Lessons in Love

by Jerry Cole

  "Okay, that's fine then. Just be back in time for class," Mrs. Heeley replied.

  "I'm not sure if the kids are learning any more than they would with just Victor's notes, to be honest," he said, feeling a bit ashamed of himself.

  "You've been handling it really well, actually," Mrs. Heeley said. "You're going to do great, don't stress out. But go and change those pants. Kids are merciless."

  Nate nodded and made his way back to the apartment, a mere ten minutes away. It wasn't much. More a place to stop after work, to get his things together, and to spend a little alone time living his newly independent life. Also, at least slightly, it was just a way of enjoying his new income, which finally allowed for him to live away from home. He knew it was sort of a waste in that sense, but he felt so much better when he woke up in the morning knowing it was his own place.

  As he got changed, Nate rang his mother to tell her about Victor's situation and that he wouldn't be back until Monday. He wasn't sure why. He wasn't sure if his mother could care about a man she had never met, or if she was just supporting her son. But Nate didn't really mind. She liked being a part of his life, and he loved having her in his life.

  "Mom, Victor called," he said.

  "Is everything all right? What was that family emergency?" she asked, sounding perhaps a little more involved than he had expected.

  "His parents were in a car crash, but they should be well soon," Nate replied. "He will be back for next week. It all looks like it will work out."

  "It's good to hear," she said. "You really were worried about him, weren't you?"

  "I mean, yeah. He's my boyfriend. I love him," Nate said, feeling kind of excited about using that word already.

  "Boyfriend? Officially?" she asked.

  Nate felt his heart doing somersaults again. "Yeah, my official boyfriend. He asked me over the phone, but I don't really mind. I guess I knew it was going that way and just wanted to get it official."

  "I'm so glad for you," Mrs. Thompson said, sounding genuinely elated. "You've done so well, and he sounds like a lovely young man. I hope it's everything you dreamed of."

  "I hope so too, Mom," Nate replied with a sigh.

  "Shouldn't you be driving back to work?" she asked. "Because I'm about to go back to work and I know it's ten minutes for you."

  "Oh shi—I mean fudge, or whatever," Nate said. "I have to get back. I'll talk to you in more detail later, okay?"

  "Talk to you tonight Nate," she said. "And don't do anything dumb, no matter how official the relationship is, and how much you love him. Look after yourself first."

  "I try to, Mom," Nate said, "but it's hard when you love someone so much to put yourself before them."

  "I know, which is why I will always be here to remind you," she said. "Talk later."

  "Talk later, Mom," he said as she hung up.

  It felt odd being this frank with his mother, but her response made it worthwhile. It made his heart soar. She loved him and accepted him. It was all he could wish for. She hadn't asked him why he was dating men, or why he was gay. She hadn't attacked or insulted him. Maybe she worried about the wrong things. Maybe she said odd things, and didn't really understand how his romantic life, much less his sexual life, worked. But she tried. She cared.

  Mrs. Thompson never called him a name, never asked him to change, never treated him differently for liking men. She just assumed he was the same as a straight guy, only that he fancied men instead of women. And, although simplistic, it was refreshing and comforting to him. He was glad he had told her.

  Changed and comfortable, Nate headed back to the school to carry on with the day's lessons. He felt oddly energized. It was like he was flooded with happiness and power, like everything was absolutely perfect, like he had pure caffeine coursing through his veins.

  He hadn't felt this good since his first day of college. He had expected to feel like this when he started working at the school, but it hadn't happened. It had been too confusing and stressful for so long. Now it was finally coming together and he realized what a beautiful, wonderful experience it could be. He was looking forward to the day ahead, to the weeks and months to come. He was looking forward to the rest of his life.

  In the car, the reality hit him. He had a boyfriend. An actual boyfriend, not a high school or college fling. Someone who actually loved him in a mature, aware way. That was why everything felt so damn good. A new chapter was beginning.

