Divine Hart

by Heather Shere

  “It’s as beautiful as I remember it.” She smiles and squeezes my hand.

  We take the right side up the mountain trail, probably not wise since this is where the sun is hitting, but I want to take the left side on the return, the two-mile hike does a loop through the canyon. Down the middle of the canyon is a wash, when the snow melts on the mountains the water flows through. The rush of the water gets louder as we hike. Up a rocky path and through the next set of trees, we walk out on to the flat peak. We stop at the edge of the water to watch the waterfall.

  She’s right behind me and gives me that smile. Damn she’s beautiful when she smiles.

  “This is so amazing, every time I see the falls it’s like the first time,” she says in awe.

  I pull her across the fallen logs and down into the sandy area on the other side. She takes off her shoes and walks by the water’s edge, standing toward the side watching the water rush over the shoals.

  I move behind her and wrap my arms around her waist, locking her against my chest. I can feel her breath hitch. I kiss her right below her ear, noting the goose bumps that immediately rise. I lean down and rest my chin on her shoulder, watching the falls with her for a moment.

  “I’m so glad we came here,” she says on a breathy sigh.

  “So am I. I think it’s time we started going out in the real world again.” It’s been so long since we had this easy acceptance of each other. “I think we can do it, together.”

  Skye looks up at me. Hope fills me at the look of agreement on her face, but she still looks like she has reservations and I know the time for addressing them has come. We need to talk and we are going to do it here.

  I know exactly where we can do it too, somewhere we won’t be interrupted by other walkers. “Come on, let’s keep going.” I point across the stream where some kids are just now coming down the trail.

  I take Skye’s hand and we continue our hike. We go a bit slower. This side of the trail is steep with some narrow paths and rocky inclines that we’ll need to be cautious in climbing.

  I stop on the path as we turn a corner, a huge rock stands before us. We used to sit and talk for hours up there. On the map I grabbed at the visitor’s center, I notice the rock is marked as Sacred Rock. It was or is known to most of the locals as Jesus Rock because it is so high that people think once you climb it you can talk to Jesus from the top.

  I pull her along the pathway up to the top of the rock, making sure she gets to the top safely. The view of the desert from here is spectacular. From up here you have a view of the whole valley. Many late Saturday nights were spent lying on this rock, drinking beers while we wondered up at the stars. When the park rangers would patrol, we’d have to lay perfectly still so they wouldn’t catch us trespassing.

  I stand close to the edge and think of all the times I’ve been here alone, usually to clear my head.

  “This is my favorite place,” she says. “I thought about it a lot while I was away.” Her voice pulls me back to the present. Having her here with me again, I feel as if everything between us is possible.

  “It’s so pretty,” she muses.

  “I know a view that’s prettier.” I look down beside me and see her smirk. I pull her back to sit down on the rock, positioning her between my legs so we can watch the city below. As the calming silence surrounds us, Skye relaxes into my chest releasing a gentle sigh. I decide this is the time to start our discussion. “Will you tell me about your childhood?” I ask gently, unsure how else to begin.

  “I don’t want to talk about it.” She presses her lips together in a tight line.

  “Skye, you have to talk about it.”

  “Preston, I shouldn’t have to. I fucking lived it, that was bad enough.”

  “Don’t hide it from me, okay? I want us to move forward, away from the pains of the past. Together.”

  I visibly see her swallow, she draws in a deep breath and answers very softly. “I can try.”

  “Thank you.” I give her a gentle squeeze. “Was it awful?”

  “Worse than awful.”

  “I need to know, did your father do more than beat you?” My voice is deathly calm.

  Her demeanor changes abruptly. “Why?” she snaps. “Do you want to know if you were the first? So, you can know if I was his whore or not?

  “No! Oh God no. Skye, I’d never see you that way. I need to understand why I didn’t know. How was I so blind?”

  “I hid it too well. I don’t know what’s worse, the mind games he played or the beatings I took. You’ve really got no clue of the shit they put me through.”

  I wrap my arms tighter around her and rest my head on her shoulder as she stares off into the desert sky. “Tell me,” I plead, although I’m certain I really don’t want to know.

  She gives her head a small angry shake. “No, I can’t. I’m sorry.”

  “You can’t or you won’t?” I sigh in frustration.

  “Can’t. If I voice it, it makes it real. It needs to stay in the dark. I can’t let it into the light when I’ve tried too hard to keep it from destroying me.” Her voice gets softer with each word.

  “You should talk about it, it might make your nightmares go away.” I squeeze her gently hoping to give her some courage.

  “I can’t.”

  “Tell me, Detka. Talk to me. I don’t want this eating you up, I want to help you heal from it.

  “I’m afraid,” she says so softly I almost miss it. She turns back and leans against me.

  “You don’t have to be afraid, I won’t let him get to you anymore.” I squeeze my arms around her.

  She laughs a humorless laugh. “I don’t care about him,” she says, venom lacing her voice.

  “What is it then?”

  “You. I don’t want you to look at me differently.” She tries to pull out of my arms, but I won’t let her.

