Lessons in Love

by Jerry Cole

  "No, not being gay. Don't put words in my mouth. I meant the sexual grabbing and stuff," Nate said, rolling his eyes and trying to repress a laugh. "They're too little to understand sex, and it would be an awful introduction to the gay community if they started out just thinking that sex is all we're about right?"

  Victor nodded. "I know, I just wanted to spend a little longer holding your butt."

  "You can let it go now," Nate said.

  Victor released him automatically. He would have anyway, just out of respect, but the release was instant, a response to Nate's commanding, firm tone of voice, like Victor had never heard from Nate before. It made him want to obey.

  Victor knew better than to carry on when Nate had said no, but he did know that asking one more time wouldn't hurt. "Are you sure we can't just do something quickly before we get back to work? We have ten minutes, which is enough for a quickie."

  In reality, Victor knew what to expect. He was just testing Nate's newfound confidence and commanding power, seeing where its limits lay.

  What Victor had not expected was to be thrown into the closet that connected the lounge and the hallway, and shoved up against the second door that exited out right into the teachers' lounge, mere inches away from some of his other coworkers. That was a bit commanding even for Nate's change in attitude.

  Victor hadn't got his hopes up, but it seemed that Nate was as much as a freak as he was, under his crisp suit and straight edge haircut. And that turned him on. Victor wasn't sure if Nate was discovering a new part of himself, revealing a secret aspect of his personality that he had kept hidden, or becoming slowly corrupted by Victor's own lack of respect for authority. But whatever the hell it was, Victor loved it.

  As they kissed, Victor wondered how many of their subtle moans could be heard in the teacher's lounge. For once he was grateful for how many loudmouths there were at work. They would hide some of the sounds he and Nate were bound to make.

  Nate pushed Victor to his knees, where Victor began to unzip Nate's pants and gently pulled out his already throbbing cock, immediately taking it into his mouth. Nate's hard cock felt so good, tasted so nice and clean, it was perfect. Looking up at Nate, seeing him dressed so sharply in his suit, head leaning back, moaning with pleasure, Victor felt himself melting. This was what it felt like to worship your lover's body. This was what it felt like to completely give yourself over.

  A blowjob in a closet adjoining to the staff room was more than unconventional. This was so much more than he would have risked for anyone else. What was he thinking? He loved this job. He loved it here, even if his coworkers were tiring. No doubt at all, Mrs. Heeley would fire them both if they were caught. Track record, experience, nothing of the sort mattered if you were caught performing a sex act at work.

  If he were with anyone else, if Nate were any other of his former lovers, Victor would have walked right out of the closet, told Nate to act more professionally, probably even reported him. But it was too good. It was too good to pass up. Victor unzipped his jeans and pulled out his own hard cock, stroking himself firmly and quickly, only slowing down to play with his piercing. He couldn't resist it when it was for Nate.

  Taking Nate's throbbing cock in deeply and pumping his own in time, Victor knew that they needed to get this over and done with as fast as possible. That was, in great part, the most enjoyable aspect. The urgency. The need to complete the act, combined with the stress that was holding them back from climax. It was exactly the sort of push and pull Victor had always loved, the blend of negative and positive, pain and pleasure.

  They could hear someone walking around in the teacher's lounge, right outside the closet door. Victor suddenly felt nervous, trying to back out. He released his own cock and began to take his mouth from Nate. But Nate gripped Victor's hair hard, pushing Victor's head right back down onto his cock.

  Victor looked back up and, reluctantly, Nate released him. Victor pulled back, trying to gasp for air without making too much noise. He wasn't sure whether to be impressed or pissed off.

  "They're right there," Victor whispered. "I can't do this. What if they look in?"

  "Well, they might look in anyway," Nate said. "We're in a dangerous position either way."

  "Then let's leave," Victor replied.

  "Right into the teachers' lounge?" Nate asked.

  Victor paused. "Or the hall?"

  "Where there are other teachers?" Nate asked.

  Victor shook his head. "Okay, but... we need to stop."

