by Cara Bristol
The hopeful light in his eyes had gone out, and he’d ridden off. A couple of hours later, Garnet had come knocking and invited me to investigate the bath cave with her.
She handed me a bar of Dakonian soap. “If Enoki finds out the truth on his own, he might get angry. Nobody likes feeling foolish.”
“I know,” I said. The soap felt gritty, like it had an exfoliant in it. What did they make it with? Sand and kel fat? I sniffed. It smelled okay. Scentless, actually.
“Then why not tell him?”
“Because as long as I’m a man, I’m safe.” I lathered my hands and began to wash.
“Safe from what?”
Temptation. I sighed. “He likes me. We have a rapport.”
“Oh, that’s a terrible start to a relationship,” she said facetiously.
“I don’t want a relationship with him. As hot and sexy as he is, it wouldn’t work.”
She pounced. “So you think he’s hot and sexy?”
“Attraction isn’t enough. I want a man who loves me for me, not one who’d accept any female just to have children. A mating of convenience doesn’t meet my idea of a happy marriage.”
“Who’s to say love won’t develop?”
“Are you in love with Kellian?” I countered.
“Well, not yet! We only met two days ago. He’s a sweet guy. Attentive and quite chivalrous for an alien on a primitive planet. He’s built like a stud. And those horns? Oh, baby.” Her expression turned serious. “Mads, I want the best for you.”
“When you say that, I know I’m not going to like what comes next,” I said.
“Is it possible you’re afraid to love again? Afraid of getting hurt? Because you lost Matt?”
I ducked under the water to soak my hair. When I popped up, she was still looking at me. “It’s not that at all. I’m over Matt’s death. Love just hasn’t found me. It’s going to take time.”
“Love can’t find you if you’re running away from it.”
“I’m not running away. I’m living my life.”
Garnet looked at me. “I’m here, but you’re leaving, and we might never see each other again. I’m going to say something I’ve never said, but that I should have said sooner. Your pretense was a defense mechanism to avoid being hurt again. You dealt with grief by running away, and you adopted the disguise as an added layer of protection. The masquerade had nothing to do with sexism or proving a point to Dayton. You knew you’d encounter the Dakonians, and didn’t want them to approach you—or maybe you feared you’d be tempted—so you adopted the disguise so you’d be safe.”
I’d figured that out myself; however, admitting it was something else. “Assuming that’s true—and I’m not saying it is—that’s all the more reason to return to Earth and resume a normal life.” I lathered my hands and scrubbed my scalp. I still missed my long hair. Matt had loved my hair. Cutting it had been like severing the final link to him.
I’d sobbed so hard, I made my hairdresser cry. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she’d apologized.
“It’s okay. It’s what I want,” I’d blubbered as clumps of hair fell to the floor. Love was a many splendored thing when it went well, but when your high school sweetheart and fiancé got killed on your wedding day, love sucked. Love hurt.
I rinsed my head. Did Enoki like long hair? All Dakonians grew their hair long.
“Give Enoki a chance to show you a normal life here on Dakon.”
I twisted my mouth wryly. “Normal and Dakon are two words I would not think to put together.”
“A new normal, then,” she persisted. “Maybe what you need is a big change.”
Garnet, who would have been my maid of honor, had been there for me. She’d hugged me while I sobbed my guts out, returned all the wedding gifts for me, had taken every one of my late-night calls, had run interference and headed off all the routine bullshit I’d lost the fortitude to handle, brought me food, and kept me living until I could work through the grief.
She was my best friend in the whole world—no, the entire galaxy—and I loved her like a sister, so I couldn’t tell her to butt out. I owed her too much. However, she was being a pain in the rear end. She meant well, but she needed to leave well enough alone. I held my tongue, but glared at her to let her know she’d overstepped.
“So, don’t become his mate.” She changed tactics. “Just have a quick fling.”
