by Dana Archer
Sara’s scream stops my heart for the briefest of seconds. I pivot and leap, landing on my feet at the bottom of a small hill. A bear with its throat ripped out is lying near where Sara is huddled on the ground with the blanket I had commissioned years ago to honor my pack and give us an identity pressed to her chest. Except it’s not my pack’s blanket she’s protecting. It’s Soren. I feel him.
I also feel Daegan.
My gaze locks on to the black-maned lion—my blood brother—fighting with four bears not far from where Sara’s huddled. Snarling, I close the distance between us and rip into those who dared hurt what’s mine. None will live today.
Their screams echo in the night. Their bloody lifeless bodies cover the ground. I should feel pleased knowing I’ve won this battle. Tonight, however, I feel no satisfaction. Even death can’t dim the rage Nolan’s betrayal has caused. The consequences of his desperation will follow my pack for a long time. I can’t take these memories away from Sara and Soren. They’re now a part of them.
I shift into my human form and cautiously approach my true mate. “Sara.”
She jerks her head up. Widened eyes lock on to mine. “Ilan…I thought…I thought you died.”
“I promised not to let death win.” I hunker down next to her and Soren and reach out to them, needing to feel their warmth and know they’re both safe.
Sara grabs my hand. “Neither did I. I didn’t let it win.”
So many words sit on the tip of my tongue. I want to tell Sara I love her, that I respect her, that I can finally give her everything, including children of our own. Only one thing matters in this moment. “I never doubted you. I trust you, now and forever.”
“Ilan.”
She only says my name, but I feel her happiness at my comment. I want to bask in her joy, knowing I’m the reason for it, but there’s one last battle to win, and the sounds of men dying warn me I might miss out on it if I don’t act. “Daegan will guard you. I’ll be back soon.”
Sara nods and releases my hand. No questions. No plea that I stay. No demand to know what happened to me. She accepts my words and offers her support.
The hold Sara has over me is stronger than anything, death included. I won’t ever betray this female’s trust, even if one day I do lose my life permanently. I’ll die with honor. Today, I’ll prove it to her.
I turn my back on the heart and future of my pack and return to the clearing, running full out. I can’t risk my prey escaping. Nolan’s there, fighting with a massive male shifter, when I break the tree line. They circle each other. Both are covered in blood, but only one will walk away. The limping of the unnamed shifter is a guarantee Nolan will emerge the winner.
The fight plays out, both shifters ripping each other apart. I don’t stop it or help. I wait until Nolan’s opponent drops dead at his feet, then I step forward. “You betrayed me, Nolan Yuran. You betrayed your pack mate. And you betrayed the innocent life I’ve been entrusted with. There’s only one fate left for you, one you brought on yourself.”
Nolan wipes his forearm across his bloody mouth, then shakes his arm, sending red droplets across the ground. “I won’t die for you, Ilan Kane.”
“I don’t want your death.” Unleashing my claws, I walk closer. “I want your life.”
“Both mean the same. That I lost.” Nolan approaches me, one slow and deliberate step at a time. “I can’t lose.”
No attempt at defending himself. He could’ve. He obviously stepped up at the last moment and saved Soren and Sara, but he’s not mentioning it.
A smile spreads over my mouth, and a dark laugh shakes my chest as images dance across my mind: me fighting Nolan, him dropping to his knees, then lunging with an arm outstretched for my heart, my foot connecting to his stomach and throwing him backward, and finally, my hand embedded in his chest. Whether the gifts my grandmother shared with me or the drink I consumed granted me this glimpse of the future matters little. The outcome remains the same.
Today, I will win.
On a huffing grunt, Nolan lunges at me with his arm outstretched. I grab it and fling the male who’d easily pass as a linebacker if he’d been human. Nolan skids across the ground, then jumps to his feet. Legs spread and hands hanging loosely at his sides, Nolan curls his fingers in a come-hither gesture. “Come on, angel. Kill me.”
“I don’t want your death, Nolan.” Shoulders relaxed and my power in check, I amble closer. “I want your life, but if you’re so set on dying, I can be convinced to accommodate you.”
