Tears of Tess

by Pepper Winters

  Q pressed hips into mine, sandwiching his entire body against me. “Stop fighting, esclave!”

  He managed to capture my arms, pinning them in his hands. My tattoo burned along with rope injuries. A knee forced my legs apart, effectively trapping me.

  I whimpered as my body once again disobeyed and grew hot beneath his touch. My heart rabbited as Q pressed his forehead against mine. His eyes blazed me to the core. “Arrêt.”

  I stopped breathing, suspended by the hard-edged yearning in his voice.

  I cocked my chin. “No.”

  He sighed heavily, pushing away, but keeping hold of my wrist. My muscles trembled as he dragged me through the hidden door and down the steps. He tugged too hard and I tripped.

  I landed against his back, causing him to almost fall. Arms came up, wrapping around, pressing us against the banister, stabilizing.

  “Merde,” he muttered. “Can you not even walk? Is that why they gave you to me? Were you the reject? The one they couldn’t sell for top dollar?”

  His words slapped, sharp and stinging.

  Is that what happened? I’d disrupted their sick operation by standing up to Leather Jacket, the weak bastards removed me before I screwed everything. Anger as well as happiness heated. Anger that they dismissed me as the reject, happiness at standing up to them.

  Thank God, I fought. I didn’t know how much danger I faced with Q, but I knew in my bones it was better than Mexico. I could’ve been drugged, raped repeatedly, and left to die in my own vomit. Now, I had to deal with a millionaire with issues.

  See, Tess. Whatever happens, it’s not as bad as it could’ve been.

  Perversely, I took strength in that. I still had wits, and consciousness. I was still fundamentally me, if only hidden beneath my gutter mouth, fierce persona.

  When I didn’t answer, Q pulled me down the remaining stairs. The narrow flight ended, depositing us in a shadowed cave of a gaming room. To the right, an apple velvet pool table glowed beneath a low hung red chandelier. To the left, a sparkling bar with cut crystal sprinkled rainbows against the wall under spotlights. Wood panels on the walls and ceiling entombed us. All it needed were wisps of cigar smoke and smell of hard liquor.

  The air was hushed, private. A man’s heaven.

  Q threw me to the side, almost like he couldn’t touch me any longer. I stumbled with momentum, toward the pool table. Balls clacked together as I disrupted the neat triangle with an elbow.

  I made to turn, to face him, but his hot length folded me, pushing me hard against the felt. I cried out as he forced my face against the table and ground hips into my ass.

  I thought I’d been afraid up till this point. But I wasn’t, not really. Being trapped beneath his body, with hot breath on my neck, reminded he was the predator and I was his prey. It degraded, put me in my place, all the while my blood flowed faster, breath turned cloying in my lungs.

  I fought.

  Wriggling, I tried to buck him off. “Let me go!”

  Fingers tightened in answer, pinning me harder in place. I turned feral; my hands grabbed a heavy pool ball and tried to smash his head behind. “Motherfucker, take your hands off me.”

  Q moaned, sounding tortured and lost, but didn’t say anything. Heavy breathing disrupted the quiet tranquillity of the den.

  His silence disconcerted me. I had no clue what he thought, or planned. The quiet amplified other senses, heightened my pain in bruises, and the worst horror, the wetness between my legs.

  If Brax ever did this—treated me with such ferocity—I’d have come in a moment. I read the mind turned sex from good to great. Being forced would ruin me, so why did my body ignore my fear and soften?

  I’d gone from fighting to primed, ready, even as my heart stuttered and panicked.

  Q seemed to sense my acquiescence. He rocked gently, causing more heated blood to rush. He sucked in a breath, then a soft, slightly trembling hand landed on my hair, stroking, petting. Ever so slowly, he tucked blonde strands behind my ears, worshipping me with touch.

  My heart unwound a little, soothed by gentleness. He forced me to surrender and accept his warped kindness.

  Minutes of stroking turned my bones to molten and his touch dropped to caress my shoulder, my spine, never more than a whisper, but threatening just the same.

  I expected roughness, yet he showed tenderness. How could I compete with that? Stay strong and fight when every animalistic part reacted to him.