  He felt almost giddy, and knew he wouldn't be able to stop smiling even through his lessons. Life was good.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Victor didn't get home until Saturday night. He was exhausted from everything, and slept through until early afternoon. He wasn't sure how he'd got through the whole affair. But it was over now. His parents were home and recovering. Victor had made sure to contact their insurance about the hospital bills and to find out what had happened to the car. They had a nurse who would help them, and he would see them again the next weekend. He had done all he could, and he needed to get back in the right mindset for work.

  He needed to get out, some fresh air, walk a bit and stretch his legs. He needed to get ready to go back to normal. It wasn't easy, but hence the Sunday walk. It would be harder to think about work and to dismiss depressing thoughts if he was cooped up inside all day. Even if he were going out alone, it was better than being indoors alone.

  He regretted not telling Nate he would be back sooner but, in Victor's defense, at the time he hadn't known. He'd arrived home too late to call anyone, and by the time he woke up that morning and even considered calling Nate, nobody was picking up. So he was spending the day alone, one way or another.

  The park looked insanely busy. It was some sort of a fair, and families were out enjoying themselves. He knew the kids would have probably mentioned it, but Victor tended to tune out when they spoke of their weekend activities. However much he loved being an educator, he knew that children loved to ramble and fantasize among themselves about events both real and fictitious, and that he wouldn't get anything done if he spent all his day listening in on their conversations.

  Yet now he wished he had listened more. It was kind of painful to see so many happy families, a reflection of his own childhood, when his own parents were so unwell and he was returning to work, as much at their request as out of his own need. Victor contemplated heading right home rather than stay out around the families. It was more than a bit distressing. Not only did it remind him of his own childhood, but it had reminded him in some ways of the things he'd missed out on as well.

  Sure, he'd shared the same happy days that the younger children were now enjoying with their families. But he also saw happy teenagers. Older kids who were not burdened by a fear of rejection, who were rebelling in milder ways, but generally enjoying their time with their loving, accepting parents. For all he had enjoyed as a kid, no matter how spoiled he had been in many ways, he realized he had still missed out on some things.

  It gave him life to see other happy families around him. His parents were unwell and far away, but they were alive. There was still time to enjoy themselves as a family now. They had been given a second chance, a chance to be together on more equal terms, to love one another for who they truly were.

  Victor realized there was no need to run and hide from other people's happiness. It wasn't a harsh reminder of what he had lost, but a shining light over what he had to regain now.

  He could do these things with them again. They could go out to the park together, have a picnic. Maybe someday there would be grandkids for them to watch playing sport. That would be so lovely for all of them. It would be so wonderful to be able to raise kids away from the trials that he and Nate had faced, to make sure they had the advantage of a loving, understanding, supportive family.

  Spying a rare sight of two ladies holding hands, one carrying a toddler, he wondered if they were perhaps a couple. One couldn't assume, but Victor liked to think so. This world was changing, and it was more than possi
ble for a gay couple to happily walk in public, holding hands, with their children. The world wasn't fixed, but it was so much better.

  Victor knew he wanted children. He hadn't given it too much thought before. His fear of his parents' rejection had put him off thinking about family. He wasn't even sure if he could have a true family, especially not after falling in love with Nate. It hadn't been worth thinking about. Now he knew his parents would accept any family he had, with a man or with a woman.

  The future was shining brightly again. It was like the clouds that had been following him since early puberty were now dispersing. He felt confident that life would go better from here on out. Not perfectly. But better. Better than he had ever imagined life could be. He smiled as he wondered what awaited.

  Victor walked up to where a vendor was selling funnel cake. He hadn't had funnel cake in ages. He'd always put in every effort to look as over the top, as edgy as possible. He'd tried not to do things that looked too... uncool. He wasn't sure why, perhaps he was just taking himself a bit too seriously. But that didn't matter now. None of that mattered. Nate had shown him that you didn't need to take yourself so stupidly seriously for others to take you seriously. He didn't have to always be the brooding, angry, unapproachable guy. Actually, it was kind of nice when people were happy to approach him, to get to know him.

