Interesting.

  Mass finished and Harith followed Charlene outside, where they met other people. Harith limited himself to greetings and "How do you do" and let her do the talking. Then he saw Ciaran-in-his-body wave at him, excused himself, and left the small crowd of Christians with a great sense of relief.

  "Did you bring my cell phone?" Ciaran asked.

  Harith showed it, but Ciaran motioned him to sit in the car before they exchanged the phones.

  "Ciaran, where are you going?" Charlene called, frowning.

  Ciaran was about to reply but Harith was quicker. "I'll be back in the afternoon," he said. "See you later!"

  Ciaran drove away before they could hear Charlene's new objection. "She must have recognized the car. We must find an excuse for me driving you everywhere."

  "Um... I'm teaching you to drive?" Harith suggested, skeptical. "You need the car and I'm okay with it as long as you take me to work? You're repairing it for me and need to try it over and over to make sure it's working properly because you're actually a bad mechanic and have no idea of what's wrong with it?" He chuckled under Ciaran's glare. "What? You suggested I tell your wife your car was being repaired!"

  Ciaran snorted. "I guess that will have to do. How was your Saturday?"

  "I love your kids. I taught Colin some baseball."

  "Really? Next thing he'll ask me to coach his team." Ciaran didn't sound happy.

  "I'd love to do it," Harith said.

  "Not in my body," Ciaran retorted. "You won't have time."

  "Okay, let's figure out how to switch back, then," Harith replied. "I want to go home."

  "So do I, Harith. I'm not enjoying being you."

  Harith pouted as Ciaran looked for a place where they could have some lunch and talk some more. They needed to program the following week, just in case they didn't switch back. They both hoped they'd wake up in their own body after forty-eight hours, but they had to be prepared.

  "What about your wife?" Harith asked after they had planned the working day in a busy fast-food joint. "What do you want me to do with her? I see her like a sister..."

  "Well, so do I, so just keep doing what you're doing," Ciaran replied. "And I'm sorry to inform you I can't pretend to be in love with a man, so all I can do is not piss off Keith. You'll have to make up with him if and when you get back in your body, as I won't be able to help you there."

  Harith's shoulders slumped in disappointment. He was doing his best not to mess up Ciaran's life, but Ciaran wasn't really helpful with his own life.

  "How do you think it happened?" he wondered. "How did we switch and why? Why us and why now?"

  "I have no idea." Ciaran shrugged. "I'm not sure it's good timing."

  "It's very bad timing! I might end up with a divorce!"

  Ciaran stared at him. "Listen, I promise I'll do my best to convince Keith you want to keep this marriage going. But if he tries to touch me, I can't let him. I think he has already forgiven you, by the way, or he'd have kicked me out of the house by now, don't you think?"

  "I don't know, he's very compassionate," Harith grumbled. "He'd never kick me out without a very good reason. Besides, we bought that apartment together, so it's half mine. What did you tell him about next week?"

  "That I need to help a friend whose marriage is on the rocks."

  "That's pretty accurate... so are we friends?"

  "I guess." Ciaran reluctantly agreed.

  Harith smiled, relieved. "We'll make this work until we switch back," he promised to both himself and his body. His usual optimism was slowly coming back.

  Staring at his own body walking in front of him as they exited the fastfood was actually arousing him. As they sat inside the car, he decided he really wanted to taste himself. Might help Ciaran to feel more at ease with the new body – showing him some appreciation he probably badly needed if he'd been celibate for months.

  His hand slipped in Ciaran's – his – sweatpants and he grabbed his cock, startling the other who gasped for breath.

  "What are you doing?" Ciaran protested, too stunned to actually stop him.

  "Just relax." Harith leaned on his own body and gobbled his sex. He tasted good. He thought about the sixty-nines with Keith – but his body with Ciaran in it didn't seem too eager to engage. The mechanical reaction was good enough, and Harith sucked his own semen from a privileged position for once, which gave the body he was in a hard-on, but he had to masturbate to release. Ciaran was too busy moaning and probably feeling guilty and ashamed.


  Harith pulled up, wanting to kiss his face, but Ciaran's glare stopped him.

  "We haven't cheated on our spouses – unless masturbation is cheating to your religion," Harith said defensively.

  Ciaran pulled the sweatpants back on, clenching his jaw and starting the car.

  "Sorry." Harith sighed. "I know, chikna ghada."

  "Don't know what you're talking about," Ciaran grumbled, staring at the road as he drove.