“Oh, because one-night stands are so beneficial.” Enoki’s smile, those dark eyes, his horns, his deep voice—who wouldn’t be attracted to that? I was only human. But a roll in the kels would be a very bad idea.
“For you, it would be. I know darn well you haven’t slept with anybody since Matt. Probably haven’t even gone out.”
“That’s not true! I’ve dated.”
“More than once?” She pursed her lips.
“Yes!” Twice. One date each with two different men, after which I’d decided I wasn’t ready yet. “Besides,” I said, “Enoki desires a life partner. Sleeping with him wouldn’t be fair to him.”
“It would if you were up-front.”
Up-front? First, I’d have to reveal my front. I tossed the soap onto the rocky floor around the pool and glared at Garnet, who was complicating my already-complex life. “Let’s not talk about this anymore.”
She held up her hands in surrender. “Let me say one more thing, and I promise I’ll leave you alone. It’s time for you to progress to the next phase of your life. Some wild, no-commitments sex with a hot, horned alien might give you the kick-start you need to ease back into living. Consider it. That’s all I’m saying.”
Garnet could be like a bulldog with her teeth clamped around a bone. Right now, she was chomping on my leg, and to get her to turn me loose, I had to agree with her. “I’ll give it some thought,” I lied.
Chapter Twelve
Enoki
Andrea sprang up from the table as her mate, Groman, welcomed me into their hut.
“Enoki! I’m glad you’re here! Groman and I were going to come to your camp. We have a little problem. Bad news.” The colorful beads in her braided hair clacked around her bronzed face.
I didn’t need more bad news today. Two females, one Dakonian, one from Earth, had gotten into frequent disputes, often playing dirty tricks against the other. Their disagreement had led to physical altercations, dividing the tribe’s loyalties. One fight didn’t usually result in banishment, but causing dissension and chaos did.
Their gender created a dilemma for the tribe chief. At a time when we desperately needed females, banishing a couple would arouse the tribe’s ire. But leniency wouldn’t be fair to men who would have been exiled without quibble. In a further complication, if two females left, their mates would go with them, resulting in the loss of four tribe members. No matter what the tribe chief decided, people would be unhappy. His leadership could be challenged in a muta.
I’d advised him to present the matter to the tribe for a vote and let the people decide. He did, and the tribe decided to let the females stay, although it wasn’t unanimous. The process had taken longer than I’d expected, and I found myself wishing I was back in camp with Madison, especially since we would have so little time to spend with each other.
I wished even more I didn’t have to fulfill the promise to have Andrea contact his ship. Asking him to stay had been futile. I knew the answer before I asked. Yet, I’d felt I would regret it forever if I didn’t at least present the request.
Groman motioned, and Andrea and I took our seats. “What happened?” I sighed.
“As soon as the snow stopped this morning, I zipped over to the Meeting Place to check for messages from Earth,” Andrea said. “There was an urgent one from the SS Masquerade.”
Groman set a tankard of ale in front of me. I nodded my thanks, and he joined us at the table.
“They believe a member of their crew got left behind on Dakon. A roll call discovered he was missing, so they’re coming to retrieve him,” An
drea said.
“Madison Altman.” I nodded, relieved she wasn’t presenting me with a new problem. “He’s at my camp.”
“Oh, thank goodness he’s alive and safe.” She exhaled and pressed a hand to her chest. “I was so worried. The blizzard hit as the ship was leaving. I was afraid he could be dead.”
“I happened to be there and found him in time. Did they say when the ship would get here?”
“Barring another blizzard— the day after tomorrow.”
In two days, Madison would leave. A heaviness like the weight of a full winter of snow settled on me. Was it wrong to hope for a massive blizzard? “I’ll tell Madison. He’ll be elated. That’s why I’d come to see you, to ask you to contact the ship for him. He feared they didn’t know he hadn’t boarded.”
“They found his translator in one of the labs and couldn’t locate him on the ship.” She glanced between me and Groman. “I’ll go to the Meeting Place, log on to the ’net, and let First Officer Malloy know. He’ll be relieved. The message came direct from him.”
