by Anna Brooks
But I’ll never know that again. I’d rather survive on the memories than risk the kind of loss I experienced again. Hell, I didn’t even want another dog, but Luna came up to my porch one night and scratched at my door. The moon was full, and it shined right on her, hence her name.
When I opened the door, she came inside and made herself right at home, so I let her stay.
Luna nudges my hand, wanting more attention, and I rub the top of her head. She reminds me of Macy with how much she likes for me to pet her. She was an awesome dog, and I wonder so often and hope that in their final minutes, their last seconds, she had Katie and Katie had Macy.
The only physical memory of my daughter that I have is the picture of her and Macy that was left at the cabin years ago before they died. Back when my parents were still alive, and we’d come here for camping trips over the holiday weekends. Before my world shattered.
The lamp I turned on in the kitchen gives me a pathway to the mantle. I stand and walk over there, then down the rest of my drink. I set the tumbler beside a rusty frame, then tuck my hand in my pocket as I stare at the picture that’s facing down. I don’t need to flip it over to know that Katie has her arms around Macy’s neck. I don’t need to put my eyes on it to remember that Katie’s curly blond hair was blowing in the wind. I don’t need to see it to remember Macy’s tongue was hanging out of her mouth from panting because she and Katie had run around outside chasing bubbles for over an hour that day.
No, I don’t need to do any of that because I see it even if I don’t want to every time I close my eyes.
But still, I lift it. My breath gets stuck in my throat as I turn it over, and as much as I try to force myself to look, I can’t do it.
I drop it, and it clatters, the corner clanking against my glass. As quick as I can, I walk away from the torture of that goddamn picture. Tugging off my jeans and shirt, I toss them in the corner and lie on top of my comforter, where I fail to get any decent sleep.
* * *
“Well, look what the motherfuckin’ cat dragged in.” Gio pushes out of his chair as I walk into the boiler room and sticks his big-ass hand out for me. After taking it, we pat each other on the back. It’s been a while since I’ve actually been in Royal and seen the guys who don’t work at Reverie. I tend to come in the middle of the night when everyone’s sleeping.
Erik and Carter greet me the same way, and when I get to Royce, without warning, I rear back and punch him in the gut. He grunts and tries not to wince. “Asshole.” When it came out that he was with Paisley, the boss’s daughter who was supposed to be off-limits, everyone got their jabs in. We love that girl like she’s family and sucker-punching him is the least he can take for it.
I tap the side of his face with a friendly but open palm. “You just couldn’t help yourself, could you?”
Despite the heckling I know he’s received from everyone, he’s a stand-up guy. I know his dad, Mitch, from being in the business, too. Royce is a good kid, and as long as he doesn’t hurt Paisley, it’ll all be good. I can actually see it being that way because Paisley deserves to be with someone who would jump in front of a bullet for her. And I have no doubt in my mind that Royce would do just that.
Royce looks up at me and shakes his head with a stupid ass grin on his face that only being in love can produce. “Nope. Not even a little bit.”
I laugh and take the seat next to him, then nod at the couple of guys I haven’t met yet. Because Erik merged his company with Royce’s dad, there are a lot of men I don’t know.
“Gentlemen, this is the elusive Noble,” Erik introduces me to the new ones, and I give a chin lift to them all and receive the same back. “I’ve already filled him in on what we know so far. He’s gonna jump in on the rotations for protection detail for Paisley.” He starts to say something else but holds up his finger and answers his phone, not giving the slightest fuck that the call’s interrupting the meeting. “Hey, baby.”
The guys all give him shit by heckling him for how he talks to his wife, but it’s obvious he doesn’t care or hear them when he walks out of the room. My guess is the former.
Royce bumps my shoulder. “How you been, man?”
I shrug. “Alive.”
I’ve been away from the office for a few months, which isn’t unusual, but every time I come back, they all act like I’ve been gone forever even though we touch base frequently. Yes, in the past I definitely chose jobs that took me away and kept me busy, but over the past couple of years, I’ve been around a lot more than I used to be.
