Stoker's Serenity: The Virtues Book IV

by A. J. Downey

  He didn’t know. I was just worsening, the cracks in my veneer getting too large to hide. I needed help but I didn’t have the money nor the resources to get it, and so the hurt, the sorrow, and the fear, it got out. People saw it. People like Stoker. Only he wasn’t like the rest. He didn’t appear to want to leverage it at all. He simply saw it and didn’t pick or pry at it.

  “I’ll just go change,” I whispered.

  “Be out here waiting. Take your time.”

  I went to my dresser and pulled open a drawer, extracting the tee he’d given me, then went into the bathroom, shutting the door firmly, letting out a shuddering breath as emotion welled painfully in the center of my chest.

  I took deep and even breaths, attempting to regain control of myself. My heart and my mind were at dreadful odds with each other.

  God, I was such a basket case. The story of my life.

  I took a full minute, then a minute more, before I pushed off from the back of my bathroom door and went to the sink. I set the shirt over the towel bar and braced my hands against the porcelain pedestal sink, staring at myself in the mirror above it.

  What are you doing, Ren? I silently asked myself, but I had no answer for the woman in the mirror. She wasn’t a girl anymore, but she might as well have been.

  I turned on the tap and splashed cool water on my face. It helped. After a couple heartbeats, I dried myself and pulled the tie at the back of my dress to loosen it so I could pull it off over my head.

  I put it straight into the wash and ditched my bra in there too. I threaded my arms through the sleeves of the tee and dumped the rest of it over my head, tugging it down past where the dress had fallen on me.

  I didn’t own pajamas, preferring to sleep in the nude, so it was fortuitous I had this to fall back on.

  I switched out the light and opened the door after a fortifying breath and froze to take him in. He was already right at home in my bed, shirtless and delicious, the blankets bunched at his waist, his face illuminated by his phone as he held it above him tapping out a text or something. I pressed my lips together and padded around to what I supposed was going to be my side of the bed tonight.

  “Nice,” he said, with a grin when he saw the tee.

  I lifted the blankets and slid between the crisp sheets that were already growing warm from his body’s heat.

  He lifted his arm closest to me inviting me to get close and I took the invitation, cuddling into his side, laying my head on his shoulder.

  “This is going to be so nice,” he murmured, bending his head at an awkward angle just so he could kiss my temple.

  “Yeah?” I whispered as he put his phone on the bedside table.

  “I get more than two hours of extra sleep with a beautiful woman, so, hell, yeah,” he said and I had to laugh.

  “Why you laugh like that?” he demanded.

  “I’m not beautiful.” I denied it automatically.

  “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, Ren, and I’m the one looking at you, and I say you are.”

  I swallowed hard. “Did I mention I’m really bad at this whole dating thing?”

  “You mentioned it,” he said, and smoothed a hand over my body, over the tee.

  “You can’t say I didn’t warn you.”

  He chuckled. “No, I can’t. Do me a favor and close your eyes.” I did as he asked and closed them, and he murmured, “Good, now repeat after me: I am a beautiful woman.”

  “What? No. I’m not saying that,” I giggled.

  “Come on now! Not going to let you sleep until you humor me.”

  He went straight for my ticklish spot like he just knew where it was.

  “Oh, ho! Leverage!” he cried, triumphant.

  “Hey, no! Stop that!” I cried, laughing.

  “Not until you give me what I want,” he declared and rolled onto his side toward me, intent on torturing me with tickling touches to my ribs until I capitulated.

  “Okay, okay! I am a beautiful woman!”

  “Thank you, and you’re damn right you are. Never forget it.” And to make his point, he covered my mouth with his with a kiss that had me practically arching off the bed and into his arms.

  “Ren,” he whispered in my ear and I winced, cuddling further into the warm nest of blankets on my bed.

  “Ren, baby, kiss me goodbye, I gotta go to work.”

  I whimpered and sat up, flinging my arms around him and attempted to drag him back into bed.

  “No, I don’t want you to go.”

