All I Ever Wanted

by Alexa Land

  “It’s perfect,” I murmured as I used a corkscrew to open the wine. “You thought of everything.”

  “Speaking of perfect, you served a delicious meal tonight. Did you hear the wedding party raving about the food?”

  I said, “A few of the guests came into the kitchen afterwards to tell me how much they enjoyed it. So did Conrad and Cat, and that made me happy. I really wanted them to like it.”

  “It was sensational. I know you never eat while you’re working though, so I wanted to make sure you got fed, too.”

  He broke off a piece of French bread and spread on a thick layer of brie while I poured the wine. I handed him a glass, and as he gave me the bread, I said, “Thank you for taking care of me.”

  “You’re welcome.” While I ate, Cole grinned a little. After a moment he said, “I used to get frustrated when you’d go all day without eating, because it often meant you’d end up with a headache, and that would make you crabby. It’s funny though, the things you end up missing. When I look back on it now, I don’t care so much about feeling frustrated. I just miss being able to take care of you at the end of a long day. You don’t like letting people do things for you, but sometimes, after spending twelve or fourteen hours prepping for and then working an event, you’d finally admit defeat and let me feed you. A couple times, you even let me bathe you, or brush your hair, or massage your feet. That was so nice.”

  “You miss that?”

  He nodded. “I guess deep down, I’m a caretaker. I loved having a tangible way of showing you how much you meant to me.”

  “I’m sorry I made you put up with my hunger headaches and crankiness, though. I always felt guilty when I’d run myself into the ground like that and you’d have to pick up the pieces. I felt like I was a burden to you. I never imagined helping me was giving you anything in return.”

  “You probably didn’t know what to make of someone like me. You’ve always taken care of yourself, ever since you were little, because both your parents were basically overgrown teenagers. I remember you telling me you learned to cook as a kid because that was the only way you could be sure there’d be a hot meal on the table every night. It broke my heart.”

  I said, “I just realized I’m still taking care of myself by cooking. Only now, it’s about generating an income rather than worrying about getting fed.”

  “Exactly.”

  I grinned at him. “You seem to have me all figured out.”

  “Well, not a hundred percent. But I have given you, and us, a hell of a lot of thought over the last year.”

  “Same here.” When he grinned, I asked, “Why are you smiling?”

  “It’s just nice. We’re talking, and it’s about real stuff. Not, ‘how was your day?’ or ‘what did you think of that movie?’ We never used to do this.”

  “No, we really didn’t.”

  “It’s no wonder.” He took a sip of wine, then said, “I told you I grew up watching my mom and dad fight like cats and dogs, but I knew they loved each other. When I got involved with Hunter, we fought all the time, because to me, that was how two people in love acted. That was ultimately why he left me. I didn’t want to make the same mistake with you, so I kept everything bottled up. But that itself turned into a huge problem, because it all built up until I couldn’t take it anymore, and then I ended up being the one who left.”

  “I can see that.”

  Cole took another drink and said, “In retrospect, I realize how stupid and insecure I was. I should have just talked to you, even about stuff that might have turned into an argument.”

  “You weren’t stupid, and we were both insecure. I wouldn’t talk about anything, either. If I got hurt or angry, I’d hold it in. It’s no surprise that all those feelings we’d been trying to keep a lid on finally just exploded like a pressure cooker the night of my brother’s art show. I want you to know I’m incredibly sorry for the things I said to you in anger.”

  “I’m sorry about the things I said, too.” He set his glass aside and kissed me gently. Then he rested his forehead against mine and said, “I guess the question now is, did we learn from our mistakes? We know what went wrong, but if we get involved again, what’s going to happen? Because even with all this new-found insight, we’re still the same people deep down, with the same fears and insecurities.”

  “We’ll still make mistakes the second time around. We’re only human. But we’ve also gained a lot of perspective, and I’m trying to grow and become a better person, someone who’s worthy of you, Cole. I wasn’t good enough before. I was immature and clueless. I’d never even been in a relationship, and there was so much I did wrong.”

  He kissed me again and took my face between his hands. “Never say you weren’t good enough, River. Of course you were.”

  “Please give me another chance,” I whispered, “even if I don’t deserve it. I know you’re afraid of getting hurt again. So am I. And I know I said I wouldn’t put any pressure on you, so I shouldn’t be begging you to take me back. But I really believe we can make this work the second time around. We’ve learned so much, and when we hit new bumps in the road, we’ll learn from them, too.”

  “I wonder if we’d really be able to open up to each other. It’s easier now, because we’re not involved. But what if we fall into the same pattern?”

  “We won’t. I won’t let us. Just tell me what you want and I’ll do it.”

  Cole grinned and said, “Well, what I want in the next fifteen minutes is to take care of you.” I grinned too, and traced his cheek with a fingertip as I kissed him gently.

  Then I curled up at his side with my head on his chest and let him feed me some of everything in the basket. He topped it off with a lemon tart, and when he tried to feed me the second one, I said, “That’s for you. I remember how much you like them.” As he ate it, I said, “Thank you again for helping me cook this afternoon. I’m going to pay you for it, by the way. I’m still going to pay Trevor too, of course, because he did a lot of work ahead of time, but I’m going to give you my share.”

