Sloth: A Standalone Forbidden Romance

by Ella James

  I turn back to Kellan. “I’m just... wow. This is so... WOW. This is incredible! How much weed is in here?”

  He smirks. “Enough.”

  “Enough for everyone! Enough for the whole school, the whole town.”

  I reach out to fondle the plant nearest to me, but curl my fingers before I touch its leaves. I wonder what a plant is worth. I’m so clumsy—I don’t want to injure it.

  I look around the space once more, this time noticing the ceiling, home to an army of tire-sized heat bulbs. I guess that’s why this room feels a little like the inside of a tanning bed.

  Each time my gaze roams, I notice something new, from rows of mysterious mechanical gauges along the room’s two shorter walls to the arrangement of the marijuana plants. Now that I’ve had a minute to look, I can see they’re potted individually atop elevated wooden platforms.

  I turn back to Kellan. “This is so legit. I don’t know why, but... I’m surprised.”

  I can’t tell if he looks smug or bored with all my gushing. Ever since we came into the grow house, I’ve had a hard time reading him. Hell, I guess I’ve always had a hard time reading him.

  “Where are you from?” I ask him. “I think your guest column I read in the student paper said California? One of the ritzy glitzy cities?”

  One brow arches. “Ritzy glitzy?”

  I shrug. “If the shoe fits. So am I right? Are you from California? L.A. maybe?”

  His brows draw together. “Why do you ask?”

  “Just wondering how long you’ve lived in this area. I’d think it would take time to create something like this.”

  He lifts a shoulder. “You’d be surprised.”

  Mounted on the ceiling to my right is a big, flat-screen TV. It’s protected by some kind of plastic wrap, but through the hazy cover, I can see alternating views of the inside and the outside of the house. Mounted on another spot on the ceiling is some kind of clock counting down in red, digitalized numbers.

  “What’s that?” I point to the clock.

  “It has to do with adjusting carbon dioxide in the room.”

  I blink, because beyond the basic association between plants and carbon dioxide, I can’t summon an intelligent comment.

  “Does Manning run this?”

  “We do,” Kellan says, shifting his feet.

  I hold my arms out. “I’m surprised you trusted me enough to show me this. It’s crazy impressive, Kellan. You’re legit as hell.”

  One side of his mouth quirks up, like he’s amused by my praise. “Walk around if you want. You can touch the plants. Just be gentle—if you can manage that.”

  I stick my tongue out. “When called for. I only see one douchebag in this room, and I think I’ve already dealt with him.”

  I whirl around, halfway hoping Kellan chase me. When my self-restraint runs dry and I look over my shoulder, I find him smiling, definitely amused.

  The cocky fucker.

  I walk up and down the room a bunch of times, pretending I’m on a documentary and marveling at the plants. Many are taller than I am. They’re so green. So... real. The marijuana I bought from Kennard came in several large, round containers—a little like the canisters that zip from the bank to the drive-through line. To me, weed has always seemed almost synthetic. Sometimes the crystals have an orange tint, other times a purple hue. They have various scents and there are various strains. But I never bother much with that, or give much thought to where it came from. So I’m surprised to see it in its raw plant form. It looks so innocent and unassuming.

  I stop in front of a particularly tall, spindly plant on a platform labeled TIGER’S CLAW. After rubbing my fingertip along one of its soft, thin leaves, I let my gaze wander to the far end of the room. Kellan’s in the same spot he was a few minutes ago: standing in front of a platform of smaller plants. His head is bowed, as if he’s inspecting them. I’m admiring the width of his shoulders like the girl perv I am when he crouches, poking at the soil in one of the pots. A jolt of lust bursts through me, thinking of his fingers poking something else. I take a long, deep breath and look away.

  I don’t know why he gets me so damn hot. It’s probably the mystery. He’s a golden god from California, who is both SGA president and some kind of drug kingpin, who’s never appeared around our town with any woman—until the last four months.

  And one of the only things I know about his personality is that after I busted his balls, he called me hours later for some panty-melting phone sex. That, and he’s willing to pay me like a prostitute to...well, prostitute. Except it isn’t prostitution, because it’s not just about the money for me. It’s about this weed business, and it’s about those thick, hard shoulders, too.