  He laughed and kissed me, his fingers along the side of my neck, thumb stroking along my jaw.

  “I don’t want to go either, but I have to. You go back to sleep and call me tonight, yeah?”

  “Mm, I promise,” I murmured.

  “K.” He pecked me on the tip of my nose and withdrew from my grasp and I felt bereft for the moment. I closed my eyes and listened to the birds chirp outside, his bootfalls as he descended the stairs and eventually, his truck firing up out at the street.

  I sighed, missing him already and half afraid I was growing far too attached far too quickly.

  8

  Stoker…

  “Where the fuck were you last night?” Marlin asked as I dropped into my seat at the table.

  “Stayed in Lauderdale,” I said, and his eyebrows shot up.

  “Oh?”

  “Yeah, went on a date.”

  “Did you score?” Radar asked, grinning.

  “Sort of.” I shrugged one shoulder.

  Cutter laughed from his throne, up on its little dais at the head of the table asking, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Didn’t fuck, but I stayed the night.”

  Silent glances were exchanged between my brothers.

  “She the real deal?” Pyro asked.

  “I don’t know,” I said. “I know I’ve definitely never felt this way about anyone before.”

  More looks.

  “She the girl from last Saturday night?” Hope asked.

  “Yeah.”

  “What’s her name?” Galahad asked.

  “Serenity.”

  “Pretty,” Hope murmured.

  “Yeah,” I agreed and I wasn’t talking about her name. Grins broke out around the table.

  “Something about her,” I said. “She reminds me of Faith when she first got to us.”

  New looks were exchanged, worried ones this time, but not for me. I smiled inwardly at that.

  “She got a history?” Marlin asked.

  “Pretty sure she does, but she hasn’t opened up to me about it. We’re taking things slow and I’m cool with it.”

  “Want me to do some digging?” Radar asked.

  “No, actually, I don’t. Whatever it is, I’d like to hear it from her. I don’t think whatever it is it’s anything we have to worry about as a club.”

  “Do some digging,” Cutter ordered. “Whatever we turn up, we ain’t gotta tell you unless it could fuck with the club. What’s her last name?”

  I laughed and shook my head. “You know, I never asked. Of course, she doesn’t know my real name, either.”

  “You know where she works?”

  I nodded. “Would really appreciate if you’d trust me on this Captain.”

  He stared at me judiciously and finally nodded slowly.

  “You got a solid feeling about her?”

  “I do,” I said and wasn’t the least bit surprised that it was the God’s honest truth. “She’s a loner, an outlier – but she’s good people,” I said.

  He nodded and said, “Fine, but if something about her comes up that could fuck with the club or our vibe –”

  “You’ll be the first to know,” I said. He nodded.

  “Good enough for the rest of you?”

  “Stoker’s never done us wrong, Captain,” Marlin said and I tossed my head in a nod of appreciation.

  He threw me some chin in acknowledgment.

  “Cool, let’s bring this to official order, then.” Cutter lea
ned forward and picked up his gavel, knocking it against the arm of his electric chair.

  The meeting was smooth, quick, and pretty uneventful.

  I couldn’t wait for it to be over so I could call Serenity back. She’d called me just as I’d been about to drop my phone in the basket kept behind the bar during our church meetings. I’d answered just long enough to ask her to let me call her back.

  I was stopped by a hand clapping down on my shoulder. I turned to the captain who was checking in with me.

  “You need any help, you just say the word,” he said.

  “Appreciate that, Captain.”

  He smiled at me and gave me a shake before moving off to the bar himself to get a drink. I went for my phone and took myself, and the call, outside.

  Fridays were tough for me. First, I had church with the captain and the rest of our crew, then I had band practice.

  Still, I had a couple of minutes I could eek out to talk with my girl. I said bye to the guys and went outside where it was quieter, and I could hear Serenity talk and dialed her up, dropping onto the seat of my bike as the call rang through.

  “That was quicker than I expected,” she said by way of greeting. “How was it?”

  “Can’t say, it’s the way it is.”