  “Oh no, I’m not taking your money! You’ve been prepping for weeks, and all I did was step in for a few hours.”

  “And in that time, you busted your ass and totally saved the day.”

  “I had fun,” he said. “Plus, it feels good to be needed. That’s just what I was saying a few minutes ago about always wanting to help you but rarely getting the opportunity. And of course, I’m going to be right there with you all day tomorrow too, so we can get ready for Sunday.”

  “But you were supposed to do stuff with the wedding party all weekend.”

  “This is so much better. I do want us to join in the grape stomping tomorrow, though. It’ll probably take less than half an hour, and then we can get right back to cooking.”

  “They’re really doing that?” He nodded, and I said, “But no one actually makes wine by squishing grapes with their feet. Never mind that it’s not even harvest season.”

  “It’s something the previous owners of the inn used to do for the tourists. Conrad’s uncle thought it’d be fun for the wedding party, so he’s bringing in a truckload of table grapes and everyone’s giving it a go.”

  “Doesn’t that seem kind of wasteful?”

  Cole grinned at me. “I knew you’d say something about that. The grapes are going to a local farm to feed the livestock when we’re done with them, so you don’t have to worry about wasting food.”

  “Well, that part’s good. I’m not sure about the rest of it, though. Does it really sound fun to you?” When he said it did, I offered him the grapes he’d brought for our picnic and smiled as I said, “Here, go to town on them.”

  He took the bunch and smirked at me. “Come on. Do it with me.”

  “Alright, count me in.”

  He held the grapes over my head, and after I plucked one off with my teeth, he returned the rest to the basket. Then he brushed the hair back from my forehead and asked, “How are you feeling?”

  “M
uch better. Thanks for the picnic, and for being so nice to me.”

  “My pleasure.” He took off his glasses and set them aside, and then his lips met mine. When I deepened the kiss, he swung me onto my back and stretched out with one leg draped over my thigh.

  Being in such close proximity to Cole had left me aching for him, and as we kissed, my cock throbbed. I could feel his hard-on against my thigh, so I knew he was just as affected. His tongue claimed my mouth as his hand slid down to massage the bulge in my pants, and I drew in a quick breath.

  I rolled us over and straddled him, kissing him hungrily as I fumbled with the buttons on his shirt. Cole grabbed my ass with both hands and ground his cock against mine. Then he grabbed the front of my shirt and pulled it apart, sending buttons flying everywhere. I grinned against his lips as I unfastened the last button on his shirt, exposing his smooth, sexy chest.

  He looked so fucking good. I slid down his body and licked and sucked his nipples while I unfastened his belt. My heart was pounding. I couldn’t get him undressed fast enough. He made quick work of my belt and zipper, then slid his hand into my pants and grasped my stiff cock. I bucked into his hand and moaned, and he freed his erection from his clothes and started stroking both of us.

  Even though that felt fantastic, I was desperate to suck him, so after a minute or two, I slid further down his body and wrapped my mouth around his cock. I took him to the root, then dragged my lips up his thick shaft until I reached the tip, where a drop of precum was waiting for me. Cole rocked his hips, thrusting into my mouth. He was wild with need. We both were.

  I’d missed every single detail, the way he tasted, the feel of his skin, the sounds he made when he was overcome with pleasure, all of it. When our eyes met, heat shot through me. I ran my tongue down his shaft and licked his balls, then jerked him off as I sucked him, still holding his gaze. Minutes later, he cried out as he started to cum, tangling his fingers in my hair. I savored his taste. Again and again, he shot down my throat. I kept sucking him, riding out his orgasm before easing him down gently.

  When I sat up, Cole practically tackled me. He fell on top of me and claimed my mouth, and I moaned against his lips as he grasped my cock. He jerked me off as he kissed me, and I ran my hands under his shirt and clutched him tightly. He went down on me a minute before I came, sucking me hard. I yelled as I arched off the stage and shot into his warm, wet, insistent mouth. It was so intense that I gripped the blanket beneath me with both hands, as if that would somehow hold me together.

  By the time my orgasm ebbed, I was shaking. Cole zipped me up, kissed my forehead and covered me with the edge of the blanket. Then he got to his feet and dressed quickly, and began shining the light from his phone around the stage and gathering something up.

  Once I caught my breath, I asked, “What are you doing?”

  “Collecting the buttons from your shirt so I can sew them back on later. Sorry about getting a bit overzealous.”

  “You don’t have to do that. Just come here.”

  “I’ve found almost all of them. Ah, there we go.” He stooped to pick up one more button and deposited them in the picnic basket before joining me on the blanket.

  He curled up in my arms, and I draped the flap of the blanket over both of us as I said, “For the record, I like it when you’re overzealous.”

  He grinned and kissed me, and then he rested his head on my chest. After a while, he said, “I’ve been giving it a lot of thought, not just this weekend, but over the last year, and I want us to try again, River. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. But I have to try.”

