Field Trip to the Taiga

by Greyson Mann

  Now Chloe won’t be flinging the phone at me to video-chat with Mom. She won’t see my photos on Snapghast. And if Mom tries to reach me on Sam’s tablet and I don’t feel like talking, I’ll just blame Sam—who isn’t very good about checking his messages.

  I’m feeling better already!!! So who knows? Maybe there’s something to this “take a pause” thing after all.

  What I learned today: Sometimes it’s smart to pull out a genius plan, dust it off, and make it even BETTER.

  DAY 9: SATURDAY

  So there’s one thing we hadn’t done yet in the Taiga—at least not until last night.

  SLEDDING.

  I happen to be a big fan of sledding. Back home, I have this green sled that has been nothing but good to me. So when Mr. Carl said we were going to sled here in the Taiga, I figured he’d pull a batch of sleds out of the main cabin, just like Ms. Wanda did with the pumpkins.

  But I should really know better by now, right?

  Mr. Carl isn’t going to hand over ANYTHING until after he makes us learn a thing or two. So he said we were actually going to MAKE our own sleds—out of thatched tree branches and rope.

  GREAT.

  I mean, I’ve never ridden a spruce tree branch down a hill, but I’m pretty sure no mob has ever won any races that way.

  Whatever. I followed the rules and grabbed a bunch of branches and tied them up with rope. But the whole time I was thinking that after we did this lame little science lesson, Mr. Carl would surprise us with a whole cabin full of REAL sleds.

  But he didn’t. Instead, he made us carry our homemade sleds up a SUPER steep and icy hill. There was this frozen waterfall next to the hill, which was kind of cool. But after hiking uphill for five minutes, my legs were SO heavy. And when I tried to sled down, my “sled” got stuck after moving like THREE FEET. Yup. I came to a total and complete STOP.

  Sam whizzed by me, but I think that’s because the slime was spilling out all around his sled—and slime is slippery. How do I know this? Because one time last winter, my sled was busted, and I actually rode SAM down a hill. (Turns out, he’s really terrible at steering. That ride ended with a ginormous crash. But that’s a whole other story.)

  Some of the other mobs were having trouble, too. Willow Witch, Chloe, and Cora made one LONG sled they could all ride together. But even Willow’s potion of swiftness couldn’t help that sorry sled slide down the hill. I guess you can’t make something go FASTER if it’s not even moving at all.

  Then Mr. Carl said he had an idea—a way to “use the environment” to help build a better sledding hill. HUH? Sometimes I wish that creeper would just say what he means.

  Turns out, all he meant was “add water.” Remember the frozen waterfall beside the sledding hill? Well, when Mr. Carl broke the ice with a pickaxe, water gushed down the hill. And you know what happens when you run water over snow and ice? It makes a WATER SLIDE.

  WOO-HOO!!! I flew so fast down that slide, I felt like I was zooming in a minecart. No, FASTER than a minecart.

  About halfway down, I got one of my genius ideas. I decided to borrow Sam’s tablet, hike even HIGHER up the hill, and take a video of speeding down the water slide. I could post it on Snapghast instead of a photo!

  Sam wasn’t crazy about the idea at first. “What if you get my tablet wet?” he asked.

  GOOD POINT. So I did something I never thought I’d do. I went back to the cabin and yanked one of Mom’s sweaters out of my backpack.

  I swore I’d never wear them, but this was a special case. I could protect Sam’s tablet on the way uphill by tucking it under my super thick, super itchy wool sweater. Then I could take an award-winning video on my way down the hill. And anyway, I’d be flying along so fast on that water slide, no one would even SEE my embarrassing sweater!

  Sam was A-okay with that plan. So while he was watching, I stuck the tablet safely up my sweater.

  I grabbed a pickaxe from the woodpile at the bottom of the hill. And then I hiked up high on that icy hill, hoping to make the water slide even BIGGER.

  I probably SHOULD have asked Mr. Carl for permission, but I couldn’t find him all of a sudden. And I figured he’d say yes. I mean, my plan wasn’t all about ME. I was trying to make the slide more fun for EVERY mob here. (I know—generous, right?)

