All I Ever Wanted

by Alexa Land

  “Let’s just wait and see what happens. I hope those kids work it out. I’ve always liked my nephew, and Cat is sensational. The rest of those people really are a bunch of pretentious douchebags, my brother included, and Conrad and Cat are better off without them.” He smoothed his goatee with a finger and thumb, then glanced up at his silver hair and plucked a stray grape skin from his bangs as he muttered, “I’m glad I didn’t go with Concord grapes, those stain like nobody’s business.”

  “Good call,” I said.

  “I’m going to head home and get cleaned up. Will someone please let me know if and when my nephew and his fiancé return?” We promised to call him, and Ethan Ballantine texted his driver, then raised his highball glass in a toast before heading toward the inn, drink in hand.

  “I think we all could use a shower,” Darwin said as he brushed grape mash off his black T-shirt. “Should I meet you in the kitchen after that?”

  I murmured, “Maybe we should hold off on any more cooking for now….”

  “I agree,” Dmitri said as he and Jamie joined us. “I think we all should take the afternoon off and hope for the best. Tonight or tomorrow, Cat will tell us what she wants to do. If the original plans are still on, we’ll recruit some help to get the food done. But I really can’t imagine my cousin and her fiancé will want to go through with the huge reception full of his parents’ guests. Not after all of that.”

  Dmitri’s sisters took over the bar and started pouring themselves drinks, while Darwin went with Dmitri and Jamie to round up their daughter. Lily was across the lawn, darting in and out of the huge, white tent with Lena and Marley’s twin five-year-old boys. Cole and I brushed off as much pulp as we could and headed to the inn.

  We left our grape-soaked shoes by the back door before going inside. Fortunately, Conrad’s friends and family had wasted no time in grabbing their things and clearing out, so the upstairs hallway was deserted.

  When we reached the door to Cole’s room, I turned to him and asked, “Want to meet out on the patio after we get cleaned up?”

  He looked adorably shy as he said, “Actually, maybe we could shower together.”

  My pulse quickened, but I had to ask. “You sure? I think we both know where that’ll lead.”

  He leaned into me and nuzzled my cheek as he whispered, “I need you to fuck me, River. I need that so damn bad.” My cock throbbed at those words, and I kissed him with raw hunger as I clutched his body to mine.

  Cole managed to get the door open without breaking the kiss, and we both tumbled into the room and started tearing each other’s clothes off. We forgot about the shower and ended up naked on the bedroom floor. He was all over me, stroking and kissing and caressing my body, as if he couldn’t get enough. It drove me absolutely wild. I grabbed his ass, and when I licked his neck, he tasted like ripe fruit, and salt, and Cole. It was an intoxicating combination.

  He sucked my nipple, then murmured, “You taste so sweet. Sweeter than usual.” Then he licked my chest, my neck, my ear, and I rolled partly on top of him, grasped his cock and mine with one hand, and started jerking both of us off. It made him gasp with pleasure and writhe beneath me.

  As much as I would have liked to make our first time back together sweet and romantic, it just wasn’t going to happen, not given how much we were both aching for each other after a year. Longer than that, actually, because we’d stopped having sex as soon as our relationship began to unravel. When I thought about that, I realized Cole’s willingness to take me to bed was huge. It showed so much trust after all we’d been through, after all the hurt and anger, after all that time apart. I murmured, “Thank you,” before kissing him.

  Cole smiled against my lips, then asked, “What are you thanking me for?”

  “This. You. Everything.” I kissed him between each word, and he wrapped his arms around me and held me tight. God, it felt good.

  He bit my earlobe lightly, and then he whispered, “Fuck me, River.”

  “We need lube,” I said as I slid my fingers between his ass cheeks and skimmed his hole.

  “I might have some in my travel case.”

  I said, “I’ll get it,” and started to get up, but he caught my hand.

  “I don’t have any condoms, though.”

  I knelt beside him and searched his face. We’d been monogamous when we were a couple, and we’d gotten tested and stopped using rubbers a couple months into our relationship. So, I assumed he was bringing it up because he’d had sex with other people during our year apart. I had no business feeling jealous, but there it was.

