Holding her closer, I whispered in her ear. “We will eat the last of our food. Then, I will find a way off this island.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Kevin
I was falling hard for Hannah Adams, and this terrified me. More so, after the conversation we had at the dining room table. She was still so warped by Matteo. She believed that the bucket list was her idea, that somehow all the trouble it had caused was her fault. Even if she’d written the list herself, that doesn’t mean he had to execute it. He didn’t have to put her in harm’s way to watch it all spin out of control.
I’d dropped Sophie off at school, waving goodbye as her Paw Patrol backpack bobbed behind her, like a shell on a turtle that was much too large. Somedays, it was all too much; her innocence felt like a responsibility too large for one person. Today was that day, and I desperately wished I had a partner to talk about every nuance with.
The animal clinic wasn’t far from school, so I walked, stopping for coffee along the way. Two surgeries before eleven, then I could refocus on finalizing the prototype for the conference. Something had happened between picking up Sophie on Sunday morning, and apple pie that afternoon. Not only could I not stop thinking about Hannah, but I missed her when she was gone. Even for the short moment she was at the grocery store with Sophie—I wanted to be there. So, after finishing the surgeries, instead of starting on the prototype, I text her.
Me: How is it over at the center today? You feel like dinner tonight?
Hannah: Actually, I remembered Sophie’s birthday was this weekend. I thought I could plan something for her. Take the pressure off you. I know you’re busy with so many things right now.
I had remembered at the beginning of the month, but it had slipped my mind to plan a party. This was her first year of Kindergarten. Of course, she would want a party with her friends. What a great escape for her considering all the shit she’d had going on lately. I was mad at myself for not thinking of it.
Me: Wow! You may have just saved me from failing at fatherhood. I can’t repay you.
Hannah: I can think of a few ways. ;)
Me: Dinner tonight? We’ll come to you.
Hannah: No, it’s much easier for me to go there. See you around 5.
I fought her for a bit, but she insisted. After our talk, the day dragged as I counted down the hours till five. Hours that went by with a phone call from my Mom, agreeing that it was ‘my life’ and I could ‘do as I see fit,’ but that I needed to remember that ‘Sophie was number one.’ All the things she knew I was aware of, but felt the need to reiterate. I was lucky to have her, despite her meddling ways.
Afterschool, Sophie tossed her backpack onto the table and reached for a snack.
“Just fruit today Soph, Hannah is coming to dinner. What do you think? Order a pizza or make something?”
“Dad… no offense, but if you’re cooking. We should order a pizza.” Her little curls bounced as she shook her head.
Scooping her up, I tickled her soft belly, blowing raspberries onto her skin, “Oh really? Well, then, I see… the truth comes out.”
She laughed hysterically, contorting with happiness. Man, I loved these moments.
“She’s here. Stop, Hannah is here.” Before I could stand and straighten my hair or clothes, Sophie had scurried away and slung open the door for Hannah.
“Well, you two are having way too much fun for a Monday afternoon!” She balanced her laptop and another freshly baked pie as she leaned into Sophie for a hug.
“What kind of pie is that?” Sophie asked, helping her with her things.
“Well, you showed me the kind of pie you made with your mom, so I wanted to show you the kind I made with mine. It’s strawberry-rhubarb. But I have much more exciting things to talk about… let’s plan your birthday party!”
Sophie’s eyes lit as she jumped, her voice echoing through the walls of the penthouse like a child who’d found a unicorn. “Yes! I would love that! I would love to plan my birthday party!” She looked towards me, only momentarily before ramming into Hannah’s arms. “Did you hear that Dad? We are going to plan my birthday!”
If I could have swept that woman up right then and married her, I would have.
Hannah glanced up with that ear to ear grin I was falling for, as Sophie pulled her by the arm to the couch.
“Wait, Soph, let me say hello to Hannah before you take her too far.”
Sophie stopped reluctantly. Hannah looked down at her. “Why don’t you find some markers so we can write out your invitations.” Dropping Hannah’s arm, Sophie ran off towards her bedroom, happy to do whatever it took to get closer to birthday preparations.
