by Phoebe Mills
After Carter threw out a few dates and the two of them settled on one before saying their goodbyes, it was all he could do to ignore the incessant voice in his head, reminding him of what Abby was to him…could still be to him.
He didn’t know if it was luck or misfortune that had not one but two once-in-a-lifetimes presenting themselves to him at the same time. Two incongruent once-in-a-lifetimes, at that. It was a cruel twist of fate that he’d have to choose between the two of them. But he’d had his chance with Abby—their relationship had already run its course many years ago—and this…what they had now? It was just a bonus. What he had waiting for him in Vegas was exactly what he’d been striving toward his entire adult life. Because of that, the choice was a no-brainer.
Even still, he couldn’t stop the voice in the back of his head warning him this was a bad decision…the tiny whisper that questioned whether or not he’d chosen the right one.
* * *
By the time Becca had gotten home from work, Carter’s frustration had been simmering for hours. Never mind the fact that he was a fully grown man who was capable of seeking answers when he wanted them. The trouble was, he hadn’t wanted them. Because of that, it was a hell of a lot easier to place blame for his preoccupation with his make-believe and completely temporary life here at Becca’s feet than it was to take that responsibility on himself. Besides, if it was Becca’s fault, that meant it didn’t have anything to do with a certain redhead who’d managed to steal his heart not once but twice.
He waited only until Sofia was preoccupied with Sid the Science Kid before he stalked into the kitchen where Becca was preparing dinner. Keeping his voice hushed so as not to interrupt Sofia, he demanded, “Why the hell didn’t you say anything when you swapped out your crutches for a boot?”
Becca twisted back to stare at him, her brow pinched in confusion. “What?”
Carter gestured to her ankle. “Your boot. You’ve been wearing it for at least a week, and you didn’t say a damn word. You know I was only staying as long as you actually needed my help, and you clearly don’t anymore. I have to get back to Vegas.”
She opened and closed her mouth several times before shaking her head and tucking her dark hair behind her ear. “But I thought…You just seemed so happy here.”
Carter barked out a humorless laugh. “I know you’re not that naive. You can’t honestly think a few weeks of happiness are enough to totally rewrite my plans.”
She rolled her eyes. “And I know you’re not that dramatic. You’re a single guy who has no ties to Vegas. Your family is here.”
“And I have absolutely zero interest in seeing a third of those people ever again.”
Becca braced herself on the counter as she crossed her arms over her chest. “Yes, Carter, I know you hate Dad. But what about me and Sofia? She’s going to be changing so much in the coming years…Do you really want to miss that?”
“Oh, come on, Becks. Don’t guilt me into this. That’s low, and you know it.”
She held up her hands in surrender. “Fine, take us out of it completely. What about Abby? What about Marco? He’s been begging you for ten years to work with him, so you’ve already got a job waiting.”
“Yeah, I’ve got a job waiting,” Carter said through his teeth, his anger and frustration getting the better of him. “I want more than just a job. That’s what I’ve been working toward—my own firm. You know that’s something I can’t have here.”
“And is this arbitrary goal worth your happiness?”
“Who says I’m not happy in Vegas?”
Her only response was to raise a single eyebrow as she continued to stare at him.
Carter scrubbed a hand down his face and blew out a long-suffering sigh. “Look, I get it. I’d love to be closer to you and Sofia.” So long as that closer didn’t happen to be in the one town he couldn’t get away from fast enough. “But that’s not in the cards right now. You know this has been my plan for years. I’m not just going to throw it away.”
“But you’re willing to throw everything else away? Everything that’s here waiting for you?” She sighed, shaking her head. “Look, I just want you to ask yourself one thing and then I’ll leave it alone. Deal?”
He gestured for her to get on with it already.
“Is owning your own firm in Vegas truly what you want? Or is it a spiteful response to all the bullshit Dad says to you?”
He opened his mouth to respond, but his words were caught in his throat. Was he doing this just to spite his father?
No. Absolutely not…This was what he wanted. The spiting part was just a bonus as far as he was concerned. But even if he was, so what? It didn’t matter. It wouldn’t change the fact that Carter still felt claustrophobic here like he had when he’d lived at home with his father. Heart’s Hope Bay and the well-meaning people in his life would always suffocate him in a way that made him itch to flee. Wouldn’t they?
Whether or not he had a job waiting for him here…whether or not his sister and niece were here…whether or not the woman he’d come to love yet again—or maybe still?—was here, he couldn’t be. It was as simple and as complicated as that.
Clearing the emotion from his voice, he said, “I’ll stick around till your checkup, but don’t expect me here past next week. Tonight, I’m booking my ticket home.”
He ignored how that single word—home—felt all wrong on his tongue. Ignored how his heart screamed at him that another place had taken over that moniker. He had no idea if he was doing the right thing, but he did what he’d done since he’d left the first time. He relied heavily on his goals to guide him through to the next phase in his life. Without them, without any direction at all, he was no better than what his dad had accused him of being—just a failure of a man who’d abandoned his family. And if he didn’t succeed in the goal he’d set for himself, what had it all been for? Just so he could come crawling back and end up in exactly the same place he’d started in? If that happened, who knew how long it’d be before he turned into his father. Before he resented the people in his life and lashed out at them because of it.