  I whimpered as fingers trailed down my ribcage, slinking to the side and the swell of a breast.

  He hummed in his throat, a sound full of restraint, but also a warning. Slowly, fingers stroked, running circles over a tender breast, arching closer to my nipple with every touch.

  My nipples tightened, puckering with need. The knowledge he was about to touch me so intimately made me pant. My reaction flared Q, and he fisted a hand in my hair, tugging my torso off the felt. His hips kept mine pinned between him and the table.

  I yelped as my scalp smarted, but at the same time pleasure radiated, fiery and hot. My entire body burned.

  One hand cupped my breast, squeezing a nipple. His hot mouth descended on my neck, biting with sharp teeth.

  I couldn’t control my body, but I didn’t want him thinking I wanted this. I didn’t. Not at all. “Stop. Please, don’t.”

  I squeezed my eyes, wishing my mind could fly free from the overwhelming guilt crushing my soul. Guilt for reacting. Guilt for desperately wanting more. Guilt for wanting to kill him.

  Q murmured something in French. Minty breath drifted over highly sensitive skin. His hand kneaded my breast, firmer, harder than Brax ever did. He rolled my nipple between dexterous fingers and an unwilling moan crawled up my throat.

  Q tensed, pressing a hard cock firm against my ass. “Putain, I want you so fucking much.”

  He pinched my nipple and the flair of pain twisted my stomach. The pinch signified something—a claiming. “What is this?” he whispered darkly.

  Q no longer bound himself to whatever rules he played by. Knowing sent aching need between my legs. I tried to stop lust from swarming, fogging, but I couldn’t.

  I couldn’t breathe. Brax’s blue eyes filled my mind. What was I doing? Brax would hate me for eternity if I let this happen. It didn’t matter if I had no choice… I couldn’t return to him after being used by another. Tears bruised, hating my weakness, hating my body.

  Q bit my neck again, pressing lips along my collarbone, his expensive suit rasped against my back. “Tell me, esclave. What am I touching?”

  My mind whirred with white noise, detaching itself. He may use my body, but my soul wouldn’t be broken. I’d remain untouched. Untouchable.

  When I didn’t answer, he thrust against my ass, making me cry out. “What is this?”

  “M—my nipple.”

  He bit the shell of my ear, breath gruff and loud. “Wrong. This is mine.” He let me go and I breathed in relief, then froze as he touched my ass. Fingers sent fiery trails along my skin in agonisingly soft strokes, working inward, working down.

  Legs trembled, breathing quickened, and my traitorous body preened, softening for more.

  Q murmured, “Your skin is so soft here.” His touch fluttered higher, inching closer.

  A tear oozed and dripped onto the felt, turning apple to forest.

  Q sucked in a breath. “I’m hurting you so much you need to cry? Have I hit you? Beat you?”

  I shook my head, unable to answer.

  His touch went from fluttering to branding. I gasped as an invasive hand cupped between my legs. Embarrassment, need, desire, loathing, all shot through my heart.

  One fingertip brushed against my entrance through damp knickers. “So wet, ma chérie.” He ran his nose down my neck as his fingertip found my clit. I bucked in his arms. His chest strained against my back. “Your body doesn’t lie. It likes it. It likes me.”

  “I may not be able to control my physical response, but don’t confuse anything with me likin
g you,” I half-panted, half-snarled. “I won’t. Ever.”

  He chuckled, sending vibrations. “So determined to fight? Fine.” In a sharp move, he grabbed the back of my neck and pushed me toward the pool table again. Bent over, a finger moved firmer against my core. “What is this?” he whispered.

  My cheeks flared with heat; I wished to be far, far away.

  “Answer me, esclave.”

  “My vagina.”

  He chuckled, cupping harder. “Wrong again.” Expert fingers worked the sides of my knickers, easing them to the left, exposing me. Everything inside tightened, wound, twisted. Oh, God.

  Why was this happening? Brax. I didn’t want to replace memories of him with this monster who thought he owned me. Don’t think. Tears slipped silently.

  The smell of sandal wood and citrus filled my nose as Q settled over me. He didn’t touch, which made it worse. His fingers were there; the heat of his skin blazed against my thigh. Anticipation drove me wild as much as it killed, knowing what was to come.

