Phoenix Rising (Phoenix of the Heart)

by Michelle Stevens

my heart rate sped up. “What?! If it hadn’t been for you, I would have left early last night. I can’t forgive you for what you did.”

  “Forgive me? Don’t even go there! You were the one crawling all over the floor making a fool of yourself.”

  I closed my eyes, trying to block out the image. I turned away from Scott and hissed into the phone, “And you helped to get me that way, Jim. I don’t even want to talk to you right now!” I slammed the phone down hard onto the receiver, trembling with anger.

  Scott came up from behind and put his hands on my shoulders. “Why don’t you go take that shower now? It’ll help you feel better. You can wear one of my shirts, and I think I have a pair of shorts that might fit if you tie the drawstring tight.”

  I closed my eyes, revealing in his closeness, wanting it to linger as long as possible but he patted my shoulder and said, “I’ll get your clothes in the wash while you shower.”

  When he moved away, I turned around and flashed him a sincere smile. “Thanks. You’ve been wonderful about all this, Scott. I’m really sorry.”

  “Not a problem. Go shower.” He gently pushed me in the direction of his bathroom. I handed Scott my clothes from behind the door in exchange for his, then I locked it, anxious to get clean. The hot water felt wonderfully refreshing as it streamed down my body, and I didn’t budge until the water began to turn cold.

  I wrapped myself in an oversized towel and then combed my wet hair, trying to see what I looked like through the foggy mirror. I desperately wished I had some makeup, but realized Scott had seen me at my ultimate worst, so it really didn’t matter. I looked under his sink and found a dusty, old hair dryer. I wondered if it belonged to a past girlfriend’s and felt a twinge of unwelcome jealousy.

  I put on his large shorts and laughed as I had to pull and pull to get the strings tight enough. Then I lifted his shirt over my head and let it drop. I completely drowned in it. Even though I looked ridiculous, I felt at home in his clothes. I brushed through my hair one more time before opening the door.

  I was shocked to hear a woman’s voice coming from the computer room. I cautiously peeked in and saw the poofy haired girl from the night before. Scott was sitting at his computer with the brunette hunched over him, looking at the screen.

  He glanced at the door, and his eyes lit up. “Hey Beth, this is Carrie. She’s known as Tranquility on the board. You may remember seeing her last night.”

  Carrie looked me over, her lips in a thin, judgmental line. “Oh yes, you’re Green Lantern’s girl. You don’t look so good. Not feeling okay after last night’s binge, huh?” She gave me a condescending half-smirk that Scott couldn’t see as she rubbed his arm in a possessive manner.

  I was not amused by her stupid games and ignored her, speaking to Scott instead. “Guess I’ll be going now. Thanks for everything.” I turned to leave, feeling utterly deflated. I had wanted to talk to Scott—really talk, but with Carrie there I couldn’t. I left the two of them in the computer room and gathered my things, but Scott came out before I’d made it to the door.

  “Beth, your clothes are still drying downstairs.”

  I was desperate to leave, but decided it would be foolish not to wait a few minutes longer. “I suppose I could sit on the couch until it’s finished.”

  Scott sat down with me and graced me with one of his irresistible smiles. “I understand you need to leave, but I hope we can talk later.” He wrote his number on a scrap of paper and handed it to me. “You can call anytime, but keep in mind, I’ll be leaving Wednesday. I’ve got a demonstration in Detroit this week.”

  Carrie came out of the computer room. “How long are you going to be, Scott?” She tried to sound casual, but I could see she was unhappy that I was still there.

  “I need to get Beth’s clothes out of the dryer.” His tone stopped her from asking any more questions.

  “That’s okay, I’ll get them myself,” I offered, not wanting to cause him further trouble.

  “I insist,” he responded gallantly. I couldn’t hide my grateful smile as I followed Scott down to the complex’s communal laundry room.

  While we walked, I screwed up the courage to ask him about Carrie. “So how did the two of you meet?”

  He looked down at me with a hint of a smile. I knew I wasn’t fooling him with my probing question. “I met her on the board about six months ago. Lately, she’s been having problems with her outdated PCjr, so I offered to let her use my computer whenever hers is on the fritz. Really, I can’t believe she has the patience for that old thing. Her modem is excruciatingly slow and would drive me nuts.”

