Lessons in Love

by Jerry Cole

  The hardest part was that he knew what he was doing was wrong. Nate was doing an amazing job and would make a great teacher. But Victor wanted to keep his job. Victor was an amazing teacher already. He had to keep reminding himself that they were both victims in this situation, but he was the one of them who had the necessary skills to get out of the victimhood. So he would.

  "So, Mr. Walker, would you like to give your report on Mr. Thompson?" Mrs. Heeley asked with the sort of smile that suggested she knew full well how obnoxious the whole arrangement was.

  Victor nodded. " Even though he has enthusiasm for the job. I am not sure he is quite ready "

  "Please, elaborate," she said.

  Victor could see Nate looking eagerly toward him, desperate for more input, for more support, to help him understand what was going on.

  "I simply feel he lacks the necessary experience to be able to handle an entire class on his own," Victor said, feeling yet again more nervous. "He's still a bit young, this is his first classroom experience and he could stand to work in an assistant or support role for a bit longer if he wants to progress into taking charge of a classroom. He has potential, but, just, not quite enough."

  "What mistakes have you noticed?" she pressed.

  Victor tried to find a happy middle ground between the honest truth and scathing criticism. "He is a bit too soft with the students. Some of them need a stricter hand. He doesn't always seem to see that the lesson plan is on a timer and doesn't always get through what needs to be done. He fails to take initiative and keeps looking for support in all he does. And some of the better students don't get the support they need to thrive when he is left in charge of them."

  "These are things he could learn," Mrs. Rodriguez, vice principal of the school, interrupted. "Why not now?"

  "I am not sure our students are ready for that amount of disruption to their schedule," Victor replied in a tone which he knew sounded too rehearsed.

  "Do you really believe that?" Mrs. Heeley asked, raising an eyebrow. "Because you do not seem wholly convinced."

  Victor wasn't really convinced. He was just trying to get rid of someone who might be groomed to replace him. "Of course I do. I've been watching him in my class for many lessons now, and I'm confident when I say that he could do with some sort of a knowledge base in education, a bit of extra experience, before we risk students' grades and futures by hiring him."

  Mrs. Heeley paused. "I am not so sure of that, if it is your honest opinion. I have also seen him in action, and he seems to be a fairly natural teacher to me, however little experience he might have," she eventually concluded.

  "You're just siding with him for no reason, all because he is some sort of minority quota-meeting hire," Victor snapped. "As a teacher, I know what my kids need."

  "And as a principal I know what my school needs. Mr. Walker, you must control this sort of ridiculous behavior," she replied coldly.

  "I'm sorry Mrs. Heeley, I just feel that... that Nate – Nath – Mr. Thompson is being placed in this position for reasons other than his qualifications. I feel a bit attacked, to be honest," he said. "I was asked for my personal opinion and—"

  "And you accuse Mrs. Heeley of picking Mr. Thompson because he's black?" Mrs. Rodriguez said flatly, starting to flush angrily.

  "No, I didn't mean it that way," Victor said, feeling a chill. "I meant it in reference only to his lack of qualifications."

  "But you had to specifically call him a quota hire, and accuse them of conspiring together?" Mrs. Rodriguez replied.

  It seemed that Mrs. Heeley was staying out of this argument, sitting back and looking on as the conversation unfolded. Victor would not be defended, but at least he would not be attacked by her either. He wasn't sure whether to be grateful she was not joining Mrs. Rodriguez, or upset he was not to be defended by anyone in the room.

  "Because he was hired for a program, not as a qualified teacher. You all know me better than to accuse me of something like discrimination," he said, starting to feel desperate.

  "I am not sure," Vice Principal Rodriguez said, glaring at him. "All I can see is that you are actively opposing the only two black members of staff."

  Victor did not know what was happening. They had literally asked for his input, but apparently that didn't matter. He'd slipped up and said something dumb. It didn't matter what he had said or done until that moment, what his plans had been, or anything else. They were waiting for him to trip up so they could get rid of him and this was it.