“Screw you.” Nolan points to the woods. “You have your family. Go to them.”
I take another step, placing myself within arm’s reach. “They’re not going anywhere. I’ll go to them when we’re done.”
Nolan moves to the side, circling me but not shortening the distance between us. I match him, turning my body to keep him in sight. Again I laugh, this game we’re playing amusing me. “Didn’t your father ever teach you about angels of death, Nolan?”
“Sure he did. He warned me never to follow in Daegan’s footsteps. That he didn’t want the walking dead for a son, and that’s all an assassin is, the walking dead. They have no soul, no emotion, no life worth living.”
I stop countering Nolan’s steps, letting him get behind me. It’s time to finish this. “Does he consider you a disappointment?”
The warmth of Nolan’s body behind me warns me of how he’ll strike. “He will if I can’t get my family back.”
“And even if you do rescue them, you’ll have betrayed your father, your mate, and your children.” I turn and meet Nolan’s gaze from inches away. “You’re already the walking dead, Nolan. Any man without honor is as good as dead.”
Nolan’s features contort in rage. Pain explodes in my gut. Nolan yanks his clawed hand down, ripping me open. A sour smell saturates the air around us. I grin and watch Nolan’s confident glint waver.
Then I act.
Gripping his elbows, I throw him backward. He lands in a crouch, then lunges at me with an arm outstretched. I raise my foot, connecting with his stomach, before his clawed hand reaches my chest. Nolan flies backward a second time. Again he jumps to his feet. Rage twists his features. He comes at me again, leaping at me with both hands ready to twist my head off my body. A third time, I knock him back. This time, I follow him.
Faster than Nolan can counter, I dig my clawed hand into Nolan’s bicep and spin him, knocking him to the ground. I follow him down. In one quick move, I slam my hand into Nolan’s back, ripping through his lung, and fist his heart. As with Eli, I dig my claws into the beating organ and wait. Nolan’s heartbeat stutters, and his body stills. He doesn’t fight me, instincts locking his muscles. His death is just a squeeze away.
I press my mouth to Nolan’s ear. “Life or death, Nolan. Which do you choose?”
A long moment passes while the beat against my palm stutters. I tighten my grip on Nolan’s heart and repeat Nolan’s options. “Your life or your death. It’s a simple choice and the only one you have. Make it, or I will.”
“Life.” Pain twists Nolan’s reply.
“Give me your blood oath, then. Your father did share that knowledge with you too, didn’t he?”
Another long moment passes while the beats of Nolan’s heart grow weaker. Finally, he exhales. “My blood is yours. My life is yours. When you call, I will kneel, my will yours to command.”
Magic twines us together in a primal bond that is more powerful than the one Nolan shares with his mate. I can order him to do anything, even kill the mother of his children, and he would. Nothing would stop him. Not even love.
Forty-Four
Sara
The crackling of the fire tries to lull me to sleep. With a zonked-out Soren snuggled against my chest, resisting the urge to close my eyes is hard, but knowing Ilan will be back soon helps me stave off sleep. Eyes held wide open, I blow out a breath and listen to the clock chime the hour. Midnight. Ilan said he’d be home by midnight.
Before I can take
the thought further, the cabin’s front door opens. Ilan strides in, Jarah at his side. A frown tugs at my lips. I hadn’t been expecting company. The why leaves me anxious. I sit up, letting Soren slide into the cradle of my arms. He doesn’t wake. He sighs, and a small smile spreads over his face. I glance at Ilan. “Did Ella have any news on Soren’s twin?”
Ilan crosses the room and drops to his knees next to us. He strokes his knuckles over Soren’s cheek in a greeting I’m learning to expect between the two. Ilan isn’t overly touchy-feely but he always greets Soren this way as if reminding the little boy he’s among pack and is loved.
“Yes. Upper leadership in Shifter Affairs has agreed Brock’s insistence on splitting the twins was not in their best interest. They’ve consulted with the Shifter Council and both have signed the documents required to transfer custody of Soren’s twin to us. It’s just a matter of time now before he arrives.”