  "They'll find out whether I cum or not, right?" Nate whispered. "We can keep on going."

  Although Victor was nervous, something about this forbidden act aroused him further. "All right then," he agreed, smiling.

  Victor could already feel Nate pushing him back down, but he gave in and opened his mouth lightly, letting Nate's hard cock slowly glide in, brushing his tongue so softly, bit by bit, inch by inch, until Nate was down his throat again. This time Nate didn't recklessly thrust as before. He just relaxed and let Victor pleasure him at Victor's own pace. As Victor bobbed, Nate lifted his tie to his mouth and bit down on it, to repress the sound of his moans.

  They'd picked up where they were before. But it was different. There was something extra this time, which Victor barely understood.

  Nate tasted so much better for knowing someone was outside. And those stifled moans through the tie he held between his teeth... beautiful. Just perfect. Victor's hand gripped his own cock, but his focus was entirely on tasting Nate, on getting as many soft, sweet moans from Nate's lips as possible.

  Victor found himself fighting the urge to make Nate moan. The mischievous aspect of himself wanted to force Nate to make as much noise as possible. But the rational aspect reminded him that both their jobs depended on them staying quiet. Victor settled for bringing Nate as much pleasure as possible.

  As Nate came, biting down hard into the tie, hands shoving Victor's face into his crotch, Victor felt himself driven over the edge by the taste, the sound, the loss of air. His fist clenched harder than ever before around his throbbing cock as he came. Gritting his teeth hard, Victor reminded himself not to moan or cry out. He felt shaky immediately after but couldn't even collapse for fear of bumping into something and making a ruckus.

  Looking up at Nate, Victor could see he was suffering the same dilemma. Sliding down almost noiselessly with his back against the wall, Nate only stopped when they were at eye height. Clearly tired from what had just gone on, Nate stopped looking quite so confident and smiled his usual, nervous smile.

  "Do we just wait here?" Nate asked as quietly as possible. "Because there are still people outside both doors but we need to get back to class as soon as possible."

  "How do I know? I've never done this before," Victor replied. "I guess we'll just be late."

  Nate nodded. "I guess I was a little bit reckless."

  "Yep," Victor replied. "I can't believe you did that."

  "You asked me to," Nate said, trying to keep his voice down. "You literally asked me to."

  "I thought you wouldn't," Victor admitted.

  "Really? You sure didn't go against this much," Nate said.

  "I tried," Victor replied, "but I guess it was just too exciting when we got going."

  "Oh well," Nate said in a carefree tone. "I guess it will work out in the end, right? We just have to wait. And maybe be more responsible next time?"

  Victor nodded.

  How could Nate be so relaxed about this? Nate always seemed a little awkward and nervous socially, but he always seemed so confident about the rest of life, so happy, so easygoing. Victor didn't understand it. How was it that someone so shy and retiring was able to take such novel situations seemingly in his stride, when someone who was normally as strong as Victor was panicking?

  Chapter Twenty

  Nate was trying his very hardest to do well, to impress, to not look like the sort of a nerd who panicked about everything. But deep down, in his heart of hearts, he was panicking about
everything.

  He had done such a stupid thing, he had put both their jobs at risk, and all for what? For a cheap thrill? To try and prove to Victor that he could take charge? It all sounded so dumb in retrospect. He had thought with his dick, not his brain, and look where it had got them: hiding in a closet between the teachers' lounge and hallway, almost risking their positions for an orgasm.

  And Victor had gone along with this?

  They had taken a pretty dumb path this time. They had both given in to their weaknesses without thinking, like a super villain tricked into monologue by a hero who needed to buy some time.

  Despite his best intentions, Victor was intensely sexual, easily distracted, and possibly manipulative. Nate knew all this. He had been playing with all these flaws from the very start. They annoyed him, entranced him, confused and aroused him.

