Marek

by Sawyer Bennett

  Aiden's jaw drops and Josie starts laughing hysterically. She draws in a deep breath, looks like she's going to say something, and then starts laughing again.

  "Wow," Aiden says slowly, his lips curving upward. Josie's laughs turn to snickers. "You've got a colorful past. I like it. So are you back with the father?"

  "No," I say quickly. Maybe a little too quickly, and Josie's snickers go immediately silent as she watches me. My gaze cuts back to Aiden. "I'm single and enjoying myself."

  "Enjoying yourself so much that you'd pass up a nice dinner out with a sincere, good-looking guy like myself?" Aiden asks, his smile going sly.

  I laugh and shake my head. "I think I need a little time to get settled into my new life here. Things are a bit hectic and, well, dating would kind of complicate things for me."

  "How about maybe just lunch one day here at the hospital cafeteria?" Aiden presses. "We won't even call it a date."

  I have to admit, the man is charming in a way I've not ever encountered before. He's not laying it on overly thick, and I'm flattered by his interest. I've not felt worthy of a man's honest attention in a very long time, so it's a little bolstering to my self-esteem.

  I turn to look at Josie and scratch my chin, "I don't know. Josie...is he really a good guy like he claims?"

  Josie's eyes practically sparkle with mischief as she turns to look at Aiden. I look at him as well and I'm surprised to see him cringe.

  "Aiden broke my heart," Josie says, and I'm so stunned my head whips back toward her. She grins at me. "It's true. Way back when. But in truth, I can't be mad, because Aiden's path and mine weren't meant to flow together. I was meant for someone else and he's got someone out there waiting for him too."

  My eyes slide back to Aiden, who has a mixture of regret and embarrassment on his face as he stares at Josie.

  "But yes," she continues, and we both look back to her. "He's a good guy, and I think you should have lunch with him sometime here at the hospital."

  "Well, that was awkward," Aiden mutters as he pushes up out of the chair. Josie doesn't look chagrined in the slightest.

  I'm surprised when Aiden bends over and presses a swift kiss to the top of Josie's head and says, "You're a brat."

  A soft laugh flows out of Josie's mouth, and it makes Aiden smile at her as he shakes his head. He then turns to look back to me. "It was nice meeting you, Gracen."

  "Likewise," I say, feeling a bit bad for him. Josie just totally ruined his game, so I add, "And I'd like to meet up for lunch sometime."

  Aiden's grin splits so wide, and is so dazzling for a moment, I can't help but smile back at him. "Awesome. I'll get your number from Josie later."

  After Aiden leaves, Josie starts packing the rest of her sandwich back into the plastic wrapper. "And my ten minutes are up. I need to get back."

  "The life of an ER doctor," I say with a laugh before taking another bite of my sandwich.

  "Seriously, though," Josie says as she stands up. "Aiden is a good guy. You know, if you're interested in dating."

  I shake my head as I measure my feelings right now. Aiden was a really nice guy, and getting to know him as a friend would be fine, but for some reason it feels like a betrayal to do so. "I'm really not, Josie. Maybe in time."

  As if she could read my thoughts, she leans in toward me, placing a palm on the table. "You don't owe Marek anything. You may be living there and coparenting with him, but you are free to date others."

  "And that kiss?" I murmur softly, feeling ashamed it meant something to me and not to him.

  "What kiss?" she asks with an arched eyebrow. "You said it can't have any meaning."

  I give a sigh of frustration. "But just because it can't have meaning doesn't mean it doesn't."

  "I'm not following," she replies, her eyes filled with concern.

  "You need to get back to work."

  She ignores my brush-off. "I can spare a few more minutes."

  "Don't bother," I say with a forced smile. "It's really nothing worth talking about. I'll admit I still have some feelings for Marek, so the kiss meant something to me. But he doesn't have those feelings anymore for me. They've been gone for a long time, as evidenced by the fact he broke up with me. I've just got to remember that and focus on helping him to build a better relationship with Lilly."

  "I think you're wrong," Josie says, and I blink at her in surprise.

