by Juanita Kees
Fen smiled and snuggled down beside him. ‘Oh no. Not Lucky. This is another lizard who grew up here.’ She lowered her voice to tell the story Liv had told her when she’d arrived in Wongan Creek, an older child as damaged by life as the little boy and man beside her.
Liam curled into a ball against her, his long eyelashes feathering down onto his cheeks as he listened, the warm comfort, serenity and flicker of flames in the soft light soothing him to sleep. He sighed softly and Fen’s heart melted into a puddle. How could she possibly resist the sweet-faced kid, asleep with a soft smile on his lips, and not fall a little in love? He snuggled closer. She ran her hand over his curls, baby-soft under her touch, and smiled.
Fen looked up to find Kieran watching her. He lay on his side, his hands tucked under his face, the blanket drawn high over his shoulder.
‘What?’ She tucked Woolly under Liam’s arm.
‘You’re so good with him.’
‘He’s a good kid. Glad I could help settle him down.’
Kieran reached over and ran a finger down her cheek. ‘Thank you.’
She covered his hand with hers and pressed it to her face. Just for a moment. To feel the press of his skin against hers. To hold the memory close when he was gone. ‘You need to sleep too.’
‘Will you stay?’
‘For a while. To make sure you do get some rest.’
‘It’s been tough, Fen. Diane never did what you did tonight. Not even on her good days.’
Fen laced her fingers through Kieran’s and rested their hands on the bump of Liam’s body under the blanket. ‘I’m sure she loved him as much as you do. Some people just have difficulty dealing with parenthood.’
‘You’d be a good mum, Fen.’
Unease etched its way up her spine, an uncomfortable ache out of character with the peaceful pop of wood on the fire. She pulled her hand from his and tucked it back under the blanket.
‘I’m not sure I would be. A child needs a stable home, a safe and loving environment. I don’t know that I can provide that when there is so much about my past I can’t be sure of. What if I’m no better than Diane was because of my mental health?’
‘The difference is that you’re facing your demons, dealing with them so you can heal and grow. You’re so much stronger than she was, Fen.’
‘Am I? I think tomorrow will be a big test of my strengths. You should get some rest. We have a long drive tomorrow. Will you be okay leaving Liam after tonight? I can go alone.’
‘I’m not letting you go alone. He’ll be okay tomorrow. No doubt Liv will find many ways to distract him.’
‘You’re leaving him here?’ Fen smiled. ‘I think you’ve made the right choice. Mum has that magic touch with kids. I wish I could catch it and bottle it.’
Liam burrowed closer and Fen hugged him in, the movement reflexive as the sleeping child sought comfort from his dreams. She ignored the tug of love as another brick in her carefully constructed wall slipped out and shattered.
Kieran smiled, slow and sexy. The kind of smile that would have melted her last attempt at resistance if not for the fact that his son lay between them. He leaned across Liam, his breath light on her cheek. ‘Fen?’
She looked up, a small part of her knowing it was a trap. ‘Yeah?’
‘I think you have that same magic touch.’ Then he kissed her in a way that had her awake long after he’d turned away and the soft sounds of his breathing evened out in sleep.
* * *
Kieran woke to the thin red hue of dawn on the horizon. Another clear and cool autumn day ahead. The fire had died to grey coals, the residual heat still warming the room. He stretched out the kinks from a night spent on the floor. Beside him, Liam lay sleeping in the comfort of Fen’s arms, spooned against her protectively. She’d stayed, and he’d had the best night’s sleep in forever.
So beautiful. So tender and giving. So completely wrong for him. Even though the scene before him said otherwise. He took her hand in his and turned it wrist-up. The damage of the past lay pearly white against her pale skin. A constant reminder of what she’d survived. He lifted her hand and pressed his lips to her pulse. She stirred in her sleep. Beautiful Fen. In trouble, again.
Kieran released her hand and pulled the blanket up over them as he eased out of the makeshift bed. They’d sleep on while he got breakfast underway and his emotions under control.
On the kitchen bench, his phone vibrated. With a quick glance at the screen, he tapped the answer icon.
