Roam (Guarding Her Book 5)

by Anna Brooks

  Her pulse slows to almost normal, and she runs her fingers through my damp hair. If it wasn’t for the fact that my cum was leaking out of her, I’d hold her like this until the sun went down. But I need to take care of her, get her cleaned up, and welcome her home properly.

  But I don’t get the chance to say anything because a giggle erupts from her belly. “I hope Luna isn’t watching.”

  And before I even realize it’s happening, I’m roaring with laughter. “God, I fuckin’ love you.”

  She says the words this time. “I love you, too.” When I slide out of her, her mouth falls open, and I groan at the loss. Her feet reach the ground, and she gasps when she sees the construction. “What are you doing?”

  “Oh, that?” I shrug. “I’m adding onto the house so our kids can have their own rooms.”

  She dissolves into tears, but for the first time, they’re happy. Now that… that I can live with.

  Chapter 20

  Brinley

  My nerves haven’t really been present the past month since I’ve been back with Noble. We’ve been too busy enjoying each other with no secrets for there to be any stress. But when he asked if I wanted to go to a birthday party for one of his friend’s kids, I said yes without thinking that maybe faced with a bunch of people he works with, I might feel different.

  But it’s too late now. We’re on our way, but he said he wanted to make a stop first. I wasn’t sure where he was taking me before the party, but when he turned down Cemetery Lane, I felt my stomach drop. I haven’t been back to this side of town in years. He hasn’t either. “What are we doing here?”

  He stops the truck in a visitor’s space and shuts the engine off. His smile is forced, but still he offers me a little one. “Just saying hi.”

  “Okay.”

  I meet him around the back, and he takes my hand. His palms are sweaty, and his whole body is stiff.

  “When was the last time you were here?”

  “The last time I saw you before I left.”

  “You haven’t been back since…”

  He gives a solid shake of his head, just once. “Couldn’t.”

  I lean into him, and he unclasps our hands to wrap his arm around my waist. The concrete is a little damp and the bright green grass dewy from the sprinklers. It’s not long before we stop in front of their graves.

  Cora’s is on the left, and Katie’s is on the right, in front of me. “I can give you privacy,” I whisper after a minute of us just standing here.

  “No. I want you here. I always want you with me.”

  “Okay.”

  The strength in his arm gives way, and it falls to his side. He bends down and brushes some dirt off Cora’s headstone. His palm stays flat, and he drops his head for a moment before standing. The emotions that he must be feeling would be enough to make any man fall to his knees.

  I don’t want to make him uncomfortable even though he said he wanted me to be here, but as I read the words on Katie’s heart-shaped monument, I get choked up.

  Loving Daughter ~ Loyal Friend

  My thoughts are so consuming, the loss of the one and only true friend I ever had deafening me, that I don’t hear Noble until his hand takes hold of mine. “Do you think she’d think it’s cool we’re together?” he asks with a throaty voice.

  “No.” I tip my head back. “She’d be grossed out.”

  He smiles and laughs through tight lips. “Yeah, she probably would.”

  “But she’d be happy if we were.”

  He takes a beat. “I am happy.”

  “Me, too.”

  He rests his chin on the top of my head, and we stare down at the resting place of his daughter and my best friend. It’s bittersweet, and it’s beautiful. But it’s so sad. It’ll never not be somber to come here and know the bones of the person who connected us are six feet deep, collecting dust inside of a bright pink casket.

  He might have needed this, but frankly, I could have done without. Being with someone isn’t only for the good times, though. It’s for the bad. The angry, the frustrated, the confused. It’s all the waves of the ocean, from the high seas to the low tide. It’s real and raw and totally worth it to find the one person who will ride those crests with you and not come up for breath until you do.

  No matter how tragic, no matter how much life hasn’t been fair to either one of us, I know that with each other, we can make it through anything. Because we’ve been through hell, and now we’re back. Together. Forever.