  Q fisted my hair, tilting my head to the side. His mouth descended on mine, a tongue opening the seam of my lips effortlessly, despite clamping shut. The moment his tongue entered my mouth, a finger plunged into me, hard and fast.

  “Oh, God.” My mouth opened wide; I trembled with the onslaught—the act of ownership. He wasn’t gentle, he wasn’t sweet.

  “This is mine. Everything is…”

  I knew what he wanted. The word balanced on my tongue but I swallowed. I would never say it.

  “Mine,” he growled. With no warning, he inserted another finger and fucked me, plunging deep and fast, my body quivering with hunger. My breath was harsh, too fast. I’d never been taken so completely. Nothing else mattered but his fingers inside, and the relentless rhythm he set. The sharp banding of an orgasm sparked in surprise; I moaned. I couldn’t climax. That would be the ultimate betrayal.

  I bucked, trying to remove his fingers, but he pressed harder, grinding his cock into my ass. “Merde, you’re so wet. Wet for me.” Surprise layered his voice, almost reverent. Had he never made a woman wet before? That couldn’t be true, not with the expert way he dragged repulsive need from me. I hadn’t gone Stockholmy—I hated him, knew what he did was wrong, but my body, shit, my body didn’t care.

  Q gave me something I needed since I’d started dreaming of sinful things, started looking at images online of men fucking women with a fine edge of violence.

  Q rocked his hips again, and I rocked back, against my will. He sucked in a breath, tickling my neck. Even as I fought to get free, my core rippled with pleasure. His dominance created an unwanted, potent cocktail in my brain. I don’t want this. Stop!

  His fingers thrust inside, drawing more moisture from my body.

  He sighed heavily, working a knee between my legs, splaying me wider. I lost balance and his fingers slipped out, gripping my hip.

  His legs bent, and he grinded a trouser-covered erection against my wetness. He rocked, hard as steel and hot as a branding iron.

  Little stars exploded behind my eyes. Only fabric stopped him from taking me. I hated every thrust. “Please…don’t,” I cried. Tears ran uncontrollably, joining the stain below.

  He struggled to talk, deep and ruff. “You chose option one. Remember?”

  Pressing an elbow into my back, he fumbled behind me. Hips disappeared as he unzipped his fly. The sound of metal teeth unzipping terrified me and I snapped. My body may want this, but I sure as hell didn’t.

  I jerked upright, ignoring the pain of his elbow. I feinted to the side, kicking his kneecap. His leg gave out, but he caught himself on the edge of the table. “Don’t fight. You’ll only make it worse.”

  How many times had I heard that? And every time it turned out to be the truth. But I couldn’t not fight. I’d never be able to live with myself.

  I breathed so hard my lungs ached. I looked frantically for the stairs. Where the hell were the fucking stairs?

  I made to run, just as Q recovered. He lurched and wrapped arms around my heaving chest, dragging us to the floor. We landed in a pile of limbs, my rib screaming. Q’s fly was undone, trousers hanging precariously on his hips. My knickers were bunched to the side and oversensitive flesh swollen, needing a release. No! I’m not turned on. I’m not broken. Not yet.

  Manic possession scorched his eyes, and I slapped him. Q reared back, lips twisted. Violence bristled as he slammed me down, securing himself above.

  I froze, locking my knees together so he couldn’t settle between my legs. He clutched my chin, forcing me to look deep into his gaze. “What are you?”

  I squirmed, hating the hunger in his voice, echoing the budding need in mine. I was sick to think I ever wanted this with Brax. But I never wanted this with Brax. I wanted light role-play, tame bondage, nothing like this. Please, not like this.

  Q shocked me silent as he kissed my throat. He lingered, breathing deep. My stomach flipped. Pulling back, shock resonated in his face, as if he hadn’t meant to resort to being gentle.

  A conflict of emotions skittered in his eyes, dampening undisguised lust, twisting it into something else. He sounded regretful, “Say it, and I’ll let you go. I won’t hurt you. I won’t rape you. Not tonight.”

  I bit my lip. If I said it, I threw myself at his mercy, but if I didn’t say it, I’d be raped and I couldn’t handle that. Not after the trauma of everything. Not after my entire world dumped me and left me bereft. Especially not with my body being enemy number one.