He couldn’t do it. He wouldn’t. From the minute he’d received the call from Becca that she’d been in an accident, his plan had been to stay only as long as she needed him and then get back to his regular life. And that was exactly what he intended to do.
Chapter Twenty
It’s starting to look pretty good here,” Carter said as he drilled in the last piece of drywall for the room, finishing the portion of what would no doubt be a multistep process, just like all of them seemed to be.
Abby breathed out a laugh and looked around. Maybe to a professional’s eye, it was starting to appear near complete. But to her untrained eyes, all she saw was unfinished walls, missing trim, faded and scratched hardwood floors that still needed to be refinished, and about a thousand other tiny things she couldn’t even begin to think about lest she break down and start crying right there in front of Carter.
She’d had a couple days to let the inevitability of the email settle. But even with the days’ padding, the predetermined outcome of her preschool still stung. A pit in her stomach had been her constant companion since she’d opened the message, and she didn’t foresee that disappearing anytime soon. And even though she worried the work they were putting in now would be all for nothing, she still had to try. Which was why she’d agreed when Carter said he could come over tonight to work on the space.
This week, their schedules hadn’t meshed very well, and they’d once again gone back to spending their nights apart. She didn’t know what was going on on his end, and she was too scared to ask, afraid he’d put voice to her worries that his time in Heart’s Hope Bay was up and he was leaving soon. After the blow regarding the new preschool requirements, she wasn’t sure she could handle another one right now.
“If you say so,” she mumbled, unable to put any of her normal cheer in her voice. She’d been faking it for days, too raw inside to have sought out advice
over the situation she found herself in, and she was exhausted.
Carter slid his eyes to her, cocking his head to the side and studying her. After a moment, he said, “It’s already pretty late, so I’ll start mudding the drywall tomorrow.”
Before she could answer one way or another, he swore under his breath. “I can’t tomorrow. Sofia has a dance recital, so I’ll be busy with that. But how about the day after tomorrow?”
Abby swallowed down her disappointment. After all, what was another day when she was already going to miss the deadline? “Okay. And then we can start painting?”
Carter chuckled quietly and shook his head as he packed up his tools. “No, not for a while yet. The drywall mud needs to cure for at least twenty-four hours between each coat, and I’d like to put three coats on.”
Her shoulders slumped. The days just kept racking up, extending her already challenging timeline. “And how much longer do you think after that?”
He shrugged and glanced around the space, surveying it. “You’re probably about halfway done.”
The words hit Abby like a brick, expelling all the air in her lungs. “Half…halfway?”
Carter seemed to finally register the note of panic in her voice, because he came over and cupped her shoulders, brushing his hands up and down her arms. “Hey, it’s not that bad. Halfway will put you at five or six weeks to go, give or take.” He cringed, seeming to realize something. “At least, if you’re able to hire somebody else to come help you out. I wish I could stick around to see the finished product.”
His comment was like a bucket of ice water dumped over her head. Of course she’d known all along he wasn’t going to be there when the preschool was finished, but somehow, in the weeks he’d been helping her, she’d managed to delude herself into concocting a fantasy that differed from reality. But he’d just set her straight about that.
She couldn’t think of anything to say. And even if she could, she wasn’t sure any sound would actually come out. So she pasted on what she knew was a tense smile and stepped out of Carter’s grasp. He was leaving—he hadn’t told her when, but she knew now it’d be sometime very soon—and she needed to get back to how it used to be since she wasn’t going to have him to turn to.
He cleared his throat, no doubt picking up on the sudden tension in the room, and seemed to force out a laugh, an obvious attempt to change the subject and lighten the mood. “Marco’s sure been worked up lately.”
Only half listening, she put all of her attention into the paint samples spread out before her so she wouldn’t cry. “Oh yeah, he’s got a project he’s working on?”
Carter snorted. “No, I mean, he seems to be nearly as obsessed with preparations for the baby as Gia is.”
By the lighthearted tone of Carter’s words, Abby could tell he’d meant it to be humorous…playful. But what was funny about starting a family? About being there for your wife when she was having a tough time going through something neither of them had anticipated or experienced before?
Abby glanced at him over her shoulder, her brow furrowed and her head cocked. “Why wouldn’t he be?”
Carter slipped a hand in his front jeans pocket and lifted a single shoulder in a shrug. “Well, you know…”
She turned around to face him completely, her arms crossed. “No, I don’t. Please elaborate.”
He glanced to the side before meeting her eyes again. “I just mean he’s supposed to be a career guy…like me.”
There was too much to unpack in that single sentence, and she didn’t know where to start, the heaviness of unspoken words seeming to hang in the air between them. “What does having a career have to do with having a family? They’re not mutually exclusive.”
“To me they are. My career is my life.” Seeming to resign himself, Carter blew out a deep sigh and lifted his hands before dropping them back to his sides. “I don’t want to get married. Or have kids.”