  “Ah, I see.” And to her credit, she dropped it, just like that. “So how was the rest of your day?”

  “Real good, actually. Probably another week on this job, maybe a week and a half,” I told her and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hopeful for another night like last night. Just with maybe clearing a few more bases. I’d kept it to kissing and a little dry humping, but goddamn, did I have a set of blue balls this morning.

  “I hate that commute for you,” she said. “But I’m glad you’ll be closer even if I don’t get to see you.”

  “All you gotta do is say the word and I’m there,” I told her and didn’t miss the smile in her voice when she said, “Okay.”

  “When’s your next day off?” I asked.

  “Sunday, I switched with one of the other girls so she could take her little girl to a doctor’s appointment.”

  “Heeeey, mine too. Think that little Honda of yours is in good enough shape to make the drive on out this way? We’re having a barbecue and later a bonfire on the beach.”

  “You know, I’d like that. Would you mind if I brought Linny?”

  “More the merrier.”

  “What time?”

  “As early as you can get here. I don’t want to miss a minute I could be spending with you.”

  She laughed, and murmured, “Okay, let me call Linny…”

  “Okay, great.”

  I went to band practice, we tore some shit up, and I figured it was going to be a new and interesting kind of hell getting through my Saturday when all I could think about was Serenity’s soft skin and those lovely big brown eyes staring up at me.

  I took a ride with the club on Saturday. It helped clear my head some, being on the back of the bike. I couldn’t help it, though. I found myself increasingly irritated that I couldn’t just break off and go see her. I was like a lovesick puppy, but I couldn’t bring myself to be any kind of upset about it. My masculinity just wasn’t that fragile.

  I just missed her.

  It was a strange feeling, and I couldn’t decide if I liked it or not.

  I mean, I liked Serenity, no doubt about that, but I really didn’t like how much I missed her when I wasn’t with her. It led to some messy ruminations as we rode. Mostly, me wondering how soon was too soon to care about someone so deeply. Someone you barely even knew.

  We rode through the ’Glades and I was acutely aware that we were headed in the general direction that Serenity lay. We stopped at a nice spot to picnic and Charity wandered over.

  “Hey, you doing alright?”

  “What? Me? Yeah, I’m alright.”

  She laughed at me and said, “Dude, this whole day you’ve had such a long face. Like you’re seriously moping. What’s going on?”

  Faith wandered over and suddenly I had an audience as I rooted through my saddlebag for my lunch. A bunch of the guys were goofing off, throwing a Frisbee around, laughing, and I just wasn’t feeling it like I usually was ‒ because she wasn’t there.

  “I got it bad for this girl…” I said out loud and Charity and Faith exchanged a look.

  “Awww!” Charity cried. “Where is she?”

  “Work. The Galleria Mall in Lauderdale.”

  “She coming to the beach party tomorrow?” Faith asked.

  “Yeah,” I nodded. “Bringing her friend Linny.”

  “You going to make it?” Charity teased.

  “Honestly,” I laughed some, “I hope so.”

  “Awww! Wish Galahad missed me that much.”

  “What?” he called. “How can I miss you when I never let you out of my sight?” he demanded.

  “Good point!” she called back happily, and I laughed.

  “It’s only a few more hours.” Faith winked at me and I smiled.

  “Yeah.”

  “You do have it bad,” Charity said. “I can’t wait to meet her.”

  “Just go easy on her. She gets overwhelmed real easy.”

  I fixed my eyes on Faith and she smiled. “I don’t know anything about that.” She smiled and rolled her eyes as she said it, and I chuckled.

  “There’s something there,” I said. “Not sure if it’s the same type of bad, but something bad happened.”

  “How do you know?” Charity cocked her head, her interest piqued.

  “Just do.” I leaned my butt against the seat of my bike and opened the can of soda I brought with me, taking a drink quickly as it foamed from the vibrations of the ride. I shook excess of the sticky soda off my hand and looked at both the girls.