  My random, misplaced jealousy was the last thing we needed though, so I tried to push it aside and said, “I don’t have any, either. Maybe I could ask around, see if any of our friends do. Or I could drive into town and buy some.”

  Cole sat up and studied me closely as he said, “It’s so stupid that I feel jealous right now. We weren’t even together this past year.”

  “Wait, why do you feel jealous?”

  “Well, because I know you must have slept with people while we were apart, but I had no claim on you after we broke up, so—”

  “I haven’t slept with anyone.”

  His eyes went wide. “You haven’t?”

  I said, “I tried going out and meeting people, but I just couldn’t follow through. I never stopped loving you, Cole, and I didn’t want to take anyone else to bed.” A smile spread across his face, and I grinned and said, “Did you really think I spent the last year sleeping my way through San Francisco?”

  “No, but I knew you had a pretty casual attitude toward sex when we got together, so I figured you would have gone out and gotten laid after we broke up.”

  “Nope. And when you mentioned condoms, I got jealous too,” I admitted. “I thought you were asking because you’d hooked up with someone over the last year.”

  “I’ve only slept with two guys in my life, and both of those were long-term relationships. I guess my attitude toward sex is kind of uptight.”

  “Not really,” I said as I brushed his hair from his eyes. “You just weren’t raised by a bunch of hippies who think it’s still the summer of love.” He glanced left and right, and I asked, “What are you looking for?”

  “My glasses. Did you see where they ended up?”

  “They’re near the bed, on top of your T-shirt,” I said. “I could get them for you, or I could lead you to the shower and we could pick up where we left off.” He got to his feet and grinned at me as he took my hand.

  While we waited for the water to heat up, Cole leaned against me and said, “I’m sorry I derailed us with my condom question. I should have talked to you about it sooner, not when we were minutes away from having sex.”

  “How do you work that into a conversation, though? ‘Hey, nice to see you. So, have you been screwing loads of people while we’ve been apart?’ That’s kind of awkward.”

  That made him smile. “Yeah it’s awkward, especially when you phrase it like that.”

  We stepped into the combination tub/shower together, and as he let the water run over his back and shoulders, I lathered my hands with Cole’s body wash and ran them over his smooth skin. “I’ll miss the grape juice,” I joked. “It tasted great on you.”

  “I liked it on you, too. I guess we’ll have to figure out how to incorporate that in the future.” He glanced at me over his shoulder, and his smile widened. “Food fights as foreplay. We could invent a brand new kink.”

  I chuckled at that and ran my soapy hands over the curve of his ass. My cock instantly responded, and I leaned into him and rubbed my growing erection between his cheeks. Cole ground his ass against me, and when I reached around him and ran my palm over his cock, I found he was getting hard again, too.

  When he looked back at me, I claimed his mouth in a passionate kiss. In a matter of moments, we were right back where we’d been. He turned to face me and grabbed me in an embrace as he pushed his tongue into my mouth. I rubbed my cock against his, and he slid h
is hands down my back, grabbed my ass, and pulled me against him.

  I traced a line up and down his ass crack before pushing a wet fingertip into his hole. I played with his ass for just a few moments, then leaned out of the shower and dried my hands before rummaging through the travel kit on the vanity. It was hard to focus, because Cole grasped my cock and began jerking me off hard and fast. Finally, at the very bottom of the bag, I found a half-empty bottle of lube. I actually recognized it by its torn label, an artifact from our days as a couple.

  Cole turned his back to me, positioned himself out of the stream of water, and leaned over, resting his forearms against the white tile of the shower wall as I squirted some lube on my fingers. I worked it into him carefully, opening him up, and he rocked back onto my hand. By the time he’d taken two fingers, we could barely contain ourselves. He jerked himself off and moaned as I massaged his prostate and rubbed my hard cock against his ass.