Happiness slips through me. I smile and tighten my hold on Soren. Our family will soon be together completely. Even the extended members of our family—Jarah and Daegan—have mentioned they’d be staying close by to ensure Soren remains safe. I’m glad. Since learning Jarah was trying to save Ilan, not kill him, I want to make up for my foolish assumption. “When?”
“I’m not sure. I got the impression there’s some travel time involved, so maybe a few days, but I can’t imagine it’ll be longer than that.” Ilan cups my face and waits until I meet his gaze. “Which gives us plenty of time to soul-bond, if that’s still something you want.”
“Yes and yes.”
Ilan traces my wide smile. “Are you sure? There’s something I—”
“Yes, I’m sure.” I cut Ilan off. Nothing he says will change my mind.
Ilan glances over his shoulder. “You’re good with watching Soren for a while?”
“Yes.” Jarah takes a sleeping Soren from my arms. “Nadia is coming over to help me with him. We’ll be fine.”
Ilan twines our fingers and draws me to my feet while Jarah and Soren disappear into the kitchen. No fear overcomes me with their departure. Jarah is like family to me now, and I have no doubt he’ll act as Soren’s grandfather. I turn my attention to Ilan. He’s watching me intently.
“Can we soul-bond tonight?” I don’t want to waste another moment. I need Ilan more than anything.
“If you’re willing, but—”
“I’m willing.” I don’t want to hear any more details about the process. I want to spend my eternity with Ilan. Any pain I feel guaranteeing our forever is the price I have to pay for love.
“Don’t be so quick to give your agreement. You don’t know everything yet.”
“Nothing matters. I want to spend my eternity with you, here or in your goddess’s realm. I don’t care. I just want to be with you forever.”
“But…do you want my children?” Ilan takes my other hand in his and meets my gaze.
Nolan’s revelation about Ilan and me not being able to conceive naturally isn’t something I’ve focused on. While I would’ve loved to give birth to our biological children, I won’t feel deprived never having kids. Biological ties aren’t necessary anyway. The bond between children and parents is something more, something primal and powerful. I’m content offering my love to any child in need, whether they come from my body or not. “Yes, but—”
“Our biological children, Sara.” Ilan brings my hands to his mouth and kisses my knuckles. “Not just the kids we raise out of love. I’m talking about the babies we make. You and me. My genes, your genes. The old-fashioned bump and grind to create them. You understand what I’m saying, don’t you?”
I laugh. I can’t help it. Ilan talking about “bumping and grinding” is too funny not to laugh. “Well, yes, but I already know it’s impossible. Species differences. I’m okay with it too. As long as I have you in my life, I’m content.”
“But what if we could?” Ilan holds my gaze with an intensity I can’t place. “Would you? Would you make a baby with me?”
“Yes.” I whisper the word, but the wealth of emotion behind it is overwhelming. I’m torn between wanting to scream my agreement to feeling guilty for wanting to carry our biological child.
“Even if doing so means you have to change.”
“What do you mean?”
“Every firstborn shifter has the right to choose a human female to breed with.”
Ilan looks at me expectantly. I know where this is going. Nolan explained it to me but… “You’re not a firstborn.”
“No, I’m not.” Ilan leads me to the stairs. “But my goddess gave me the ability to start my own pack. I want to do so with you.”
“With me? You want to build a pack with me?”
“Yes, I’ve never wanted anything more.” Ilan presses a finger to my mouth, stopping my words. “But I still want forever, Sara. That means if I die, so do you.”
“I know that, and I’m okay with that.”
“But are you okay with living on as the Kane spirit? Because that’s what we’ll become, the center of our pack. Our children, our grandchildren, our great-grandchildren… Every future member of the Kane pack will be ours to hold close.”
“Yes.” Tears well. I don’t bother wiping them away. The idea of being able to protect my family forever is more than I ever thought possible. “Yes, Ilan. I want that, for us to live on together, no matter where we end up.”