  My eyes glazed over as soon as he mentioned the word computer, so I changed the subject. “What does Carrie do for a living?”

  “I’m not sure, but I think she’s a hairstylist.” The fact he didn’t know what she did for a living made me think they weren’t serious as a couple, and I breathed a happy sigh.

  Scott entered the laundry room and rescued my clothes from the dryer. He had a bemused look on his face when he handed them to me. I had a sneaking suspicion he found my questions entertaining, but he didn’t discourage them.

  I had no desire want to see Carrie again, but I had to go back upstairs to retrieve my purse and change. I went directly to Scott’s bathroom and quickly slipped out of his comfortable clothes and back into my dress—The Dress of My Disgrace. There was no doubt it was destined for the Goodwill after my humiliating night.

  I folded his clothes neatly, laying them on his bathroom counter. I walked out, wanting to say good-bye before I left. I heard Scott rummaging through his kitchen cupboards, but Carrie was standing in the hallway and I could tell by her expression that she was worried I might stay longer.

  The girl looked me up and down with a smug look before calling out, “Hey, Scott, did you find my bracelet? I must have left it here last week.”

  “No, I haven’t seen it, but I’ll keep my eyes open,” he answered.

  The image of my ex fiancé in bed with another instantly popped in my mind, making me feel stupid and unjustifiably betrayed. I raced past Carrie and out the door without a word to Scott. I was disgusted with him, with me, and the whole situation. I got in my car and took off, refusing to look back.

  When I arrived home, I was surprised to see five messages waiting on my answering machine. I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear them and avoided the machine for a few minutes, but my curiosity got the best of me. I pressed the button and watched the tape turn while it played the messages back.

  The first was from Angie.

  “Hey, girl! Sooo… how did it go? I want to hear all the juicy details as soon as possible. Don’t keep me waiting! Kisses.”

  I was too exhausted to talk and promised myself I would call her during my break the next day. The next was a short message from Jim. It was obviously before he called me at Scott’s.

  “Beth, pick up. I need to talk to you. Please, pick up… Don’t do this to me.”

  The third was from my mom.

  “Hello, Beth, this is your mother. I haven’t heard from you in a while, and wanted to know how things are going. It would be nice if you would take the time to call.”

  I picked up the phone out of guilt, but before I dialed the number, I put it back down. I didn’t have it in me to talk to anyone, especially to my mother.

  The fourth message was another from Jim.

  “I don’t understand how you can be pissed at me! You do realize everyone is talking about you today. [Angry laughter] I can’t believe you tell me you’re ‘not that kind of girl’ and then you give yourself away to another man. You can’t forgive me? Well, Beth, I can’t forgive you!”

  Jim’s anger shocked me, and I couldn’t believe his accusations, but then I thought about it. Last night was a result of my failed breakup. I should never have let Jim convince me to go to the party. I made a mental note not to give any more second chances in the romance department—ever.

  I was relieved to hear Scott’s voice on the last m
essage.

  “Hey, Beth. Looks as if I’ve called before you’ve made it back home. I’m a bit surprised you left without saying good-bye. [Pause] I hoped to talk to you in person, but my boss called a few minutes ago and told me I have to fly out this afternoon. I still want to talk, so if you get this message before four give me a call.”

  I glanced at my watch and saw it was twelve minutes after four. I looked through my purse and found the paper with his number. Although I suspected it was too late, I called anyway, but hung up after fifteen rings.

  I dragged myself to bed and collapsed. I was too worn out to move. When I stirred again, my apartment was shrouded in darkness. I hadn’t eaten all day, but my stomach was churning. I made a grilled cheese sandwich and forced myself to eat it while I stared at my computer. I had lovingly nicknamed it The Beast and now felt a certain fondness for the ugly hunk of technology.

  I wondered if Scott had left me an e-mail. After sucking the melted butter off my fingers, I got up and turned it on. I decided that if he hadn’t written me, I would still leave a message for him. There was no doubt I had overreacted to the whole situation with Carrie, and I wanted to apologize. I couldn’t let the one person sweet enough to rescue me in my hour of need slip through my fingers because of my irrational jealousy.

  I logged onto the board and saw I had three e-mails waiting. Unfortunately, the first was an angry message from Jim.

  Dear