“Thank you for taking care of this. Dakon is indebted to you for all you’ve done,” I said.
Earth had set up an interplanetary communications system. However, we didn’t have the computer knowledge to use it. Andrea did. On Earth, she’d been a special ’net expert called a “hacker.” I’d asked her to assist us, and she’d agreed. She monitored communications, kept us up to date on the shipments of females, and submitted orders for supplies. I relied on her a great deal.
“I’m happy to help. In addition to checking messages, I went ahead and ordered another hundred skimmers and replacement parts, more coffee and chocolate, and double the number of prefab panels…”
“The tribes will be happy to have the skimmers, but that sounds like too many housing panels. Everyone has what they need,” I said. Not everyone wanted Terran housing.
“I ordered more prefab panels because two hundred women will be arriving in the next shipment.”
“Two hundred!” Earth had been sending one hundred at a time. “That’s great news.” The tribes would be thrilled. “Isn’t that a change in the treaty? How did that occur?” As leader of the Council of Dakon, I should have been notified.
“Well, I hope I didn’t overstep my authority, but I made an executive decision,” she said.
“I don’t understand.”
“I took it upon myself to up it to two hundred.”
“You can do that?”
“All it takes is the right set of electronic orders, and it’s a done deal. So I hack—accessed the Terra-Dakon Goodwill Exchange Program system and changed the orders. Earth has been extracting megatons of ore and sending a measly hundred women twice a year. So, I doubled it. I’d like to increase it more,” Andrea said.
“Even better.”
“I’ll monitor communications. If two hundred passes without incident, then I’ll increase it. We’ll up every shipment until Dakon has the women it needs—and then we’re going to renegotiate the treaty for something else we desperately need.”
“What’s that?”
“A weather machine. According to scuttlebutt on the dark ’net, Earth has completed research and development on a Klimatron. With one of those babies, Dakon could become a tropical paradise.”
“I’d settle for the climate we had before the asteroid hit. They really have a machine that can change the weather?”
She nodded. “It’s very hush-hush, classified Top Secret. A prototype is being tested.” Andrea flattened her palms on the table. “Terra would play hardball and use the need for females against us in negotiations. So, we need to get that settled; then we’ll go for the weather machine—if you want to.”
A weather machine could alter our planet for the better. If we could get a couple more months to grow crops or lessen the severity of the winters…
“I want the weather machine,” I said. “Your instincts are good; we need to secure a sufficient quantity of females before we do anything else. That’s first priority.”
I trusted her. She’d proven her dedication to Dakon. Two hundred women? And then more? The lodge wouldn’t be large enough to hold the mate selections. We’d need a larger building to receive the females.
Maybe, one day, every man who wanted a female would have one.
Except me. As surely as snow would fall, certainty settled in my being my chit would never be drawn. The Fates had abandoned me. Inexplicably, Madison’s impending departure panged me more than contemplation of an unmated future. But the situation for the men of Dakon looked favorable. “Can I share the news of a double shipment with my tribe, or is it premature?” I asked.
“That’s up to you. I’m pretty confident I covered my tracks and no one will catch it, but there’s always a slim chance.”
“I’ll tell them there might be an increase. I can’t thank you enough for what you’ve done for Dakon. I’d better give Madison the good news.” With a heavy heart, I pushed away from the table.
She’s here. She’s here.
I jerked, almost grabbed my ears but checked the motion and rubbed my temples.
“Headache?” Groman asked. “I could give you a draught.”
“I’m all right.” I hesitated. “Are the Fates ever wrong?”
“Wrong about what?” He narrowed his eyes.
“Anything…mating.”
“No, but the winds of Fate operate in their own time in their own way,” he said.
“That is true.” I stood up. “Thank you for the ale.” I looked at Andrea. “I’ll go give Madison the good news.”
