by Alfa
If you took the scenic route,
you would see fragrant
fields wrought with
heartache and what could have been.
If you delved deeper,
past the pain filled irises,
you would see a weary traveler,
trying to navigate
her way back home.
She had perfected the art
of looking maintained
on the outside,
but inside she had really
let herself go.
~Maintenance
144 Abandoned
Breaths
I am not afraid of you.
You do not scare me.
What does frighten me
is the thought of you
bailing out on our one chance
at making this work.
You are right…
you are so broken,
but, my God,
you are so beautiful.
~Afraid
E X H A L A T I O N
145
I love you.
Even when you go away,
and I hold my breath
until you return.
~Imploding
146 Abandoned
Breaths
When I asked you
to tell me
about the Universe,
you replied:
“I taste stars in your mouth.
I see galaxies in your eyes.
I smell moonbeams in your hair.
I feel space…
without your touch.”
~Moonbeams
E X H A L A T I O N
147
I saw you looking at me
when you did not think
I knew, I saw.
I must be honest,
It scared me.
You scared me.
I was not prepared for
the softness I saw in
your eyes.
If I thought them
beautiful before,
they are hypnotic now.
How did I get so lucky
to have your eyes
land on mine
and not look away?
~Lucky
148 Abandoned
Breaths
You need not worry.
My heart will never wander.
It is tethered and tied,
wound tight.
It is anchored at the cove
where shelter was offered.
~Anchored to you.
E X H A L A T I O N
149
He has one thing on his mind,
and that is her.
And he is willing to carry her,
as far as she will let him.
150 Abandoned
Breaths
She tried to explain the
contents of her heart to him.
Her heart spoke up
mid-way through,
and told her it should not
have to be explained
to the person
who will treasure it.
~Treasure Trove
E X H A L A T I O N
151
She was a dreamer with a penchant
for transcendental thinking.
A woman who believed in the same
magical love that romance novels
try in vain to capture and portray
in all its lustful allure.
She scoffed openly at the naysayers,
the stone faced hardened souls who
told her fairytales do not exist.
Her heart was not a prison, surrounded
by barbed-wire, nor was it a desolate
barren place…
it was the addictive open-field
where she could be found visiting daily;
running free amid wanderlust and furry dandelions, and there…
she ‘wished’ her dreams into reality.
~Dreamer
152 Abandoned
Breaths
As much as I hate giving him
any more of me…
I must thank him
for the trials.
Without them, I would not have
acquired my survival skills.
I would have never been able
to climb out of the valley.
The view up here is so much
more serene.
~Thank you
E X H A L A T I O N
153
You have far too much love
stored in your bones
to use it on past loves.
Save some for your future.
~Marrow
154 Abandoned
Breaths
She’s been through more hell
than you’ll ever know.
But that is what gives her beauty
an edge.
You cannot touch a woman
who can wear pain
like the grandest of diamonds
around her neck.
~Diamonds
E X H A L A T I O N
155
I am not one of those girls
that needed him to say
“it is over” and then explain
to me why he reached
that decision.
You see, I am smart enough
to get my closure by
listening to all the things
he did not say while he
was walking away.
I could not have handled
hearing it twice.
~Closed Door
156 Abandoned
Breaths
I needed you to see past the
illusion I had tried so hard
to create.
Magic is always hidden.
I wanted you to delve deep;
Find the stars I had named
after every dream
I had ever had of you.
The skies in my soul
are vast and the hills
hide fairytales.
I wanted you to explore
the Kingdom I kept locked away.
It is not for everyone.
Only those who dare to
believe will ever find it.
~Kingdom
E X H A L A T I O N
157
My soul has teeth,
and there are maddening
nights,
like tonight,
when the sound of
its grinding – trying to
obliterate the taste
of you, and of what
remains…
is really,
just too much.
~Grind
158 Abandoned
Breaths
Do not mistake
the absence of closure
for a lifetime connection.
~It was a gift
E X H A L A T I O N
159
Today is the day.
It hit me.
The buildup of emotions
that we all carry around, exploded.
Ran down my cheeks,
and did not stop until my shoulders
were puddling in remorse.
And you would think
after weeping enough liquid
to bathe triplets that I would feel
better, or relieved.
But the only thing I feel
is emptiness of the tears
I held tight to.
I am upset because I could not
hold on to them either.
~Empty handed.
160 Abandoned
Breaths
If you look out your window tonight
and see the clouds roll back
to showcase the Moon in all its brilliance…
You will understand why I had to walk away
so, you can shine today.
~Not all endings are bad.
E X H A L A T I O N
/>
161
You are the story
I’ve sought to write.
The pages I’ve lovingly
breathed life into,
with punctuation that highlights
your expressive moans and sighs.
Flirtation along the carefully
crafted paragraphs…
climaxes amid every chapter.
You are the hero in my fairytale,
and the leading man in
my reality.
You are the best seller
that will be read time and time
again, until my hands and my
eyes know all your precious
words by heart.
You are the volume I will
never put down.
~Favorite Book
162 Abandoned
Breaths
Like yourself, just as you are.
Accept yourself in your entirety.
