I wasn’t a romantic guy, but I would plan to tell her I loved her there. I’d set out a blanket in a quiet spot on the beach, near sunset, as we watch the sandpipers stroll along the coast—and I’d say three words with significant responsibility. This was a metered, heartfelt exposition. I had Sophie to think of, and I wasn’t running around throwing love like confetti.
Today was special for different reasons. Today, I’d debut the software I’d been working on for well over a year.
“How do I look?” I was nervous, shifting about as I posed in a slim black suit.
Hannah walked towards me, letting my arm wrap her waist as she combed my hair back with her hands. “You look like the smartest guy in the room.”
I smiled and leaned in towards her lips, kissing her lightly before grabbing my computer bag. “Let’s hope this smart guy can hold it together today.” I’d never been good at presentations, nerves always got to me. “You ready?” She nodded, looking tired despite the face she was putting on for me. “More nightmares? I didn’t hear you get up last night.”
Grabbing her purse, she followed me towards the truck. “Only time this week though. I’m almost cured.” She laughed with closed lips.
Opening the truck door, I admired the navy dress she wore as she lifted up onto the seat. It was tight, hugging her curves in all the right places with a shallow dip in the front. As I watched, I wanted to tell her I loved her. That I have been struggling to hide it since Sophie’s party. But it would be more special, more memorable if I waited until the trip.
For ten minutes, we rode hand in hand to the animal shelter as Hannah sang along with the radio, and I stayed paralyzed with nerves. “This is great, look at all the cars… and the news stations are here!” She was excited. Honestly, genuinely excited for my venture and I couldn’t find the words to express how much that meant to me.
Turning my body, I laid my hand on her lap, and looked up at her with sincere eyes, “I want you to stand with me. I couldn’t have done this last configuration without you, and that’s the highlight of the drone.”
She hesitated, “No—I can’t. This is all for you… Plus, Channel 9 is here. They premiered the bucket list scandal locally. There are a lot of locals and reporters; I’ll embarrass you... and, I’m awful with crowds.”
I stepped out of the car and straightened my suit, then walked over to Hannah’s side, she was stepping out as well—a line of concern across her face. Burying my hand in her hair, I narrowed my eyes on her focus, “You are not an embarrassment to me. I want you there. Please.”
“No… really. I can’t. This is your special thi—”
“Please… it would mean a lot to me.”
She softened, leaning her full lips towards me. Her face still showing a wrinkle of worry. “Just tell me what to do.”
Walking through the crowd of people, we made our way onto the makeshift stage in the small front entry of the shelter. Nerves bit at me, but knowing Hannah would be there with me eased the inner turmoil. A large screen had been delivered with a podium for the speech. Hannah stood to the right of the stage, watching as I turned on a professional voice and delivered the software to the media, local vendors, and the software company I was hoping would buy in.
“With this software, we will be able to track the animals like never before. Without harsh invasion, without tracking tags, we can fly through the forest undetected with this specialized set of drones, each gathering real-time data to deliver back to us at the wildlife center. With the help of Director Hannah Adams, we’ve been able to add a special feature that I believe is going to help dramatically decrease the intake at the rescue center. This special feature will allow the drone to auto-activate upon movement in certain dens. So, if we know a den has a group of cubs, we can set the drone to be hyper-aware. The drone then becomes a babysitter—allowing us to stop any issues before they start.” Motioning towards Hannah, I began to clap—admiring the innovation, she’d helped create. It was the truth, her care, her support, her ideas… it had all been everything I needed to make this happen. After the presentation, I answered questions with reporters, and told everyone where they could purchase the drone software.
When I met back up with Hannah, she was beaming. “You did amazing! I’m so proud of you!”
I had to tell her; I couldn’t wait. “So, I have a small surprise. I planned a trip for us to Monterey. We’ll be gone for the rest of the week. Sophie will stay with my parents. This is just for us… for you. You have been so good to Sophie and me, and I want you to know how much we appreciate it.”