  “Esclave, say it.” His mouth tickled my ear again, words vibrating through flesh.

  My fight drained, the will to disobey unspooled into meekness. “Yours,” I breathed, sick to my stomach, wanting to scrub my mouth out.

  He kissed me, so, so softly, smelling like mint and lust—if lust had a smell. “Again.”

  I shook my head, trying to get free. Q’s arms banded tighter, dragging me against his rock hard erection. “Don’t test me. My strength to let you go is almost at breaking point. Push again, and I won’t be able to stop.”

  “Why hesitate? That’s what you mean to do, isn’t it? Ruin me. Keep me captive. A sex slave. Treat me like some animal to use and abuse?” I whispered, but my tone crackled with anger, fierce and bright.

  “I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to take from you,” he murmured. My heart stopped. His tone hinted his thoughts—remorse.

  “What do you want, then?” I raised an eyebrow in confusion.

  Q paused, a flutter of fingers caressed my arm, imprisoning me, then stopped as if he did so unconsciously. “You know what I want, esclave.”

  My heart hurt. I couldn’t keep up. One moment he touched as if I were an irreplaceable piece of art, the next he held me as if I was a bitch needing a lesson. He shook me, growling in my ear. “I need you to say it again, then you can go.”

  Two options. Two decisions. Neither was easy. Both had consequences. But, for now, I chose the one protecting my virtue for another night.

  I hung my head and murmured, “Yours.”

  *Skylark*

  The next day, Suzette came for me.

  I hadn’t slept a wink. The moment Q let me go, I sprinted up the stairs and into my cage.

  The elements of a door and walls helped contain the rising panic attack. I pushed the chest of drawers across the door and huddled in the middle of the bed. But I couldn’t fall asleep, just in case Q came back to finish what he started.

  All night, I battled with repeating nausea and a body too hot. I couldn’t evict the fright from my lungs or the shame in my heart. Not because of what Q did—touched, made me wet against my wishes—but because of the dark part that wanted him to take me. I wanted it so damn much.

  Eyes remained dry, but my heart wept. Q was my punishment for making Brax so uncomfortable. The bitch, Karma, would make me live my sick fantasies—realize that I wasn’t normal, that I needed help.

  My rib ached from fighting, but I poked the bone, enticing more pain. I deserved t
o be in agony, to pay for the sins toward the sweetest man I ever knew. A man I may never see again. Pain confronted all the nastiness harbouring in my soul. No wonder your parents never loved you. They hated you for stealing their retirement, but also because they saw what you didn’t: that you’re broken.

  I was a bad, bad person and deserved my fate. I brought this nightmare with my wicked thoughts.

  Q was my curse.

  When Suzette arrived in the morning, she tried the door, followed by French slur and a loud knock. “Open up. You aren’t allowed to block the entry.” She must’ve leaned into the door as it opened slightly.

  My eyes widened as she squeaked the dresser aside, inch by inch. Shit, if a woman her size could break my security, Q could come in whenever he damn well pleased.

  Was there no way out? I’d looked out the tiny postage stamp-sized window, searching for downpipes or something to scale to the ground. But nothing could be used—trees grew too far away, and the fall looked at least five stories. Not to mention, once I managed to climb down, guards patrolled and the GPS anklet would alert Q to my location.

  Suzette squeezed through the gap in the door, and placed hands on her hips. “You mustn’t do that again, esclave.”

  The word conjured everything from last night: Q’s smell, his touch, his aura of power. I shuddered. I should just take my own life. It would stop the internal battle and put me out of my misery. I gulped, hating the hopelessly weak thought. Never! Shit, Tess never. Whatever happens, you can and will survive.

  Suzette crossed her arms, staring. “It becomes easier.” Her voice twisted with anger, her own issues and hurt. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to know she’d been through similar circumstances.

  My eyes shot to her. “Was it the same for you?” Did Q break her down bit by bit, with his odd mixture of controlling and gentleness?

  She shook her head, fingers digging into forearms. “Not Maître Mercer. Another.” Her hazel eyes blazed then settled. She sighed, “Q is many things, but never as bad as others.”