  The more I think about the deal he’s offered, the more I think that this could work out really well for me. Could.

  When I make my way back to Kellan, he’s standing again, staring pensively down at the plants, one hand cupped loosely over his mouth. I stop slightly behind him, checking the label in front of the platform: SILENT STALKER. Hmm.

  “What ya thinking about, Farmer Kello?”

  He lowers his hand. His mouth twitches on one side, revealing the ghost of a dimple. “Farmer Kello?” His expression is hung between disapproval and amusement.

  I smile and nod. “All you need is a straw hat and some overalls.”

  “Is that all?” He gives me a wicked look that goes straight to my panties, but it fades after a breath into a smirk that, this time, features the reappearance of that adorably handsome dimple. In that heartbeat, he looks so unlike the Kellan Walsh I usually know, I’m buoyed by affection. I throw my arms around his waist and press my cheek against his back.

  “I know where your grow house is, na na na na na naaaa!” I squeeze him. “It makes me happy that you brought me here.”

  He sets his hands on mine. I can feel the hesitation in the way they flutter for a moment before settling. “Does it?” he says, sounding serious.

  I nod against his hard, warm back. “I like to be trusted. I’m a trustworthy person. You’ll find out.”

  He cuts his eyes over his shoulder. “How?”

  Nervous elation coils under my ribs—from the weight of his gaze at such a close proximity. I shrug and try to keep my voice light. “When rival drug dealers kidnap me and hold me for ransom, they’ll have to torture me for, like, seven hours straight before I reveal this address.” I wink, as if my hands aren’t shaking slightly as they rest atop his hips. Maybe he senses that in me: the giddy nerves, the banked hunger. Because at that moment, he turns to face me. My hands brush the top of his slacks as his rise up to cup my face. His fingers stroke into my hair.

  “I won’t let you get kidnapped, Cleo.”

  “Because you’ll loan me Truman,” I joke weakly.

  “No—because I’m going to take care of you. Like I said.”

  For one hard heartbeat, I wonder if he’s joking. The guileless intensity of his face, the way he’s stroking my hair: as if it’s second-nature to him to touch me gently... It’s easier to imagine he’s about to grin and add “in bed” to the end of that earnest-sounding declaration. I wait for it, but his expression never changes.

  With one final, light stroke of his thumb over my brow, he lowers his hands and takes a half step back.

  My heart gives a few slow, off-beat thu-WUNKs before I realize I’m staring. I spin around, because damnit, when I get embarrassed, my feet move without permission. “Wait, where’s Truman?” I turn back around to Kellan with my arms out. “Did we lose him somewhere?”

  God, my awkwardness is so obvious. I glance around the room, and when I’m brave enough to look at Kellan, he’s smirking. This one is curved upward at the corners, as if he thinks I’m funny but has something against the act of smiling.

  “Truman’s not allowed in here. He knows it.”

  “Aw, that’s kind of sad.”

  Again, that smirk—but this time it seems pained. “You like him.”

  “I’ve
always been obsessed with hounds, and Truman is like... a proto-hound.”

  Kellan laughs. At least it should have been a laugh. He turns it into a weird, low laugh-cough thing, covering his mouth with his hand and shaking his head.

  “Bow wow WOW.” I lift my brows coyly and get a real laugh. It’s just a raspy huff of air, but it’s a laugh for sure. I beam proudly.

  As the smile slips from his face, he sticks his hands in his pockets. His eyes move over me. They’re deep and blue, round and serious, and just as quickly as they move down me, they shift away. He looks to the floor, although there’s nothing there. It’s as if he needs to get his eyes off me.

  I’m scrambling for a way to draw him out again when he turns and starts walking down the cement aisle.

  My stomach flips, and all the giddiness I felt comes crashing down.

  Did I do something wrong?

  I stare at his back, and all I can think about is rushing after him.

  I’m not insane, right? That was weird.

  Yes, of course it was weird. Twenty-one years of being female lets me know why, too. I shake my head. If Kellan Walsh didn’t just now get scared off because he felt too close to me, then I’m a monkey’s auntie.

