by Alfa
of a lioness.
~Queen of the Jungle
Z E P H Y R
107
For so long,
I believed in darkness,
and darkness, alone.
The black void that I had
sentenced my heart to live
had become my home.
My refuge.
It was safer that way,
because when I
allowed myself to feel,
I did not have to open my eyes
while swallowing darkness,
- and I did not want to see
what I was missing.
~Missing
108 Abandoned
Breaths
My heart hurts for those
that have been broken
so badly, and are so
inexplicably fractured,
that they do not
believe magic exists.
How I wish they could
feel my earth shift
when he looks at me.
Then they might…
They might believe, again.
~Before he looked at me,
I thought magic was an illusion.
Z E P H Y R
109
Why do we hang on to the broken ones?
The broken words - the ones never released.
They are the ones you remember
with absolute clarity.
You can’t remember what you had
for breakfast, but you will remember
conversations and the cutting retort
you never released…
Those carefully rehearsed sentences
take on a life of their own,
cutting off your blood supply,
and throbbing with arousal.
They become bigger than life inside you,
and grow more resentful with age.
Until one day...one day you find a way
to let them live outside of you.
~Letting go
110 Abandoned
Breaths
The ‘past’ visits at night.
Cloaked in alluring familiarity.
It wraps seductive hands,
disguised as diamonds, around
my throat.
The pain always comes draped in sighs
dressed as memories - rousing my spirit.
Waves of nostalgia knock the wind
from a heart on lockdown.
It is always at night, when my bedroom
is the color of my inkwell, that I
talk to the shadows waiting in the room.
The walls creak and moan,
laboring and gasping for breath…
all the while absorbing my agony;
storing it for another day.
My ghosts feel more at home every day.
~Screaming
Z E P H Y R
111
Every night is the same.
I swathe myself in inky blackness,
thinking it will distinguish
the light burning in my soul.
That
is when
the memories of you
continue to illuminate your absence.
~Lights out
112 Abandoned
Breaths
I’m saddened…
because I wanted him to see
the scrubbed face.
The same one that has too much sun.
I wanted him to see the woman behind the mask
I wore for society to accept me.
I wanted him to see beneath.
So, when he called me beautiful,
having known me for minutes,
I knew he had no interest in my years.
His hunger was superficial…
and this soul needed
deep appreciation.
~Raw
Z E P H Y R
113
I found myself
by looking in the mirror,
and meeting
a stolen soul,
eye to eye.
~I was lost but now I’m found.
114 Abandoned
Breaths
Sometimes
it is the ones who love you
with intentional ‘presence’
who win your heart
in the end.
They are not driftwood,
but are the docks
you affix your soul to.
~Roped
Z E P H Y R
115
I needed a man
with tree trunk feet.
Shallow roots would never do.
~Some people cannot go the distance.
116 Abandoned
Breaths
I do not have the energy,
nor the will,
to fight with you,
or against you,
anymore.
I am going to stand still,
and let the war cries
fly right past me.
The battle may be far from over,
but in my mind,
I have already won this war.
I will still be standing right here,
safe and sound…
when your heart gets tired of fighting,
and seeks its way home.
~How long do you wait until your
heart finally gives up?
Z E P H Y R
117
Imagine how lovely
humanity would be
if we focused on making
our souls beautiful,
rather than our faces.
~Inner Care
118 Abandoned
Breaths
We made it work for a little while.
I take comfort in the fact that for a
moment in time I had your attention,
and the magic that held us entranced
made us dance amidst fiery coals.
Whatever the outcome, I will never
regret taking your hand.
The embers reflected in your eyes
was worth it. The memories…worth it.
The blisters on the soles of my feet…
worth it.
Our breaths dancing close…
were worth it all.
~You are never alone if you have memories to hold you close.
Z E P H Y R
119
… and every time you feel your heart
s t r a i n i n g
to beat to a rhythm that no longer exists,
I hope it serves as a constant reminder of how it feels to lose something
that was so precious,
and taken for granted.
~Beats of Remorse
120 Abandoned
Breaths
Emotions are pure
when a person has everything to lose.
Watch closely,
and see what they are willing
to fight for.
You will know then
what they are passionate about.
~Actions
Z E P H Y R
121
Your words flow like salty winds,
caressing my sweltering heart.
What incantation
have you bound me with
as I try to stand,
unable to move these sea legs
at your approach.
Surely you are half magician,
half siren, as I watch you dance across
the sands of time,
and into my heart.
~I felt butterflies swarm my heart.
122 Abandoned
Breaths
I never knew
what magic felt like
until you cupped my face
in your hands
for a full nine seconds
before you kissed me.
~Nine seconds of Heaven
Z E P H Y R
123
I sit back
&nbs
p; and I appraise the wreckage.
It’s like that,
after a storm blows through.
You weigh what is salvageable
against what is lost.
And you hope you find
your heart somewhere within
the disarray…
because it’s hard to rebuild
when the foundation
has been ripped away.