‘It’s sparrow’s fart. You’re up early for a country cop.’ Kieran pushed the kitchen door closed and kept his voice low.
‘Big week ahead. I wanted to make sure you had things covered for the visit to Perth.’ Riggs offered up a satisfied sigh before saying, ‘Best thing I invested in off the internet.’
‘What’s that?’
‘A coffee machine and six month’s supply of pods. No more trench mud.’ Paper rustled, followed by a slurp, and another satisfied sigh. ‘That’s good stuff. I hope you’re prepared for what might happen on the day.’
‘I’ve got it covered.’
‘Depending on what she remembers, it could be quite confronting. I have a copy of the original coroner’s report in front of me. It’s not a pretty picture. I can’t pass on the details for a few reasons, one because it’s fanned the fire under the internal investigation and two, we don’t want to contaminate Fen’s memories with the information. She needs to remember it as she saw it. If she remembers at all.’
‘I get it. No prompting.’
‘Yep, no prompting, but be warned that if there is a trigger present, it could turn to shit really quickly and we have no idea what her reaction will be.’ The tinkle of a spoon against the cup formed an image of Riggs stirring his new coffee. ‘If that happens, there’ll be two detectives in an unmarked car downstairs, waiting. I’ll text you a contact number. They’ll take her to a station where she’ll be placed in the care of a psych and receive access to every available resource the department can provide.’
‘I don’t like the sound of that.’ The thought of Fen knowing something that would break her again, gripped his throat and squeezed.
‘I don’t either. I’m praying to whichever god is listening that she won’t need it. I just needed to know that you’ll be there with her all the way through it, otherwise I need to take her in myself, and that would be a little too conspicuous.’
‘You almost have me believing you care.’ Kieran dropped instant coffee into the mugs he’d taken down from the cupboard and wished he had some of Riggs’ pods. Strong ones.
‘I do care. No-one needed to witness what that girl has, any of it, and I’m going to make sure we nail those bastards to the wall for it. But since she was the only one in the room at the time, hers is the only witness account that will stand up in court.’
‘She was a minor at the time. Will her testimony make a difference? Childhood memories can be unreliable.’
Riggs blew out a breath that whistled down the line. ‘Not if her account matches the photographs that landed on the investigating officer’s desk this morning, and no-one alive has seen those, except the detectives on the case. Not even me.’
‘How’s that?’
‘They turned up a few years too late. Martha Wallace, God rest her soul, reached out beyond the grave. It looks like she had them sent to the department not long before someone caught up with her, trashed her office and set it alight. Someone’s running scared.’
Kieran dragged a hand through his hair, the chill stealing up his spine spreading in a shiver. ‘I hope to hell you’ve got us covered from all angles, because if anything happens—’
‘The one thing I am sure of, Murphy, is that there is more protective manpower on this case than the boys at the top would like, but that’s too bad, because they’re going to be too busy looking for rats in their department to have the time to care.’
‘What if she doesn’t remember anything?’
‘Then
they’ll have to go with the lesser charges of fraud, arson and cultivating commercial quantities of cannabis while I keep pushing and the whole lot of you go into witness protection. They’re not going to stop, Murphy. Not if she knows something they don’t want made public. Alive, she’s a risk to someone out there and I want to know why.’
He didn’t want to ask the question that rang in his head. ‘They’ve proved they’re not afraid to remove witnesses, so why are they still playing games with Fen?’
‘They’re hunters, Murphy. Where’s the fun in fishing if there’s no catch and release before you hook the big one? I’ll be out there soon. You take care of that girl, okay? Liv will have my hide if something happens to her.’
‘That’s the one thing you can be sure of, Sarge. And I expect the same of you.’
Riggs chuckled. ‘I wouldn’t have it any other way, son.’
Kieran hung up and stirred the milk into the coffee. Behind him the door inched open. He turned to see Fen halfway into the kitchen, her hand on the door. ‘You’re awake. I was talking to Riggs.’ He let his gaze travel over her sleep-tousled hair and the pink glow of warmth in her cheeks. His arms itched to pull her in for a hug and hold her there. ‘Toast for breakfast?’