  My stomach clenches as I remember what his friend said—Manning. About how Kellan doesn’t trust people.

  I watch him moving down the cement aisle between the plants. He’s probably thirty feet away by now. The angle of the lighting has him looking slightly shadowed: a lone figure defined mostly by big shoulders and a broad back. I watch him stop, pull some leaves into his hand and bring his nose down to them. I watch him as he crouches down to touch the soil.

  If I stare hard enough, will he look back at me?

  A less confident Cleo would start feeling insecure now. Like she’d overstepped some invisible bounds. Like she’d been too obviously trying. I take a deep, slow breath and tell myself this Cleo is beyond that.

  I walk slowly, at a steady pace, toward Kellan. I tell myself that I’ll be patient. Wait him out. I’ll be living with him, so I can watch him. I’ll find out what makes him tick. Why laughing at my stupid joke made him clam up like he’d just confessed some deep, dark secret.

  I notice my hands are in fists. I loosen them and flex my fingers. I need to take this thing with him one moment at a time. I can do that. If anyone knows the tenets of mindful living, it should be Cleo Whatley, future art therapist.

  I practice as I move. Listening to the sounds of the room: fan blades spinning, and their echo through the large space. The smell of the plants: bitter yet sweet, like fresh-cut garden weeds mixed with some kind of citrus fruit. The warm, heavy air on my cheeks and arms. I redirect my mind from Kellan by looking at the plants. Noting which ones are tall, and which ones smaller. I note the names of various strains of marijuana as I pass the plant-filled platforms.

  VIOLET VIPER. KILLER CROCK. APPLE ASTEROID. By the time I reach GRAVE YARD DAISY, I’m feeling calm again. I pass THE BIG SLEEP and am pretty sure I’ve found a pattern in the plant names. I nod to myself as I remember SILENT STALKER. All the names are morbid.

  Curiosity slings through me. I thought marijuana was a happy thing.

  By the time I catch up to Kellan, he’s at the front left corner of the room, just a few feet from the door through which we entered. To the right of the door is a slab of corkboard countertop, stretched under a row of cedar cabinets. His luscious back stretches as he reaches into one of them.

  I stand behind him as he fiddles with something inside the cabinet.

  “Hey,” I murmur.

  He turns to look at me, lifting his brows in acknowledgment. His mouth is twisted, like he’s irritated by whatever he’s trying to do.

  “Having trouble?”

  He shifts his weight, leaning over the counter as his muscular arm fishes deeper inside the cabinet. “This is one of our water tanks,” he says over his shoulder. “There’s a hose that runs off through this wall,” he says, pointing, “pumping fertilizer. One of our newer strains didn’t like the cocktail we were using, so I changed it up. But the new shit’s clogging all the tubing.”

  “Ugh. That sounds annoying.”

  I think I see him nod, but I can’t tell. His attention is definitely on his task.

  I look down at my boots, but who am I kidding? My eyes are starving for him, and with his back turned, I’m free to gawk without consequence. The first place my pervy gaze goes is his ass, but I don’t want to be a freak, so as soon as I eyeball-hug his taut buns, I drag my eyes up his back. I watch his muscles shift under his shirt. My fingers drift to my cell phone, tucked into the waist of my leggings. I smile, wondering if he would notice me nabbing a little .gif footage for the Smuffins group.

  I roll my eyes at myself. We’re in a grow house—hello, Cleo.

  As I admire the cords of muscle in his neck, the golden hair that blows a little in the light breeze of the fans, I wonder why a rich boy like him would turn to dealing drugs. Does he like the risk? Or was he even a rich boy at all before he started dealing? Maybe he’s like me—but I don’t think so. He seems... well-bred. I’d bet my lumpy little nest egg that a guy like Kellan Walsh knows when to use the two-pronged mini fork.

  When my brain finally tires of imagining Kellan in a tux, his long fingers clutching a teeny tiny spoon, I let my breath out and decide to risk interrupting him.

  “Soooo, these are your strains?” I ask. “Like... yours yours?”