  "You don't know Marek. I'm not wrong."

  "He might be angry, Gracen," Josie says with such surety she makes me pay attention to what she's saying. "But he loved you at one point, and you bore his child. I don't care what ugly feelings exist, there is going to be a part of Marek that loves and respects what you gave him as a father. That could be something to build on."

  I'm shaking my head without giving any thought to that. "Impossible."

  "Why?"

  "Because put aside for one minute that Marek is angry with what I did to him--keeping Lilly from him," I say in the barest whisper. I take a deep breath, let it out. "Put that aside and realize Marek betrayed me too. He broke my heart and left me when I was vulnerable. I might not be having the same feelings of anger, but don't think that what he did to me isn't without consequences. I don't know that I could ever trust loving him again."

  Josie's face goes pale as she takes in what I just said. She swallows and gives a slight nod. "I hadn't really thought about that."

  "Well, I have," I tell her. "A lot. For years, actually. I had these stupid fantasies that one day Marek would sweep back into my life and tell me what an idiot he was for leaving and that I was his true soul mate. The only woman he'd ever love. And as every week, month...hell, as the years went by, I realized that was nothing more than wishful, pathetic thinking. There's nothing to build upon between Marek and me because despite how much I still care for him, I don't think I could ever trust him again not to break my heart."

  Josie just stares at me a moment, then surprises me by moving around the table to squat down beside my chair. She takes one of my hands in hers and squeezes. "I'm sorry. And I know what you're feeling. I felt the same exact thing with Aiden once upon a time. The only thing I can tell you is that time will heal those wounds. And maybe it's not meant to be Marek for you. Hell, maybe it's Aiden or some other hot dude that would worship the ground you walk on. My only advice to you is to be open to it. Don't close yourself off to possibility."

  I think her words are foolish, but she's a wonderfully kind human being who is riding high on finding the love her life. So I just smile at her and give her what she needs to hear right now. "Okay. I promise I'll keep myself open to possibility."

  Chapter 15

  Marek

  My skin prickles with excitement and my blood sings in recognition of a new hockey season starting. It's nice to have my body physically react to something other than Gracen.

  It's nice to have something else to keep my mind occupied other than Gracen.

  Gray Brannon moves to the podium that sits at the base of the team meeting room. It has stadium-style seating with arced rows. Each seat has a flip-over desktop for us to take notes if necessary. We use this room mostly to review game film, but it's also for announcements and group discussions. Today's the first day of training camp, and it always starts off with a welcome speech by our general manager, who happens to be the only female GM in the league.

  Each of my teammates sitting in this room probably have their metaphorical tongues hanging out as Gray strides up to the podium, a combination of grace and toughness. She's a knockout redhead with a slammin' body, which seems even curvier since she gave birth to her first child in May. If her husband, Ryker Evans, knew what every man was thinking in this room at this moment, he'd be wanting to stomp all our asses. As it is, our esteemed goalie coach just casually watches his wife take the stage front and center, although I don't miss his eyes dropping to her ass briefly.

  Gray puts her hands on the podium and picks up a remote that turns on a projecto
r. A pull-down screen behind her lights up and a four-digit number appears: 1983.

  Jerking her thumb over her shoulder at the screen, Gray says, "Nineteen eighty-three. The last time a team has won more than two Stanley Cups in a row."

  She pauses and takes a moment to sweep her gaze slowly across the rows, taking in all of her players who are burning to get back out on the ice and get our third consecutive championship.

  Gray clicks the remote control and a new image appears behind her. A low rumble of growls from the players resonate through the room as we take in a screen shot of a recent article that was published in Sports World magazine by one of their senior hockey reporters, Colin Hannity.

  The headline reads, WHY THE COLD FURY WILL FAIL THIS YEAR.

  Gray grimaces and nods her head. "I see you all have read this scintillating piece of sports journalism."

  More growls.

  Someone in the back of the room mutters, "That reporter is a cunt."

