Lessons in Love

by Jerry Cole

  Then the subtlety was gone. Nate moved his stool up closer to Victor, its feet screeching slightly on the tiled floor. Nate laughed nervously, obviously feeling a bit dumb for making so much noise to get a mere two inches closer to Victor.

  Leaning in, Victor gently grazed Nate's lips with his own. He could feel chills down his spine as Nate kissed back, pressing harder and lightly biting Victor's lips. For someone with so little experience, he sure felt like a natural, and made up for any awkwardness with sheer passion.

  Victor knew that it was not the best idea for two men to stay out, getting drunk and making out, even in a generally "good" part of town. Besides, there were much better things to do back at home, especially with how eager Nate felt.

  Breaking the kiss, Victor could clearly see the gentle flush on Nate's cheeks. It was so tempting to see just how red Nate would flush as the night progressed.

  "Let's get back to my place," Victor said with a grin, already feeling excited for what was to come.

  On the way back to Victor's apartment, he could sense that Nate was nervous. The kissing and hugging stopped, and Nate kept looking around. Victor wasn't sure if it was just that Nate had not been out with a guy before and was afraid of reactions, if Nate was worried about being seen by someone who knew him, or if Nate was actually nervous about Victor himself.

  As soon as they walked into the foyer, Nate seemed to calm down, and once they reached Victor's apartment, Nate was all over Victor again.

  He was just too damn hot. This was decidedly unprofessional... but decidedly great. What did it matter what they should be doing? It wasn't as though it were illegal for two teachers to hook up, so long as it didn't happen at work. Victor pulled Nate's shirt off and began working his neck gently. Nate moaned, running his fingers through Victor's hair, pulling Victor down, begging for more kisses and bites up and down his neck.

  Nate tasted amazing, and all Victor could think of was how Nate's cock would taste if his neck tasted so good already. It was making Victor hard just thinking about it.

  It had been a while since Victor had the time to properly date, but that didn't mean he hadn't got laid recently. Victor seized every opportunity to fuck cute guys. It was, in his mind, just natural to want to let off some steam, enjoy a night of passion with a cute guy on no-strings terms. It kept him sane. It kept him from rushing out and dating the first psycho guy he could find just to get laid. He knew what he was doing.

  Nate, on the other hand, seemed a bit awkward. Like he hadn't got laid in a long time. He was no virgin, but Victor couldn't tell much more than that. How long had it been since Nate had even kissed a guy, much less fucked? Or was it just that Nate was naturally a bit awkward and klutzy?

  Whatever was causing it, it was cute as fuck, and Victor relished every moan and every confused grope. Nate was so beautiful in all he did. He was the sweetest, most adorable guy Victor had ever met.

  As they stripped each other of their clothes, Victor was amazed by Nate's fairly lean, well-built frame. He had not looked so athletic under his work clothes. Making eye contact, Victor realized Nate was having the same revelation. Neither of them wore clothes that were particularly tight or revealing. Now, naked and ready before one another, both realized how attractive the other was on every level.

  Nate's skin was slightly lighter on his torso and legs than on his face, neck and arms, but he was pretty firm and lean all over, like a marathon runner or perhaps a figure skater. His body was lightly hairy, nowhere near as much as Victor's but definitely not shaved. Nate didn't have a tattoo, piercing, or scar anywhere on himself. He was as bare as he had come into the world. Victor’s cock—medium sized, cut, with a slight kink to the left—was already throbbing with need.

  With a shy smile, Nate dropped to his knees and there was a brief, nervous pause as he navigated the piercing. Victor understood the hesitation. Even if a guy had seen something as simple as a Prince Albert before, an Ampallang piercing, right through the glans, probably looked more than a little intimidating.

  Before Victor could say or do anything reassuring, Nate overcame his hesitation and took Victor’s erection into his mouth, slowly but steadily.