  After a few minutes, he wordlessly leads me back to his truck and gently kisses me before he drives away. The cab is filled with contented silence, and I don’t push for anything because that was what he needed.

  When we arrive at a cute little house, I feel the dread set in. Kids are running around, and there are cars all up and down the street. Noble gets out of the truck and comes around to my side, where in the twenty seconds, I’ve entered full-on panic mode. “I can’t move.” My knee is bouncing, and my teeth are clattering.

  “Rinny girl, stop.” He steps up on the running board and holds himself up with one hand on the top of his truck, and the other cups my face. “Darlin’.”

  I thought I was fine. I really, truly did. But I just saw Paisley walk up, and now I can’t breathe. “I can’t breathe, Noble.” I grab his arm, and he maneuvers us so he’s sitting, and I’m on his lap. My legs are dangling out of the truck, and his are firm on the floorboard.

  “Look at me.”

  I drag my gaze from his brown boots up to his face. “You’re fine. We don’t have to go in. I’ll drive away. But you’re fine. Everything will be okay.”

  This needs to work. Everything about us needs to be built on complete honesty, so I tell him. “I feel like running right now.”

  “Where would you go?”

  “I don’t know. Away from here. Anywhere that I could avoid this.”

  He runs his nose along mine. “Running isn’t an option. What is an option is if you’re ready or not. I believe in you, and I think you are.”

  “Okay. You’re right.” I stare into his eyes and let the love pouring from them reassure me. I need to do this. I have to apologize to her in person, and I have to do it now. “Can you go get her?”

  “You sure?”

  I nod. “Yes. I need to do this.”

  “Okay. Kiss me first.”

  When I press my lips to his, the uncertainty melts away. He pinches my nose and smiles, then hops down. We stop at the front porch, and he tells me to wait here, then disappears around the house. I sit on the bottom step, waiting for Paisley and decide to read the text Danny just sent to hopefully get my mind off the straight-up dread I’m feeling right now.

  I hate you not being close.

  Why?

  Cause you’re hot.

  Oh, my God. Shut up.

  Go enjoy the life you always dreamed of. You’re safe to do that now.

  Stop being mushy, it’s weird. Not only is him being mushy weird, that text is cryptic. He’s acting as if he’s leaving or something.

  I hear Noble’s deep voice getting louder but read the last text from Danny. Ur weird.

  He doesn’t reply, but I don’t expect him to. We don’t talk often because he’s busy with whatever he does and I’m busy with Noble. I know Danny will always be in my life, and I love that, but right now my focus is on moving forward, and as much as I hate to admit it… Danny reminds me of the bad and all the shit I’ve done wrong. So for now, I’m keeping my distance, but I think Danny knows that, so he doesn’t give me any shit for it.

  The lighthearted moment I just had with him vanishes when Paisley sits next to me. She looks totally adorable in a little sundress and her blond hair in a braid that falls over her shoulder and stops at her collarbone. The chain she’s wearing with a big rock dangling from it is no doubt her son Anderson’s birthstone.

  Noble already walked away, and I’m glad because I don’t think I could do this in front of anybody else. It’s hard enough to
do with Paisley. “Please don’t talk. I know that sounds rude, but please. Just let me explain.”

  “Can I talk to say okay?”

  And that’s all it takes for me to lose it. I feel my face twisting in the ugly cry, and she doesn’t hesitate to hug me. She already knew some of the things, but I go all the way back. I tell her about Danny and Katie and how I was so jealous that she got picked instead of me, and although I know it’s not her fault, I hated her for it. But then I got to know her and discovered she’s super sweet, and I’m just a bitch with issues.

  “You’re not a bitch.” She squeezes my knee. “If I hadn’t been adopted by Erik and Polly, I have no clue where I would be. I’d probably be dead because there is no way I could survive on the streets.”