“Okay. See you guys soon. Did you remember the Pop-Tarts for Brinley?” Erik walks back in the room, and what he says makes my head turn and the hair on the back of my neck stand up. “Okay. Love you, too.”
Hold up. Hold the fuck up. There’s no way that this Brinley is my daughter’s best friend, Brinley. Christ, I haven’t seen her for years. But that name… she’s the only person I’ve ever met or heard of with that name, and I remember her obsession with Pop-Tarts.
I catch Erik’s eyes, and something about the look on my face must catch his attention because he freezes in place. “Brinley?” I question.
“The homeless girl I told you about who is now living in our guest room.”
My gut drops and pushes my spine straight. “You got a picture of her?”
“Why?”
“Her hair red?”
“Yes.”
“Get me a picture.” I stand, already on the move, every instinct in me to get to her so loud I can’t hear shit else. “Now.”
Chapter 2
Brinley
I’m sitting on a ridiculously comfortable bed in an insanely gorgeous house, wondering how the hell I’m going to get myself out of this situation. A situation that, in my life where you expect the worst and prepare for even more worse, is completely unfathomable.
A week ago, I was outside and mulling around the parking lot when Paisley found the note on her car threatening her. I’d seen her around since she was going to and from the hospital for appointments a lot lately. She and her man, Royce, were always nice to me, so as soon as I saw how distraught she was, I had to help her… especially since I was the one who left the damn note in the first place.
I swear I have no clue what I was thinking. No… I do, a little bit at least. I was petty and jealous and acted like a bitch. I thought it’d be funny to scare her a little bit, give her just an inkling of the fear I’d lived with after she got adopted and I didn’t, but I had no clue how terrified she’d be. Then it was too late. She saw it, and I couldn’t exactly admit I was the one who left the note.
I wasn’t really threatening her, just stating that it could be me, and one day it will be. I’ve had a dream my entire life of having a baby in my belly, but I’d never harm someone else’s. So again, I don’t really know exactly why I did it in the first place. God… so stupid.
At that point, I had to at least help her. All I was going to do was give her a ride to where she needed to be and then leave. But she never took her keys after she ran inside, and I was scared to go in the building, so I was waiting for her to come and get them back.
It was like a stampede the way a bunch of the guys came outside to find me sitting on the ground, wet from the rain, with her keys in my hands still. Through all of the commotion, Polly, Erik’s wife and Paisley’s adoptive mother, decided she needed to take the charity case home. I should have fought more, and for the life of me, I can’t figure out why I didn’t. There are a lot of things in my life lately that I’m questioning.
I had a place to live. I didn’t need them to take care of me. But still, I went. Maybe out of sheer curiosity. Maybe to pretend for a day. Maybe because I’m just an idiot.
Now I’ve been here a week, and I can’t find a way out with how guarded this damn house is, even though, deep down, I don’t want to. But what I want and what I need have never been synonyms. I’ve been getting used to these people acting like they care about me, and I’ve never really had t
hat before.
Well, except for my friend Danny. He and I go way back, and I know he cares about me in the only way that he can, which is slightly possessive and overprotective. But he’s the only true friend I have, and because of that I need to get out of here. He’s not answering his phone. Something isn’t right. Since I’ve been here, I’ve been calling him from my little piece of crap trac phone, and it’s been going to voicemail after a half of a ring.
There have been times that he’s had to “go ghost,” but he always tells me first. He didn’t this time, so I’m really worried.
If I could, I’d just leave, but I didn’t realize that this house was a fortress. I didn’t know that Paisley was the adopted daughter of the owner of one of the country’s best security agencies. I had no clue that my life would change when Polly and Erik took me in because it made me realize exactly what I’d been missing out on in mine.
Since I can remember, I was the only one who looked out for me, and I accepted that, that was my life. But for the past week, I’ve been surrounded by good people. Loving people. People who give a shit. And it’s made me question everything I know.