  Nate engulfed Victor whole, barely even gagging, and began to bob with Victor's hard cock all the way back in his throat. His lips felt even softer around Victor's pulsing member, and Victor wondered if Nate would have been just as skilled and eager if he had left his piercing in, feeling glad he hadn't. Nate was an expert, his mouth gliding up and down Victor's cock swiftly and smoothly, his tongue teasing the tip at the top, his lips gracing the base at the bottom. Although Victor was about average sized, he had never felt someone deep throat him so suddenly, so eagerly, so well.

  Nate's hand gently caressed Victor's balls as he continued bobbing, sucking lightly as he pulled back, all but begging for Victor's cum. Victor was happy to oblige.

  Victor pushed Nate's head down as he came hard, feeling several red hot streams burst consecutively into Nate's eager mouth and throat. He could hear Nate gulping hard, consuming every last drop of that cum with a contented moan. It was enough to make Victor feel almost ready for round two already. But until then...

  Pulling his cock out of Nate's mouth, watching Nate gulp down the last mouthful of cum, Victor motioned toward the sofa. Nate nodded and stood up, his knees imprinted with the pattern from the doormat. As Nate sat back on the sofa, Victor dropped to his knees and moved between Nate's firm, slender thighs, admiring the view.

  Nate's cock was a great size, and it had a lovely kink, up and slightly to the side. Even Nate's erection was cute and full of personality. Victor trailed up Nate's cock slowly with the tip of his tongue, starting at the very base and following a softly pulsing vein up the underside, all the way to the pinkish tip, which he took in, swirling his tongue around.

  Nate's eyes rolled back and he sank into the sofa fully with a soft, deep moan. Victor could feel Nate's hands running through his hair, and then he felt Nate push down hard. Knowing what was expected of him, Victor took in Nate's cock as far as it could go and used his hand to gently massage the inch that didn't fit. But Nate pushed down again. Victor braced himself. He hadn't deep throated anyone in years. However, one good turn deserved another.

  His own cock was already beginning to harden again as he adjusted his position to account for Nate's slight bend, and took in the last inch, feeling the soft tip of Nate's cock touching the top of his esophagus. Victor gagged. He couldn't help it. It had been too long.

  As he heard Nate moaning so deeply, so passionately, he pushed himself to carry on. He held Nate there for a moment until he regained control of his throat. Then, Victor began moving, slowly, a little apprehensively, secretly hoping that Nate would finish sooner rather than later. This was not as easy as he remembered it being. Looking up at Nate, Victor realized it was definitely as sexy as he remembered it being. However uncomfortable, he wished he could stay like that forever.

  That wish was abruptly challenged. Nate gripped Victor's hair even harder, pushing up into Victor's mouth. With a groan, Nate came. Victor swallowed every drop he could, but there was just so much, he felt a trickle escaping either corner of his mouth.

  Nate collapsed back into the sofa with a sigh. There was a slight sheen all over him, his face pink and warm. He smiled a little foggily and a nervous, gasping laugh escaped his lips. Victor wiped the corners of his mouth with the back of his hand.

  "Come on," Nate said with a smile. "Let's go cuddle in the bedroom."

  Nate reached up, taking Victor's hand as he stood up. Nate felt so warm, so soft, so lovely. Victor couldn't wait to embrace him all night long.

  And maybe something else...

  Chapter Eight

  Waking up next to Victor, Nate realized he had made a mistake. It wasn’t fucking Victor. That was all according to plan, and he had no regrets about that. He'd needed it. But staying the night. That was a mistake. Nate was supposed to spend the weekends at home with his family. He had the re
sponsibility of getting his little siblings to and from various clubs, of making Saturday lunch and Sunday breakfast, and of making sure his mother got something resembling a break from parenting.

  There he was, lying in bed with his admittedly sexy coworker, at the guy's apartment, his own car somewhere down the block near the bar, probably sporting a nice new ticket.

  Looking at the clock, he saw it was only half past seven. Nate knew he had to get going. He had things to attend to. He looked down at the pale, tattooed arm draped across his chest and followed it over to the still sleeping man.