  “You could. When you’re forced to be strong because you don’t have a choice, you just do. And I think that all the shit I was going through was becau—”

  “Because you were strong for too long, Brinley. My God, have you ever listened to your story from a different perspective?”

  I arch a brow in confusion.

  “Think about it. If somebody told you that story, if they explained it all to you, don’t you think you’d look at them as a survivor?”

  “I survived. There’s a difference.”

  “You did. But you didn’t settle. You always knew you wanted more, and in the midst of realizing that maybe you never would, and seeing me, seeing that you could have been in my position… you were so close but always too far, don’t you see that it takes someone as strong as you to never give up? Seriously. I’m not mad. I wasn’t from the moment Noble carried you out of the house.”

  I shake my head in disbelief. “I still don’t know why, and honestly, you sitting here talking to me like we’re discussing nail polish colors is freaking me out.”

  “You know why.”

  “I don’t.”

  She turns her body to the side a little bit and leans closer to me. “Because I get it. I get you. Everyone does something they’re not proud of, but you obviously punished yourself enough, so it’s time you let that go so you can be free. Because you deserve it. I deserved it. Polly deserved it. And we got it. You have it now. Stop punishing yourself and take what you deserve.” I don’t really have time to think about what she just said because she stands and grabs my hand. “Now come on. I think we both deserve cake.”

  I giggle when she almost yanks my arm out of my socket and hurry with her around the house to the backyard. I find Noble immediately, and when he narrows his eyes, assessing me, he must like what he sees because he smiles, then goes back to his conversation.

  We’ve just sat down when the baby cries and Paisley excuses herself to go feed him, and I’m left alone for a split second. But it’s only for a very short time before Q takes her place. “Hey, sis.” He bumps my shoulder with his own.

  “What’s up, bro?”

  “How are you doing? You look kind of pale.”

  “Well, that’s because I’m nervous as hell.”

  He drops his chin and offers a kind smile. “If someone makes you uncomfortable, you can tell me.”

  “They’re not. I’m just…” I shrug. “Me. I’m afraid everyone is being fake nice and secretly hate me.”

  “I can promise you that’s not the case.”

  “And honestly, Q, if someone did upset me, I’d tell Noble. I wouldn’t put you in the middle of that.”

  He nods. “Yeah, but if you’re ever afraid to tell him something, you know I’m always here, right?”

  “I know.” I study him for a moment, realizing how lucky I am to have him for a friend. “Why don’t you have a girlfriend?”

  He chokes on his beer.

  “You’re a great guy. And you’re pretty hot.” I laugh when his ears turn red. “Oh stop, you know you are. So where’s the girl?”

  He stares off in the distance, and it’s as if he’s contemplating his answer. Finally, he shrugs. “I don’t know where she is.”

  “Hey, I got you some cake.” Paisley sits down next to me. “Sorry, Q, I didn’t grab you one. You can have mine.”

  “No, that’s fine. I’ll get my own. You girls have fun.” He tips his beer in our direction and gets up, walking over to the guys.

  I’m totally self-conscious that people are all talking about me, and everyone here thinks I’m a psychopath, but they all actually seem to be minding their own business. A few people smile and wave to Paisley, and nobody really pays me much attention, which is nice. They’re not being rude; they just don’t know me very well. Who knows, maybe Noble told them to steer clear so I wouldn’t be uncomfortable, and if he did, that’s just another reason I love him.

  “He was always handsome, but since he’s been around you, he got hotter.”

  There’s only one guy she could be talking about, and I bring my gaze over to him, so strong and sexy it’s hard not to look at him. Then again, I’ve thought that forever. “He’s always been hot.”

  She makes a gagging sound. “The way you guys look at each other is kind of nauseating.”

  I roll my eyes. “Pretty sure I’ve seen the same expressions on both your and Royce’s faces.”

  Anderson fusses in Royce’s arms, and she looks over at them and smiles when Royce starts rocking him back and forth. As I take a bite of the chocolate cake, I think how lucky she is to have that. All these people. Just everything. But I don’t do it with animosity.