The door to my room slowly opens, and Paisley sticks her blond head through. “Hi. How are you doing?”
I sit up from the bed and continue to play the sad, pathetic homeless case even though I don’t want to anymore. Normally, I’m more of a hurt you before you can hurt me type of girl, which essentially makes me a bitch. I want to tell them the truth, but I’m afraid that when they find out, they’ll have me arrested. Until I figure out what I’m going to do, especially since Danny’s now missing and he can’t help me, I’ll go along with the story I’ve written for myself.
“Hi. I’m a five and a half.” I have this thing where I number my days. That’s one thing that’s not fake. I’ve always done it. I don’t know where or when it started, but my goal in life is to have a ten. So far, I haven’t gotten close.
“That’s great. Hope you don’t mind if I hang out. Royce went to the office.”
I smile at her. “He sure does love you.”
“Yeah, he does. I got lucky.”
“Hmm.” Some people do. Me, not so much. I could have been, though.
I don’t know why she’s here, but I can’t exactly kick her out of her parents’ house. “So, uh, what do you do for fun? To keep yourself occupied?” Ugh, small talk. I hate small talk.
I swing my feet back and forth and give her a sob story. “Well, when I’m not fighting off men who want to rape me or digging through the trash to get some food, I sleep. I like to sleep as much as I can because it makes the time go by fast. I just want to be able to wake up one day and not be in this life anymore.” At least, that’s how it used to be. Because when I aged out of the system, I was homeless, and I did live like that, so everything I say is true in a way.
She offers me a sympathetic smile. “Want to go downstairs and watch a movie?”
“Whatever.” I shrug as I stand because I really don’t have a choice. And as much as I hate to admit it, it’s been kind of nice being around all of these nice people lately. The last time I remember being with a nice family was before Katie died. I always loved hanging out at her house.
Paisley follows me downstairs, and I turn the corner to go to the living room. While she’s looking for a movie off the shelf, I see a photo of her. There’s a picture of her with a car and a bow on it, and I pick it up. “You got a car for your birthday?”
“Yeah,” she replies but is almost embarrassed about it.
Lucky. I had to steal money to buy my piece of shit car. “Wow. You have the perfect life.”
“I don’t. I, uh, my birth parents died when I was nine, and I was in and out of foster care until I was fourteen. Then my luck turned around when Erik and Polly adopted me. I don’t know what I did to be so blessed, but I thank my lucky stars every night because I know it could have been so much worse.”
I watch as she rubs her hand on her belly and I fight laughter. She thinks she had it rough. She has no idea. “Do you know what you’re having?” I change the subject.
“No. We wanted it to be a surprise. Well, I want it to be. Royce wants to know, but I think it’ll be better this way.”
“I bet it’s a boy.”
She smiles. “Why do you think that?”
I have no clue actually. Just a gut instinct. “Just a guess.”
“I don’t care what it is as long as it’s healthy and happy.”
“I’m sure it will be. You’re young and healthy and so is Royce.”
Ugh, she gets that stupid look on her face like she’s all gooey and shit. “Yeah. I hope so.”
She pops in a movie, and we sit on the couch while it starts. The scene opens with a shirtless Hunter Dean, and she sighs. “He’s so dreamy.”
I totally agree. “He’s really cute.”
“I know. Royce’d kill me if he knew I said that. Apparently, he’s a jerk in real life.”
“How do you know that?”
She leans in closer to me even though we’re alone. “Don’t tell anyone, but Royce said he hired Royal to do security, and it was a disaster. Hunter lied and put one of the guys in danger. He got blacklisted from the company after that.”
“Oh, wow.”
“Yeah, you don’t mess with one of us. You do, and you get everyone on your bad side.”
“Yeah, I bet. It must be nice to have that many people at your back.”