  “I promise I won’t, nothing could change the way I look at you.”

  “I trust you, Preston, but can I trust you with this? The burden is sometimes too much for me to bear.”

  I turn her chin to me and lean over her shoulder, so we are face to face. “You can, Detka, you can always trust me.”

  She turns back to look over the valley. “I want to, I really do.”

  “Whenever you’re ready, I’m all ears.”

  She sighs. “Okay, where do you want me to start?”

  “You start where you want to, I’d like to know everything. Share it all with me if you can.”

  She nods and takes a deep breath. “It started when my grandmother passed away, I told you before. From the fights that I heard my parents have, it turned out my father obviously married my mom for her money. My grandmother must have seen this side of my father because when the will was read, she named me the sole heir to her estate.” She pauses, gathering her thoughts.

  I suck in a breath, but keep silent and she continues. “It started with just the beatings, but quickly escalated into something more vile and sinister.” Her voice starts to shake.

  I squeeze her. “It’s ok, you’re safe here. Keep going.”

  She gives a little nod of her head. “Remember when we went to Mexico?”

  “Yes, I missed you so bad. You came home sick too, I told you not to drink the water.”

  “My father must have drugged me. I woke in a doctor’s office with cramping and overheard them talking about how I would never have children.”

  “What?”

  “They explained to my father how they put implants in as he requested and that it’s as good as me having my tubes tied.”

  If I wasn’t being her strength in this moment, I’d slump over in shock. The onslaught of questions that are swirling my mind are overwhelming.

  “I can’t have children because of his greed, but that isn’t even the worst of it.” She brings her fist up to her mouth.

  I can’t stand the sight of trepidation clearly written on her face. I lift her and pull her sideways so she’s sitting across my lap and pr
ess my lips to hers quickly, then pull away. “Look at me, Detka, don’t get lost in the past. Tell me all of it.”

  She nods and breaks eye contact with me as she begins. “I didn’t know how he did it, but I would wake up and not know what happened the night before.” Her eyes find mine. “I couldn’t stop them, Preston, I know they did bad things to my body but I can’t remember. I know from waking up sore. I swear I didn’t want it. You were…are the only one I ever wanted that way. But I don’t know what happened and sometimes that paralyzes me.”

  Son of a fucking bitch! The fury that builds in my chest sends a blazing heat of fire through my veins. It takes everything in me not to let go of her go and find Bob to beat the fuck out of him. I don’t let any of my rage show, I need her to get the whole story out.

  “It wasn’t your fault, they’re sick. None of this is you. Look at me.” I put a finger under her chin and her eyes meet mine. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You hear me?”

  “You’re not disgusted with me?” she asks in a small voice.

  “Oh my God, Detka, no. You’re a fighter, you’ve fought a hard battle. I could never be disgusted with you.”

  “Are you sure? My…my father would taunt me…he’d say no one would want a little whore like me when they knew what I’d done.”

  “Your father doesn’t know shit, I’d never…” I hug her tighter to me.

  Relief washes over her face and a ton of bricks seems to be lifted off her shoulders. It’s like she transferred all her pain and suffering to me in that moment. The past five years come crashing back down on me. This is not the time to share how her father deceived me, his deception can never compare to what he’s taken from her.

  “Preston, don’t look at me like that.” She bites her lower lip with worry, naturally assuming I’m judging her like her father always promised her I would. He is going to pay.

  “I’m just so sorry, Detka. You need to know how sorry I am. I failed you. I left you alone with them when I should have been protecting you. I hate myself for that.”

  “You didn’t know.” She looks out over the valley.

  “I should have known,” I whisper.

  Twenty

  “I should never have left you with them. I need to explain why. This ghost in the room has been with us long enough,” he says gently, interrupting my turbulent thoughts.

  I nod, unable to trust my voice. He’s going to explain things to me I’m not sure I can forgive him for. We have settled down together so well that I almost don’t think I want to drag this all up again, but he’s right, it has to be done.

  “When I left…” He pauses and takes a moment, and clearing his throat, starts over. “When I left, it was for work, Skye. I got a job that was going to pay me very well, but I was made to sign a non-disclosure agreement to not talk about where I was going, or why.”

  “I don’t understand. I would have kept your secret.” Breathe… just breathe, I tell myself. I can’t let my emotions get me all worked up and black out on the conversation at hand.

  “I know, I was a fool and I’m so fucking sorry for what I did to us,” he continues.

  I don’t trust myself to speak, I stay silent waiting for him to continue on.

  “I was asked to go to Russia to oversee a business deal.”

  “I’m confused. How did you get a job like that right after graduation?”

  “They needed a Russian speaker on the ground, that was all. I needed the money, there were circumstances I couldn’t control. I did what I had to for my mom and for us, Skye. To give us a future.”

  My silence stretches on. I have so much to say about what he is telling me, but I can’t find the words, so I wait.

  “I was sent to Russia to oversee a transaction. It was supposed to take a month. When I arrived, I expected to be met by my boss’ associates, but no one came. I went to the hotel that had been arranged for me and waited. Days went by. I tried to contact my employer, but he was always out of the office, or didn’t pick up. All I could do was wait.