  “Some are,” he says, still yanking on the tube. I admire his strong jaw-line, evident because he’s clenching his teeth. He pulls his arm out of the cabinet and turns to face me, shocking me again with his beauty. He leans his hips against the counter. I have to force my eyes to stay on his.

  “Most of our strains started in California. But we’ve been cross-breeding long enough that we do have our own stuff now.” He shuts the cabinet door and nods at the one leading back into the hall. “Come this way.”

  I follow him back into the hall, marveling that such an amazing grow room is attached to such a normal-looking house. He steps over to a door on the other side of the hall, then pauses to fish his phone out of his pocket.

  He hunches over it, his face bathed in blue light.

  “Just a second,” he says tightly.

  “What’s the matter?”

  A few long seconds later, he stuffs the phone back into his pocket and pushes this new door open without meeting my eyes. “Dealer drama.”

  SEVENTEEN

  Cleo

  He steps into the room, and I follow, so close I can feel his body heat. I don’t realize I’m holding my breath until I let it out. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but I’m relieved to find this room looks much like a stock room—and it’s empty, save us.

  Floor-to-ceiling plywood shelves line all four walls, and another row of shelving splits the room in half. The shelves are stacked with large, blue plastic bins. Two cement aisles running long ways down the room are dotted with tables and weird-looking iron machines. For chopping up the crop and weighing it and stuff?

  I look at Kellan, who’s still clutching his phone.

  “This is the stock room. Pretty straightforward,” he says, without looking up.

  When it seems he isn’t going to say more, I turn away from him, drifting slowly down the aisle.

  He seemed so solicitous before we got here, but since we walked into the house, he’s been acting “off.” So maybe his mood took a turn. So what? What’s bothering me? I try to think, but all I can come up with is the gnawing feeling that I don’t really know what he wants. Yes, he wants to get rid of the competition—if I could even be called that. Yes, he seems to want my body. Those things, I understand. But I’m still not sure why he wants me to live with him. Why he wanted it enough to offer to pay me so exorbitantly. His reticence about the dealer drama underscores what truly bothers me about Kellan: his secrets.

  The double life he’s living is... really double. He’s Chattahoochee College’s golde
n boy, but he runs dealers and was able to lift a gun off me. Why is he paying me to live with him? He said it was so we could learn to work together, then later acted like it was more for sex. But is it really? Why pay me so much? Why, why, why? What am I missing here?

  I fold my arms and inhale deeply. Exhale slowly. I imagine I can feel his eyes burning my back. I stand there another moment, trying to decide if I should mention my concerns and ultimately deciding not to. I do need to stay with him for at least a night or two, after all. Until I can see if Milasy will cool down about the brick. And so I have a little time to try to figure Kellan out.

  After that, if I still feel like there’s too much I don’t know, I’ll figure out a new solution to my homelessness. If there’s any way I can feel okay—or even good—about this weird thing between him and me, I’ll stay. Because I’d really like that money, and if I’m being honest with myself, I’d like to find out more about him, too.

  “Cleo.” He touches my shoulder. “You’re jumpy.” His fingers squeeze as his blue eyes search the waters of my own. “Tell me why.”

  I bite my lip. Because you make me feel unsteady. Because I don’t know if I can trust you. Because I want to find out all your secrets. I say the first thing that pops into my head. “Do you hide weed in teddy bears?”

  He gives a raspy laugh. His lips twitch, like he wants to smile—but by now I know he won’t. “Is that what’s bothering you, Cleo?”

  Sensation tingles under his hand, trickling hotly through my torso like the first wave of anesthesia. I take a small step back and try to pin down my racing thoughts.

  Ah, hell. “What’s bothering me is... I don’t know why you trusted me with this. Enough to bring me here.” It’s not all that’s bothering me, but it’s something tangible I can lob at him.

  He tilts his head, not blinking as he looks at me.

  I press my lips together, mirroring him. “I guess I just don’t understand. Why get this involved with me at all? Don’t get me wrong,” I add, “I’ll deal your stuff, but I don’t see why you need me to know so much about your business. Or to live with you. Like, why you want me to.”