110-Million Bride

by Natsume Akatsuki

  “Yeah! I knew I could tell you, Kazuma! I knew I could count on you!”

  I resumed walking down the street, slightly worried about Dust. In my mind, Rin overlapped with Darkness. I hadn’t heard from her in so long.

  Dust guided us to a small, tidy inn. It didn’t look like the sort of place where you would normally find adventurers—more like a little hideaway for couples.

  “This is it, Kazuma. This is where that walking pile of vomit brought Rin—like she was his toy!”

  Hey, let’s not be too hasty to pass judgment here…

  Dust leaped to his feet. I started to worry that he might do something rash.

  “So what have you got in mind?” I asked. “I assume you’re not planning to just march right into the guy’s room or anything, right?”

  Dust grinned at me. “How long do you think I’ve been an adventurer? You want to survive in this business, you have to be prepared. I know exactly which room he’s staying in, and I’ve already booked us the one next door.”

  Wh-whoa, now.

  I had a mounting feeling that it might be best just to turn Dust in to the police right now, but he was already opening the door to the inn. I had no choice but to follow him. If he put this sort of persistence and initiative into his adventuring, he could probably achieve a lot more than he had…

  The interior of the inn was done in the most basic possible style. On the first floor was a dining area, and on the second floor were the rooms. The owner saw us but didn’t try to stop us; he just yawned in disinterest. Maybe it was because Dust had already made the arrangements.

  Dust made a beeline for the second floor and finally came to a halt in front of one of the rooms.

  “All right, this is it. The walls are thin here, so keep your voice down, okay? Rin should already be in the room next door. She’s got sharp ears, so we have to be careful she doesn’t hear us.”

  I nodded my understanding and followed Dust into the room. The furnishings were simple: a bed, a table, and a small dresser. Dust closed the door gently and then put his ear to the wall. I copied him, unable to shake the feeling that I was doing something I shouldn’t be.

  I heard a familiar girl’s voice from the next room.

  “I know, but… Having me do it would be really…”

  That was Rin, no question. But it didn’t sound like she was having a very good time.

  “Rin, sweetheart, I know what I’m asking isn’t easy. I know it would normally be taboo. But I can’t help the love I feel!”

  “C-calm down! You… You need to think this through. Nobles don’t get involved with adventurers. That would be trouble enough…”

  So he was an aristocrat. Rin could marry up! But from the way she was talking, it didn’t sound like she was very excited at the prospect.

  An adventurer and a son of the nobility. Normally, they would never even have seen each other on the street. That Darkness and I had ended up in a party together was the exception, not the rule.

  As all this went through my head, the conversation on the other side of the wall continued.

  “Rin, my dear! I’m painfully aware that the difference in status might make my feelings impossible to accept. And I know there are even greater obstacles to contend with. But at least… At least use this magic camera—this very expensive magic camera—to take a picture!”

  “I said c-c-c-c-calm down! Take it easy already! Let’s be rational!”

  The conversation so far was enough to give us the gist of the situation. Some young noble had fallen head over heels for Rin, but the social distance between them was too great for them to be together. But what was this about “at least take a picture”? This guy didn’t sound so bad.

  “How can I?! How can I be rational when there is one who inflames me so?!”

  “Look, just relax! Chill out! H-how about we go downstairs and have a little something to eat? To calm our nerves, okay?”

  …All right. Maybe he wasn’t the best guy in the world.

  Beside me, Dust stood up with fire in his eyes.

  “’Scuse me. I’m gonna beat the crap outta this guy.”

  “Hold on, don’t do that! It’s too soon!”

  I somehow managed to restrain him. A moment later, we heard the door to the next room open, then shut again. They must have gone down to the first floor to eat.

  Dust didn’t say anything, but a nasty smile came over his face.

  6

  “Look at this, Kazuma! Clothes all over the floor! And fancy ones, too—he’s a noble, all right!”