  “You know, it will be you, right?”

  “What?” I ask with confusion.

  “The way he looks at you. I wasn’t joking when I said it’s nauseating, but it’s real. You’ll be the one pregnant with a baby next. You will have that life. A family. It will be you.”

  I look over at where Noble is talking to a bunch of guys with a beer in hand. He’s engaged in conversation with them, but he’s looking over at me. I smile, and he winks. And I don’t hesitate to say, “I know.”

  Noble

  My attention isn’t on my work, but rather on the photo I have on my desk of Brinley. She’s sitting on the beach in that ridiculous bikini with Luna on her lap. They’re both looking away from the camera, and it’s just the most beautiful picture I’ve ever seen. The sun was setting, and the pink and orange hues bouncing off her made the photo look like a painting.

  I never took pictures on my phone, but since she’s been back, I’ve got hundreds of her.

  “Hey, man.” Q walks into my office and tosses a newspaper on my desk. “Check this out.”

  I sit up and open the paper to see the headline: Newly released prisoner’s body found by fisherman. The short article goes on to name Paul Branch and states foul play is suspected and asks anybody with information to contact the police.

  “That’s why I couldn’t find him.” Q plops down in the chair across from me. “I knew he wasn’t that good.”

  As soon as Q found out Paul was released early, he’d been searching for him but came up with absolutely nothing. And Q’s right, nobody hides from him; he’s just that good. So the fact that this ex-con child molester couldn’t be found was baffling. It makes sense now.

  I don’t need to look further into it or even wonder what happened because… Danny. He was in Brinley’s apartment when I stormed in, frantic because Paul had gotten released the night before.

  If I thought much about it, I should feel bad that a man is dead, but I don’t.

  I go through some other stuff with Q for the new assignment I took on since I’m switching my focus to PI. Graham has been getting a shit ton of work, and I have the best experience to make the transition, plus it guarantees I’ll be here because there is no way I’d take an assignment that takes me away from her. I’d miss her too much.

  And damn, if I’m not missing her after only about six hours, so I end up cutting out early and heading home.

  Anticipation thrums through my veins, my bones, and I get anxious as I get closer. I don’t even have the vehicle in park before I’m jumping down. When I walk in
side, I find her in front of the fireplace, and I know what she’s looking at.

  I step behind her and brush her hair off her neck, then press my lips to the skin beneath her ear. “I know you want me to look at it, but I can’t. I’m not ready.” My eyes find the number 11 tattoo on her ring finger… on her left hand. For a woman who grew up rating her days from one to ten, most of those days less than five, when she showed me the eleven and explained that that’s what I give her, I had to look away because I felt the back of my eyes starting to burn.

  It was the best and most amazing thing anyone has ever done for me. To know that all the struggle I went through led me to her, to this moment where I found someone who wants with her whole heart to give me even an inkling of what I give her… I never thought I’d be happy again, but now my life is beyond that.

  The bliss wave I’ve been riding is suspended in the air, though, because she wants me to stand that picture of Katie and Macy face up. It was a revelation for me to go visit their graves, to go see Katie’s resting place, but seeing her actual face again… I don’t know if I’m ready for that.

  “All I’m going to do is set it right side up. You don’t have to look at it, but at least she won’t be hiding anymore.”

  I nod but don’t speak the words. And when I hear the metal sliding against the wooden mantle, I look down. “I can’t.”

  “You don’t have to.”

  “But I want to.”

  “Then do it.”

  With a heaving breath, I lift my head and stare into the face of the most beautiful little girl I’ve ever seen. Bright and cheerful gray eyes like mine remind me of the joy life can offer. I bring my finger to run along the glass. “I can’t believe I was so stupid that I didn’t want this again. There’s nothing more beautiful than that. I want a baby with you,” I whisper.