Barely Above Water

by Pallotta, Gail;

  “Why not? You said you forgave me.”

  “My heart tells me not to.”

  “Whether you have a disease or not, I want to go out with you. I don’t know where our relationship might end up. I just know I want to have one. We’ll deal with your undiagnosed malady together.”

  “I know what’s wrong, and I’m dealing with it.”

  Matt’s mouth gaped. “What is it? How did you find out? Are you getting well? That’s great news. Knowing the problem is a start.” Excitement rang in his voice.

  “To answer your questions one at a time, it’s Chronic Lyme disease. It finally registered on a scan. I’m getting well. It’s probably going to take a long time—years, not weeks or even months.”

  Tears welled to the surface from deep inside Suzie. “I’ll be fighting this for a while.” She turned and hurried away as fast as her feet would take her before she burst into sobs. The pain of Matt’s rejection returned like a boomerang and stabbed her spirit like a knife to an open wound. How could she bear to see him at work?

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  A dim light flickered above Matt’s car in the Destin Community Club parking lot—nearly burned out like his and Suzie’s relationship. Would he have to give up on her? She was indignant, and why not? He’d been such a jerk. Even tonight he’d said the wrong words. He needed to “process the reality” of her illness. What a lame excuse. The expression on her face when he’d said that phrase lingered in his mind like a dark shadow. He might as well have slapped her. He kicked at a clump of grass growing through a crack in the pavement then slid into his car.

  He backed out and burned rubber in the parking lot, taking his frustrations out on the sporty vehicle again. This time, he slowed down and pulled onto Highway 98. He’d not invite another encounter with the cop and his brother.

  He hit the steering wheel. That cop! His heart accelerated. He had to go to the sunrise beach service this Sunday. Policeman Dorchester and his brother, Tom, were under the impression he’d bring Suzie. What a mess. Starting tomorrow morning at the Destin Community Club, he had to weasel his way into Suzie’s good graces.

  Did he need to show the cop and Tom he had honorable intentions, or did he hope the church service would spark the relationship he wanted with Suzie? Sweat popped out on his forehead.

  The perfect idea floated into his head like a gift from above. He wheeled into the grocery parking lot, hopped out of the car, and puffed out his chest as he strolled inside.

  Assorted flowers in various colors filled large buckets on the right side of the store near the entrance. He had to get this right. The big yellow ones with brown centers looked pretty but not delicate enough for Suzie. How about the curly pink and blue ones? They appeared synthetic, and there was no one more genuine than Suzie.

  He migrated to the deep red roses—elegant like Suzie. Perfect. Roses for the winning coach, sort of like the actress on opening night. It was her first home meet since she started coaching the Dolphins.

  A gray-haired woman wearing a green apron walked over to him. “May I help you, sir?”

  “Yes. I’d like a dozen of these. I have to keep them fresh from now until morning.”

  The lady smiled and plucked the long stemmed beauties from a bucket in the refrigerator. “Do you want to purchase a vase for them? If so, I’ll trim them and pour in the chemical food.” She picked up a clear, crystal container from a shelf beside the counter.

  Matt didn’t know purchasing flowers involved feeding them. Chemicals weren’t good for people.

  “A little lemon juice or an aspirin will keep these fresh, if you prefer one of those to the store product.”

  Matt fidgeted. He didn’t need to become a horticulturist, just soothe some hurt feelings, and this lady seemed to know what she was doing. As long as he made an appearance in the pool area tomorrow carrying the most beautiful flora he could find, that was all that mattered. He pointed to the plastic packet she held. “Uh, that’s fine. Go ahead and add it to the flowers. Just make them look nice.”

  The lady grinned a knowing smile as though she helped men who’d gotten themselves in messy situations with their wives or girlfriends all day long. “Yes, sir.”

  She arranged them, tied a red bow around the vase, and handed it and a ticket to Matt. “There you go. I’ll leave out the water, but be sure to add it when you get home. They’ll look lovely in the morning.”

  * * *

  The buzzing alarm clock jarred Matt from sleep, and he slapped at it. He missed, his hand sliding into the pinkish tint the sun made shining through his burgundy blinds. He sat up, shut off the noise, and bounded out of bed.