  Breaking the frozen waterfall was easier than I thought it would be. The ice shattered, and water poured out. I was just about to hop on my homemade sled when I spotted something—creeper footprints next to the waterfall.

  Except they weren’t creeper footprints. When I got closer, I saw that they were TWICE the side of my feet. And had CLAWS.

  Those were POLAR BEAR tracks!!!

  I’m not gonna lie—my knees got all wobbly and I almost passed out. But somehow, I managed to hop on my sled. And I flew down that water slide as if my life depended on it. I mean, it kind of DID. Those polar bear tracks were FRESH.

  I was almost at the bottom when I realized I’d forgotten to take a video. CRUD!!! I grabbed the tablet to record the rest of the ride. But somehow the tablet slipped. And splashed into the water. And sailed down the slide ahead of me. NO!!!

  You should have seen Sam’s face when he picked up that water-soaked tablet. He wasn’t the least bit worried about ME, even though I’d nearly gotten eaten by a polar bear. No, he was all about that tablet, as if it were his new best friend, gone to the great beyond WAY too soon.

  Then I realized something: without Sam’s tablet, I couldn’t take photos. And if I couldn’t take photos, I couldn’t POST them on Snapghast. Which would mean I couldn’t win the contest. And I’d never win a PHONE of my own!

  So when Sam got all weepy, I kind of did too. After sledding, we gave his tablet a decent burial in the bottom of his backpack.

  Then I did what any self-respecting creeper would do. I went to my sister’s cabin and BEGGED her to let me have the phone. And she said NO. Just like that. NO.

  “You told Mom you didn’t want it!” said Chloe. “Why don’t you just go and UNPLUG, Gerald?”

  I wish my Evil Twin didn’t have such a good memory. She can spit my own words back at me faster than a llama in the dessert desert. SHEESH.

  Remind me never to tell her anything ever again. Oh, and remind me to promise Sam that I’ll get a job this summer and buy him a new tablet. The poor slime can’t sleep because he didn’t get to have his bedtime chat with Moo. Even I’M hoping his tablet will spring back to life and show us a little cat butt onscreen.

  What I learned today: Tablets + wool sweaters + water slides = DISASTER.

  DAY 10: SUNDAY

  So I realized something last night: we only have TWO more days in the Taiga before we load back into the minecarts and head home. Mr. Carl says we have to leave a day early, just in case we hit crummy weather in the Extreme Hills.

  It HAS been cloudy lately. Every mob is complaining that they can’t get reception unless they hike way uphill. Well, boo-hoo for them. I don’t even HAVE a phone. Chloe won’t share, no matter how much I beg her.

  Now that I can’t borrow Sam’s tablet, I feel TOTALLY cut off from the world! I can’t post photos to Snapghast. And I can’t keep an eye on what Mom’s posting on the field-trip blog. Who KNOWS what new ways she has come up with to totally mortify me?

  This morning, I finally broke down and asked Ziggy if I could borrow his phone. It’s covered in a layer of brown gunk, which I’m HOPING is just hot cocoa. He didn’t have service at first, and I thought maybe that was a sign—a sign that I should avoid the germy phone at all costs. But I had my own brand-new phone riding on this. I HAD to post something on Snapghast, pronto.

  So I did. It wasn’t my best work, but I figured someone should record the clouds in the sky. I mean, if you never see clouds, how can you appreciate a full moon on a clear night? And if you never have to touch a sticky, gross phone, how can you appreciate the super-clean, new one that your sister is SUPPOSED to be sharing with you?

  Right after I posted the pic, I made a prom
ise to myself. When I wake up tonight, I’m going to get that phone from Chloe—even if I have to break into her cabin and STEAL it.

  What I learned today: Who CARES??? I’m tired of learning. It’s time to DO something! Time is running out!!!

  DAY 11: MONDAY MORNING

  I will never, ever, EVER fall in love. Why? Because it turns your brain to mush.

  I TRIED to get Sam to help me sneak into Chloe and Willow’s cabin to get the phone. It was during dinner last night, when I KNEW Chloe wouldn’t have the phone with her. For one, she doesn’t have reception, now that it’s so cloudy. And for two, even if she DID have a signal, she wouldn’t chance a random video-chat call from Mom in the middle of the dining hall.