  “She does the same things I did when I first got to you guys, huh?” Faith asked. “Jumpy, always apologizing, a nervous wreck?”

  “Yeah.” I nodded slowly.

  “Oh.” Charity looked thoughtful. “Anxiety? PTSD?”

  “My guess is both, but she hasn’t told me why. Not yet. Things are still really super new, but she trusts me, or is starting to. I’m just afraid of fucking it up.”

  “You really are serious about this girl,” Cutter called from over at his bike, tracing his thumb over the screen of his smart phone.

  “Yeah, Cap. I am. I don’t know what it is about her, but I really like her.”

  He looked up from his phone and over the top of his aviators and said firmly, “Then don’t fuck it up.”

  Just like that. Like that was somehow magically going to keep me from doing whatever thing had the potential to torpedo this whole thing with Ren. I laughed to myself and shook my head.

  “Aye, aye, Captain. Aye, aye.”

  9

  Serenity…

  “Holy shit, Ren, where did you bring me?” Linny was looking over her sunglasses in the direction of the beach and the knot of men standing around with beers in their hands, laughing. All of them were wearing the same kinds of leather vests that Stoker had with the same dirty patches, over their bare chests and board shorts.

  “Close your mouth before you catch a fly in the back of your throat,” I said.

  “Oh, I’m going to catch something in the back of my throat.”

  “Ew! Gross!” I cried but couldn’t help but burst out laughing as I turned on my signal and pulled into the lot to the Marina. Stoker waved from the curb over by the broad set of cement stairs leading down to the sand.

  “That him?” Linny asked.

  “You know it is,” I admonished.

  She rolled her eyes and pushed a hand into her hair, leaning her elbow on the car door as she sized Stoker up. It always made me nervous when she did that. I mean, she was so much prettier than I was and so carefree, I always worried someday she would swipe the guy I was with from under my nose. Granted, this would only make the second or third guy I’d attempted to date since, well ‒ since.

  �
�You did good for yourself, babes. I like the look of him, but I think I’ll go for tall, darkly tanned, and blond over there if he’s not already – shit. Annnnd, he’s taken.” She pouted as a blonde woman with beachy waves in her long hair went up to the man Linny’d been scoping out. He lifted her up and swung her, shrieking and laughing, in a circle and I laughed.

  “I can’t imagine many of these guys are going to be available,” I said, parking and pulling my emergency brake.

  Stoker didn’t waste any time. He was at my door, lifting the handle to get it for me. I smiled up at him and unlocked it so he could open it.

  “Hey! You made it.”

  “I did!”

  He leaned down to look in the open door and said, “Hey, Linny.”

  “Hi!” She smiled at him politely and I bit my bottom lip and eyed the rest of his club friends. I was always nervous meeting new people. You never knew who might know…

  “Come on.” He straightened, reaching down, holding out his hand to me.

  I undid my seatbelt and slipped out of the car, taking the hand he offered. He immediately pulled me to him and kissed me, which surprised me. I mean, I wasn’t used to guys doing that. Kissing me in front of their friends. Comfortable with public displays of affection. It was different for me. It was… nice.

  I blushed furiously when the cheering and whistling started, lowering myself flat to my sandaled feet to thunderous applause.

  “Shut up!” Stoker called out to his friends, but his deep dark eyes were fixed on me and he winked, a crooked smile on his perfect lips.

  “Come on,” he murmured, and steered me around the car.

  “Hang on, let me grab my stuff.” I opened up the back car door and picked up my black mesh macramé beach bag from the back seat. Linny grinned at me from over the roof of my car as she fetched hers on her side.

  “You got sunscreen?” Stoker asked.

  “Yeah.”

  “Cool, let’s get some on you.”

  We walked under the shade of an easy-up canopy with camp chairs under it and a wreckage of towels, flip flops, and beach bags. Stoker picked up a can of sunscreen in a spray can and I slipped out of my beach cover up, self-conscious in my two-piece black swimsuit with its gothic, strappy harness across my chest in an inverted five-pointed star.