I took Sophie's place and lifted Hannah’s hand to hold against my chest. “You make us so happy, and I’m never letting you go.” Leaning in, I pressed my lips against hers, tasting the iced latte she’d had on her way over. I’d wanted to linger, but Sophie bounded back into the room with a small bin filled with colorful markers, sprawling them out for Hannah to see.
“I’ll be back in a few minutes girls. I’m going to grab a pizza. Anything else?” I turned back to watch them both sitting on the floor: Hannah’s back against the couch, Sophie jumping on her knees in front of Hannah, excited to see what she’d picked out on her laptop. Sophie’s smile could have lit an arena, and the way Hannah spoke to her, the kindness, the softness, the interest she showed in her… it was all too much. When you’ve been broken as I’d been, you find nuance in other people that you wouldn’t have before, and you appreciate the hell out of it.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Hannah
Happiness didn’t describe how nice it was to help Sophie plan her party. She was crazy for dinosaurs, so we decided the dinosaur park downtown was where we’d celebrate. They had life-size replicas along the river, as well as a playground and picnic tables. Beyond that, she’d decided on a T-Rex piñata, a cake that looked more like a dragon with spikes up his back, and invitations for everyone in her class because ‘that’s the nice thing to do’. She was quite possibly the sweetest girl I’d ever met; I couldn’t imagine how her mom had just walked away. As she was filling out her invitations, I heard Kevin come back through the apartment.
“I’ve got just enough pizza for me, you two will have to get your own,” he said, hoping to get a rise out of Sophie.
She indulged, “Dad! I’m starving! I hope you got enough for me too. And Hannah!”
Kevin moved into the living room and set the box in the middle of the ottoman. “Maybe I can share a few slices.” He smiled, then looked to Sophie grabbing water bottles she’d carried over.
“It’s pizza night. On pizza night, we watch a movie, and we eat in the living room.”
They had done this before. I nodded, grabbed a plate from the pile, and nestled into the couch, watching as their lives played out in front of me. Sophie kneeled in front of the ottoman with her plate, and Kevin joined me on the couch, sitting close enough that I could smell the dark cinnamon on his sweater. We watched the live-action dramatization of something, but I don’t much remember it, nor do I remember what the pizza tasted like. Instead, I found myself leaning against Kevin, feeling his lean muscles pop against me as he shifted on the couch, or breathed, or chewed, or drank. Every soft movement of his body sent a signal of desperation between my legs, instant wetness that demanded attention. Like a match against the box, I was about to ignite.
Sitting up, I moved towards the other end of the couch, hoping some distance would quell my urges. But he insisted on being close. He insisted on keeping his hands against my skin. This was a new feeling; a deep yearning, like I would burst if I wasn’t touched, if I wasn’t rubbed in all the right places, right then. It made no sense and came out of the blue as we were doing nothing outrageously sexual, only sitting together.
“I’m going to reheat the pie,” I whispered, not wanting to disturb Sophie from the movie. As I stood in the kitchen, slicing up the strawbe
rry-rhubarb, I forced myself to think of anything but sex. To think of anything but getting Kevin’s hard cock between my lips. But the more I tried to ignore it, the more uncontrollable it became.
As a slice of pie reheated in the microwave, I went to the bathroom, splashing cool water onto my reddening face, staring into the mirror as I dried off with the hand towel. “You are doing this to hold onto Matteo. Stop it! You have control. You are in control.” For a moment, I wondered if I should slide a hand into my panties, orgasm, then return to the room as though nothing happened—hoping the release would sustain me until Kevin and I could be alone. But I resisted. I needed to be better than this. I needed to rise above whatever was going on, get control of my life back. The microwave began beeping, and I rushed back towards the kitchen to pop open the door before it caused too much ruckus.
Kevin was already on it, removing one plate, putting another one in. “Are you okay? You look flushed.”
“I’m good. I’m so good, just a little… frisky. You’re so sweet with Sophie, and your muscles, they are bursting… and… anyway…” I leaned into his ear, “My panties are soaked.”