  Victor looked so lovely lying there. So happy and peaceful. It was tempting to just roll over and fall back asleep, snuggled under those amazingly strong, tattooed arms he could hardly believe belonged to a math teacher. Nate could have easily been asleep another hour. So perhaps he could just actually sleep another hour. That would be so much nicer than facing the day.

  As Victor rolled over, removing that lovely arm, Nate knew it was time for him to get home. He couldn't lie to his mother, much less to himself. He was awake, and the day had to start.

  He called his mother as soon as he was out of the bedroom, as he hurriedly got dressed. For the first ring, she didn't pick up. But before he could dial a second time, her face flashed on the screen, the phone buzzing angrily, as she immediately called him back.

  Her inevitable wrath didn't scare him. It broke his heart. She had done so much for him, the least he could do was show her some respect. But it seemed he always fell short.

  "Hey, Mom," he said. "I just woke up. Sorry I didn't come home. I should have called. I guess I had a drink too many."

  "I was worried, Nathaniel! You said you'd call me, and you'd already mentioned you were seeing that Victor," she said, her voice noticeably trembling.

  "How did you know?" he asked. "I never told you it was Victor."

  She paused, so silent that if it weren't for the sound of his siblings already squabbling Nate would assume the line had disconnected. "I just guessed," she remarked finally, "but I decided to check on social media just in case. And you were both going to the same bar."

  "I don't blame you, I would have done the same thing if I were worried about Jack, Janet, or Veronica when they're older," Nate admitted.

  "You're not seeing him, are you?" she asked. "As in seeing him? You can tell me if you are, you know that."

  Nate panicked. He wasn't sure what to say. "No, Mom, I just spent the night with a friend."

  She breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank goodness. I can't imagine a child of mine putting himself at risk like that."

  Nate wanted to tell her the truth. He hated lying to her. He wanted her to be able to trust him. However, he had panicked and had lied to her automatically without even thinking. It came pretty naturally to him to hide this from her. He didn't even want to correct himself.

  He knew how badly she'd react. Especially considering she had already pegged his new coworker, friend and lover as a closeted racist who was trying to sabotage him. How could he tell his own mother, who was already so worried about him, who cared for him so deeply, that he had just slipped out of the same man's bed, having spent the night of his life with the guy? How could he tell her that he followed this man, who she saw with such suspicion, to his home, and willingly knelt before him?

  Not to mention that she didn't truly understand his sexuality. She didn't ever want to hear about his previous relationships. So why should he leave her with mental images of this one?

  "Yeah, I just thought it was too late to come home, I'd had a drink or two, you know," he insisted, pulling his socks on and wondering where his shirt had wound up.

  "Just... tell me next time," she said. He could tell he had upset her and she was trying her hardest to control her emotions. She cared, of course she did. She was his mother. She might not understand, but she cared deeply.

  "I will, Mom. I'll be there in an hour or so," he said.

  "Don't rush yourself, especially if you're still feeling a bit tipsy, or hungover. Take your time," she insisted.

  "I will. See you soon," he said.

  "See you soon, Nate," she replied, hanging up just as the argument between his siblings reached a crescendo.

  Looking around, making sure he wasn't forgetting anything else, Nate finally found his shoes and put them on.

  It felt odd to be leaving like that, as though he had done something wrong. He knew he wouldn't like to be woken up at this time on a Saturday. So waking Victor was out of the question, especially for something as simple and silly as a goodbye. Mornings after were always kind of awkward. It wouldn't be worth it. Even though Nate just wanted to hide under those strong, tattooed arms and stay there forever.

  He was basically ready to go, picking up his phone and making sure his wallet and keys were still in his pockets, when his stomach grumbled. Nate was not a guy to miss a meal. He wanted breakfast, but wasn't sure if Victor would be the type to be okay with someone going through his kitchen cabinets. It would make noise, and Victor might not like sharing. Victor probably didn't even have the sorts of foods that Nate preferred for breakfast, and even if he did, what if Nate finished up something Victor wanted?

