The Lunatic Cafe

by Laurell K. Hamilton

  Irving was waiting for me. Sitting on the couch like a good little boy. He looked like a schoolboy whom the teacher had made stand in the corner.

  "What's wrong?"

  "Marcus wanted me to just give you directions. He doesn't want me at the meeting. I said, you wouldn't come without me. That you didn't trust him." He looked up at me. "He's pretty pissed."

  "But you stood your ground," I said.

  "Yeah."

  "Why don't you sound happier about that?"

  He shrugged. "Marcus in a bad mood is not a pleasant experience, Blake."

  "I'll drive, you give directions."

  "Marcus said we both should drive. He said that I'd need to stay after the meeting, for a little talk."

  "Come on, Irving, I'm driving, you're giving directions, and when I leave, you leave."

  "I appreciate the offer, Blake, but you don't want Marcus mad at you."

  "If I'm protecting you from Richard, I might as well throw in Marcus."

  He shook his head. "No, you follow my car." He held up a hand. "No more arguing, Blake. I am a werewolf. I have to live in the community. I can't afford to make a stand against Marcus, not over one little talk."

  I wanted to argue some more, but I didn't. Irving knew his problems better than I did. If fighting Marcus over this would make things worse, then I'd let it go. But I didn't like it.

  The Lunatic Cafe was located in University City. Its sign was a glowing crescent moon with the restaurant name done in soft blue neon. Except for the name, and the nifty sign, the place didn't look much different from all the other shops and restaurants in the college district.

  It was Friday night and there was no parking. I was beginning to think Marcus would have to come out to my car, when a wine dark Impala pulled out of the two spaces it had been hogging. My Jeep slipped in with room for a second car on one side.

  Irving waited in front of the restaurant. His hands were shoved deep into his pockets. The ridiculous muffler trailed nearly to the ground. He looked distracted and not a bit happy.

  I walked towards him with the trench coat flapping around me like a cape. Even like this, most people wouldn't see the gun. They'd see a small woman with a bright Christmas sweater. People see what they expect to see most of the time. The people that I was wearing the gun for would notice, and know I was armed.

  Irving pushed the door in without a word. Irving, quiet? I didn't like seeing him subdued, almost beaten, like a kicked dog. It made me not like Marcus, and I hadn't even met him.

  Noise poured around us just inside the door. A murmur of voices so thick it was like ocean noise. Silverware clinked, someone laughed high and bright like a hand rising from the noise, to be swallowed back again and lost. There was a bar along one wall, polished dark wood, old and lovingly cared for. The rest of the room held small, round tables that could comfortably seat about four. Every seat was full, and then some. Three doorways opened up; one beside the bar, one to the right, one in the middle. More tables were shoved into the smaller rooms.

  The cafe had started life as someone's home. We were standing in the living room. Through the doorways leading to the other rooms were open archways, as if someone had knocked down a few walls. Even with that, the place was claustrophobic. People were three deep at the bar waiting for a table. The place was jammed to bursting with happy, smiling people.

  One of the women behind the bar came around, wiping her hands on a towel tucked into the tie of her apron. She gave a wide, welcoming smile. She had a pair of menus in her one hand.

  I started to say, but we don't need...when Irving gripped my arm. Tension vibrated through his hand. He'd grabbed my right arm. I turned to tell him not to do that, but the look on his face stopped me. He was staring at the smiling woman as if she had sprouted a second head. I turned back to the woman, and looked at her. Really looked at her.

  She was tall, slender, with long, straight hair. It was a rich, reddish auburn that gleamed under the lights. Her face was a soft triangle, chin maybe a little too pointed, but overall she was lovely. Her eyes were a strange amber-brown that matched her hair perfectly.

  Her smile widened, just a lift of lips. I knew what I was looking at. Lycanthrope. One that could pass for human. Like Richard.

  I looked out over the room, and realized why it felt so tight. It wasn't just the crowd. A majority of the happy, smiling people were shapeshifters. Their energy burned in the air like the weight of a thunderstorm. I had thought the crowd was boisterous, too loud, but it was the shapeshifters. Their energy boiled and filled the room, masquerading as the energy of any crowd. As I stood there at the door, a face lifted here and there. Human eyes looked at me, but the glance wasn't human.