“It is. I used to be so scared all the time, but when I was adopted, that fear went away. I hate that it’s back.” She wipes beneath her eyes and seeing her sad makes me feel like crap. “I just don’t want anyone to hurt my baby. I don’t know what I’d do if that happened.”
I should assure her that nothing will happen to her baby, but I don’t. I’m not sure why, exactly; some stupid, petty jealousy, I guess. And I know it makes me a bad person, but I’m coming to terms that maybe I really am trash.
We finish the movie that I wasn’t even paying attention to and head to the kitchen. I decide to make a salad and am cutting up some veggies while she sits at the island coloring in an adult coloring book.
The TV didn’t get shut off in the other room, and I can still hear the news in the background. And when I hear Danny’s name, I turn my back to her and inch closer to the edge of the island to peek into the living room and get a better view.
“The ongoing case with Danny Dakota seems to have come to a head today when years of undercover investigations have resulted in the arrest of the elusive gang leader.” A picture of Danny, the man who saved me from the brutality of the streets, appears as he walks into the police station with his hands cuffed behind his back. I gasp at the image and squeeze my eyes shut to block it out. “A trial date has been set for Monday, and Mr. Dakota faces life without parole if convicted of all charges, which include money laundering, murder, and distribution of an illegal substance. For further details, visit our Facebook page at…”
I drag my feet back to the counter and have to grab the edge because everything gets fuzzy. That explains why I haven’t been able to get a hold of him. If I lose him, oh my God… if I lose Danny, I have nobody. Again.
When Paisley’s phone rings, I try to tune her out, but she’s right next to me, so I hear every word. “No, I think we’re good.” Paisley holds her hand over the receiver. “Brinley, do you need anything from the store? Polly’s there now, and she says she’s already got your Pop-Tarts.”
“No, thanks.” They’re so nice. God, I hate that. I hate them. I hate that they make me think people care about me.
“No, we’re good. See you soon.” She hangs up, and I focus on what I’m doing so I don’t chop a finger off, trying to act natural when my world is about to crash down around me, leaving me alone once again. They’re not going to let me stay with them forever, so that puts me right back where I was before. But before, I had Danny to help me.
God… God.
I’ve gotta get out of here. I need
to go home. Think… okay, stop. Forget about Danny, there’s nothing I can do right now. Just figure out how to get out of here. I can fake it. It’s what I’m good at. I clear my throat. “Have they found anything else from the note?”
“No. It was too dirty to get a print.”
“That’s a shame.”
“I know. I don’t get it.”
I dump some cucumber in a bowl. “Don’t get what?”
“Why anyone would want to hurt me. Or my baby.”
Yeah, because people need a reason to hurt someone else. I know firsthand from several different hands that that’s not true. “Hmm. You haven’t managed to upset anybody your entire life?”
It’s like I can see her thinking. “No. Unless it was unintentional. I always get along with everyone I meet.”
Okay, come on. Nobody’s that perfect. I know she’s nice and everything, but somewhere along the way, someone had to have not liked her. Like me, for example. “You can’t think of anyone who would not like you?”
“No, I mean, there were a couple of boys in high school who I blew off, but the guys already ruled them out. I never had any trouble with any girls at my school, and I barely knew anybody when I was in New York for college this past year.”
“What about before that?”
“Before that, nobody cared about me, so no.”
“Nobody?”
“Not that I can think of.”
She wouldn’t. Nobody ever thinks of anyone other than themselves. Nobody ever thought about me. Danny was the only person who thought about me, and now I’m going to lose him. “You can’t think of anyone who you wronged? A ghost from the past, a haunted soul… Not one single person who would hate you!” I try to calm down, but everything is messing with my head.
The kindness, the envy, the hatred, the anger, the realization that if they’d have picked me instead of her, I could be her, and I wouldn’t be standing here worried that a murderer getting arrested means I have nobody. I could be the one who was happy and loved and pregnant by a man who was so infatuated with me that everyone else would be jealous of me. But that didn’t happen.