  "I'm a shameless person. I love my body. I think I'm sexy. I've always wanted to blow myself, but I'm not nimble enough. So thank you for letting me do it while in your body."

  Ciaran choked on whatever he wanted to say. He stared angrily at Harith and hit the brakes, bringing the car to a sudden stop.

  "What are you doing? Do you want to kill us both?" Harith protested, shaken, since he wasn't wearing his seat belt and had almost bumped his head on the dashboard.

  "I want you to shut up!" Ciaran exploded. "And don't you dare ever do anything like that ever again! I will not use your body to have sex and you better control yourself as well, is that clear?"

  A honk behind them forced Ciaran to resume driving, but he glared at Harith one last time.

  "Okay." Harith shrugged. "But I think your body badly needs sexual release..."

  "Then fuck my wife and shut up!" Ciaran snapped. "Or walk home, might help you to release some steam!"

  "Pshaw. With this body, I wouldn't get far. Just take me back, and I'll hide in your bathroom for an hour or two."

  "You're disgusting, Harith!"

  "Chikna ghada," he corrected. "And proud of it."

  ***

  Monday morning Ciaran had to make sure he didn't leave with Keith, or the spouse would see he could drive. Luckily, having to pick up Harith, he left the house earlier than the pediatrician. Harith was already in front of his door, but his hands were empty.

  "Briefcase!" Ciaran mouthed, trying to keep his exasperation at bay. Harith obviously didn't know how to wear a tie, as it was still hanging around his neck like a scarf.

  Harith slammed his hand to his forehead, rushed back inside, and come back with the forgotten briefcase. He was out of breath when he slumped on the passenger's seat.

  "Sorry," he muttered. "Namaste," he added with a bright smile.

  "'Morning," Ciaran muttered. "I thought about it, and I think we need to tell someone the truth," he said as he drove to the bank. "We can trust Jim, he'll keep away most people and send in only the very important ones."

  "So you're going to tell one of your colleagues that we're switched?" Harith wondered, worried.

  "We need some extra help, or we'll never make it," Ciaran answered. "I don't want to lose my job."

  "Of course not. You should be happy I retired from baseball, or they'd kick me out of the team for sudden lack of skills." Harith sounded a little sour.

  "I'm sorry, I guess I haven't been fair to you," Ciaran apologized. "But what you did yesterday was so..."

  "Sorry," Harith grumbled. "Won't do it again. Did what you asked me to last night. But as I had no idea of what to do, I let her lead the thing. Don't know what you find there, but I think she was satisfied. So was your body."

  "Oh. Thank you." Ciaran couldn't believe his ears. "I guess I was so taken by my problems... Help me save my job and I'll help you save your marriage. Keith is already thinking highly of you because you're on this crusade to help a friend and you're wearing business casual for the first time in your life. Makes him feel like you're settled or something."

  "I don't think I look good in a suit," Harith said, observing him. "I have a great body."

  "And you like to show it off, I know." Ciaran smiled despite himself. "But some sobriety after your cheating is the best way to be forgiven."

  "Oh." Harith pondered, then sighed. "I guess you're right. Will you help me with this tie? I didn't dare asking your wife..."

  "Yes, as soon as we get there," Ciaran promised. He decided he'd better not think about the implication of Harith having sex with Charlene. What would she think now? And did Harith really pull it off with his body, or would Charlene finally believe he wasn't attracted to her anymore – and file for divorce?

  He saw Harith try hard not to look impressed by his office. He called Jim's extension and they waited for him to show up. Ciaran knotted Harith's tie, thinking that in spite of wearing his clothes and sitting in his chair, Harith didn't look like him. He carried himself differently, sat differently, looked at people differently. And they had different accents. They'd never pull it off – everybody would know they were switched.

  "Yes?" Jim entered the office and stared at Harith, puzzled.

  "Come in and close the door," Ciaran ordered him, still standing next to Harith who had taken his position at his desk.

  Jim obeyed, his eyes going back and forth between Harith and Ciaran. "What's going on?"

  "It's complicated," Ciaran answered. "But to cut a long story short, we switched bodies. We don't know how or why, but we need your help."

  Jim looked at Harith. "Is this a joke?" he asked, frowning.

  Okay, maybe they could pull it off. What was so obvious to him was apparently not so obvious to everybody else. Good. Sort of.

  "No it's not," Ciaran replied. "I'm Ciaran. You're trying to talk to Harith, who is in my body and has never seen you before."

  "It's a shame, he's cute," Harith said, winking at him.