  I had followed Dust directly into the other room. Now I was watching him turn the place inside out and fighting an increasing desire to put my head in my hands.

  This time we’ve really gone too far.

  Now we had added breaking and entering to the list of our crimes.

  “All right, then. Let’s see what that pampered prat’s got in his— Hey! What’s this?!”

  I should really stop this.

  I didn’t want to compound my guilt with theft.

  Dust had opened a dresser drawer and was looking into it in surprise. I had just placed a hand on his shoulder when—

  “Look at this, Kazuma! Just look at this lacy red lingerie! That bastard was gonna force Rin to wear this and then take her picture! How perverse! How thoroughly prepared! Well, I’ll show him what we do with crap like this!”

  Then, without a moment’s hesitation, he stripped naked and put on the lacy underwear himself.

  No matter how perverted that noble might be, right at that moment, Dust was definitely worse.

  “Okay, Kazuma! Grab that expensive-looking magic camera there and take a shot of me! We’ll fill his precious film with boudoir photography of yours truly. Even if he did get a shot of Rin, this stuff’ll make the whole experience so traumatic he’ll never forget it!”

  I have no idea what to say to this.

  Feeling a bit overwhelmed, I did as I was told and picked up the camera. The construction looked fairly simple, but I could definitely feel a powerful magic within it. The object I was holding was probably worth as much as a house, and I was about to do the stupidest possible thing with it.

  Dust stood there naked with his arms crossed, doing a backbend without even using his hands. He may have been a pervert, but he was also pretty built; he used his neck to support himself, forming a perfect arch with his toned body.

  “Right! Do it, Kazuma! Now posterity can enjoy this beautiful body of mine!”

  I lost track of how many photos I took. Dust smiled toothily into the camera from every angle: with me on the table looking down at him, from the floor looking up at him. We put that camera through its paces. Pretend to be an eagle. Pretend to be a cougar. Pretend to be an artist thinking hard about his next piece.

  “Good stuff, Dust, keep it up! You’re on fire, baby! That’s it for the graceful beauty stuff—let’s go for sexy beast next! Steeple your fingers and stick your butt out this way!”

  Dust put his thumbs together as if he’d been a bad little boy and shoved his behind with those red panties in my direction. I hit the shutter a few times and then said, “That’s the ticket! Cool’s the word now! Legs wide, hips down, and hands—yes, that’s it, just like that!”

  He had adopted a sort of sumo-wrestler pose, his right hand stuck straight out in front of him. Wearing his most intense expression, he shouted the line I had taught him:

  “Hakkeyoi!”

  We were laughing so hard we were crying, clutching our sides. We could hardly take any more. We were rolling on the ground, slapping the floor in our mirth.

  Thunk.

  That was the sound of Rin standing in the open doorway, dropping her staff from sheer shock.

  7

  “So what’s the story here?” Rin was asking. “I already know Dust is stupid enough to do something like this, but you, Kazuma?”

  We were kneeling in front of Rin and the young nobleman.

  ““We’re very sorry,””
we chorused.

  We had gotten careless. It was like some weird switch had been flipped and we’d gotten completely caught up in taking ridiculous photos.

  The pathetic sight of us was enough to provoke a long, deep sigh from Rin. The look she gave Dust was almost painful. Actually, so was seeing Dust in those red panties. I wished he would at least change his underwear.

  “Gah,” she said. “And here I was so worried about you. Do whatever you want with him; I won’t stop you. Come on, Kazuma, let’s go.” Rin looked profoundly tired, but she held out a hand to me.

  “Uh… Are you sure? Should we really leave those two together? Might turn into some real trouble…”

  Rin took my hand and half dragged me outside.

  “Don’t worry about it. I certainly won’t.”

  She shut the door with her free hand as we came out into the hall. We could still hear the voices of the two men still inside.

  “Mr. Dust, you must understand that finding you in my room in such an outfit…”

  “Oh? Yeah, I busted in. What are you gonna do, cry about it?”

