Delusion

by David Howells

  Dress conservatively. Dr. Shaktrin was very emphatic about that. Specifics were given on skirt lengths and buttons required fastened on my blouse. The Doctor did not have any similar requirements of dress code for my partner, Jeremy. However, he did mention that there could be no overt signs of affection displayed between my partner and myself in sight of the patients. Between the good Doctor and our conversation with Patricia Browning, I sense preconceived notions and stereotyping of college students of opposing genders working together.

  Dr. Shaktrin mentioned that Mr. Browning has continued his preoccupation with reaching out to not only fellow patients but to hospital staff as well, offering well-wishing and philosophical insights. The Doctor expresses that he is often impressed with Mr. Browning’s depth of insight and his effect on people.

  Jeremy: I’ve been able to make phone contact with a number of theological resources who were willing to identify themselves in our research. Those that would only speak on the requirement of anonymity may have a section relegated to ‘anecdotal’. Interviews were taped and transcribed for future research and are available upon request. I have instead included salient points that appeared germane to our efforts below. Note that all resources were found in Pittsburgh, PA.

  “Father Francis Berrotti: Catholic Priest. St. Anthony’s Church. - The Catholic Church recognizes that miracles continue to be performed around the world. We will be most interested in the results of your study. Personally, I am hopeful you will find more miracle than scientific anomaly with Mr. Browning. Actually, is there really such a difference? The Church would be particularly interested, if you happen to witness such, in how Mr. Browning conducts himself in these ‘healing by chatting’ sessions with fellow patients. In particular, does he refer to a greater power in whose name these boons are performed?”

  “Reverend Daniel Pocolis: Lutheran Minister. First Lutheran Assembly of God. - When it comes to rumors of miracles, there is a desire of the faithful to make it an affirmation of their belief. This is all the more so in times like these when it’s sometimes hard to believe that God is still present and loving. Yet, it also behooves us to be questioning and critical in our thinking, for there are so many charlatans out there. That you have found so many in your travels who know of this man rumored to have a connection to a greater power underscores how strong that desire for affirmation is. Be open, but be cautious.”

  “Rabbi Daniel Berenheim: Rabbi at the Beth Am Temple. - Oy...I have to say that, you know. Credentialing. So many have come and gone whom some have hoped would be the Messiah. More hopes have been disappointed from this than from all my great aunts’ cooking skills put together, God rest their souls. I think that when you wait for something for two thousand years, waiting becomes part of your innermost nature, and it becomes something very fearful to think that your waiting might just be over. Not that I think Mr. Browning is any Messiah, mind you though I won’t say that he’s not, either. Never burn your bridges if you can avoid it. In my heart, though, I hope like so many others that just maybe there is a miracle or two in the wings here, even if it is a hospital wing.”

  Mullah Mohammad abn Takshi: founder and leader of the Mosque of the Prophet’s Peace. - “Young man, my advice is free, and worth every penny. Truly, all you can do is seek wisdom about this unusual man, much as you and your partner have already been doing, and let the wisdom of the universe come to you in its own time. It will come, this I can assure you. It is my sense that the steps you have taken so far have been prudent, and already from this journey you have become a different man than you were before you began. Is that not miraculous? Perhaps, young man, as you seek one miracle you may be missing several along your path. Return and talk with me when you are paused in your search, for you are never truly done searching. I like updates, yes?”

  [“Your uniform in this army against emotional and spiritual injury is white, young woman, though your skin is very dark. This is most interesting, is it not? Your uniform affirms the culture’s bias of white as being pure and correct, and you use this to clothe and identify your role here. Yet the real you, that body’s jacket which you do not take off at night, is the color we are supposed to be color blind to. So many mixed signals in your world. I, Mariel, appreciate you just as much with my eyes open as when they are closed. So let what that sad man said about you fall off your strong shoulders like so much water. It means nothing more than that man’s affliction of his spirit, speaking in ignorance and in his soul’s illness.”]

  January 25th, 2017

  Mary: We landed this evening at the Houston airport and caught the shuttle to Bellaire, a township on Houston’s periphery. People here are bundled for the winter cold, and it is of some amusement that we ‘Yankees’ are comfortable with a shirt and sweater. The hotel is pleasant with a small restaurant attached. There was an error in reservations, and thanks to a hosted convention, we have a minor situation. We reserved twin rooms, adjoining. What we got was one room, twin beds. If I didn’t know better, I’d suspect Patricia Browning arranged this. I’m almost happy that this mistake was made. Now that Jeremy is out of the bathroom, I’ll let him fill in what happened in the lobby while I grab a shower.

  Jeremy: Dr. Shaktrin wasn’t kidding on needed security, but I wonder if he didn’t accidentally add to the situation. Apparently the he called Hotel management and let them know of our upcoming arrival and mission, and who that mission involved. Despite promises of strict confidence, cooperation, security and discretion, it appears news leaked out. I am unsure if it was six or eight people in the lobby who, once they heard our names given at the front desk, converged on us begging us to take them into the interview with Mr. Browning. It happened so quickly that details are blurry. Mary and I conferred afterwards on what we heard. We recall a mother with a child dying of cancer, a man whose intestines are rotting (Crohn’s disease?), someone had an inoperable brain tumor, and one person wanted guidance in finding a child abducted a couple of years ago as an infant. There were more, but that’s the most we could recreate. Hotel security was unprepared, but managed to whisk us away behind the front desk to a private elevator. We are definitely ordering room service. If this is what being a celebrity is like, give me Joe Average any time. We both felt so bad for those people.