‘I should go home.’ She tugged on the sleeves of her black woollen jumper. ‘Liam’s still asleep. I’ve put the telly on softly so he doesn’t wake up to silence and no-one there. The cartoons should distract him until you’re done with his breakfast.’
And there it was again, the difference between Fen and Diane. Diane’s first thought would have been for herself. But then Diane would never have spent the night on a blanket on the floor, comforting a child who wasn’t hers. Hell, she hadn’t even wanted to comfort her own son.
An ache formed in his chest at the thought and he reminded himself that Diane had been ill. Her actions couldn’t be justified the way a person with a healthy mind could. Still, here was Fen with a boatload of trouble on her doorstep, her own inner turmoil, putting his son first.
Lying there next to her last night had felt so perfect, so right. He’d watched them sleep when instinct to check on Liam had woken him somewhere around three in the morning. Liam with one hand under his cheek and the other wrapped in Fen’s, her arm around him, hugging his little boy close. He’d thought he’d be torn apart by resentment that his son had found sleep and comfort in her arms, yet instead he’d felt relief and a love for Fen so overwhelming, it had scared the shit out of him. Because now he wanted to wake up to that scene every morning.
‘I made you coffee. At least have that before you go.’ He placed the mug an arm’s length down the benchtop.
She moved closer and wrapped her hands around the mug, the sleeves of her jumper pulled down over her hands to protect them from the heat of the ceramic. ‘Thanks.’
Kieran hauled the loaf of bread towards him, plugged in the toaster and fed two slices into the slots. He pressed the lever and watched the toast disappear between the red-hot coils. ‘Thank you for staying last night.’
‘Did you at least get some sleep?’ Fen leaned back and sipped her coffee before putting the mug back down on the benchtop.
‘Yes.’ He wanted to ask her to stay again tonight, because after Thursday’s excursion into the unknown, she would be the one needing to be held. Because, damn it, he wanted to hold her like she’d held Liam. The way he’d held her all those years ago when the relentless demons of their past had threatened the possibility of a peaceful future. Only when their pasts were laid to rest, could their true healing begin. Then he’d have an even better night’s sleep.
‘Good.’ She pushed her fringe out of her face. ‘He’s a good kid. I’m glad he got some sleep.’
Kieran braced his arms on either side of the toaster, his hands curled into fists. ‘Me too.’
Her hand covered his, so small and pale against his skin. ‘If you need help with him again, shout.’
He turned his hand up and laced his fingers through hers. ‘He likes you. I’ve never seen him respond to anyone the way he does to you.’ Unable to resist any longer, he tugged her to his side, stood back and wrapped her in his arms. ‘You have a magic touch for making people heal, Fen.’
Her hands came to rest at his waist, her cheek against his heart. ‘Then why can’t I heal myself?’
‘You’ve come a long way. This is just a bump in the road. We’ll get through it, Fen. We’ve survived worse.’ He pressed a kiss against her crown then tipped her face up. ‘I won’t leave you to deal with it alone.’
‘I’m afraid that what I need to do will make things worse. I’ll never forgive myself if something happened to you, Liam or Liv because of me.’
‘Nothing will happen. We won’t let it.’ He held her tighter because having her in his arms felt so damn good he didn’t want to let her go.
Her arms slipped around his waist and she hugged him hard. ‘I’ve missed you, Kieran.’ Her eyes captured his, the blue-grey depths a pool he wanted to lose himself in. ‘For so many reasons.’
Then she stood on tiptoe to kiss him, a soft touch of her lips that might have been his imagination were it not for the reality of her breath mingling with his and the press of her breasts against his chest. He tightened his arms around her and kissed her back, every minute of missing her in each sweep, nip and hold, until his head spun from the taste of Fen.
Her arms reached around his neck as she burrowed into his body, the clothes between them a barrier. As if only without them, flesh on flesh, could they believe each other real and present. With her hands in his hair and the gentle massage of her fingers on his scalp, Kieran let go of everything he’d ever felt and put it into the kiss. His friend, his confidante, the girl he’d abandoned for another, regretted it, hated himself for it, and couldn’t forgive himself for still loving while he’d been bound to his wife.