  It sounded like Dust was done being shaken and apologetic. Did he even understand what he looked like at that moment?

  “Hey, Rin. Shouldn’t you stop him? Something’s gonna happen.”

  Rin, however, looked at me with tired eyes and shook her head in resignation. “Maybe he’ll do something; maybe he’ll have something done to him. I tried, Kazuma. I really tried. But then I open the door and there’s that moron standing there, dressed like that… He’s like a lobster who throws himself into the pot and closes the lid. There’s nothing else I can do.”

  …?

  Now, this was strange. I had the feeling we were talking past each other.

  “O-obviously I’m not going to complain, Dust. Dust… Oh! Oh, Dust! Ahh, this is so…exciting! Rin told me to give up, but here you are… Thank the goddess I joined the Axis Church and kept praying and praying! There really is a deity in heaven!”

  “I don’t know what you’re so thrilled about, but if you think I’m intimidated just because you’re nobility, you’re wrong. I’m totally used to being with kings or nobles or whoever. We’re just two guys here, no more, no less. We clear on that?”

  “Y-you mean you won’t pay any heed to my status?! That here, we are simply two men?! Ahh… Ahhh! O Lady Aqua, I thank you for this most wonderful day!”

  Rin and I left the inn without waiting to hear another word.

  “So what were you two doing in a place like that anyway?” Rin asked, perplexed, as we came outside.

  For a moment, I pondered whether to tell the truth, but then said, “Well, actually…”

  I told her everything that had happened, emphasizing that Dust was genuinely worried about her.

  The result was that Rin ended up laughing so hard she couldn’t breathe.

  “Ah— Ah-ha-ha—! Th-that buffoon! There’s something wrong with the both of you! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!”

  Believe me, I agree completely.

  Frankly, I would never normally have gotten involved in something like this, but somehow Rin and Darkness just ran together in my mind…

  Rin wiped away the tears from the corners of her eyes, but her shoulders were still shaking as she said:

  “Sigh… You see, that nobleman? It’s Dust he’s really interested in.”

  At that, time stood still.

  “……What?”

  What had she just said?

  “I told you: That nobleman came to me because he is in love with Dust and didn’t know what to do. He understood that Dust wouldn’t want to be with him, and he hoped I could at least take Dust’s picture for him.”

  Then we heard it:

  “Eeeeeeeeyyaaaaahhhhhhhh!”

  A scream from Dust unlike any I had ever heard before, a sound like a dying bird from the second floor.

  I had been considering Dust a temporary member of our party, but maybe it would be best to forget about that for a while. I walked along with Rin, trying to tell myself that nothing had happened today. I was exhausted; I just wanted to go home and take a nap.

  I was trying to force my way through the mental haze to review my plans for the day when Rin said nonchalantly, “You know, that noble guy reminded me of something—it turns out our sweet Lalatina is a noble herself. I just found out recently. I had no idea!”

  “That’s some serious sleuthing. Who did you hear it from?” I asked.

  Rin said only, “Everyone in town is talking about it. You know—how Lalatina is the daughter of the Dustiness family? How she’s going to marry the local lord Alderp any day now?”

  …………

  “Details, please.”

  Chapter 4

  May I Have One Last Night with This Noble Daughter!!

  1

  My voice was practically shaking as I declared to the two girls:

  “And so we will now begin our strategy meeting regarding how to break in to a carefully guarded mansion and meet Darkness! Although I already have a pretty good idea!”

  After I got home, I had explained the situation to Megumin and Aqua. Now the three of us were facing one another in the living room.

  “Gosh, Kazuma, your voice is practically shaking,” Aqua said. “Darkness’s marriage to that lord who looks like the offspring of a pig and a bear is the talk of the town. I know Darkness has some strange tastes, but this is a bit too ridiculous even for her. Normally I would expect her father to put a stop to this. I wonder if something happened to him. I don’t like this at all. Especially the fact that it’s all just like that stinky, stupid demon predicted.”