A soft smile covered her face as she cocked her head to the side. “Kevin!”
“I know it’s not much, just a few hours’ drive from here, but…”
“Are you kidding? I thought maybe you knew… Monterey is my favorite place on Earth! We never went to many places when I was growing up, but Monterey… that was one place we always found the money for. We’d pitch a tent on the beach, toast marshmallows, tell spooky sea monster stories, and swim all day. It’s magical there.” She moved her hand to my shoulder. “I’m so excited! I just need to call work and shuffle some rehabs.”
“I arranged it all for you. We just stop at your place, gather our things, then take off.”
High from the adrenaline of the speech, I struggled again to keep my love a secret. Everything was falling into perfect place. I wanted her to feel how special the words were, how deeply I meant them. And if Monterey were ‘the most magical place,’ it seemed like a memory worth waiting for.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Hannah
We’d been driving for five minutes, hand in hand along US 50, the main route in Tahoe. Set below the highway—the blue lake, with sharp white mountains circling it like a crown. When you looked down from here, it was as though no one knew it existed. As though there was no point of access through the pines and autumn maple that dropped into the valley. I loved this time of year in the mountains—the crisp air, pumpkin stands, apple picking, donuts, cider, and coming home to crackling in the fire.
I’d never seen Monterey in the fall and being alone with Kevin… having him all to myself was a dream, but I wasn’t sure he could handle it. I still found myself aching for sex most every minute of the day. I’d grown ashamed of the urge and tried to suppress it. I felt things for Kevin that went beyond sex, beyond friendship. I didn’t want to disappoint him. I didn’t want to slip harder into who I was struggling not to be.
The last few nights had been riddled with nightmares, the same hunt; dark shadow men chasing, calling my name as I try to hide behind trees and boulders. They always catch me right before I wake and their skin—I can feel their skin on mine for hours.
I looked over at Kevin, one hand on the wheel, the other firmly planted on my leg. He seemed so content and relaxed, as though the world were spinning on axis just for him. Then abruptly, a stale expression took over his face. The popping stones of the driveway let me know we were home, but I stayed focused on Kevin.
“What? What’s wrong?”
He didn’t speak, just parked the car in the driveway and stayed engrossed ahead, as though the house were burning down. Panicked, I followed his gaze out towards the little cabin in the woods.
For a long moment, I too sat still in the car, unmoved and silent—wondering if we’d both been drugged. But when the figure on the front steps started to move, I knew it was real. A shot of blood rushed to my heart. Opening the car door, I stepped out, letting my brain rationalize what it was seeing. He was much thinner, his muscle tone feigning, his color dark, like he’d been in the sun for weeks—though he looked to have had a fresh haircut and shave.
As he neared, there was no mistaking who he was. Those eyes, those dark chestnut eyes—I’d looked so deeply into them hundreds of times. I tried to move, but my legs felt weak. He continued towards me; his gaze unwavering, until all at once, he was in my space, and I could smell the citrus and patchouli. My eyes
welled with emotion.
Matteo reached out, touching the side of my honeyed hair with his large square hands. “God, I’ve missed you.” A single tear fell from his cheek as he angled in towards my lips, brushing them lightly with his own. “You’re all I’ve thought about every single day for months.” There was a hard pain in his eyes that shed honesty.
I was still motionless, speechless. He kissed me again softly, sweeping me with a sense of love and purpose. I closed my eyes, soaking in every moment as though we were there alone — just the two of us.
Kevin rounded the car, placing his hand on my back, claiming me, but clearly as shocked as I.
Matteo straightened, lifting his head above Kevin’s height. “And you are?”
Kevin focused on Matteo, his eyes downturned, his posture now puffed and angered, “I should be asking you that. You’ve been gone for months with no calls or texts. She’s moved on.”
Matteo turned towards me, his brows furrowed, “Who is this guy?”