  I grabbed the lube again and slicked my cock, then sank into him. He was unbelievably tight, and I didn’t rush it, advancing just a fraction of an inch at a time while he bore down to open himself up for me. When I was in him balls deep, I paused to let him adjust. Cole took a deep breath, and I swung the shower head around to run hot water over his body before gently massaging his back.

  After a moment, he rocked back and forth on my cock, sliding almost to the tip before taking all of me again. I knew that motion well. It was how Cole told me he was ready.

  I grasped his narrow hips and began thrusting in and out of him. In just a few moments, we established a steady rhythm. I was completely overwhelmed with lust and need and emotion, and when Cole looked over his shoulder, I cupped his cheek and kissed him hungrily. Water ran down our bodies as we fucked wildly, my hips slamming into his ass, the sound echoing through the bathroom. I wrapped an arm around him, pinning his body to mine, and began to jerk him off.

  He cried out, pushing himself back, impaling himself on my cock again and again. It was so intense that it overwhelmed my senses. I couldn’t think, couldn’t speak. It felt as if every nerve ending was electrified.

  In just a few minutes, my orgasm tore from my body. I thrust into him almost violently, and he drove himself back hard, bracing his hands against the tile. In the next instant, his cock twitched in my hand, and then he was cumming, too, spraying the wall and bucking his hips as he threw his head back and moaned. I clutched him to me, and Cole put his head on my shoulder and reached behind him, gripping the back of my neck, holding on to me as I drove myself into him.

  It took a while to come back down after that huge orgasm. I gasped for breath as my heart pounded. Beneath my palm, Cole’s heartbeat was just as rapid and a tremor went through his body. My legs were weak, so I slid from his body and carefully lowered both of us into the tub. As he settled in between my legs and put his head on my chest, I used my foot to flip the lever that blocked off the drain, then slid the handle that changed the flow of water from a shower to a bath.

  While the tub filled, I wrapped my arms around him and nuzzled his hair. He clung to me with his head tucked under my chin, not saying anything, just holding on tight. When the tub was full, I awkwardly shut off the water with my toe, and then I asked, “Are you okay?”

  He nodded, and after a moment he whispered, “I love you so much, River.”

  “Why do I feel like there’s a ‘but’ coming?”

  “There isn’t. I’m just worried. We agreed that we couldn’t pick up where we left off, as if nothing had happened, but look at us. How do we expect to take it slow when being together is so intense and so totally overpowering?”

  “I don’t know, but we’ll figure it out.”

  He tilted his head back and looked up at me, and I traced his jaw with my fingertips as he said, “Remember when we first got together? It was just like this. You took me home and fucked me within minutes of meeting me, and we were together from that point forward. It’s even more overwhelming now. Back then it was just lust, we didn’t fall in love until later. But now, it’s both.”

  “I know it’s asking a lot, but you just have to trust me, Cole. I love you so much. And I’ve learned from my mistakes. I also learned how empty and meaningless my life is without you, so please believe me when I say I’m totally committed to making this work.” He looked into my eyes and nodded.

  We stayed in the tub a long time, refreshing the water whenever it started to cool. I shampooed Cole’s hair, then washed his body and gently massaged him. He let me see a side of him that rarely came out as he let me care for him, an almost childlike vulnerability. It made me feel so protective of him.

  Slowly, Cole came back to himself. He sat up, ran more hot water into the tub, and reached for the shampoo. And then, our roles reversed and he became the caretaker. I relaxed in his arms as he washed my hair and tipped me back. He scooped warm water onto my forehead and let it run through my hair, rinsing out the suds. When his gaze met mine, I whispered, “I absolutely adore you, Cole Ealy.”

  A gentle smile curved the corner of his lips. “I adore you, too.”

  Eventually, we left the tub and dried off. Back in the bedroom, I sat on the edge of the mattress and pulled Cole onto my lap. He draped his arms over my shoulders and kissed me before asking, “Are you tired? We could take a nap if you wanted to.”

  “I feel great, actually. What about you?”

  “I’m feeling very relaxed. I’m getting hungry though, and I bet you are, too.”

  “Then let’s go into town, and I’ll take you to dinner.” I smiled at him and added, “We can practice dating.”