  So I figured if Sam stood watch outside the cabin, I could sneak in and get the phone. Easy-schmeasy. But you know what he said? He said he didn’t want to BETRAY Willow.

  Well what’s Willow got to do with anything?! Besides, I think BEST friends should come before GIRL friends, especially out here in the Taiga when you really gotta have your buddy’s back. (Even Mr. Carl says so.)

  Anyway, I told Sam to go enjoy his “romantic” dinner with Willow—that I would be just FINE on my own, thank you very much.

  Then I snuck into the cabin and started searching. There weren’t THAT many places to look: On Chloe’s bed (the super messy one). On the dresser. IN the dresser. I tried to find her backpack, but it wasn’t there. Then I realized she’d probably left it in the igloo on the hill, where at least she had a chance at getting a signal.

  So I crept up that hill to take a look. My stomach was growling, but I told it to quiet down. I was on a mission—Operation Find That Phone.

  I thought the front door to the igloo would be locked. I was even prepared to blow it up if I had to, and I’m not really a blowing-up kind of creeper. But when I pushed it, it swung open!

  I was starting to think maybe my luck had turned around. I was SURE I was going to find the phone at any second. But I searched that frozen room from top to bottom. It. Was. Not. There.

  I turned to go, but just as I was creeping out, Cora Creeper was coming IN.

  “What gives, creep?” she asked.

  I thought fast. I’m kind of a genius that way. “Mr. Carl said a polar bear was spotted on the hill!” I said in my most dramatic voice. “I came up here to make sure you’d locked your door. And, you know what? You didn’t. Tsk, tsk. Don’t you know how DANGEROUS those bears can be?”

  Cora’s eyes narrowed. “We DID lock our door,” she said. “We always do so no one steals—”

  She shut right up and glanced at the carpet in the corner of the room.

  HUH. How interesting.

  I used to be an undercover reporter for the Mob Middle School newspaper, and I was pretty good at it, too. So I can tell when someone is lying—or when they’re scared.

  So what was Cora scared of? Someone stealing a carpet? NO ONE would care about a dumb old carpet. Unless . . .

  . . . there was something UNDER that carpet. Something valuable.

  Now I can’t sleep because I keep wondering what’s under there. Did the girls dig a hole for a treasure chest? Is THAT where Chloe keeps the phone so I can’t get at it? Does Willow store all of her potions in there so she can CHEAT at things like building igloos and snow golems?

  I have to KNOW. And I have to find that phone. Tonight is our LAST night in the Taiga, so whoever leaves the Taiga with the phone tomorrow gets to have it all the way home. And I NEED it if I’m going to win that contest.

  Plus, I can’t wait to see the look on Chloe’s face when she finds out I discovered her secret stash. HA!!!

  That’ll be an award-winning photo FOR SURE.

  What I learned today: Don’t judge a carpet too quickly. You NEVER KNOW what’s hiding underneath . . .

  DAY 11: MONDAY NIGHT

  Okay, I’ll admit it—I broke ALL kinds of rules today when I was SUPPOSED to be sleeping.

  Broken Rule #1: I went outside during the day.

  Broken Rule #2: I went WITHOUT a buddy. (GASP)

  Broken Rule #3: I didn’t learn A SINGLE THING.

  I mean, I TRIED to learn what was hidden under the carpet in Chloe’s igloo. But the door was locked. And when I started to pick the lock with my super-sneaky detective skills (and a sharp stick), a light went on inside. Turns out, the girls were sleeping in their igloo.

  OF COURSE they were. Why sleep in a crummy cabin when you can snooze in an ice mansion on a hill?

  I almost got busted. Willow flung the door open, and let me tell you—you do NOT want to surprise a witch with a bottle of potion in her hand.

  Luckily, I was hiding behind a tree by then. I made myself real skinny so she wouldn’t see me. And I thanked my lucky gunpowder that I had NOT brought my buddy with me. Because there is NO WAY Sam Slime could hide behind a tree and get away with it.