  The glance was considering, testing. How tough was I? How good would I taste? It reminded me of the way Richard had been watching the crowd at the Fox. I felt like a chicken at a coyote convention. I was suddenly glad of the second gun.

  "Welcome to the Lunatic Cafe, Ms. Blake," the woman said. "I'm Raina Wallis, proprietor. If you'll follow me. Your party is waiting for you." She said it all with a smile and a warm glow in her eyes. Irving's grip on my arm was nearly painful.

  I leaned into him, and whispered, "That's my right arm."

  He blinked at me. His eyes flicked to the Browning, and he let go, muttering, "Sorry."

  Raina leaned closer. Irving flinched. "I won't bite, Irving, not yet." She gave a low laugh that was rich and bubbling. The kind of laugh that was meant for bedrooms and private jokes. The laugh gave her eyes and body a different look. She suddenly seemed more voluptuous, more sensual than just a second ago. Nicely weird.

  "Mustn't keep Marcus waiting." She turned and began threading her way through the tables.

  I glanced at Irving. "Something you want to tell me?"

  "Raina's our alpha female. If the punishment's going to be really bad, she does it. She's a lot more creative than Marcus."

  Raina was motioning to us by the archway near the bar. Her lovely face was frowning, looking a little less lovely, and a lot more bitchy.

  I patted his shoulder. "I won't let her hurt you."

  "You can't stop it."

  "We'll see," I said.

  He nodded, but not as if he believed me. He started between the tables. I followed. A woman touched his hand as he walked past. Gave him a smile. She was about my size, and dainty, with straight black hair cut short that framed her face like black lace. Irving squeezed her fingers and kept walking. Her large, dark eyes met mine. The eyes told me nothing. They had smiled at Irving; for me they were neutral. Like the eyes of a wolf I'd seen once in California. I'd walked around a tree and there it had stood. I had never really understood what neutral meant until that moment. Those pale eyes stared at me, waiting. If I threatened it, it would attack. If I left it alone, it would run. My choice. The wolf hadn't given a damn which way it turned out.

  I kept walking, but the space between my shoulder blades was itching. I knew if I turned around that nearly every eye would be on me, on us. The weight of their gaze was physical.

  I had an urge to whirl and say boo, but fought it off. I had a feeling they were all staring at me with neutral inhuman eyes, and I didn't want to see it.

  Raina led us to a closed door at the back of the dining room. She pushed it open and motioned us through with a theatrical wave of her arm. Irving just walked through. I walked through but kept my eyes on her. I was nearly close enough for her to have hugged me. Close enough that with her reflexes she could probably take me.

  Lycanthropes are just faster than a normal human. It isn't mind tricks like with vampires. They are just flat out better. I wasn't sure how much better in human form, though. Staring up into Raina's smiling face, I wasn't sure I wanted to find out.

  We stood in a narrow hallway. There was a door at either end, one showing the cold night through its glass window, the other closed, a question mark.

  Raina closed the door behind us, leaning on it. She seemed to collapse against
it, head hanging down, hair spilling forward.

  "Are you all right?" I asked.

  She took a deep, shuddering breath and looked up at me.

  I gasped. I couldn't help myself.

  She was gorgeous. Her cheekbones were high and sculpted. Her eyes wider and more centered in her face. She looked like what might have been her sister, a family resemblance but not the same person.

  "What did you just do?"

  She gave that rich, bedroom laugh again. "I am alpha, Ms. Blake. I can do a great many things that most shifters cannot."

  I was willing to bet that. "You moved your bones around, on purpose, like do-it-yourself cosmetic surgery."

  "Very good, Ms. Blake, very good." Her amber-brown eyes flashed to Irving. The smile left her face. "Do you still insist on this one being at the meeting?"

  "Yes, I do."