  During the second week I was getting tired of waiting. Spending my days and nights in the tiny hotel room, missing you, and for what? I regretted leaving you for nothing and with no contact from the boss back home and no way to get in touch with whoever was supposed to meet me, I gave up. I packed my things and left. I took a taxi to the airport and headed back home to you.”

  I relax at the idea of him coming back for me, but Preston’s body language is the exact opposite. He tenses beneath me, reliving a memory.

  “They were waiting,” he says through clenched teeth. “As soon as the taxi left town and was on a deserted stretch of road, they made their move. It happened so quickly, we were slammed from the side and run off the road. When we rolled to a stop, they were there. They put a gun to my head, and took me to…” He sighs. “I don’t know, Skye, some abandoned warehouse. It was dirty and desolate. A real ‘no one can hear you scream’ kind of place.”

  I gasp, thinking of Preston going through this horror.

  “I was beaten, hung up, and lashed. They seemed to think I had stolen from them. They were under the impression I was bringing in a shipment of diamonds from the US and when I hadn’t shown up as arranged, they watched the hotel. When I tried to leave, they moved in to get what was owed to them.”

  “W-why would they think that?” I stammer.

  Preston rolls his shoulders without realizing, possibly reliving some of the pain that I’m now certain put the scars on his skin and in his soul. “Because they were misinformed,” he replies tightly. “I was subjected to interrogation for days, but nothing I said made a difference. All my truths were lies to them. Their methods were…” He drifts of to another place. “Too horrible to tell you about, Detka. I think they began to realize that I was enduring more than any liar could stand and that maybe there was some truth to my story.

  “I could hear them talking at night, wondering why I hadn’t given up the gems by now. They didn’t know what else to do with me. So they called in their bosses. ‘The brothers’ as they called them. The next day the brothers came.”

  “Dimitri and Evgeni?” I gasp, making the connection. My mind goes back to the Christmas they spent with my family. My grandmother had me stay with her while the boys ran rampant in our house, not wanting me near them because their reputation was ruthless.

  Preston nods. “The Volkovs.” He laughs but none of the humor reaches his eyes. “Not men you would wish to be on the wrong side of, I assure you.” He shakes his head. “I was tired, starving, and beaten and yet they wanted to start at the beginning. Question after question and each one I answered truthfully. I didn’t know about any diamonds. I was there to meet associates and they never showed. I tried to contact my boss but he had left me high and dry. I didn’t know why. Again and again I was treated to some good old fashioned Volkov correction, but my answers remained the same.

  In the end I was hoping for death. It couldn’t be worse than living that way. Then I remembered something my mom had given me. The shock from my abduction and the constant beatings had caused me to forget my one hope of an end to the nightmare.”

  “What was it?” I plead, desperate to know that the torture ended there.

  “Before I left, Skye. I told my mom I was going to Russia.”

  I snap my eyes to his and he immediately holds me tighter. “Don’t hate her now, Skye, I told her she couldn’t tell a soul. I should have told you as well, but there were factors stopping me. I only told her where I was going because I thought the worry might kill her so soon after the heart attack. She was protecting me by keeping my secret.” He looks at me, pleading in his eyes. “Please, Skye. Don’t hold it against her. It wasn’t her fault.

  “I don’t,” I whisper, finding it very hard not to hold it against him. He could have trusted me. But I need to know how the story ends and flying off the handle at him won’t get me the information I want. I take a breath to steady my voice and ask, “What did she give you?”
/>   “She gave me two diamonds. Apparently her family, my family, mined them and she thought they would get me out of trouble if I found myself in any.”

  “How?”

  “She said they could tell who mined them and would know I belonged to her family. She said they would protect me. She was right. When I remembered, I begged to have my bag. I told them I did have diamonds, they were in a secret pocket in my backpack. They had already ripped my bags apart but had obviously missed the hiding place and thinking that I had willingly deceived them, they knocked me out.”

  I close my eyes, shaking from the fear of what more I’d have to hear of the terrible torture he endured and from my anger that he couldn’t confide in me.

  “When I came around I was in another place. A warm bed in a clean and luxurious room. At first I thought maybe I was dead, but I could hear voices in another room. I rose to try and get away and realized the pain I was in. It made me cry out. That’s when the brothers came.”

  “Oh God,” I groan fearing more.

  “No, it’s okay, things were different then. Very different. They came to check on me. I had been cleaned and dressed and put on pain medicine while I was out. They were relieved I was up. I was so confused. I noticed the brothers both showed signs of a beating themselves and were very concerned for my welfare. It was baffling, until Vasily arrived. That’s when it all fell into place. He came to my bedside and placed the two diamonds they had retrieved from my bag along with our prom picture that I had been keeping safe.

  “He asked me where I had gotten the diamonds and when I told him he wept. As you know, it turned out that Mama was his sister. She had run away so that she could marry my father. They had given up everything to be together because her father disapproved of the match. He never forgave her and forbid anyone to look for her. After their father had died, Vasily searched for her, but the trail was cold.”