“This guy is my boyfriend. You told me to leave, remember? You didn’t answer my texts. You didn’t call. I spent weeks crying over you. Kevin’s been there for me. You can’t just show—”
“I’ve been bobbing in the ocean. I’ve been fighting to get back to you. You were all I thought about.” He continued to speak, letting his accent tangle his words with passion. “I was rescued a week ago off the coast of Greece. I had a short hospital stay, then I had to get money, an ID, a phone. I couldn’t contact you. I thought of you every single moment of every day. I love you.” He pled the words with every ounce of his soul. Every grain of hurt he felt apparent.
If this had been anyone else, I’d have thought they were full of it, but I knew what Kings Ranch was capable of, and his changing body confirmed the story—though it was taking time to sink in.
Kevin reached down, grasping my hand into his, “Don’t let him do this Hannah. We’re happy. His life is filled with blackmails, sex tapes, and drama… with you being held hostage. He left you with nightmares… with no one to turn too. He can’t protect you. He can’t keep you safe like I can.”
Matteo turned his head down, feeling the sting of Kevin’s words, then looked up again. “Maybe we could get a moment alone. Hannah and I.”
I looked at Kevin, his eyes begging me to tell Matteo to fuck off—but I couldn’t. I pulled Kevin to the other side of the car and leaned against him—my eyes unable to focus on his. “I just need an hour or so. I have to get closure. I’m sorry.”
“He’s going to confuse you. You’re too vulnerable right now. Hannah, I was going to tell you this weekend. I wanted it to be special… I love you.”
Blood flooded my heart, leaving pangs of guilt in its wake. I couldn’t think straight, I didn’t know what to think, or feel, or do. But when I looked back at Kevin, I found a piece of me that was more, more than I was before I’d met him.
In the time he’d been waiting for a response, Kevin’s face had gone flat. “Hannah…”
My eyes again met his, “I’m sorry… I just… there is so much going on. But Kevin, I love you too. You are an incredible man, and I can’t wait to go away this week. I need to finish this first though. I need closure with Matteo.”
He nodded his head, though it was apparent he didn’t approve. “Can you stay here? I don’t want to worry he’s taken you off to some exotic place in the next sixty minutes.”
I shook my head in agreement.
“I don’t want to leave you,” he said, still leaning unmoved against the car.
Falling back into his strong arms, I stood protected as he kissed the top of my head. “I like how we are together Kevin. I’m not going anywhere. I just need to finish this with Matteo, and I’ll see you in an hour.”
Chapter Thirty
Hannah
Seeing Matteo was like seeing God, after a life of sin. I truly believed he no longer existed for me. That his face, his cocky sweetness, his willingness to indulge, was all a fantasy that no longer applied. Now, he sat ten feet away on the steps to the covered porch. Reality still unsettled in my brain as I approached his sullen face.
I sat next to him, unable to make eye contact. “I didn’t think you were coming back.”
“Well I am back… and I see how close you’ve gotten with that guy. I don’t blame you for needing someone while I was gone. Just don’t deny you love me. Don’t deny we’re still doing this.”
I shot him a look, “I don’t know that! I get you didn’t choose to be thrown on some island to fight for your life. But you did choose to end what we had.”
His face had gone flat, his mouth an unwavering straight line. “Do you love him?”
I spaced out, staring ahead blankly, focused on the crushed rock in the driveway. I did love Kevin. He was kind, handsome, loving, smart, funny, caring. Anyone would love him. And Sophie… Sophie was the icing on the cake, a beautiful, innocent child that deserved all the happiness in the world.
Though, for some reason, when I looked at Matteo, the words got stuck in my throat. “I feel a lot of things.”
“Right, but do you love him?” he asked again, a strand of his black hair now curled into his vision.
With a heap of frustration, I blurted out the words. “I do. I love him… I love him a lot. He’s a great guy. He wants good things. He wants a family. He’s helped me. I’ve helped him. And I can’t leave. I can’t run off with you again. Bouncing all over the place, in constant danger. Never knowing who’s going to sneak into my bedroom at night.”