  Her lips pursed, as though she'd tasted something sour. "Marcus said to ask, then to bring you." She shrugged, and stood away from the door. She was taller by about three inches. I wished I'd paid more attention to her hands. Had they changed, too?

  "Why the body sculpting?" I asked.

  "The other form is my day form. This is real."

  "Why the disguise?"

  "In case I have to do something nefarious," she said.

  Nefarious?

  She stalked down the hall towards the other closed door. Her walk was a gliding, athletic movement like a big cat's. Or would that be big wolf's?

  She knocked on the door. I heard nothing, but she opened the door. She stood there, arms crossed over her stomach, cradling her breasts, smiling at us. I was beginning not to like Raina's smiles.

  The room was a banquet hall with cloth-covered tables grouped in a horseshoe. A raised platform with four chairs and a lectern closed the mouth of the horseshoe. Two men stood on the platform. One was at least six feet tall, slender but muscled like a basketball player. His hair was black, cut short with a matching finger-thin mustache and goatee beard. He stood with one hand gripping his opposite wrist. A jock pose. A bodyguard pose.

  He wore a skintight pair of black jeans, and a sweater with a black-on-black design clung to wide shoulders. There was a fringe of dark chest hair just above the scooped neckline. Black tooled cowboy boots and a large blocky watch completed the badass look.

  The other man was no more than five foot seven. His hair was that funny shade of blond that has brown highlights in it, but still manages to be blond. The hair was short but styled and blow-dried, and would have been lovely to look at if it had been a little longer. His face was clean-shaven, square jawed, with a dimple in his chin. The dimple should have made the face look fun, but it didn't. It was a face for rules. Those thin lips were built for saying, my way or else.

  He wore a pale blue linen suit jacket over black pants. A pale blue turtleneck that matched the jacket to perfection completed the outfit. His shoes were black and polished to a shine.

  It had to be Marcus. "Alfred." One word, but it was an order. The bigger man stepped-leaped off the platform. It was a graceful, bounding movement. He moved in a cloud of his own vitality. It rolled and boiled around him almost like heat rising off pavement. You couldn't see it with the naked eye, but you could sure as hell feel it.

  Alfred came at me as though he had a purpose. I put my back to the wall, keeping Raina in sight, along with everybody else. Irving moved back with me. He stood a little away from all of us, but closer to me than anyone.

  I put the trench coat back so the gun showed plainly. "Your intentions better be friendly, Alfred."

  "Alfred," the other man said. One word, even the tone sounded the same, but this time Alfie stopped in his tracks. He stood, staring at me. His eyes weren't neutral, they were hostile. People don't usually dislike me on sight. But hey, I wasn't too thrilled with him, either.

  "We have not offered you violence, Ms. Blake," Marcus said.

  "Yeah, right. Alfie there is contained violence in motion. I want to know what his intentions are before he comes closer."

  Marcus looked at me as if I'd done something interesting. "A very apt description, Ms. Blake. You can see our auras, then?"

  "If that's what you want to call it," I said.

  "Alfred's intentions are not hostile. He will merely search you for weapons. It is standard procedure for nonshifters. It is nothing personal, I assure you."

  The very fact that they didn't want me armed made me want to keep my weapons. Stubbornness, or a strong survival instinct.

  "Maybe I'd agree to being searched if you explained why I'm here first." Stall, until I could decide what to do.

  "We don't discuss business in front of the press, Ms. Blake."

  "Well, I'm not talking to you without him."

  "I will not jeopardize all of us to satisfy idle curiosity." He was still standing on the platform like a general surveying his troops.

  "The only reason I'm here at all is because Irving is a friend. Insulting him isn't going to endear you to me."

  "I do not wish to endear myself to you, Ms. Blake. I wish your aid."

  "You want my help?" I didn't try to keep the surprise out of my voice.

  He gave a brief nod.

  "What kind of help?"

  "He must leave."

  "No," I said.

  Raina pushed away from the wall and stalked around us, just out of reach, but circling like a shark. "Irving's punishment could begin now." Her voice was low and purring around the edges.

  "I didn't know wolves purred," I said.

  She laughed. "Wolves do a lot of things, as I'm sure you're aware."