  He turned to see that an older woman, with ebony skin, wearing a conservative blouse and skirt combination, was staring at him. She looked away quickly. Of course, that was what his appearance was supposed to do all along. It was supposed to intimidate people, so that they noticed and respected him, but did not dare challenge him. And it was kind of dumb. For someone who treated himself so seriously, he sure had been childish. What was the point in pushing so many people away? Style was one thing, but there was no reason to be so cold just because he dressed alternatively.

  "Hello, are you okay?" he asked in as friendly of a voice as he could manage. "Do you need any help?"

  "You're an unusual looking young man," the lady said. She smiled, seeming not to mean anything by it. Something about her seemed familiar. "I didn't mean to insult you. I suppose I just haven't seen many people dressed like you."

  "It's fine," Victor replied. "I guess I do that on purpose, so people see me."

  "I can't imagine that, wanting to be seen so easily," she said. She had a cheerful disposition that was just infectious, and a motherly sternness underneath it that commanded respect. "I've always wanted to not be noticed too much. Getting noticed can be a good thing or a bad thing."

  "Oh, I know," he said.

  She smiled. "And still you want to be noticed so much? You haven't been put off?"

  "Nah, I'm used to people staring," he said with a smile. "I guess I don't mind being a bit of a freak show."

  "I've been the freak show, it's not fun," she said, watching where her two daughters were comparing a series of assorted collectible stickers. "It's not easy, and people will judge you by first impressions forever."

  "Isn't it better to put those people off hanging around you? I don't really want anything to do with all those people who'd judge me based on what I look like," Victor explained. "I suppose that is why I dress like this."

  "I feel sorry for you. Covered in all those... markings. I remember a time when I was the odd one out, when I stood out in a crowd of white faces, it isn't easy," she reiterated.

  "I did all this to myself, though," he insisted with a laugh. "It's all on purpose. I knew it would make me stand out. If anything, it makes me stand out even more where I grew up. If you think I'm a freak show, my parents' neighbors won't even speak to me. But... I wanted that. I guess it's because I'd rather people bother me about things I did on purpose than things that just happened."

  She raised an eyebrow. "So you dress oddly so people don't notice anything else about you?"

  "Yeah, basically. Unlike race, being gay isn't something you wear on your skin. I guess I thought people would be so caught up complaining about my piercings, my tattoos, and my hair that they wouldn't have time to notice anything else," he said. "And it worked out."

  "My son is a, you know, a gay boy himself," the lady said. From her tone of voice she was not entirely comfortable. "I never thought to tell him to let people see other things than his attractions. I guess I was so worried about my own experiences, I didn't think how it would affect him."

  "It's hard to see things through another person's eyes," Victor agreed, glancing at the girls. Her son was probably only around the age of the oldest girl, about thirteen. It would be a difficult time for the boy. And the line was progressing slowly. Perhaps he could add a bit of support, a bit of comfort for the lady and her son. This was all part of raising the next generation, after all.

  "I just... I feel like I'm failing him sometimes. I want to do what's best for him, but he's different. He's not like me, or like anyone else I know," she said.

  "But do you love him?" Victor asked.

  "Of course I love him. Very much. But I don't understand him, you see? I try, but..." she sighed. "I don't know why I'm asking you these things. I suppose you seem like a nice young man, and it's easier to ask this sort of questions to someone who doesn't know you, who you don't have to keep up impressions for." As she said this her eyes drifted again to the happily oblivious girls.

  "Is it normal for parents to shield their kids so much?" he asked.

  She nodded. "When you're a parent, you'll understand. I just wish I could protect my son as well. He needs it more than any other of my children. And I feel so helpless sometimes. He tells me about his fears, about his life, and I try and advise him, but sometimes I just don't know what to say. Just put on a brave face and listen. What more can I do?"