He loosened his grip, dropping his gaze towards the ground before looking back up again. His hand, firmly wringing the back of his neck. “Can I get a drink of water?”
I nodded in agreement, leading the way through the front door. When we stepped into the house, everything felt different. Suddenly, Kevin’s clothes on the chair seemed out of place and I felt as though I’d done something wrong.
“So, this guy… he lives here now?” Matteo asked with anger biting at his tone.
I reached for a short clear glass and filled it with water, handing it to him. “No, but he stays a few nights a week. I’ve moved on. Just like you wanted me too.” The words hurt coming out, but I was dying to say them. I’d been through so much worry because of him, so much stress. “You could have let me know you made a mistake… that you were going to Kings Ranch. I could’ve watched out for you. Notified someone when you didn’t come back.”
He lifted the short, clear glass to his dry lips, sucking down the water as though he were still dehydrated, then cocked a sly smile in my direction. “What fun would that’ve been?”
Slamming the cupboard door shut, I spun towards him. “Are you kidding? I was sick… literally sick thinking about you… wondering where you were… what you were—”
“Bella. I’m kidding. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you worrying. I didn’t want to put you in more danger because I didn’t know what would happen. The whole thing was stupid. I should’ve hired someone. You know me… can’t—”
“Trust anyone… I know.” I slumped down onto the stool in the kitchen, fiddling with a pen. I wanted to be mad. I wanted to hate him.
“Your hair,” he said, reaching for a strand, “It’s changed. You’ve let it grow.”
I pulled away from his hand, but he pursued the strand again. This time, I looked down, watching him touch me, studying his fingertips as they trailed down the side of my shoulder, planting firmly on my hips. Blood swamped my heart with chaos, causing goosebumps. I’d ached for his touch for months.
Leaning in, he kissed my neck slowly, without permission. The urge I’d been fighting, now alive with purpose between my legs.
Thinking of Kevin, I pushed Matteo away. “Stop. I can’t do this. I’ve said that. I can’t. I love him.”
“I know you love him Bella. But you love me too.” He continued kissing my neck, grabbing at my hips, sliding his hand up my dress.
The a
che grew inside of me, and for a moment, I wasn’t an addict. I wasn’t alone with urges. I wasn’t a pariah. I was just like him. I arched my neck back, allowing him to devour my flesh. He groaned deeply into the canyons of my curves, biting lightly as he took all of me in. “You taste just as I remember.”
Lifting his shirt, I touched the soft muscle where hard used to lay—feeling each calloused line that now scared his body. Boosting me up onto the kitchen counter, he leaned me back, placing my leg on his shoulder. I couldn’t think straight. I could barely breathe. It had been months—months since I felt him stretch me, months since I felt the roughness in his touch. I needed him with a force that was carnal and unmistakably natural.
Lifting the front of the navy dress, he pulled my thong to the side, and angled himself inside of me, letting out a deep sigh as he leaned back his head.
“Oh my fucking god… my Bella… I’ve waited for this. You feel so good.” Grasping my ankle for leverage, he drove in deeper, thriving in the depths of my softness as though he’d been severely deprived. Every movement, erratic and wild—sending me sliding across the cold granite. There was no going back, the dawn was coming, and I needed his come. A spray of tingles mounted in the top of my skull, then down my spine. I squeezed, holding the pressure until the energy pursued my groin and released.
“Yes, my Bella, Yes… I’ve missed that wet, relaxed pussy.” Throwing back his head, he closed his eyes tight, then released, shaking his head like a ball of yarn spinning unraveled.
For a moment, he stood in exhaustion over my body, letting the high come down. If I hadn’t caught sight of Kevin’s guitar, I’d have forgotten what day it was, but the guilt snapped me back to reality. He’d be back any moment—and I had no idea what to tell him.
I looked towards Matteo, my eyes narrowed into a knot, “I can’t hurt Kevin. He’s been hurt so badly.”
Craving Cowgirl Page 11