Let the scars heal,
and do not pick at them.
Don’t look at people and measure
your self-love by what they project
to make themselves happy.
Take a long look.
You don’t want their lives anyway.
You do not like anything they do,
say, or portray.
Why then, have you been
so hard on your soul?
Can’t you see that
you don’t deserve
to be treated that way?
~Projection
E X H A L A T I O N
163
You think it is time
for a new beginning.
You long to start from scratch,
so, you seek new interests,
experiment taking risks,
trying to reinvent yourself.
Out with the old and in with
the world’s new,
but, you will never create
a version of yourself
that is as magical
and unique as the original.
Never lose yourself…
in an attempt at finding yourself.
~New Beginning
164 Abandoned
Breaths
You are afraid to sever the ties
because you think the same love
won’t happen twice in your lifetime.
And, you are right…
it will not.
No relationship is the same.
You gather bits and pieces
from each one, until the puzzle is complete.
Then you are ready for the real thing.
Never lose hope.
That bad track record made you strong.
You know what you do not want now.
They were basic training for the real thing.
Take your stance, and ready your heart.
You’ve got this.
~Second Round
E X H A L A T I O N
165
I saw our ending in
a spectacular display
of illumination.
The closure I sought
fully delivered
as I stood barefoot,
and bereft of emotion
in the headlights
of your dismissal.
But I’m not the girl
you walked away from.
I am not the heart you threw away.
I am the soul who absorbed the Universe…
and finally found her way.
~Reckoning
166 Abandoned
Breaths
I made myself look back,
to relive those years of roaming
in the darkness.
He had crushed my heart
with a heavy hand,
and an even weightier ego,
but that’s the thing about time.
The magic of Time.
I reminisced. I dug.
I hacked away through the void
I once felt lost in…
and I unearthed diamonds in my soul
where mines of blackness once dwelled.
I discovered that my past
was necessary, in order to create
the rarity and the clarity
of my self-worth.
~Brilliance
E X H A L A T I O N
167
I held tight to words
when I should have let them go.
Handcuffed to should have
and what ifs with clenched
heart strings and a strength
to be envied.
When I finally inhaled
the air of poetic release,
I absorbed the Universe….
and he was gone.
~Goodbye Blue Bird
168 Abandoned
Breaths
Take a long whiff of that burning bridge
you dared to ignite
with strikes of finality.
That is the scent of ‘survival’ you smell.
Inhale till you are full.
The aroma…
It is breathtaking… isn’t it?
~Fragrance of Survival
E X H A L A T I O N
169
He was a novel.
Reading him would never be enough
for my soul.
So I decided to memorize him.
~I never knew how deeply you were embedded
into my seams until I tried to sever our thread.
170 Abandoned
Breaths
Our love is immortal.
We have become a love story.
I siphoned the moments
from my heart and soul,
and I have inked them
into beautifully bound pages.
We live on for another generation
to try and understand
how the beauty of love
can turn into ugly reality.
~Inked
E X H A L A T I O N
171
And on good days, when the self-love is flowing, and I view myself as worthy and unforgettable, I speak to my soul in words
meant to soothe the ache.
I am loving - because it is in dire need,
yet I am forceful,
because I know it is required.
And when his memory chants its sorrowful wail,
I counter with words that are
strong, resolute, and effective.
“It is my intention to make my leaving,
an event you will never recover from.”
~Words Heal
172 Abandoned
Breaths
You think he is the reason for your happiness,
and that your life revolves around his solar system.
My beautiful star, you are so much more than that.
You are not a piece of matter floating around
under his domineering control.
You are a beautiful, charismatic, moonbeam
in a world of dead space.
He’s tried in vain to empty you of your wonder.
He’s still doing it.
This relationship, this cosmic hell hole that you’ve been thrust in to, does not own your soul.
It is the cause of your pain… he is the cause of your pain.
So, let him go, and release yourself from the binds that hold you stagnant, flaying amidst sorrow.
He wanted you because you were rare in his world.
And you still are.
Don’t you ever forget that.
~Rarity
E X H A L A T I O N
173
I will never stop writing
my story in ink.
I need to leave my children
proof that pain
can be transformed
into beauty.
~Legacy
174 Abandoned
Breaths
He was a bruise… not a tattoo.
Don’t ever forget tha
t.
~Lesson learned
Acknowledgements
It’s almost unbelievable to me that I started this cyber-journey of sharing my 'words' with the world, 2 years ago. What started out as a safe place to store favorite writings that I would stumble across, instead became a place for me to share my own.
I started making friends and forming connections with other writers and poets from around the world. We began to support each other and shared our writings among different platforms.
I decided to have one main writing page on Facebook and used my name Alfa, so I could no longer hide among the anonymity of scribes. I knew there would be no turning back once my name was attached.
Having enough confidence to share my writing with virtual strangers would never have been possible without the nudging and support of friends (in and out) of the writing community.
Without Regina Bowman's lovable shove, I honestly don't think I would have ever posted the first quote on Facebook. I will always give credit to her for believing in me when I never knew how to myself. I love you. So many people in the online writing community have embraced me, shared my writings, and given me encouragement when I have wanted to give up.