  I was so overcome with emotion that all I could do was whisper, “Thank you.”

  He looked up at me, and his dark eyes searched mine. “We need to ease back into this. We can’t just pick up where we left off, as if nothing happened.”

  “You’re absolutely right. You know, I meant what I said about taking you out and wooing you.”

  He grinned at me and shook his head. “You need another word for that. And while I look forward to going on dates with you, please don’t go to a lot of trouble. I don’t want you to put pressure on yourself to try to come up with anything big or elaborate. Maybe just invite me to your place and cook us dinner. That’s pretty foolproof.”

  That made me smile. “Not necessarily. Last weekend, Nana tried to set me up with a firefighter named Dylan, and I did exactly that. I just invited him over for a meal. Turns out, even simple plans can totally spiral out of control.”

  “What happened?”

  I said, “Hurricane Quinn happened. My roommate is certifiable. Add to that the fact that Dylan and I both really didn’t want to be there, and the whole thing was doomed from the start.”

  “Why didn’t either of you want to be there?”

  “Because we’re both in love with other people,” I said, and kissed his forehead. Then I added, “But he and I ended up as friends after Quinmageddon, so the date from hell was worth it.” I recounted my roommate’s interventions in vivid detail. Cole was wiping tears of laughter from his eyes by the end of the story.

  After he caught his breath, he asked, “Where are you and Quinn living? I heard you moved out of our apartment.”

  “Yeah. There were just too many memories there. I moved into this plain little box of a two-bedroom apartment in the Outer Sunset, and Skye and Dare found me a roommate. I still haven’t forgiven them.”

  “You’re close to the beach. That part’s good, right? Convenient whenever you want to go surfing.”

  “I do like that about my neighborhood. But I’m on the outskirts of the city, and it barely feels like I’m living in San Francisco.”

  “I can see that.”

  “What about you,” I asked, “where are you living?”

  “I’m sharing a duplex in Hayes Valley with this guy named Duke.”

  “Duke? Seriously?”

  “It’s just a nickname. He won’t tell me his real name, because he says it’s embarrassing.”

  I frowned at that and said, “You’re roommates with someone, but you don’t know his name?”

  “I don’t think anyone knows it. Everyone just calls him Duke, or Officer Blumenthal.”

  “Oh wait, I think I’ve met him. Doesn’t he work with Jamie’s cousin Finn?”

  “Yup. Jamie introduced us when I was looking for an apartment.”

  “What’s Duke like?”

  “He’s this huge guy, like six-eight and solid muscle. He always looks like he’s frowning, so people expect him to be a total badass. Really though, he’s a nice guy, and very quiet. He spends a lot of time baking.”

  “Seriously? You live with a giant, baking cop?”

  “Yup. He’s good at it, too. I’ve started running an extra five miles a week to compensate for all the cookies and cakes he keeps sharing with me. Fortunately, he takes the majority of his creations to work with him. You know I have a raging sweet tooth, so it’s tough to live with Betty Crocker.”

  “Sounds like you’re happy living there.”

  “I am, overall. He’s a total neat freak though, which is a bit annoying. I think that’s what drove off his last roommate. And since he owns the duplex, I tend to feel like a guest in my own home. He has the living room decorated just so, and I’m afraid of messing anything up. I once moved a knickknack over about half an inch, and he actually noticed. As soon as he came into the room, he put it back in its original position.”

  “Wow.”

  “Right?”

  I asked, “What kind of knickknacks?”

  “They’re these weird little fussy figurines. He says they were gifts from his grandmother, which I guess almost explains them, since they remind me of stuff you’d find in an old lady’s parlor. You’ll see them for yourself when you pick me up for our date.”

  “Well, I look forward to that. What night can I take you out?”

  “I’m free Monday, although that’s not exactly your typical date night. After that, I work the next six
evenings,” he said. “I wanted to make up for the time I took off this weekend, so I picked up a few extra dinner shifts at Nolan’s.”

  “Monday’s perfect. It means I won’t have to wait too long before I get to see you again.” He smiled and curled up against my chest. When he closed his eyes, I asked, “Do you want to head back to the inn?”

  He shook his head. “I feel so good right now. Let’s stay here a little longer.”

  Cole fell asleep in my arms a couple minutes later, and I held him securely and whispered, “Please don’t let me screw this up.”

  Chapter Seven

  “So, let’s see. We have a salad mountain, two vats of potato-leek soup that are big enough to soak in, and an array of fully prepped side dishes to complement three scrumptious entrées. The only possible conclusion I can draw from all of this is that we’re killing it!” Darwin flashed us a huge smile as he leaned against the sink.

  It was around four p.m. on Saturday, and we were right on track. I used a thick, red pen to draw lines through every task we’d completed on my lists and felt a sense of satisfaction at the visual reminder of how far we’d come. We’d been cooking since seven in the morning and had pulled off another successful brunch before plunging headlong into everything that could be done ahead of time for Sunday’s reception dinner.

  Cole rested his hand on my lower back and said, “It’s time for a break. Let’s go outside for a few minutes.”