  He showered, shaved, splashed on cologne, and puckered his mouth, whistling as he always did after his morning routine. The roses. He charged to the kitchen in his shorts.

  The sun played off the crystal vase sitting on his otherwise empty counter. He stood back, sighed with relief, and admired the flowers. They looked—what was it the woman in the grocery said?—lovely. They looked lovely.

  He returned to the bedroom long enough to tug on a pair of khaki pants and a yellow shirt then made tracks to the kitchen. Water sloshed from the container when he snatched up the flowers. He poured the rest of it out and headed to the car. Suzie was going to love these, but would they be enough to put him back in the swim of things with her? Would she understand roses meant he was sorry and still go to church with him?

  He propped them up in the passenger seat and fastened the seat belt around them.

  Within fifteen minutes, he parked at the Destin Community Center and checked them again. They still looked “lovely.” He unbuckled them and added fresh water at the fountain. Where would he put them until Suzie arrived? Ah, no need to worry about that.

  She pulled in and stepped out of her car. She looked so cute with her sunglasses holding back her long hair like a headband. The North Carolina State Championship swim shirt she wore swallowed her, but those state teams ordered their attire in one-size-fits-all. She still looked hot in it.

  “Good morning,” he called out.

  She waved. “Hi.”

  He rushed over and held out the roses.

  She tilted her head and stared at them. “Where are you taking the flowers?”

  How could she not get it? “They’re for you.”

  She took a step back and pulled her eyebrows together. “For me? Why?”

  Matt’s emotions short-circuited like a cut live wire. “I-uh…uh. You know, like an actress.”

  “What’s like an actress?” She looked at him as if he had three eyes.

  He wanted to hide in a hole. Why had he bought these flowers? Could he just toss them out on the parking lot? He peered down then looked up and let his eyes meet hers. “Don’t you like roses?”

  “I love roses. Those are lovely. What are they for?”

  Lovely. That was the magic word. “I hoped you’d forgive me.”

  Suzie smiled and reached for the flowers. “You didn’t need to do that. Silly. I told you I forgive you. Don’t worry about it, but thank you. I’ll certainly enjoy these.” She started to her car with them. Then she turned. “What’s like an actress?”

  Matt breathed a little easier. “You know how an actress receives flowers on opening night at a performance.”

  Suzie’s eyes sparkled, but she still didn’t appear to understand. “Yes.”

  “Last night, your first home meet with the Dolphins was—”

  “I get it.” Her eyes softened. “How considerate. Thank you so much.”

  “Then you’ll go out with me.”

  Suzie’s lips turned down. “I just can’t, not until I heal. If I heal.” She opened the door and set the flowers in the passenger seat of her car.

  Desperation nearly smothered Matt without any help from the rising humidity. “I meant what I said. I don’t care that you have Chronic Lyme disease. I’ll do whatever I can to help you recover.”

  “You’re a dear friend.” A sparkle sh
one in Suzie’s eyes then faded.

  Matt swiped sweat from his brow. “Okay, let’s go out as friends.” That would work for the beach church service. His heart fluttered like the butterfly on the blue skull cap beside the clubhouse. Was it because of the pressure from the cop’s brother to bring her on Sunday, or had standing near her, knowing she might say yes, triggered it?

  He acted on things right in front of him, and now the most beautiful, wonderful girl he’d ever known faced him. “Nothing serious, just keep each other company. You did tell me you’d go to the sunrise service on the beach.”

  Suzie’s eyes lit up as if someone turned a light on inside them. “Yes, I’d love to.”

  Matt’s tense muscles relaxed. “Then, it’s settled. I’ll pick you up Sunday morning at five thirty.”

  The bus pulled up and Ellie opened the door. The children piled off, the younger ones chattering while the older guys playfully jabbed each other.

  Matt cut his gaze at Suzie as they followed the children to the pool. “I’ll be in town for the rest of the summer. I’m planning to entertain the kids every practice.”

  “Great. Youngsters need consistency. How much money did the team make last night?” Suzie bent down and pulled a towel out of her bag.