And so, just like the ping of the toaster, Diane slipped between them again.
Chapter 14
Fen walked through the morning chores and tried to forget the moment Kieran’s eyes had turned sad and the wall had gone up between them again. As if kissing her had made him feel guilty. Her phone pinged and a message popped up from an unknown number. She wanted to ignore the threat, but the photograph of Liam walking Lucky in the garden told her she couldn’t.
Back off or someone gets hurt. And you won’t know who until it’s too late.
Liv’s smile glowed up at her from the screen of her phone, taken on the day of Harley and Tameka’s wedding.
You look exactly like your mother.
And the ugly face of the past reared its head. The broken, empty soul that peered through lifeless, vacant eyes. Antoinette—prostitute, drug addict, slave to the underworld—the woman who’d often forgotten her daughter existed. The girl alone in her dark corner, dressed in op shop clothing, hiding behind her fringe, misunderstood and difficult to handle.
Why won’t you co-operate, Fenella? You’re making my job damn hard, you and that Murphy boy. Ms Wallace’s words echoed in her mind, uttered before she’d met Kieran. She’d felt for the boy who’d appeared to be as misplaced as she was. Fen shook herself free of the dark thoughts. She wouldn’t let the past drag her back down into that bottomless pit where physical pain erased the ache, blades were sharp against her skin, a canvas etched in nightmares.
Fen stabbed at the share icon on her phone and forwarded the texts and photos to Riggs. There was too much she didn’t understand, too many questions she might never know the answer to. In her dreams, she avoided opening that door. If she didn’t open it and step into the nightmare, the threats wouldn’t stop, and she would never know the reason behind them or why Martha Wallace had to die protecting her secrets.
‘Excuse me?’
Liam’s loud whisper sounded beside her and his tug at the edge of her jacket drew her out of her thoughts. ‘Hi, Liam. Have you come to visit Lucky?’
His curls bounced as he shook his head. ‘No. I camed to see you.’
&n
bsp; Fen ignored the warmth of affection that flooded her at his words. She couldn’t afford to become too attached to the kid. But how could she resist such an angelic face? ‘Oh, okay. Did you want me to read you a story?’
Liam shook his head again. ‘Nuh-uh. I need help.’
‘What kind of help, buddy?’
‘It’s my daddy’s birthday tomorrow and I want to make him a surprise.’
She hadn’t forgotten. The calendar on her laptop reminded her every year. Only this year, she could wish him in person rather than whisper her happy birthday to the universe. ‘What a great idea.’
‘Yeah. My daddy always makes me feel special on my birthday. But no-one makes my daddy feel special on his birthday.’
‘Hmm, that’s a bit sad, isn’t it?’ Yet another clue as to how alone he’d been since leaving Wongan Creek. And how much she’d missed sharing their respective birthdays in the ritual they’d developed since arriving in town together, neither of them ever having had the usual birthday parties most kids were accustomed to having. ‘What did you have in mind, buddy?’
‘I drewed some pictures with Heather. She helped me. But I want to make something else special.’
‘I’m listening.’
‘Will you help me carve a lizard like Lucky? Heather says I can do it with soap. But I need an adult to help.’
Fen shivered at the thought of herself, only a little older than Liam, using her first knife. ‘What if you draw the picture on the soap and I carve it out for you? Will that work?’ She’d never forgive herself if the knife slipped and sliced open his flawless, baby-soft skin.
A smile lit his face that had her falling in love with the little boy all over again. ‘Thank you, Fen. Can we do it now?’
‘Of course we can. How would you like to help me finish the chores first and then we can head up to the house?’
He nodded. ‘I can.’
Fen ruffled his curls. ‘Awesome, but first, does your daddy know where you are?’
‘Uh-huh. I said I was going to help you feed the chooks. He’s up there watching me.’ Liam turned to wave to Kieran, who waved back before turning to go back inside the cottage.