  "Just tell him you love him and accept him," Victor replied. "My parents only found out a few days ago. That's what they said to me. It was beautiful."

  "Don't you think he'd know?" she asked.

  Victor nodded. "Well, yes, but it's never guaranteed. Not in this world. I wasn't even sure if my parents would love and accept me. It was such a relief to hear it. There was still doubt in my mind, right up until that moment, that they would be able to tolerate their own son."

  "I suppose my experience of discrimination is a bit different," she said with a shrug. "I can't hide the thing people hate about me. I never had to worry about a big revelation. I'll consider your words."

  Victor smiled and nodded, moving with the queue as it progressed. There was nothing more he could say. She didn't understand his experience, but he didn't understand hers either. They couldn't school one another on their experiences. Only compare. Victor wondered how Nate would reconcile those two aspects. He had the same experiences as this lady's son. He was both black and gay, and he knew about being both a hidden minority and a visible one. Only he would be able to properly compare both experiences.

  Besides, the girls had gathered round their mother and would overhear. As one server prepared Victor's funnel cake, another took the woman's order as the girls demanded all sorts of ridiculous toppings, so many they probably couldn't even taste the cake.

  Victor paid for his funnel cake and the ones the lady was buying as well. She seemed a little indignant, but didn't say anything. It was like she didn't want to cause a scene. In her experience, she probably had a reason for that. They walked away side by side, the girls happily and obliviously eating their cakes. The lady glared a little at Victor out of the corner of her eye.

  "You didn't need to do that," she said. "I work hard to provide for my family. I don't need any help there."

  "I didn't mean it that way," Victor replied. "Just to thank you for the talk."

  "I ought to be the one thanking you, not the other way round," she said with the motherly, authoritative voice he knew had been hiding behind her happier, relaxed tone earlier.

  "Feel free to pay me back if it bothers you," he replied. "I guess I'm sort of in the mood for treating my family too, but they're not here to treat."

>   Her countenance softened and she shook her head. "I suppose if you only meant it that way, I overreacted. I'm so used to being undermined." She drew some change from her pocket and passed Victor a small handful of notes, more than enough to cover the cakes. "Don't worry about the change."

  "You sure?" he asked. "I don't want to take anything from you. You have kids to raise. I mean, I guess if it would insult you otherwise I'll take it, but—"

  "It's just the sort of ridiculous thing my boy would do," she said with a laugh. "You're young, enjoy what money you've got. I've had an entire lifetime to work for my money. And, like you said, I have kids to raise. Do you think I wouldn't know how to budget for them already? Consider the change payment for your advice."

  Victor nodded, accepting the money. "Uh, sure thing. Thanks."

  As the woman and her daughters walked off, enjoying their cake, Victor felt his heart skip a little. That was just how he wanted to be in the future. Perhaps even in the near future. After all, he could adopt an older kid. Weren't they the ones who needed a supportive family the most? Not all young teenagers had parents as accepting as that lady. Some of them were kicked out, rejected, hurt. Some as young as those girls, abandoned by their parents for just being themselves.

  It would be a wonderful thing to give those kids some hope. Even more wonderful than raising a young child or toddler into a healthy adult was transforming a broken, hurting young person into a healthy adult. And, if someone like Nate would help him, Victor would love to be the person to better such a kid's life.

  Wandering off into the park, Victor felt light as air. Life was definitely looking up again. After going through so much, it was getting better. He had thought it was all falling apart. He had thought he was about to lose his entire family. But it was the opposite. He was closer than ever before to his parents, he was in love with the most perfect man he had ever met, and he now saw the possibility of expanding his family even further.

  He saw all the beautiful families around him, all so different, all so diverse, all so happy. There was potential for happiness in this world. Even for someone as odd as Victor, or someone as threatened as Nate.