  Her voice no longer sounded strained. Relief rippled over Matt’s skin. Had he started to regain her confidence? “A lot. I believe it was over a thousand dollars. All the shrimp and tuna dip disappeared along with the Italian wedding cake and the chocolate éclairs. There were only hamburgers, nachos and cheese, and brownies left for the picnic.” Matt shifted his weight. “We’ll need to think up something for an end-of-the-season awards party, but we have a while. I’m going to spend some of the proceeds from the concession stand on food and fixins’ and grill out. In a way I wish we had another home meet. Those things are money-makers.”

  Suzie chuckled. “Yeah, even more so when you serve gourmet dishes.”

  “This ragtag team has soared far beyond my expectations. Having one next year is a certainty. In large part you’re responsible for that.” Gratefulness and respect for Suzie as an employee coursed through Matt. If he only knew the words to make her see inside his heart, to let her know how much he cared.

  Suzie pressed her lips together. “Just doin’ my job.”

  Joey tapped Matt’s arm. “Yay. We won. Dolphins number one.”

  Matt gave him a thumbs up. “Yeah, buddy.”

  Jay carried a Frisbee to the playground as Matt meandered to the bleachers, his gaze going back and forth from the kids to Suzie. Hard to keep his eyes off her. The six-and-under kids squealed as they gathered around her.

  She clapped her hands together. “Today, we’re having a party.”

  “Yay!” the kids shouted.

  “Quiet.” Suzie held up her hand in stop position. “I’m going to let each group play sharks and minnows. At noon, instead of going back to day camp, Miss Ellie’s bringing food. We’ll have a picnic.”

  The girls cheered, and a couple boys whistled.

  Suzie tapped Anna on the shoulder. “Start us off. You be the shark.”

  Matt ran his hand through his hair. Suzie had given these kids so much more than a summer activity.

  “C’mon, Mister Matt.” Liang pulled at the tail of his shirt. “Play ultimate Frisbee with us.”

  Matt patted Liang’s shoulder. “I’m coming.”

  * * *

  The sun glistening on the pool beat down on Suzie as the children cleared the area and clamored around the picnic tables. She wouldn’t last another minute unless she wet her parched throat. She plodded to the side of the clubhouse where she’d left her blue cooler and leaned down to pick up a bottle of water. The ground spun.

  She staggered back to the pool, splashed her head with cool liquid then dropped down in a chaise lounge. The shaking and revved up nerves erupted inside her like a volcano. She had to help Matt and Ellie with the food, but her hands trembled. Couldn’t this disease wait an hour and act up after she returned home? She sipped her drink two more times then stood.

  Suzie and Ellie locked eyes, concern showing in Ellie’s as Suzie stepped toward the children.

  Ellie snatched a plate and filled it with a burger, nachos, and cheese. She handed it to her. “Here, eat this.”

  Tears welled up inside Suzie. She hated Chronic Lyme disease with every fiber of her being. Thank goodness for Ellie’s big-hearted kindness. “Bless you.” She grasped the dish with both hands to steady it. Then she slipped into a seat amid the ten-and-under girls and boys.

  Ellie returned to her place with the older children, and Matt joined the fourteen-and-under group.

  The clear pool water sparkled, the deck chairs around it straightened. Only the wet cement revealed anyone, let alone forty children, had swum in it. A bee buzzed around the table, and the kids flailed their arms, shooing it away.

  Suzie swallowed several bites of nachos and cheese and gulped down water. The shaking and racing inside lessened. She munched her chips and breathed in the peace of the day and the love of the children as the toxic explosion subsided.

  They finished eating. Then Matt rose and clapped his hands. “Everybody pick up your trash. We want to leave this place spotless.”

  The little kids hurried from their seats, grabbed paper plates, and charged to the large green trash cans. Some of them stood on tiptoes and still barely reached over the top. The older guys wadded up their napkins and shot them into the garbage containers as though the rims around them were basketball hoops. The grounds looked pristine by the time the children boarded the bus.

  Suzie gathered her things and headed for her car.

  Matt strolled over. “I made a mistake, but I’m going to straighten it out. I’m going to make it up to you. You’ll see.”