He pressed his lips against my lobe. “Let’s put the pie away then, or Sophie will be up all night.” I could have come without penetration, at the slight sound of his rasp in my ear, from the heat and moisture he left behind as he whispered. “Come on, let’s finish this movie, then we’ll get Sophie to bed.”
For twenty minutes, I stayed painfully wrapped in Kevin’s arms, feeling my clit pulsate. What was wrong with me?
“Okay Sophie, time for bed,” he announced, standing to pick up the living room. I followed, grabbing the pizza box.
“I want Hannah to put me to bed tonight! Please, Dad! Please!” It was as though she were begging for food after starving, the way she asked. I couldn’t say no to her.
“Of course, if that’s okay with your dad.” We both looked towards him, packing away left-over pizza.
“Yes, give me a quick snuggle first. I’ll see you in the morning, my sweet girl.” He narrowed his lips in on her cheek and kissed her with a ‘mwah’ sound that was loud and dramatic. “Brush your teeth and get your pj’s on, Hannah will be in shortly.” His eyes had now narrowed on me, “Listen, she will ask you to read all night long, but don’t. One story… then you’re mine. Okay?”
Gathering his hair in my hand, I let the short locks run through my fingers as I looked into his steely gray eyes. “Fifteen minutes, meet me in your bedroom.” I let the words stream off my tongue as I let go, trailing my hand down his chest as I walked away. He bit at his bottom lip unconsciously.
“Hi Hannah, I’ve picked three books for us to read, but we can read this one twice because it’s my favorite.” She sat up on her bed already in frog prince pajamas, with her blankets covering her lap and three picture books sitting in front of her. Snuggling in, I lifted her head against my chest and began reading—letting her point to each detail in the story and explain the plot as though I didn’t understand. Smiling, I continued, enjoying the humor in her comments. Instead of disappointing her, I decided to read all three, four counting the last one I read twice. Fortunately, she fell asleep partway through the second telling.
Lifting her gently, I laid her curly head on the pillow, then covered her snug before turning off the overhead light. I made my way to Kevin’s room at the end of the short hallway. With Sophie, the urges had plummeted, though now, seeing Kevin shirtless against the headboard, reading his tablet in the dark, I felt them return.
“How did she do?”
“She’s asleep, very sweetly so. You just might have the best daughter that ever was,” I said, stripping my jeans off, so only the tight pink t-shirt and black thong were left. “I didn’t bring pajamas. Wasn’t expecting to stay the night.”
Turning off his tablet, he moved towards me, pulling my curves against his solidity, “You should leave a few things here, the weather starts getting bad this time of year. You may need to stay over more frequently.”
I liked the thought of everything he was saying, though being the addict I was, there was a saltiness in the air that demanded ninety-nine percent of my brainpower. Arching back, I invited him to lick my neck and caress the inner edges of my collarbone. He was generous with his touch, tasting my skin as though he needed the taste of my flesh. But still, I couldn’t help but feel like poison as I rolled on top of him, taking him in with a desperation I couldn’t explain.
Trying not to scream, I held in each ache and sensation so as not to wake Sophie. Reaching up, he lifted the tight pink shirt off my body, watching as each of my breasts fell against my rib cage. My nipples, hard, purple, and at attention in the breeze from the fan to the side of the bed.
He laid with his strong arms bent up behind his head, admiring my hair as it waved from side to side and my tits as they bounced. Milling back and forth over his groin, I closed my eyes, feeling every slight sensation.
Moments later, despite not much build-up, a spontaneous release caught him off guard. His face twisted as his hands gripped my hips, pushing me back and forth until the last drop of his come had expelled.
Bright copper took over his expression, “God, I’m so sorry! What an embarrassment.”
He had come, and his dick had gone soft. This was a natural human reaction—I was aware of this, but I was also still incredibly horny.
“Do you mind if I…?”
“No… I insist. I’ll hold you, touch you… while you… you know.”