  No, it was too much trouble to work out the etiquette of diving into Victor's kitchen. Nate knew he probably shouldn't stress so much about what people would think or do or say. But he did stress about it, and if he got his own breakfast later then there would be no reason to stress about anything.

  He headed downstairs, ignoring the increasing chorus of grumbles from his stomach, and made his way toward where he remembered parking the car.

  As he drove off, Nate wondered what Victor would think. He probably should have left a note just to let him know what had happened. It would probably distress Victor to wake up and find the bed empty all of a sudden. Or at least he would be confused, if not worried. Maybe he would think Nate didn't enjoy the night? Maybe he would- No. It was no big deal. Victor could deal with it.

  Pulling into his drive, Nate saw his mother was already waiting by the window. He wasn't sure if she'd been there the whole time or if she'd just rushed to the window when she heard a car approaching. Either way, he felt guilty about it. Even more when she walked out in her slippers to embrace him as soon as he parked.

  Hugging his mother, Nate realized that she had been truly distressed. Beyond how she usually worried about him and his siblings. Though she couldn't express it. It had been hard for her to accept anything about his homosexuality at first. It had made her uncomfortable. It had confused her. So she had spoken about it in the loosest terms, even avoided mentioning his attraction to men, even insinuated that someday he might marry a woman. It was just too much for her. Not that he blamed her, not with all she had going on.

  Even now, she was not able to accept it fully, she was not able to talk about it in more explicit terms. She was not able to ask him "Have you been out with a lover?" "Is that guy your boyfriend?" "Do you think it's getting serious?" Because she still didn't understand. He caught her, from time to time, talking to some of her closer friends about AIDS, about hate crimes, about sex reassignment surgery, about religion and Heaven and Hell. She mulled over all the things that she didn't understand, that confused her, that scared her. She worried for him. And she would probably turn him straight if she had a magic wand that could do so.

  He understood it though. She didn't hate him for who he was. She was scared for him. She was always scared for him, but his sexuality was like a flashing target over him. They didn't live in a good area and they never had. They didn't live in a good era. Nobody did. There were people out there who would gladly burn his house down or stab him for being gay. There were people who would try and "convert" him or harass him with promises of eternal fire. There were no doubt people who he would lose to violence and infections. There would be people who he loved who would "convert" or "settle down" at the behest of their friends and families. There would be people who he trusted who would hurt him.

&nb
sp; She knew all that.

  It must be difficult for a mother to know her son was so vulnerable on so many levels. Looking into her dark, shimmering eyes, he could see the galaxies of love in the thousands of layers of color and light that lay nestled between the browns and blacks of her iris and pupils. She adored her eldest son as much as she did her three younger children. She would never be happier, more relieved, or more grateful than when he arrived home safely at the end of the day.

  "Come on in, I bought some of that nice maple bacon you like so much," she said, squeezing his hand before releasing it. "You millennial boys and your expensive tastes."

  Sitting down for an early lunch of bacon sandwiches loaded with barbecue sauce and the sort of crispy fried onions that were supposedly for salads, Nate felt glad to actually be home. He loved his family. He loved being by their side as much as possible. Even if his siblings were sort of late to brunch today. Somehow, it was nice knowing they were all curled up in bed, enjoying a well-deserved bit of extra rest after a tough week at school. It was nice knowing they were safe and warm and fed and happy. Nate had seen enough of his poorer friends' homes to know that those four things were not exactly guaranteed.

  Family gave him life, and he knew he wanted a big family of his own someday. He wasn't sure how. It wasn't about the process. He was fully aware that he most likely wouldn't meet anyone who he could love enough to marry and who, by some freak coincidence, was the first person with a womb to whom he was attracted. The logistics of it were fairly straightforward. He knew that he could adopt, or perhaps hire a surrogate, but that took time and money. He knew that he could marry a guy who already had kids. Or not even marry, maybe just settle down, if that was what his partner wanted.

  Ideally, Nate wanted to marry for love and then kids would follow. And that caused so many questions. What would it be like adopting as gay parents? How old should the kids be? Would older kids treat them worse? It got more complicated the more he thought about it.