  [“One who guides and creates us all. Thank you for the young couple who seek my audience this day. Give them ears to hear your words spoken through me, your servant Mariel.”]

  January 26th, 2017.

  Jeremy: A joint note from Mary and me. We’re a little nervous. With Mary, her hands are shaking enough where we are breaking our tradition of taking turns typing. I’m not all that much better off.

  First is the experience last night in the lobby. If that was what happened with reasonably strong security measures, what might happen now that the ‘cat is out of the bag’? Second is our finally coming to meet the person we’ve been studying so much about in the flesh. Perhaps we should have done this first and gotten it over with instead of building the plot up like some dramatic book. That though is not the case here so, like it or not, we turn one page on this story at a time and take what each has to offer.

  The plan by Hotel security is for us to separate and travel disguised with different companions. Would you believe wigs have been provided? Worse yet, yours truly will present as a member of Mary’s gender. I wonder what our Professor will say about THIS cost for academia. Knowing her sense of humor, she’ll say it’s our cross-dresser to bear.

  Closing now. Security’s here.

  January 26th, supplemental.

  Jeremy: Made it. I went as an elderly female. They brought in a make up artist. Can you believe that? We took pictures which will definitely be in our final report.

  We’re at the hospital, changed back into our regular clothes and selves. They felt breakfast would be more secure here than across the way at the Hotel. We’ll finish breakfast, touch bases with Dr. Shakt
rin and get the staff familiar with our faces.

  Mary: Poor Jeremy. Dressing up like my grand aunt Millie. The least I could do is give him top billing in our report entry here. I’m feeling better, now that we’re here in a more secure situation. I have come to appreciate my partner’s level headedness in a bad situation, while retaining a sympathy for other people’s travails.

  I hope this interview go smoothly.

  I agree with his earlier notes about the build up not being helpful in keeping ourselves calm and objective, but no one promised this was going to be a walk in the park. I’m also a little concerned that the floor we will be heading to has patients walking about freely. Who knows what we will run into? But this hospital has an excellent reputation, and we’re told that even greater security has been arranged on the sly, just in case. I felt better until a few minutes ago, when I asked myself, “Just in case of what?”

  [“How young this couple appears. May their youth provide hearts open to greater acceptance, more free of institutional and cultural blindness and bias.”]

  January 26th, transcription of interview with Shawn Browning. Nurse Fred Fudala representing the Bellaire Medical Center in an observation capacity. Jeremy LaHoda and Mary Taylor conducting the interview and University representatives. Shawn Browning, who will be addressed as ‘Mariel’ as per request by Dr. Shaktrin. Since Mary led the conference with Patricia Browning, Jeremy will begin this interview.

  Jeremy: I am Jeremy LaHoda, and this is my partner, Mary Taylor. We thank you for allowing us to speak with you today. How would you like us to address you?

  Mariel: Mariel will do nicely, young man.

  Jeremy: I’d like to start in the past and work up to the present. What do you remember of your former life?

  Mariel: Which one?

  Jeremy: Oh. My. Um, you have had more than one?

  Mariel: Most sentient beings nowadays have had many. Would you like me to restrict the list to this world only?

  Jeremy: Mary, feel free to jump in any time. Mariel, we need a base to start from, and from what you say, this might be difficult if we reach too far back. So, let’s go with Shawn Browning.

  Mariel: Very well. (transcriptionist note - 8 second pause)

  Jeremy: Well, what do you remember about Shawn’s life?

  Mariel: Why would I remember anything of his life? He was a separate entity complete unto himself. His journey and mine only intersected in his unfortunate event that led to his irreparable mental fracture. It was best he be returned for healing before his next assignment. I remember feeling very sad for him in the short time we connected.

  Mary: Mariel, so you do not recall any of Shawn’s memories? Since you now use the same brain he had grown up with, are there no echoes of Shawn’s experiences that remain?

  Mariel: Well, the place was a bit cluttered when he vacated. This happens when people rent. I created your basic dream dumpster and cleaned house. All the pictures are now off the walls.

  Jeremy: That’s...an interesting allegory. OK, so when you took over, was Shawn’s body still in the immersion tank? If so, then how long were you stuck there, and how did you feel while there until your rescue?

  Mariel: My word, but you pack many questions into a short span. First, it was no longer Shawn’s body. Ownership was transferred to me. I was not stuck in the body, as I have the ability to leave the body for limited amounts of time when the need or desire arises. How I felt? I felt like I always feel; grateful, joyful, excitement, happy.

  Mary: How did you find Shawn in that chamber? Were you sent there? If so, by whom, and for what reason?