  Now, after a sleepless day, I’m working on Plan B. The “B” stands for “Better luck next time, creep.” Because by tomorrow morning, our minecarts will be leaving the Taiga, and I’ll be out of chances. No phone. No Snapghast photos. No FUN for Gerald Creeper Jr.

  I’ve got one more night to pull this off. Wish me luck.

  DAY 12: TUESDAY MORNING

  ACK!!!

  Remember how I said I didn’t learn anything yesterday? Well let’s just say I made up for it TONIGHT. I learned a lot. A whole lot.

  For starters, when it’s your last night in the Taiga and your chaperone, Mr. Carl, builds a campfire, you should probably just ENJOY it. You know, pull up a log, drink your watery hot chocolate, and sing “The Wheels on the Minecart Go Round and Round” with the rest of the poor fools sitting next to you.

  Here’s what you should NOT do: You should NOT creep up the hill to your sister’s igloo, pick the lock, and let yourself inside. You should NOT lift up the secret carpet to see what’s underneath it. And if you happen to find a trap door, you should DEFINITELY NOT lift that door and climb down the ladder to the secret room down below.

  Why? Well, because that trap door is called a TRAP door for a reason. It just might TRAP you down there.

  And you might not even KNOW you’re trapped until you’ve already explored the room and found some pretty cool loot—you know, like a brewing stand, a ginormous black cauldron, a shelf filled with potion bottles, and right there on a table in the corner, a PHONE.

  Now if you’re lucky, you brought your backpack with you, so you can spend the night journaling and writing rap songs.

  If you’re UNlucky, you might fall asleep in that secret room (because you REALLY didn’t sleep much the day before). And when you wake up, it might be MORNING already. And you might hear your Evil Twin coming down the ladder into that secret room to find her phone—the phone that YOU have hidden in your backpack.

  If you’re a genius like me, you’ll know what to do. You’ll jump into that big black cauldron. But MAKE SURE you hold your breath—you know, so your sister doesn’t hear you hissing, and because the cauldron will smell like fish and fermented spider eyes. GROSS.

  You’ll hear your sister hiss on and on about how she can’t find her phone. You’ll hear her friends come down that ladder too and pack up every last thing they own, because the minecart is leaving soon. They’ll creep back up the ladder, and you’ll THINK your luck is changing—because they’ll leave the pesky trap door OPEN.

  But then? THEN?

  Your phone might DING. Yup, you might SUDDENLY have reception in a BASEMENT while you’re sitting in a big black cauldron. Go figure.

  And your Mom’s face will fill the screen, and she’ll look really worried because you haven’t talked to her for DAYS, and you’ll do what NO son should ever do to his mother. You’ll hang up on her.

  Because, you know, you’re in hiding.

  And when your phone DINGs again and it’s a message from your buddy Sam, asking if its okay if he rides with his girlfriend Willow for the first part of the ride home, you’ll be like, FINE. I mean, that’
ll be the least of your worries, right?

  You’ll just have to sit tight for a LITTLE bit longer. Until you don’t hear your sister’s voice upstairs. OR until you hear the trap door slam shut.

  THEN you’ll leap out of the cauldron, race up the ladder, bang on the trap door, and holler for help.

  But no mob will hear you. Because the girls have left the igloo. Everyone is running to get the best seats in the minecarts, and NO mob is looking for you.

  Because everyone thinks you’re sitting with Sam.

  Except for Sam, who knows you’re not. And who is so ga-ga over his girlfriend that he doesn’t look to see where you ARE sitting.

  Which is NOWHERE.

  Until you blow sky-high out of fear and desperation, and find yourself sitting in the blown-up remains of what was once an igloo castle. Way up high on a hill, where you have a perfect view of the minecarts down below.

  Which are LEAVING the Taiga.

  WITHOUT YOU.

  DAY 12: TUESDAY MORNING (STILL)

  Okay, ANY minute now, those minecarts are going to come BACK for me. Because there’s NO WAY Mr. Carl will leave me to freeze out here in the Taiga, right? RIGHT???

  Still waiting . . .

  But I am NOT going to freak out, because I have a PHONE. And any second now, the clouds will break and I’ll have reception again. Then I’ll call my good buddy Sam.

  Wait, I CAN’T call Sam. His tablet is broken!