  Gray doesn't even blink over that crudity. She's in a roomful of testosterone-driven men who play a violent sport. Words like cunt and fuck are dropped repeatedly, and Gray has heard it all. More important, she would never want us to change our language in deference to her being a female, since it's been a struggle for her to overcome the prejudices she's faced over the last two seasons since she took on this new role with the organization.

  "I want to make Mr. Hannity eat his words," Gray practically snarls.

  There's a lot of fuck yeah's in response.

  "It won't be easy," she continues. "The pressure will be great. The scrutiny will be jaundiced. But I know something that cunt of a reporter doesn't know."

  Lots of snickers from the players, myself included.

  "I know that every person sitting in this room--whether you're a player, a coach, or staff member--has got a huge, fucking hard-on for that Stanley Cup, and the brass balls to go out there and get it."

  Clapping, affirmative cursing, and banging fists on the desks resound throughout the room. The prickles on my skin intensify.

  Gray holds her hands up and motions for us to settle down. The room grows quiet again.

  "I'm proud of you," she says so softly that all traces of her recent vulgarity have been forgotten. She's speaking from her heart right now. "I'm proud of your spirit. Your determination. Your sheer willingness to claw your way to the top. I've got the hardest working people I've ever known, and I'm not sure this team could be any more blessed."

  The room is silent and thick with emotion. We all want to continue to make Gray proud of us.

  Without a word, Gray steps aside from the podium so Coach Pretore can talk. His speech is low on pep and high on the mechanics of how he's going to conduct training camp. My muscles are already cramping in anticipation of how bad they're going to be hurting by the end of the day. No matter how hard I work out in the off-season, nothing can ever keep my muscles conditioned the way they become from hours on the ice. It's going to be a brutal few weeks coming up, but I'd have it no other way.

  After Pretore moves away from the podium, Gray steps back up and asks, "Anyone got any announcements they need to make?"

  The sound of someone standing up behind me has my head turning to look over my shoulder. Hawke Therrian is a defenseman and about as tough as they come. But right now he looks like a big, goofy puppy dog as he stares down at his fiancee, Vale Campbell, who happens to be one of our trainers. She's standing in a line of coaches and trainers behind the podium. Her cheeks go pink and I turn to look back at Hawke.

  He clears his throat and says, "Just wanted to let you guys know that, um...well, we found out earlier this summer that Vale is pregnant."

  There's a rumble of congratulations, and those closest to Hawke thump him on the back.

  "She's due early next March," Hawke continues, his voice a little thick with emotion. He coughs and then tries to bring some levity to the situation. "God help you poor bastards that get on her hormonal side when she's working on you."

  My head swings back to Vale, and she shoots Hawke a death glare, but then she smiles in smug satisfaction as she realizes she'll get to torture us more than she already does. My muscles contract in protest of the pain that's sure to come at her hands, but I couldn't be happier for her.

  Hawke clears his throat again, this time to indicate he's got more to say. The room goes quiet. "Just as important, we decided to go ahead and get married this summer. So the big, fancy wedding is off the table, but we're going to throw a hell of a party before it gets too cold. You're all invited, of course."

  Several of the people in the room laugh, and the overall atmosphere of happiness within the room feels damn good. It speaks to the heart of this team and how we have each other's backs.

  Always.

  My eyes cut over to Reed, who is sitting one row down from me and to my left. He's turned in his seat, grinning up at Hawke, and a rush of fondness for my buddy hits me hard. I've thought these last few weeks that he's a dick because of the way he's ridden me about how I was treating Gracen, but I know deep down that he was doing it because he cares about me.

  "That's wonderful news," Gray says from the podium, and my attention swings that way. She turns to look at Vale. "And anything pregnancy related you need to know, my office door is open."

  Vale blushes as she nods at the general manager, her boss who has offered to dish over babies and pregnancy. That's just Gray being all girl, and that's also all right by us.

  "Any other news?" Gray asks briskly as she grips the edges of the podium.

  I look around but no one stands up. My gaze goes back to Gray, who watches us all for a moment before taking our silence to indicate the meeting is over. She leans forward and opens her mouth as if to say some last-minute words of encouragement, but without thinking I'm pushing up out of my seat.