* * * *
I rode into camp to find it bustling as men prepared for the feast welcoming the new females. The celebration had been delayed until the storms had passed. Now, firewood was being chopped and piled for a bonfire, and an entire kel was being dressed before being spitted and roasted. Men cleared the snow from the log benches.
We took every mating, every birth as a good tiding, a sign of hope for our people. When a shipment of females arrived, it was cause for great jubilation. I wished I could join in the festive mood, but melancholy had settled on me. With the weather change and the ship already on the way, there was nothing to keep Madison here.
Moving snow away from the entrance to his hut, Ardu waved me over. Should I confess my troubles and seek his learned counsel? Or hold my tongue in hopes my sanity would reassert itself? Perhaps I did not need to decide now. I could wait until after Madison had left.
He peered at the clear lavender-blue sky. “It appears as though we’ll have a snow break for a few days.”
“The tribe is quick to take advantage of it,” I said. “They seem to be planning the welcome feast with greater enthusiasm than ever.” Fire logs had been stacked big and high. A second kel was being dressed and prepped for roasting. They were decorating the perimeter with boughs.
“The storms have been relentless,” Ardu said. “I suspect many suffer from hut fever. They are celebrating freedom in addition to the arrival of females—although that is the most joyous event.” He paused. “How is Madison?”
“He’s fine. He’ll be leaving soon.”
“He will?”
“Yes. The Earth ship is coming for him.” I sighed. “I have more good news. It’s not finalized, but I’ve gotten word the next shipment of females might be doubled.”
Ever perceptive, Ardu said, “You don’t appear gladdened.”
Not getting a female, the taunting whispers, Madison leaving tangled together, related, inseparable. The healer’s questioning, sympathetic expression tempted me to unburden myself. Perhaps I should tell him about the voices and my concerns for my mental state. Why continue to suffer if he could assist? But what if he couldn’t? What if instead he deemed me unfit to rule?
If I wasn’t fit, I shouldn’t rule.
I could at least tell him part of the truth. “I’m happy for the tribes, but for myself?” I shrugged. “I’ll
feel certain I will never mate.”
“Other men have gotten discouraged, but not you. Why has optimism failed now, when the situation is even more favorable?” He assessed me, and, fearing what he might see, I averted my gaze.
Four men slid a kel onto a sturdy spit and carried it to the stone pit where wood coals glowed. The kel would be roasted all day, and by nightfall would be cooked, tender, and ready to eat. Two kel could feed the entire tribe for days.
“The wind whispered a female would be delivered to me.” I barked out a humorless laugh. “I assumed it originated with the Fates. I was utterly convinced I would draw a chit this last time. I was shocked when I didn’t get a number.” I shrugged, pretending it no longer mattered.
“We all feel disappointed,” Ardu said. “I confess I feel it, too. It’s a natural emotional response. However, it doesn’t mean you’ll never get a mate—you said the next shipment may be doubled. That’s twice the chance.”
I could leave it at that and walk away, but didn’t I want to get to the bottom of this? Shouldn’t I? If I couldn’t manage my life and feelings, how could I expect to lead my people? Maybe there was a reason for the voices I heard. It could be an extreme form of hut fever. Ardu might help me understand what was happening to me, could fix it.
Or, he could initiate proceedings to have me removed as chief.
“Obviously, I don’t have a female,” I said. “But voices in the winds have been taunting me, telling me she is here, she is here—”
Ardu snapped his head back and then widened his eyes, his reaction so strong, I faltered, wondering if I should continue; however, I’d already said the worst. “A certainty has burrowed into my marrow I will receive no other. But she is a phantom.”
“The Fates have said your female is here?” Ardu stared.
“I fear it is not the Fates I have heard,” I said glumly.
“Kuph!” Ardu swore, an utterance I’d never heard from the healer’s mouth. His eyes flashed. “And you say Madison is leaving?”
“Yes…” I frowned, not expecting the change in subject.
“He promised to speak to you!” Ardu’s eyes flashed. “You and he must talk.”