  Mariel: You two are much alike. Are you life partners? My word, but those are peculiar expressions. Perhaps it’s none of my business, then. I was sent to Shawn as many of my kind are. When a human mind is broken beyond repair, and as long as the structure of the body is still intact, my kind are sent to send the unfortunate soul back to what you call Heaven for debriefing and repair, then reassignment. We, my kind, remain behind and will often use what the former owner vacated to good purpose. Your literature features many cases of ‘near death’ experiences where the individual leads a changed life. What makes you think it’s the same individual? (16 second period of unintelligible conversation, possibly whispers).

  Jeremy: Tell me if I’m getting this correctly. You, the consciousness we are interacting with that is no longer Shawn Browning, is actually something other than human, and you were sent to Shawn because his mind was damaged beyond repair, requiring you release him back to Heaven for repair and reincarnation, while you commandeer his body to do good deeds on Earth until you either take off permanently, since you can take minivacations without losing your lease on Shawn’ body, or the body dies?

  Mariel: Very good. Bang on the nail. Is that all? I have people to help.

  Mary: Have you done this kind of thing before? On this planet? Have you done this on other planets?

  Mariel: (laughter, 4 seconds). You young human minds are so curious that you can’t ask single thought questions. Well, that’s not a bad thing, but don’t be in such a hurry. Wisdom comes as it will, sent by the One to you in its proper time. Now is your proper time, which is why we are here right now. I have had the honor of seventeen living opportunities on this planet. There are two other planetary realms I have had marvelous time of servitude on. There is another sentient population that is not planet based. I don’t think you’d be able to understand discourse on that one. One planet you’d likely understand...they’re not all that different than you. The other would take a while, and I understand you don’t like large insect like manifestations of life. Plus, their speech sounds very much like scratching your nails across one of your chalk boards.

  Jeremy: We are surprised at the depth of your previous experience, Mariel. Since you handle multiple questions well, here’s the next bundle. What exactly is your ‘kind’ and have we heard of them before. How are you helping people with mental problems, that is, well, how do you do that? Lastly, why are we only now hearing about this body owner changing thing now, if it’s been done so many times by you and others...of your kind. Do you understand?

  Mariel: We are the One’s messengers and spiritual healers. Heaven knows you need both on this world. I, we, help as we do because it was given us to be able to do. Why do you sing? Because you can, and it is fulfilling to your spirits. I suspect you haven’t heard of this before because of several reasons. Some have heard and have not believed. Many have not bothered to inquire. Lastly, many of you are too busy with superficial aspects of life to notice the miracles that surround you.

  Mary: Mariel, that sounds a little judgmental on your part. Are we so cold and blind a species as all that?

  Mariel: Dear human child, open your eyes. This circumstance is an excellent example. Fractured human minds are being helped here by the being before you. But where am I? In a lunatic asylum. My self belief is beyond your parameters for minimal grasp on your agreed upon reality, so I am isolated to a building with bars on the windows to ensure I do not escape to the general population. Fred, my dear friend, have I harmed a fly here?

  Fred Fudala, PA: Nope.

  Mariel: May I go outside?

  Fred: Can’t let you do that.

  Mariel: There, you see? I’m far more harmless than many who walk freely outside, yet I am imprisoned here for the safety of the general public. What is it this institution is protecting others from? Might I go on a mental health healing rampage, unchecked and unsupervised? If you think my estimation of human kind is harsh, how would you look at your kind were you to wear my shoes for a few months? Please think about that when you write your article about how insane I am, that my mind was completely overthrown by a diagnosis of sensory deprivation isolation syndrome, and currently labor under a massive delusion, or perhaps you will call it a psychological schism. The more you humans do not understand, the grander the terms you dream up
to hide your lack of understanding. I pray to the One that you two are better than that, and may break the mold that tethers your dreams, imaginations, and possibilities as a species to rise above your sad state of mental affairs. I pray you will return to Professor Alistair and begin the process of teaching the teacher.

  Now, if you’ll excuse me, the time marking device on the wall over there dictates that I must now leave for my therapy session. Fred? Please notify Dr. Munchausen that I am ready to continue his therapy. I think we’re near a break through. I hope so...I am weary of this place. So drab and stifling to the spirit. So nice to meet you two. We will meet again under very different circumstances.

  January 26th. After-session notes.

  Mary: We spoke with Dr. Shaktrin after our session with Shawn Browning/Mariel. He listened to our interview recording, and commented that the depth of Mr. Browning’s delusion was deeper then he had been previously aware of. A copy of the recording and our preliminary report draft will be requested for the patient’s permanent record.

  Before we leave tomorrow afternoon, we will be able to interview three individuals that the therapists there feel cooperative and lucid enough for a rational discussion session. There are still individuals who wish to ‘touch the hems of our skirts and trousers’ lurking about, so the Hotel is funding our next two meals at restaurants removed from the immediate area, along with taxi fare.

  Jeremy and I both feel drained and overwhelmed after our interaction this afternoon. If we have more insights to provide, a final supplement will be recorded this evening after dinner.

  January 27th. Supplemental.

  Peter: Our sessions have been cancelled. We received a visit from City Police and have been questioned regarding events occurring since we left the Medical Center. We have also been in contact with Dr. Shaktrin, who was good enough to provide us with a few details the police did or would not give us.