  "I don't know what you mean."

  "Oh, come now, woman to woman." She leaned one shoulder against the wall, arms crossed, face friendly. I was betting she could bite my finger off and smile just like that the entire time.

  She bent close as if we were sharing secrets. "Richard is as good as he looks, isn't he?"

  I stared into her amused eyes. "I don't kiss and tell."

  "I'll tell you my juicy tidbit, if you'll tell me yours."

  "Raina, enough." Marcus had moved forward to the edge of the stage. He didn't look happy.

  She gave him a lazy smile. She was baiting him more than me, and enjoying it very much.

  "Irving must leave, and Alfred must search you for weapons. There is no negotiating those two points."

  "I'll make you a deal," I said. "Irving leaves now, but he goes home. No punishment."

  Marcus shook his head. "I have decreed he will be punished. My word is law."

  "Who died and made you king?"

  "Simon," Raina said.

  I blinked at her.

  "He fought and killed Simon. That's who died and made him pack leader."

  Ask a silly question..."You want my help, Irving goes free and untouched. No punishment."

  "Don't do this, Anita," Irving said. "You'll just make things worse."

  Raina stayed leaning beside me. Just a little girl talk. "He's right, you know. Right now he's mine to play with, but if you make Marcus really angry he'll give him to Alfred. I'll torture his mind and body. Alfred will break him."

  "Irving goes free, no punishment. I stay and let Alfred search me for weapons. Otherwise we walk."

  "Not we, Ms. Blake. You are free to go, but Irving is mine. He will stay, and with or without you he will be taught his lesson."

  "What did he do wrong?" I asked.

  "That is our business, not yours."

  "I'm not going to help you do shit."

  "Then go," he leaped gracefully off the stage, walking towards us as he spoke, "but Irving stays. You are only among us for this one night. He must live with us, Ms. Blake. He cannot afford your bravado."

  The last sentence brought him just a little behind Alfred. Close up there were fine lines around his eyes and mouth, a slackness to the skin of his neck and jaws. I added ten years to his age. Fifties.

  "I can't leave Irving here, knowing what you'll do to him."

  "Oh, you
have no idea what we'll do to him," Raina said. "We heal so well." She pushed away from the wall and walked to Irving. She paced round him in a tight circle, shoulder, hip, brushing against him, here and there as she moved. "Even the weakest of us can take so very much damage."

  "What do you want to guarantee Irving's safety?" I asked.

  Marcus looked at me, face careful, neutral. "You promise to aid us, and let Alfred frisk you. He is my bodyguard. You must let him do his job."

  "I can't promise to help you without knowing what it is."

  "Then we have no bargain."

  "Anita, I can take it, whatever they dish out. I can take it. I've done it before."

  "You asked for my protection from Richard, just call it a package deal," I said.

  "You asked her for her protection?" Raina stepped away from him, surprise plain on her pretty face.

  "Just against Richard," Irving said.

  "It's clever," Raina said, "but it does have certain implications."

  "She's not a pack member. It only works on Richard because they're dating," Irving said. He looked a little worried.

  "What implications?" I asked.

  Marcus answered, "To ask pack members for their protection is to acknowledge they are of higher rank without having to fight them. If they give their protection, then you have agreed to help them fight their battles. If they are challenged you are honor bound to aid them."

  I glanced at Irving. He looked ill. "She's not one of us. You can't hold her to the law."

  "What law?" I asked.

  "Pack law," Marcus said.

  "I forfeit her protection," Irving said.

  "Too late," Raina said.

  "You place us in a quandary, Ms. Blake. A pack member has acknowledged you as higher rank than he is. Acknowledged you as dominant. By our laws we must accept that as binding."

  "I can't be a pack member," I said.

  "No, but you can be dominant."

  I knew what the word meant in the real world. Marcus was using it as if it meant more. "What does it mean to be dominant?"

  "It means you can stand as Irving's protector against all comers."

  "No," Irving said. He brushed past Raina and stood in front of Marcus. He stood tall and stared him in the eye. It was not a submissive display.