  Ciaran snorted. "He's not gay," he snapped. "So don't even think about it. I thought you wanted to save your marriage, and mine. Did I hear you wrong?"

  Jim gaped at them.

  Harith pouted. "No. Sorry. What am I supposed to do?"

  "You know you have an account here?" Ciaran continued. "Keith told me so. I bet you never came except on the first day to open the account. Do you know your account number?"

  "No." Harith grumbled, trying to loosen the tie.

  Ciaran slapped his hand away and pushed the wheeled chair to the side so he could access the computer. He could feel Jim's eyes on him as he typed his user ID and password, and accessed the bank's database.

  "Why don't you sit down?" Harith said, starting to stand, clearly nervous.

  "You have the bank manager's body. I can't sit in your chair with this one," Ciaran retorted.

  "Ciaran?" This time Jim looked at him. "But how...?"

  "I told you, we don't know." Ciaran felt relieved that Jim had finally accepted the switch. "I'll be his assistant until we switch back, but I want you to fend off customers as much as you can. Send them here only if they insist they want to talk with the manager. I can handle phone calls and emails, since they don't see my face, but in person I can't be of much help, and Harith has no experience as bank manager."

  "What does Harith do?" Jim stared curiously at him.

  "Baseball player. And other stuff," Ciaran said quickly, embarrassed.

  "Retired baseball player," Harith corrected. "Are you a baseball fan?"

  "Yes," Jim answered. "Are you Harith Nagrath?" Again his eyes went from one to the other, as if he were trying to match the face to the name.

  Harith grinned. "Yes, that's me! See, I'm famous!" he told Ciaran. "You send your boys to Little League and don't even watch baseball!"

  "It's an American sport! I'm Irish!" Ciaran reminded him.

  "I knew you had an account with us, but never saw you in here..." Jim said, staring at both in disbelief. "I mean, I knew the baseball player had an account with us..."

  "He doesn't handle his own finances," Ciaran said, sarcastic. Harith stuck out his tongue – seeing his own face sticking out his tongue was irritating to say the least. Ciaran wanted to slap his body for misbehaving.

  Harith grinned innocently, batting his eyelids, as if he realized he was pissing Ciaran off. "Sorry, honey..."

  Ciaran clenched his teeth and his hands balled into fists. Control. Can't hit him. Me. My body. His mind. Argh. He wanted to scream in frustration.

  "Whoa," Jim said. "I'm impressed. You
two are really switched. Okay, I'm going to help you both. Keep everybody away, saying you need to teach to Harith."

  "Thanks, Jim," Ciaran said. "And don't tell anyone, not even Wendy."

  "I won't," Jim promised, crossing his heart.

  The phone rang. Ciaran picked up, shooing Jim out. Harith blew Jim a kiss and Ciaran heard Jim chuckle as he closed the door. He glared at Harith, who played the innocent, apologized to the person on the phone, and asked her to repeat her question.

  ***

  Charlene was so nervous, she had to tell someone what was going on, and her best friend back home seemed the best option. After taking the boys to school, she went back home and checked if Amy was on Skype, just in case. She was lucky, saw she was online, and immediately sent the call.

  "Hey Charlie!" Amy smiled. "What's up?"

  "Total and utter disaster!" Charlene replied, driving her fingers through her sandy hair and almost pulling it out. She didn't care if the webcam showed her friend her distress. "Ciaran doesn't love me anymore!"

  "What? When did it happen?" Amy inquired, puzzled. "I mean, I thought you had a date with him or something?"

  "Yes, he wanted to tell me he sees me as a sister!" Charlene gave an impatient snort. "Worst Friday night I ever had. And he's been acting weird ever since! I mean, he still loves the kids, but it's so frustrating! Sometimes I think he can't even remember my name!"

  "You're kidding, right?"

  "No! It's been the worst weekend of my life, I swear!"

  "Oh boy!" The usually talkative Amy was at loss for words. "Does he have a lover?"

  "He says he doesn't, but I don't know... He's even lending his car to a friend – gorgeous guy, by the way..."

  "Hey, why don't you cheat on him?" Amy brightened. "Who's that other guy?"

  "I have no idea, but I don't want him. I want my husband back in my bed!"

  "What? You mean he moved out of the bedroom?"

  "He's been sleeping on the couch since Friday night. Well, last night he came into the bedroom, but he was so passive... He doesn't want me anymore! He barely touched me, and I had to do everything myself! And then he went back to the couch to sleep... Oh, Amy, I should have come here as soon as he asked me to, but I didn't want to be uprooted..." Charlene felt like crying.