~Collision with no insurance.
124 Abandoned
Breaths
He calls it changing your mind.
I call it an intentional lie.
He says priorities change.
I say people get bored and move on.
He says it is him,
not me.
I say people will justify their
own wants…
so they don’t have to stay.
~Abandoned
Z E P H Y R
125
He did not seem to grasp,
that if he would have
stopped running,
and looked around,
I was right there.
~Always Right There
4
Exhalation
E X H A L A T I O N
129
It is hard to read.
I find myself refraining from trying to reach out, direct, or shake them silly.
I’ve done it. I’ve done it all… a l r e a d y.
Everything I read… I have done. I have lived it.
I realize you are lost…
in the same Universe I have travelled through.
You will keep searching for the void that lives inside your chest, until amazingly you will find the salve years later, in the same place you became lost.
The only thing you find on those journeys, those nomadic voyages you take to try to ‘understand’
your purpose, and all of humanity
and its breath you ache to feel….
the only thing you discover about yourself
out there is what really matters.
And it’s not about where you have been,
how drunk you stayed to aid the fears,
the money you chased, or the acknowledgement
of your craft.
130 Abandoned
Breaths
The only thing that will be permanently etched after a lifetime of soul chasing, will be
who you let ‘come’ and ‘go’ from your life.
When you are close to death and holding hands with darkness, trying to make sense of it all
for the last time, it is not another drink
you will crave or another city you will long to explore.
You will wish you would have loved more.
Held more. Told more… L O V E D more.
That is the regret that will gnaw. You will analyze the contents of your underused heart,
and you will see it contains oceans of love
that were never given away.
~Love more
E X H A L A T I O N
131
I have always been hungry
for something to fill me…
to fill the void that lives
deep within my chest.
I walk around with this
incredible ache… gnawing,
growling.
Demanding I give in
and feed the craving
holding me at gunpoint.
The problem is,
the only thing
that looks appetizing…
is him.
~Hungry
132 Abandoned
Breaths
I turned to walk away
and I heard you say
my name…
but I did not stop.
I took another step away,
and you said it again.
This time with such
affliction, my heart cracked
just a bit.
Then you reached for me,
and I felt such yearning
in your hands,
that it was the last straw.
I turned around and held your gaze,
I was a goner.
~Yearning
E X H A L A T I O N
133
Take some advice from a woman who was near death before she learned how to whistle:
The world won’t celebrate your uniqueness.
So get used to giving your soul
high fives and ear splitting catcalls.
~Whistle
134 Abandoned
Breaths
The air
would bend
when he left
the room.
~Force
E X H A L A T I O N
135
One day he told me
I had vibrant eyes,
and it had been so long
since I had taken the time
to look at them, that I
ran to the mirror.
I stood there, mesmerized
by a creature I had
forgotten existed.
I had lovely eyes.
~Eyes
136 Abandoned
Breaths
I know you miss me
because that connection
we had, is still there.
I am choking on the cord.
We are still attached,
and , it hurts…
~Connection
E X H A L A T I O N
137
I know you are feeling like
you cannot possibly let it out.
You do not want anyone to think
you are crazy, so you bottle it up.
You think surely no-one else
could think the thoughts that
swim through your mind…
I have been swimming
in the deep end,
for a very long time.
My limbs are cold
and shriveled, and at times
I am quite shaky,
but I have learned to let it out,
even if I come up coughing water.
I let it out because drowning
would be far too easy.
~Submerged
138 Abandoned
Breaths
If you can find a way
to make me feel
your love tonight,
then I will promise you
tomorrow.
~Touch
E X H A L A T I O N
139
This thing between us,
this intense conversion
of souls transforming
into a single unit.
It is quite daunting
if you focus on the power involved.
To witness two singular vessels
intertwine is a miracle
in itself, but to feel the
tremble as they converge
and latch on, is a euphoria
unsurpassed.
Nothing is Love’s equal.
N o t h i n g.
~Latching
140 Abandoned
Breaths
The faster she ran,
the wind would whip
and fuel her inner-reserve.
She was not the kind
of woman to stick around
and wait for love to break her.
She left while the
memories were still
something she wouldn’t
mind sleeping with.
She had learned the hard
way that pain wasn’t
good snuggle material.
She liked her memories
vibrant and full of life,
like the soul
she had painstakingly restored.
No man would ever catch her.
She ran fast.
~Runner
E X H A L A T I O N
141
And the truth is,
you run through my v
eins
faster than any shooting star.
~Speed of light
142 Abandoned
Breaths
You think all I live for is the bedtime
romance, and to be swept off my feet.
The reality is that I only want to know
that I matter… beyond any shadow of
a doubt. That is freeing in a way that
is indescribable. It enables a person to
give every last bit of the love that is aching to be set free.
~I matter
E X H A L A T I O N
143
She had a faraway look
in her eyes that begged
for closer inspection.
She could take you to
faraway kingdoms with
her well-traveled stare.