Leaning into the crook of his arm, I flicked away at my clit as I thought of anything but Matteo. Matteo and the hours of passion we’d incite with foreplay and talk of naughty adventures. I did my best to avoid these thoughts until my shoulders lifted from his in a slight convulsion. I’d hoped that was the end, that I was done feeling this insatiable urge, but it wasn’t. It had lessened but was still present. What was wrong with me? I couldn’t expect someone to be the ravenous creature I was. I had to learn how to control my desires.
“Are you okay? You seem lost,” he asked, lifelessly spooning into my side.
“Yeah, I’m great, just relaxing.” There was no need to tell him how unquenchable I was. He wanted a nice, quiet life with a sweet, apple pie baking wife. And I wanted to be that for him. I wanted to be that person for myself.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Matteo
I made my way to a neighboring island about two miles from where I initially landed. I hadn’t planned on this resting place, but the raft I’d made from fallen bamboo and fishing line didn’t make it far. The waves at times were ten to twelve feet high, the crash and fall almost impossible for such a small, poorly made boat.
Though this island isn’t much bigger than the last, there are more resources. Palms with coconuts and seaweed. So much seaweed. I could have started a natural health food store, made another billion. I couldn’t see this island from the last, so there could be more out there, or, it could be straight going from here. I won’t know until I leave. And that was not something I much cared for. I was a planner, a calculator. I liked to know my options, then properly run the statistics on each. I’d stormed Kings Ranch twice without much forethought, and it had sent me here. That was not who I was. That was me at the end of my rope… desperate. Though unmoving, I would eventually die.
My body was growing weaker day by day, and the rainy season was approaching fast. I had to get out of here before it settled. But, getting caught in the middle of the ocean during rainy season was just as deadly. So, stay here and die, and never see Hannah again, or leave and hope that someone sees me. Hope, that some fishing boat crosses where I am and picks me up.
Hope was not something I liked to bet on. It was intangible—and abstract ideas were a risk in any sense of the term. But I couldn’t stay. I’d rather die getting back to Hannah then lay here withering away. At least then, if they found me washed up on some shoreline, she’d know I tried.
Sitting on th
e edge of the beach, I grabbed up another heap of seaweed I’d pulled in and chewed on the raw leaves as I looked out at the horizon. The sun was setting, the sky turning an orange and pink with the slightest twinge of purple. If I’d been here with Hannah, I’d have stayed forever. We’d just sit here on the beach, watching the sun change colors in the sky, talking about nonsense, and fucking like wild animals.
Laying back in the sand, I felt the wind shiver over my cold body. Hannah was at my side now, staring back at me through a panel of streaming rain.
“I did my best. I… I just don’t know how I’ll ever leave this place. Everything is against me here.”
She stayed silent, her hair dampened by the rain.
“Say something! Please… say something!” I rolled to shake her, but she disappeared.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Kevin
Dinosaur balloons, a dragon cake with sparkler candles, treat bags for all her friends, pizzas delivered with vegan and gluten-free options, and Sophie’s smile. That big, wide, full of life smile that I lived for. Hannah couldn’t have been any more thoughtful, and watching her with my daughter, seeing her put so much love and care into the day, it was more than I could have asked for. She’d even invited my parents, Vanessa’s parents, all Sophie’s aunts and uncles, and bought dinosaur costumes for the dogs. There were no words to let her know how much I appreciated all she’d done.
Sophie made her a card, one she’d colored herself with a portrait of the three of us near the river with the dinosaurs and the dogs. She was still drawing people as two round circles with stick extremities. Over the people, a rainbow with the words ‘Thank you for my party’ written across the top.
To show my thanks, I’d planned a getaway. As much as I loved every moment with Sophie, I knew that growing a new relationship would mean time away alone. So, after I debuted the software, I would take Hannah for a long weekend in Monterey. I’d planned the hotel, activities, and a few special dinners. Nothing sounded better than time alone with Hannah on the rocky coast of California, with sea life, cypress trees, and long aimless walks along the royal blue shoreline.
Craving Cowgirl Page 10