  "I have an announcement," I say as I tuck my hands down into the pockets of my cargo shorts.

  Gray's eyes alight on me and she nods.

  "I've got some big news too," I say, surprised that this isn't as hard as I thought it would be. "I found out a few weeks ago that I'm a father."

  Mutters of disbelief mixed with joy hit me from all angles after it takes a moment for my teammates to process what I just said. I grin and look around. "It was a shock, but I'm pretty fucking stoked about it."

  The guys all laugh and grin back at me.

  "Her name is Lilly," I tell my team, and my neck turns warm as I hear the gravely emotion in my voice just from saying her name. I give a little cough, suck in a breath. "She'll be four in January, and she's pretty fucking amazing. I'm sure you all will be meeting her at some event or another. Maybe a game here soon."

  I look quickly around the room, nodding at my teammates in acknowledgment of their happiness for me.

  "That's just amazing, Marek," Gray says from the front of the room. "I can't wait to meet Lilly."

  I blow out a breath and smile back at her.

  "All right guys," Pretore says as he steps back up to the podium. "You got thirty minutes to get suited up and hit the ice. We're going to be doing drills today to get your skating legs back in working order."

  I groan at the thought of how much pain I'm going to be in, even as excitement pulses through me to get back out on the ice.

  Everyone stands up and starts filing out of the meeting room, while others stand around in small groups for some chitchat and catch up after a nice summer break. I meet Reed and Holt at the bottom of the stairs. Both of them clap me on the shoulder and Holt says, "Good job on announcing Lilly."

  Reed and Holt were the only two who knew about her, and now the whole team knows.

  A hand wraps around the back of my neck and I'm given a quick shake. I turn to see Alex Crossman, our team's captain there. He sticks his other hand out and I shake it.

  "Congrats, man," he says warmly.

  Ryker and Gray walk up, both also wearing smiles to indicate their happiness for me as well. Holt and Reed give
me two more claps on the shoulder and head off toward the locker room.

  "Some news you just dropped on us," Ryker says as we shake hands.

  Gray merely lays her hand on my forearm and murmurs, "You'll be a great dad, Marek."

  "This is all so weird," I say with a nervous laugh. "I feel like I should be passing out cigars or something."

  "You'll need to bring Lilly over to play with the girls sometime," Gray tells me. Ryker has two children, Ruby and Violet, from a former marriage, but they live with him and Gray. "And definitely bring her to the season opener party this weekend."

  "Absolutely," I reply with an appreciative nod. The Cold Fury is truly one big family, and I'm sure they'll all be fast friends.

  "If you don't mind me asking," Gray says in a lower voice as she inches in closer. "How did you just find this out? I mean...did you have any clue?"

  A surge of unease causes a little sweat to break out on my upper lip. While I was fully prepared to talk about Lilly to anyone and everyone who wanted to listen, I wasn't quite sure how to handle Gracen. Many of the people on this team are considered my close friends, and the others are friends all the same. I should have no problem telling my mates about the shitty reason I didn't know about Lilly for over three years.

  But something inside of me just can't bring myself to throw Gracen under the bus. She's Lilly's mom, and she's a great fucking mother. I don't want my negative feelings to color other people's perception of her.

  "Let's just say it was a misunderstanding between two people," I tell the group still standing around me. All three lean in to listen. "Lilly and her mom, Gracen, are staying at my house for the time being so I can get to know Lilly better."

  And just like that, Alex, Ryker, and Gray accept what I'm saying. I can tell by their faces that they understand it's a delicate situation and intensely personal. Their expressions show they respect that we're making the most of a difficult situation.

  "Well, you have the team's full support," Gray tells me.

  "Absolutely," Alex adds, punching my arm lightly. "And we'd all love to meet Gracen too. You should bring her to the party as well."

  I don't know what to say. I'd planned on bringing Lilly to the season opener party, which is traditionally held at Coach Pretore's house, but I had not thought to invite Gracen. The party is for family and significant others.