  He got up and pulled me to my feet, and his beautiful dark eyes sparkled as he said, “Great idea.”

  *****

  Calistoga, California had the feeling of a sleepy small town, like many of its neighbors in the Napa Valley. But while some of them tended to feel a bit pretentious, Calistoga seemed more relaxed. Not that it lacked plenty of upscale businesses. It was as famous for its surrounding wineries as it was for its hot springs, and several high-end spas catered to tourists, who were out in droves that warm Saturday night in June.

  The main street was lined with historic buildings and covered sidewalks dating from the eighteen-hundreds. I parked my van at the south end of downtown, and as Cole and I strolled down Lincoln Avenue looking for a place to eat, I reached for his hand. He didn’t take it though, and when I glanced at him, he murmured, “We’re not in San Francisco right now, River. I don’t want to seem paranoid, or like I’m trying to hide in the closet or anything. You know I’ve been out since I was a kid. I just….”

  His voice trailed off, and I asked, “Does this place remind you of where you grew up?” He nodded, looking at the sidewalk, and I said softly, “I get it. If you’re feeling worried about someone lashing out at us, we don’t have to hold hands.”

  “Gomsburg, Idaho has a historic downtown that’s sort of like this. I just had a flashback to the time I got cornered by three of my classmates in a little alley between two buildings. They called me a fag and beat the shit out of me. All I was doing was going to the grocery store for my mom, but they followed me, and then they ganged up on me.” Cole exhaled slowly, and then he said, “I felt so unsafe there.”

  “God, that’s awful. I’m so sorry that happened to you.”

  “It was. I’m being stupid, though. Calistoga is nothing like Gomsburg.” Cole finally met my gaze and asked, “How did you know what I was thinking about?”

  “You often get spooked when you think about that hellhole.”

  He studied me for a long moment, then said, “It’s surprising how well you know me.”

  “I do know you, and I know you’re so strong, Cole. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met, and I love the fact that you’re out and proud. But if you don’t feel safe here, then I’ll totally respect your wishes and hold off on the PDA.”

  After another moment, he grinned a little. Then he pulled me to him and muttered, “Fuck the haters,” before k
issing me. I smiled against his lips, then returned the kiss passionately, right there in the middle of the sidewalk, giving dozens of tourists a great, big eyeful.

  When someone to my right said, “Get a room,” Cole and I both stuck our arms out and flipped them off. But then, a familiar chuckle made us look up.

  Jamie and Dmitri were all smiles as they come up to us, and Jamie said, “Sorry to interrupt.”

  I asked, “What are you guys up to?”

  “We were trying to find someplace to eat, but all the restaurants are packed,” Dmitri said.

  Cole muttered, “That’s really too bad, because I’m starving.”

  I thought about it, then said, “I actually know how we can get into the finest restaurant in town. Maybe it’s kind of a tacky idea, though.”

  “I have no problem with tacky,” Jamie said, “especially if it gets me fed.”

  “In that case, follow me.” I stepped out to the curb and looked both ways, and Cole grabbed my hand. That made me smile. We jogged across the street together, then walked about half a block with our friends, until we reached a world-famous restaurant called the Paris Market.

  “We can’t eat here,” Dmitri said. “It books up months in advance.”

  “But we have a reservation. Kind of,” I said with a little grin. “I feel a bit guilty, because Cat and Conrad aren’t here to enjoy it with us. But why let the reservation Conrad’s parents made go to waste?”

  “I’ve always wanted to eat here,” Cole said. “But are we dressed alright? It must be jacket-and-tie only.” We were all in button-down shirts and dress pants, and I thought we looked good, but Cole had a point about needing a tie.

  “We’re fine,” Dmitri said. “I read an article about this place. The celebrity chef who owns it wanted his restaurant to have a relaxed atmosphere, so it doesn’t have a strict dress code. They’ll kick you out if you show up in a tank top and flip-flops, but that’s about it.”

  “The reservation was for about two dozen people, though. Aren’t they going to say something about that?” I asked.