  Aqua was sitting on the sofa, cradling her egg with an unusually serious face. It was true; Vanir had claimed that Darkness’s family, including her father, would soon find themselves in trouble.

  No normal person would believe in fortune-telling. It was half-truths at best. But this was a world with magic and curses.

  “Do you believe that prediction, Kazuma? I see that despite your wealth, you’ve been industriously developing new products, just like that demon told you to. I hate demons less than Aqua does, but I agree that they help no one for free. All these predictions and warnings must benefit him somehow. If we could just go back to Crimson Magic Village, I have a friend who’s a very experienced fortune-teller…”

  I didn’t know what to say to Megumin, because I didn’t know how I felt. Granted, I wasn’t sure it was wise to go around believing everything a demon told you. And yet…

  “I don’t think Vanir is just making things up, although I’m sure he’s not telling us the whole truth, either. I don’t know what benefit it is to him if we rescue Darkness. Look, guys, I won’t try to pretend anymore. The reason I’ve been working so hard on new products is because I hoped, if something really did happen to Darkness, that one of them might help us help her. Anyway, it’s not like I have anything to lose from a little research and development, even if the prediction doesn’t come true. That’s all I was really thinking…”

  Darkness wasn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer, and she had probably done this impulsively, thinking that if she sacrificed herself, everything would be better. That was what Vanir had told Darkness in his prediction. If I had just heard it from some random palm reader on the street, I might have forgotten about it. But this…

  “Whatever the case, there are a lot of things we can’t be sure about yet,” I said. “For now it’s just thirdhand information, something Rin told us she heard. We have to get in touch with Darkness and talk to her ourselves if we want to know what’s going on. Her letter only said she was leaving the party, so I didn’t want to pry into her business too much, but we’ve had our fair share of trouble at Alderp’s hands. We need to talk to Darkness and find out what’s happening, even if we have to force our way inside. What do you say? Are you with me?”

  Carried along by my enthusiasm, Megumin and Aqua nodded intently.

  I recalled our (former) resident idiot saying a
t one point that as noble marriage prospects went, Alderp was enough of a sleazebag to rate a “not bad” from her. I hated to say it, but we couldn’t even completely rule out the possibility that something had happened to her father and Darkness had initiated the marriage proposal herself.

  She really could say the stupidest things sometimes. Like when she tried to foist herself on Beldia, or the time she was thrilled to be possessed by Vanir. Or the time when we were on our way to Crimson Magic Village and she was really and truly shocked to learn that the male orcs had all been wiped out.

  And then there was the way she ushered herself out of our party with nothing but a letter. Now that I thought about it, she had caused us an awful lot of worry during our time together.

  But whatever. In this case, we had to get the details straight from the Crusader’s mouth. While we were at it, I figured I would ask her what was up with that letter.

  I wasn’t eager to go demand to know what was happening on just the strength of a letter, but after what Rin had said, what choice did I really have?

  Right… What choice at all?

  I swear I wasn’t in the least bit thinking about a chance to get revenge for all the anxiety I’d suffered. I definitely wasn’t a little excited at the thought of breaking into the Dustiness mansion or because this was the perfect pretext to see her again.

  Oh-ho, Darkness, just you wait…

  I was just sitting there thinking. Why was Megumin smiling at me? Even Aqua looked as if she was seeing something unusual.

  Finally, she said, “Hey, Kazuma. You’ve been so crabby lately. Right now you finally look…happy.”

  She sounded almost pleased about it.

  2

  “All right. Now’s the perfect time. Aqua, if you please.”

  The time, specifically, was two o’clock in the morning. We were at the Dustiness mansion, though not at the closely watched front or back gates. We were off to one side, where there was no entryway at all.

  An iron fence surrounded the entire mansion. I was peeking in between the bars from a shadowy spot on the road.