  Nate had been swept up in Victor's flaws. It wasn't Nate who was the sort of guy who'd jump into a closet for a blowjob at work, risking their entire careers for a few minutes of pleasure. It wasn't Nate who'd fail to think about the consequences, who'd not give a fuck what people thought of him. Those were Victor's flaws, and they caused nothing but trouble.

  Nate spent much of Tuesday avoiding Victor. He wasn't sure he could control himself if he didn't. Victor was hot and fun. Victor's ridiculous overconfidence was infectious. But it was a terrible thing. It was one of the few traits that Victor was trying to get rid of. If even Victor saw the trouble with it, then it had to be the least desirable thing possible.

  Nate couldn't afford to develop such an awful trait. But, like everything else about Victor's strong personality, it was so overwhelming, so powerful that Nate found himself learning it even without thinking. Nate knew he didn't have a strong identity. Nate knew he was prone to picking up on other people's behavior. But he had to learn to stop himself. He had to learn to control himself. He had to avoid turning into Victor. Not because Victor was a bad person, but because Victor was already a person. The world didn't need two of them.

  No wonder people said not to sleep with your coworkers. It seemed to be a genuinely terrible idea, now Nate had tried it out in the flesh.

  Of course, Nate didn't believe that his relationship with Victor was how it went for every inappropriate work relationship. Not every pair of coworkers that started dating would slowly adopt each other's worst personality traits until they questioned the merits of the relationship. But that potential for your romantic life chewing its way into your professional and family life would always be there. Nate could see that now.

  At lunch, he made his way into the principal's office.

  "I would like to have a half day," he said as soon as he stepped through the door. "I know it's short notice, but I need to see my mother."

  "Of course, when? Tomorrow?" Mrs. Heeley asked.

  "Today. Now," Nate replied.

  Mrs. Heeley paused. "I am not sure if you are aware, but many things would need to be rearranged in order for you to go home right now."

  Nate nodded, feeling ashamed of himself for even needing to request it. "I am aware, but I really must see my mother this afternoon," he insisted. "I am sorry."

  Mrs. Heeley seemed surprised. "You're a good man, Mr. Thompson, I will trust that it is important. But do not make a habit out of it."

  He nodded. "I won't. Thank you."

  Nate hoped he wouldn't have to make a habit of this. But not only did he have some things to discuss with the only person who had always been able to truly care for him, but he also had to cool off and get some time away.

  It had been such a close call today, and he had so much to mull over, he wasn't sure he could carry on working like nothing at all had happened. Much less working so close to Victor, the source of so much of his doubts.

  He wanted to tell Victor where he was going and why. Just because he was avoiding Victor didn't mean that Victor couldn't know the reason why. But at the same time he knew it would raise more questions than answers for either of them and just stress them both out. Besides, even seeing Victor in a more relaxed setting sounded like something bound to cause problems.

  If it was true that Victor's flaws were rubbing off on him, Nate needed to stay away a while. He needed to work out exactly how and why this was happening, and if he couldn't stop it, he needed to build up the strength to end the romance, preferably without fucking up his current position in the school or their work relationship.

  The drive felt like it took all of eternity. He wasn't even sure if his mother would be home yet. Tuesdays were her half-day. She might be back, but she could be going out for lunch with some coworkers, or getting the shopping done, or doing some overtime for some much needed spare money to cover the cost of the Family Fun Day that Jack had been begging to go to.

  Even if she weren't home, Nate knew he'd feel much better lying on the couch of his childhood home, thinking things through, making sure he wasn't over thinking—or indeed, underthinking—his situation. He just wanted to be comfortable while he thought about the absolute fucking mess he was in.

  Fortunately, Mrs. Thompson was home.

  "Nathan?! What are you doing here? Did you get fired?" she asked, panic in her eyes.

  "No, Mom. I just need to talk." He hugged her close. "I was given a half day and I had some things to talk to you about."

  "A half day? Do any of the others have a half day? Does Jack need picking up?" As Mrs. Thompson fretted, Nate was reminded again of where his tendency to worry came from.

  "No, Mom. Just me. A teacher training thing," he added hastily. He didn't want to worry her any more than she was already worrying herself.