  He'd always wanted to think that this would finally be the place where people would look past him and see his professional ability. It seemed not. For all the remarks insinuating he was racist, the only ones judging based on appearance seemed to be them.

  As the meeting quietly and tensely dispersed, he knew he could do nothing if they wanted to hire Nate. Feeling a hand on his shoulder, he turned, and, seeing the stern look in Mrs. Heeley’s eyes, Victor returned to the room, knowing something more needed to be said.

  "We're going to have to put you on suspension, Victor," Mrs. Heeley said. "I trust you, but if anyone raises a complaint like this, it must be investigated."

  "Wait, what?" he asked.

  "You heard what Mrs. Rodriguez said. That is a complaint, and we take them seriously. We need to run an investigation before we can put you back in the classroom. District law says so," she explained, almost apologetically.

  Victor just nodded. There was nothing he could say or do. He had already gotten into enough trouble. Looking up, he saw Nate was at the door.

  "Please collect any belongings you will need for the next few days," Mrs. Heeley said. "And, tell me when you are leaving the premises."

  Victor realized just how badly he'd fucked up. In trying to protect his job he had a discrimination investigation against him. He nodded again and made his way out of the room as Nate wandered in. Victor wasn't sure if he could do or say anything to apologize to Nate. It was best to say nothing at all. Victor felt like an idiot. He felt like an asshole.

  For some reason he kept forgetting how he'd almost screwed Nate over because of this. It was natural to think of himself first, he could lose his job after all. Perhaps this was what Mrs. Heeley had been planning all along. He had tried to do the same thing, more or less, to Nate, for no other reason than they had been put against one another by someone who thought it was a good way to get rid of an employee she didn't like.

  Victor knew he needed to apologize to Nate, but he couldn't think of how. He saw Mrs. Rodriguez cast him a disgusted look as he went to collect his lunch from the fridge. He resisted the urge to make an obscene gesture at her. She was as much of a problem as Heeley was. Victor quickly finished packing his bag and made his way to where Mrs. Heeley and Nate were still talking.

  "I don't know, I feel the complaints against me are kind of valid," Nate said with a shrug. "I have only handled my own siblings before. Maybe I'm not ready."

  "You are. He had some sort of a reason to push you away, and I don't need you doubting yourself now," Mrs. Heeley replied reassuringly.

  "You don't think he's actually racist, do you?" Nate suggested.

  Victor felt his heart almost stop. Not because of the word, or the question, but the almost pained tone of voice in which Nate said it, like he was pleading for a negative reply.

  "Of course not," Mrs. Heeley said, "but maybe this time will let him cool off and work some things out."

  "I still think a subbie would do a better job than... me," Nate insisted.

  "Well, we can put that to the test soon enough. While Mr. Walker is suspended we will allow you to take all his classes," Mrs. Heeley said. "I am sure you will handle them just fine. You've seen how he works, you've done well as far as I have seen. Just carry on as you would if he were only out the room a short while."

  Victor listened to them speak and thought, So this was how it was happening? Nate would do the job too well, the review would come back accusing Victor of being unfit to teach, and then Vict
or would be replaced? Could it be that simple? And what if Nate had trouble?

  "And if I get stuck?" Nate asked, shuffling a bit. It seemed their thoughts were following the same track.

  Mrs. Heeley smiled warmly at him. "Then come to my office and I can help you."

  Victor pursed his lips. Yes, she was going to give Nate whatever support it took to get him ready for Victor's role. It was happening, whether he wanted it or not.

  "You don't think I would be a burden to you, or to the kids?" Nate asked again, sounding significantly less hopeless than earlier.

  "Not at all. A week or two under your care will not harm them, and if you do terribly we have time to fix it," Mrs. Heeley said, resting a hand on Nate's shoulder.

  Victor knocked loudly on the door frame. "I'm ready to go," he said as though he had not been eavesdropping.