  If anyone ever needed a friend, she did. Why did she have to endure pain to have one? If only she could shrug off the agony if their relationship didn’t work out—how could it the way Matt rejected her illness? The more she dated him, the more it would upset her when he dumped her again. “Okay.” Skepticism rang in her tone though she hadn’t intended it.

  “I couldn’t be more serious. Please believe me.” Matt’s eyes pleaded with her.

  On what grounds could she justify opening her heart to him? He didn’t degrade her today at the picnic when she shook like a leaf in a thunderstorm. Did he not notice? He had to. Somewhere deep inside her, the desire to say all right rumbled, but she shivered at the thought of getting hurt again, and the words stuck in her throat. “I’m looking forward to the sunrise service.” That was the best she could do, but sincerity was in her tone.

  “Great. Me too.” Relief lined Matt’s voice. He slid into his car and sped off.

  What a thin, fragile thread held them together. Suzie threw her swim bag in her car and drove straight to Dr. Granger’s.

  * * *

  Suzie opened the door to a crowded lobby, soft music wafting in the background. A white vase filled with pink society garlic blossoms sat on the counter in front of Courtney, who fiddled with several small bottles of tinctures while a man wrote out a check.

  Suzie plopped down beside a woman with salt and pepper-colored hair. “Hi.”

  “Hello.” The woman fingered the strap on her black purse. “How long have you been Dr. Granger’s patient?”

  “Just this summer.”

  “Are you here for a routine visit?”

  “No, I have Chronic Lyme disease.”

  The woman’s eyebrows shot up. “I have it too.”

  Suzie slid to the edge of her seat and peered at the lady—the first person she’d ever seen who also suffered from this illness. She was no longer alone on this island of despair. “When did you contract it?”

  “Fifteen years ago, but I just found out about Dr. Granger. I was in a wheelchair when I started seeing him.”

  Thankfulness for the ability to walk and swim hit Suzie like a bolt of lightning. “I’m so sorry.”

  “Yes
, my joints swelled. I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, but the treatment did no good. I kept seeing doctors, but no one knew what was wrong. The most frightening thing was waking up paralyzed at night. I couldn’t breathe. I’ve seen physicians in Connecticut, Georgia, and even the Mayo Clinic, and Dr. Granger’s the first one who helped.”

  Suzie’s soul wept for this lady. “I’m so glad you’re better.”

  “Yes, me too. There’s another Lyme disease patient here about your age. Unfortunately, her heart was damaged before she found Dr. Granger.”

  “That’s awful.”

  Margaret stepped through the doorway leading to the clinical rooms. “Hi, Suzie. I’m ready for you.”

  Suzie stood and smiled at the woman. “Good luck.” She followed Margaret to her office.

  “Dr. Granger ordered another scan.” Margaret motioned toward a seat in front of the biofeedback machine.

  Suzie plunked down. No jitters over the apparatus skipped along her nerves this time, but what would the test show? The need to be rid of Chronic Lyme disease pressed on her like a steamroller.

  Margaret started the scan, and Suzie leaned forward, trying to see the computer screen. “What’s it saying?”

  Margaret’s blue eyes twinkled. “We’ll know more in a few minutes.”

  Suzie yearned with all her being for it to pronounce her well.

  Finally, it finished, and Margaret reached behind her for a tincture.

  “What’s the result?”

  “The indicators reveal you may still have some bacteria from Chronic Lyme disease.”

  Suzie’s heart fell to her toes. “What kind of bacteria?”

  “Burrelia burgdorferi. It’s a spirochete, a coiled, rod-shaped bacterium. Its make up gives it the ability to burrow into body tissue and hide from its host’s defenses.” Margaret’s eyes met Suzie’s. “It’s not hiding any longer. We found it, and we’re going to get rid of it.”

  Suzie blinked back tears of disappointment. The symptoms still plagued her. “How long will it take?”

  Margaret put the small bottle into a bronze cup that appeared to be part of the biofeedback machine and flipped a switch. It vibrated. “I don’t know, but Dr. Granger won’t let up until it’s gone.” She removed the supplement and handed it to Suzie. “You’re in good hands.”