Abby froze, her heart in her throat. While they’d never specifically had this discussion before—after all, what teenager did?—she’d assumed they were moving from casual to something more. She hadn’t hidden her desire for a family, even back then. And all that time, while she was waxing on about the family life she’d desired, he was sitting back…in judgment? In distaste?
What he wanted—or didn’t want—shouldn’t have any bearing on her. Carter wasn’t sticking around, and she knew that. But there was still a tiny part of her that had been hoping, and that flicker of light was snuffed out completely at his words.
After several tense, silent moments, he said, “Come on, Abby. You’re not really that surprised, are you? I mean, I haven’t exactly had a picture-perfect family life. Look at how well it turned out for my dad.”
She shook her head, still speechless…completely unsure what to say. Abby didn’t know Carter’s dad, not really. But she knew Carter, and he was a good man. He was responsible and caring…hardworking and loyal and loving. Doting to his niece. There wasn’t a single doubt in her mind that he’d make not only a great husband but also a great father.
“Besides,” Carter said, “things are going to start rolling as soon as I get back to Vegas, and I won’t have time for any of that anyway.”
The cold detachment in his voice shook Abby out of her stupor, and her frustration amped up. Was him not wanting a family a new development? But that didn’t make sense…Not when he’d cited his dad as the reason family life wasn’t for him, and Abby now knew those two had had problems since she and Carter had been dating the first time.
“Is that…is that why you broke up with me after graduation?” she asked, her voice wavering the tiniest bit. She swallowed and cleared her throat, steeling herself to ask what needed to be asked. “You told me it was because we wouldn’t be able to make the long-distance thing work, but that wasn’t it at all, was it? You bailed because you couldn’t handle what I wanted.” Abby didn’t even attempt to tame the accusation, too hurt to do anything but hurl the words at him.
He snapped his mouth shut, the muscles in his jaw tight and bunched. “I can handle it just fine. I just don’t want to.”
She breathed out a humorless laugh and shook her head. “You’re not the man I thought you were. Instead of facing your demons head-on, you run away every time, just like your dad said you do.”
It might have been the cruelest thing Abby had ever said, and she regretted the words as soon as they were out of her mouth. Wanted to catch them in the air and stuff them back inside, but life didn’t work like that. Words were powerful, beautiful, sometimes cruel things. And they did exactly what she feared they would—it was gasoline on the sparks between them, igniting into an inferno.
“Not all of us have been obsessed with having a family since we were three, Abby,” he snapped, his voice cold and harsh. Something she’d never heard from him before. “You never shied away from telling me that. You also never once asked what I wanted—you just assumed—so don’t pretend like this is all on me.”
She opened her mouth to deny it, but she couldn’t. He was right—she hadn’t ever asked him if the life she wanted was something he did as well…hadn’t discussed what he saw for his future. She’d been too focused on her own.
Even if she could have responded, he didn’t give her a chance to. “What was I supposed to do? Put all my dreams aside because of what you wanted? Stay here in this tiny town and turn into the lowlife deadbeat my dad always said I’d be? Get stuck here just like him? Marriage and kids aren’t the answer to everything. Do you honestly think that will make up for the fact that you’re all alone in the world except for Hilde?”
Getting hit by a bus would’ve been less painful. She exhaled sharply, drawing her hand to her abdomen as if that would help the ache blooming there. It was one thing for him to have lied by omission regarding what he did—or didn’t—want, but to have him betray her like this…to have him toss back her worst insecurity—the one thing he knew she felt troubled by—was callous. Beyond what she’d thought C
arter capable of.
Fighting to steady her voice, she said, “And what about you?”
“What about me?”
“Do you honestly think that a fancy job will keep you warm at night? Will it bring you soup when you’re sick or send you birthday cards? Will this amazing career grow old with you?”
“You’re still not listening to me!” he yelled. “I never once said I wanted those things. That’s all you, Abby. I’m perfectly happy without them.”
Without you, he might as well have said.
She laughed bitterly. “Oh please. Can you tell me even one single person whose greatest dream in life was solely to work? What about retirement? What will you do then, all by yourself? After you’ve wasted your life away doing nothing but striving toward goal after goal? Or do you plan to work until the day you die? Quite the American dream. You’ll sure show your dad then.”
He stared at her for a long moment, the anger and frustration clear on his face. But beneath it was the underlying hurt he was trying hard to hide. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
And then, without another word, he grabbed his tools and stormed past her and down the steps, the front door slamming in his wake only moments later.
Not bothering to hold back her tears any longer, she slid down the wall until her butt hit the floor and rested her forehead on her bent knees, crying harder than she could remember. Through her tears, everything she’d been holding inside poured out of her. How she was letting down the parents of her preschoolers. Letting down the friends and employees who counted on the Sunshine Corner for their living. Then the barbs Carter had thrown at her repeated in her mind, over and over again until they were all she could hear.
What he’d said was cruel and unnecessary, harsh words hurled when he’d been backed into a corner, but she couldn’t say they weren’t true. The reason she wanted a family was precisely because of the one she’d never had. She was just as bad as he was, too focused on a goal to let anything else get in her way.