  "Excellent," Mrs. Heeley replied. "See you soon Mr. Walker. Sorry about all this."

  "Nah, the break will do me good," Victor replied with a slightly forced smile. At least they were right about that. He needed a bit of time to cool off.

  Chapter Twelve

  On the one hand, Nate was happy to hear he might be getting a full-time teaching position. It was what he had wanted from the start, after all. And the sooner he got it, the better. The more likely he was to learn his position, build experience, and cement his place in this slightly mysterious but inviting world.

  He was not sure of himself. He knew that Victor's criticisms were not inaccurate. Nate knew he had limited hands-on experience, that he was too forgiving, and that he had a hard time keeping to schedule. The criticisms were entirely true. Did they mean anything, though? Just because they were true didn't mean they couldn't be improved, didn't mean they were deal breakers.

  Victor brought them up like they would interfere with the class and make him a less efficient teacher. For that moment, as Victor brought these matters up, Nate believed the same. Then the room had turned on Victor. He was being too nit-picky, he was being prejudiced. The criticisms meant nothing. Nate wasn't sure. He still felt inclined to believe Victor.

  If the rest of the staff thought Victor was simply being racist, then maybe they were right. However, Mrs. Heeley did not think so. Nate had learned long ago that it was just weird to let someone who wasn't black decide what was racist for him. If he didn't think Victor was racist, and Mrs. Heeley didn't think so, then how could someone of any other race tell them they were wrong and Victor was acting how he did due to a hatred of black people? Surely they both knew Victor, and themselves, well enough to spot these things without anyone else's well-meaning but completely uninformed advice.

  Nate felt overwhelmed walking into the next class on his own. He was thrown into a role that he was not ready for. Victor had been sent home. And, he might have slept with a racist last night... His mind was abuzz with questions and fears. He would need to do something to ensure he stayed focused on the lesson. He wasn't even sure if he could remember where all the years were in terms of their course progress, and how each individual kid was doing. He hadn't known them that long. He hadn't even been a teacher that long.

  It was fine with Victor or Mrs. Heeley watching over the lesson with him. That way he had a sense of security. Now he felt in the deep-end for the first time on his own and he was going to drown.

  As the kids made their way into the class after break, Nate sat down at the desk, and then he remembered something. Victor's lesson plan was in the top drawer. It had worked so well every time. Nate paused before taking it out. It was not like he'd had time to write one of his own. And Victor's was exactly what was on schedule for these kids. It probably even included notes about who was struggling, who had special needs, who was doing particularly well... It wasn't like finding a walkthrough or a cheat code for a game, more like just making sure to read the instructions before beginning.

  Nate felt much more relaxed with the plans, as though in a sense Victor was still there watching over the lesson.

  The class progressed surprisingly well. The kids listened after their initial rowdiness at having Nate as their sole teacher. And Nate understood their excitement. Kids would react to new situations and they did seem to love Nate. It warmed his heart to see that he was appreciated by the class, and that once they were no longer excited they actually wanted to impress him by behaving themselves very well.

  They did as he said, except for one or two troublemakers, and Nate felt his confidence boosting as he watched the clock and saw they were exactly on track to finish the day's tasks before the lesson ended. It was only after the kids left for their next class that he realized he hadn't sent homework with them, but he had no time to panic.

  When the next class began, Nate once again rummaged through Victor's top drawer for his notes. It was what worked, after all. He set the kids working on the tasks Victor had left for them, and, once again, they seemed to immerse themselves in the lesson, much more polite than they usually were. Nate wasn't sure if they were just giving him a break because he was a new teacher or if they were genuinely happy to have a lesson with him and genuinely interested. As he walked through, checking their work, he realized he didn't really mind yet. He'd rather be liked, but the most important thing was for the kids to work hard in class.