Ilan pulls me into his arms and kisses me so deeply, I swear he can touch my soul. Then he pulls back and meets my gaze. “I’m going to gift you with your own wolves, three to match mine. You’re going to be able to shift and run with me through the woods and—”
“Spend eternity with you.” I hold Ilan’s face between my hands. “The how and why is only the path we take. Being able to love you forever is all that matters.”
“You’re right. It does.” Ilan sweeps me into his arms and carries me up the stairs.
My heart tries to escape my chest with each step we take. Anticipation, excitement, maybe even a touch of fear wind through me, sparking a trembling in my limbs. The moment Ilan closes the door to our bedroom, I curl my hand around the back of his head and draw him closer. My lips are on his in the next moment. His groan spills into my mouth. I take in the sound along with his passion, letting everything go and focusing on loving Ilan.
The bruising press of his lips on mine intensifies, matching the almost frantic caress of his hands. Ilan’s lust is a raw force between us, setting us both on fire. I dig my nails into his scalp. It’s not enough. I need to be closer.
As if Ilan senses my desire, he adjusts his hold on my body, allowing me to wrap my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck. I cling to him, but I want to be inside him. The compulsion builds. I want more than what sex can offer. It’s not enough to accept Ilan into my body. I want to touch his soul and claim a piece as is my right. Ilan belongs to me, always has.
“Ilan.” I say his name in frustration and fear. I don’t want to waste another second. Every one gives fate a chance to steal my heaven. “Hurry.”
“Sara. My Sara.” Ilan rains kisses over my face. He carries me to the bed, never taking his mouth off me. My back meets the firm mattress. Ilan’s lips trail over my cheek to my ear. “Trust me. I won’t let death steal you.”
“I do.” My breathless words hold confidence. “But hurry. I need to share your soul.”
“You already do.” Ilan slides his hands over my body. “And the piece of your soul I hold is my greatest treasure.”
Ilan’s words fan my devotion, building it until I’m consumed by love for this man. “But I can’t feel you, Ilan. I can’t feel us.”
“You will.” Ilan takes my mouth.
I grasp the hem of his shirt and jerk it upward until the material bunches between our chests. Ilan sits up and finishes tugging it off. His pants and shoes join the discarded shirt on the floor. So do mine.
The orange in Ilan’s eyes bleeds outward to encompass the white, and the primitiveness in his
expression leaves my mouth dry. He drags the tip of his tongue across his lower lip, his intent clear, and my heart beats harder, the anticipation almost more than I can handle.
We fall into a rhythm of passion, giving and taking and building the lust until sweat covers our bodies. My breaths come quicker and quicker. The tightness in my body and the heaviness low in my belly builds. I’m ready to explode. I don’t. The lust builds higher than before and proves I do have more to offer Ilan. So much more. I can love him for an eternity. I let go of my doubt and trust in Ilan to wring every ounce of pleasure from my body.
The wet swipe of his tongue on the bite mark he left on my shoulder ignites a thumping in the four raised points. My heartbeat echoes in my ear as he latches on to the bite. Pressure builds. Pain follows. Sharp teeth grind against my bone. I squeeze my eyelids against the agony, but it fades before it can seize me and ruin the pleasure of our loving.
A moment of utter quiet follows before Ilan’s heartbeat echoes mine, a perfect synchronization. The thumping of our hearts spreads comfort through me even as my body tightens, readying to break apart.
Brightness shines around me, within me. I can’t tell where it’s coming from. The surroundings of our bedroom are gone. Darkness envelopes us, all except for the bright white sphere in the middle of the clouds of black.
Recognition dawns. My soul. That’s my soul. I’ve seen it before, the night Ilan claimed a piece for himself.
I move closer to the sphere as I did last time. Shadows creep over my soul. The wispy tendrils of gray slide over the glowing ball in an erotic caress, inching closer and closer to the large hole in the center. Once the gray reaches its destination, darkness will spill inside.
“Contaminating you.” Ilan’s voice drifts to me. The wisps of darkness stop their fluid approach, inches from the gaping wound on my soul. “That’s what will happen, Sara. I’ll dirty your beautiful soul with every horrid thing I’ve done.”