  "Oh, to do with your program," she said, sounding relieved already.

  "Yeah, a program thing," he confirmed.

  Mrs. Thompson sighed softly. "So, what did you want to talk about?"

  "I know you don't like talking about this but... I'm seeing a guy, Mom. The guy from work, who I told you about," Nate said.

  "I had guessed as much," she replied. And the calmness in her voice showed this was true.

  She always feigned calmness when Nate was younger, and still did for his siblings. She was so good at it that he had never realized just how much she worried, and he'd spent his childhood suspecting there was something wrong with him. He'd always seen his mother as this powerful force that always knew what to do, always knew how to help him.

  As he grew older, he discovered that she worried and over thought as much as he did. In part, he had been angry about this. He had spent his entire childhood thinking he was a freak when he was turning out just like her, nothing more, nothing less. He had been angry at her for letting him suffer on his own, for not realizing that just because she didn't tell him about her nervous predisposition, he wouldn't inherit it.

  Nate also felt sorry for her. She had been told to hide her true nature in the tiniest hope that it would prevent her children from developing the same sort of personality. She had to endure being worried all the time while using as much energy as possible to hide it.

  It was only now that he was an adult that she finally allowed him to see her when she worried. He actually appreciated it. It was nice knowing he wasn't the only one, however shocking it was to see that his all-strong, all-powerful, all-knowing mother was actually just an ordinary human being, with many of the same flaws he possessed.

  "What should I do about it?" he finally asked. "I don't know if I should even be with him."

  "Do you want to? Does he make you happy?" she asked.

  Nate nodded. "He does."

  "You should date whoever makes you happy, Nathan, you know that. Life is too short to worry," she insisted, holding his hand. "I know that more than anyone."

  "But what if I'm picking up some of his bad traits? Or what if he turns out to be a horrible person?" Nate asked.

  "And what if you let him go and he turns out to be perfect for you? What if he dies in a car crash tomorrow? You can't keep worrying about what-ifs. All any of us really know is what'
s here and now, in front of us," she explained.

  "So maybe he's a good guy, is that enough to be with him?" Nate asked.

  "It's enough to give him a chance," Mrs. Thompson replied.

  "But how do I know if he's the right guy in general? I've never been this serious with anyone, and... I don't know... After that accusation, he worries me," Nate explained.

  "What did I just say about worrying?" she said with a faint smile. "Does he worry you, or does what's happened worry you?"

  "I guess he doesn't worry me, and it worries me that he doesn't worry me," Nate said, wondering if he made any sense at all. "Like I'd be letting my guard down if I gave into myself and just enjoyed his company. I get so happy and I let go and get lost in myself, and that's nice, but it scares me so much too, like I'm losing control."

  "Ask yourself if your worries outweigh the happiness he brings you," she said with a soft smile. "That's all."

  "Really?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

  "Have I ever let you down before?" she asked.

  "But he has so many red flags," Nate replied. "Aren't we always told to look out for things that might go wrong? To avoid people who set off too many alarm bells?"

  "Red flags?" Mrs. Thompson replied, putting on a kettle of water for her usual herbal tea. "What on earth does that mean?"

  "Like, driving terminology, I guess. Green for go, yellow for pause, red for stop. Sometimes people have something that makes you stop, and we're told to avoid that, to wait for someone without any red flags," Nate tried explaining.

  "Nathan, nobody has 'zero red flags', as you put it. Not outside of movies, or the perfect image you can craft on social media. Everyone is messed up in their own way. Everyone has a demon on their shoulder. You need to find someone whose demon plays well with your own," she said.

  "What does that mean?" Nate asked, watching intently as she nearly ritualistically began preparing two mugs for the tea.

  "It means that whatever your problems are, whatever's wrong and broken with you, they love it, and support it. Maybe you share the same issues, or maybe your problems sort of cancel each other out, like a balancing act," she said with a soft, warm smile. "So, do this guy's demons play well with yours?"