  He felt slightly guilty, like he was cheating the system somehow. It had been a criticism of Victor's that Nate did not take initiative. And what was he doing now he was given the opportunity to do what he wanted? Just taking someone else's notes and ideas and taking it easy. He didn't have to think of his own lesson plan, to remember which individual students were having a hard time or doing well, to try and guess by which time each activity needed to be completed. He just had to follow the plan. It was like he wasn't doing anything on his own at all.

  How was he supposed to think outside the box when he didn't even know what the box was in the first place? He needed to get his bearings. He knew what Victor had been doing worked. So why not keep doing it? It was just like working with Victor a little longer before he was ready to do his own thing. After all, didn't other teachers have years of practice and experience before stepping into their position? This was just his version.

  It was no use. No matter what he tried to tell himself, his natural tendency to worry was taking over his mind. Only focusing on the lesson would help him forget the situation for a little bit.

  At lunch, walking into the staff room, he felt the weight of the sudden silence all around him, all eyes on him. Of course they would be. He had just been at the center of some sort of serious drama. For a moment he panicked. What if they blamed him for Victor being sent home? What were they thinking about him?

  Nate was used to being judged harshly, but he couldn't handle this here. He was already trying hard enough to fit in, and he grabbed his lunch as fast as he could and withdrew to his desk where he could be left alone.

  When he heard someone walking over, he apologized without thinking. "I'm sorry about Victor," he said. "I didn't mean for him to be sent home. I just – it happened."

  "No, that's no big deal, we want to make sure you're all right," Miss Langley, the chemistry teacher, said as she rested a hand on his shoulder. "It seems like a lot went off in the review and we know it's never easy when your work situation changes so suddenly like that."

  Nate froze. How much did they know? "I thought all that was supposed to be sort of confidential," he said.

  Miss Langley shrugged. "It is but... nothing really is, is it? We're just concerned about you. You're part of the team, we don't want you to feel unwelcome."

  "Why would I feel unwelcome?" he asked.

  "We don't know what's going on, only... you know how fast news spreads... only that Mr. Walker said some pretty racist things," Mr. Stanson, the art teacher remarked. "I mean, stuff like that affects people, I would think. It really seemed to shake Mrs. Rodriguez. We were worried for you."

  "What was it he said?" Miss Langley asked in the tone of voice of someone who deeply, trul
y cared about people, but also deeply, truly cared about gossip and shock value. "Did he use any slurs or was it just more of a subtle thing?"

  "I already said I don't want this to take over office relations," Mrs. Rodriguez said, appearing almost out of the blue to chastise the entire staff room, like she had a mother's sixth sense for her wards' mischief.

  Nate shook his head. "It wasn't racist. He was making some perfectly valid criticisms of my teaching methods, that’s all. It blew out of proportion."

  Eyes turned to Mrs. Rodriguez. She just smiled. "I know it can seem like that, but racism looks different in different places. An outright racist wouldn't really last in a modern school, would they? But people like that aren't just dumb, blunt brutes. There are racists everywhere. Some of them well-spoken, educated in their fields, friendly, likable people. They are the most dangerous of all."

  Nate paused to mull it over, but it just didn't gel with what he knew of Victor. "I don't really think he's one of those closet racists either. I think he's clumsy, and a bit ignorant, but he admits to as much. He's trying to better himself. He's not a bigot."

  "He called you a minority quota-hire," she insisted.

  "And I am, in a way. Not because of my skin, but because of my upbringing. That's all he meant. He was wording it badly, but it was just a casual remark," Nate replied.

  Mrs. Rodriguez shook her head. "Mr. Thompson, I reported Mr. Walker for a reason. It might seem like a casual remark to you, but it looked malicious to me."

  "I guess if it hurt you then it should be looked into," Nate admitted. "I feel safe around him, but I suppose everyone needs to. It's just so hard to believe he could ever be like that. He sounded so sincere."

  "When you're in the field long enough, you notice when someone is making excuses, he wanted you fired," she said. "Maybe you're right and he isn't a racist. Maybe he's just against this program, or he doesn't like you, or he doesn't like sharing his department. But whatever he was doing, he was trying to get rid of you."