Cosmic Love

by Jan Spiller

  Their expectations that family should be different can lead these folks to treat relatives more harshly than they do others. They may hang on to resentment and punish a family member who they think was not there for them in the past. So even if they show up when that person needs support, they may act angry or distant. As part of releasing these unhealthy family dynamics, these natives are learning that they have a choice. They can continue to teach through punishment, or they can move to a higher level by being a personal example of caring emotional sensitivity and support.

  Sometimes when Capricorn North Node people are ready to let go of clinging to their family, the family doesn’t want to let go of them! They may find that their desire to take care of the family has created dependencies that have become a burden to the native. The way out of this dilemma is for the native to come from a position of being in charge, and use their skills to figure out how to organize situations so that everyone’s needs can get met—including their own.

  These people are learning to see the concept of “family” from a broader perspective, which will make it easier for them to detach from their family and take responsibility for reaching their own goals. Once they realize that they can create success on their own, they will find that they can transform tendencies to unhealthy dependency into genuine emotional empathy. Then they can consciously reestablish their family ties on a much healthier level.

  Triumphing Over Insecurity and Fear of Failure

  Capricorn North Node people can be paralyzed by insecurity and fear of rejection. Maintaining their sense of physical and emotional safety is the underlying motive that drives them. They tend to live in a constant state of anxiety: “What if this happens…what if that happens…”

  These people deal with underlying insecurity in their relationships, in their position in life, and within themselves. They’re often fearful that they can’t perform, they won’t be able to come through for others, they won’t know what to say, and that others will see their insecurity and judge them in terms of not being important, useful, competent, or ambitious. And the truth is that until they gain awareness and make some changes, they often are too vulnerable to be really competent—and they appear to be unambitious because they are afraid to set goals and take risks.

  Their fears are so intense because they stem from past incarnations where survival was precarious, and so the native came to equate fear of failure with fear of death. This lifetime they hesitate to take any kind of risk that could upset the status quo and possibly threaten their security. They are learning to recognize that sometimes taking a risk would be the best way to INCREASE their security. One Capricorn North Node client had a chance to buy a nice home that would have cost him about the same monthly payment as his rent, but his fears kept him from taking advantage of the opportunity. He was worried about taking on the responsibility, paying the taxes, maintaining the yard, etc.

  One of their biggest fears is that others won’t see who they really are—and the way they interact with other people makes this a self-fulfilling prophecy, because unconsciously the native presents a facade in order to protect themselves. They are usually not even aware that they don’t let others see who they really are. However, they feel the effects. For example, when they’re with a group of people having fun, after a while they may begin distancing themselves. Rather than enjoy the moment, they see it as a false connection: “It’s the circumstance, it’s fleeting, and it doesn’t mean anything.” If someone says: “Gee, I think you’re terrific,” the native doesn’t quite trust that the other person has perceived them accurately. This dynamic blocks intimacy. Since the native has already judged that the other person isn’t able to see the “real them,” they use this as an excuse to not make the effort to create a situation where they could more naturally be themselves.

  Because these people are so sensitive to rejection, in social situations their “real self” isn’t usually available until they’ve had some kind of chemical assistance, such as a few too many drinks. Then they don’t care how they are perceived, and can be spontaneous. A better idea is for them to learn how to give themselves permission to always be themselves. One way to get started is to set a time-limited goal: “Tonight at the party, I’m going to just be myself and see who is attracted to the real me.”

  If they don’t take this risk, the self-fulfilling prophecy kicks in: “No one will ever understand me, so I’m just going to show them what I think they want to see.” This guarantees that the other person will never see who they really are, and blocks intimacy for both people. The native feels misunderstood and the other person feels that there’s not really anyone there for them to connect with.

  However, this is often what the native chooses because they are so sensitive to their own emotional state that they are driven by their fear of being hurt. They want to avoid disapproval and rejection at any cost. For example, they may not even take the risk of trying to initiate a relationship. The native might like someone a lot and have this whole lovely scenario in their head about what the relationship would be like. But if they’re not sure the other person is interested, they don’t call, out of fear that their scenario won’t work. They give up before anything even happens.

  Often, they’re just too afraid of making a mistake that’s so big, they can’t correct it or that calls attention to their shortcomings. Due to their lack of past life experience with taking risks and creating success on a personal level, these people don’t recognize that even if they take a risk and it doesn’t work out, they still learn something that can help them create success in the future.

  As a result, they may not learn certain life lessons because they don’t allow themselves to explore uncharted territory—to learn and grow beyond their current limits to a place that could make them much happier and more secure. Instead, they tend to get stuck in their fear that the lesson may be so painful or so costly, they might never recover from it. To break free from this pattern, these people must stay totally focused on “going for the goal,” or they become immobilized by their fears.

  Capricorn North Node people are learning to accept that there is no ultimate security on planet Earth—everything is subject to the law of change. Their lesson is realizing that the only thing they can depend on for security is their own willingness to actively take charge of their current situation and create a sense of security in the context of the existing circumstance. Once they take the risk, they will unlock an energy within themselves that can rise to the occasion and create success. It works best when they are clear about their goal in any situation, and then make attainment of that goal—one step at a time—their top priority.

  Gaining Respect: Creating Realistic Expectations, Being Honest, and Keeping Commitments

  Capricorn North Node people have a deep fear that other people won’t respect them. They are very concerned with what others think of them, and often overestimate what’s within their reach in order to live up to what they perceive as the other person’s expectations. They are so fearful that they will let others down and be seen as incompetent that sometimes they’re not completely honest and hide things from people. And this usually leads to the very thing they are trying to avoid.

  For instance, rather than just saying: “I may be late to tomorrow’s meeting because my day is already overbooked,” they say: “Of course I’ll be there on time,” because they want to live up to what the other person expects. Then, about an hour before the meeting, they finally realize that there’s no way they can be there on time. It’s only when they fall short that they realize it would have been far better to let people know ahead of time rather than set up a false expectation.

  This dynamic blocks intimacy, because when the native doesn’t come through, others lose respect for them and pull back because they can’t depend on them to keep their word. And the native keeps setting themselves up for failure and then feels ashamed when they fall short of their goals.

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nbsp; This nodal group is learning the absolute necessity of keeping their word. For this to happen, they need to have a realistic sense of what is possible for them. A smart move is for them to always overestimate the time they think it will take them to finish something or to get someone what they need. No one can meet everyone’s desires and expectations all the time, and only the native knows the details of their own situation. If events unfold in a way that makes it impossible to keep their commitment—as happens to everyone from time to time—they are learning to pick up the phone and communicate honestly with the other person. This establishes the native’s credibility in others’ eyes, and strengthens their own sense of self-respect and confidence in their ability to maintain their integrity.

  A related issue is that Capricorn North Node people tend to confuse vulnerability with incompetence. Another person might openly say: “I tend to be frivolous” or “Sometimes I’m immature,” without fearing that others wouldn’t respect them. This is because they respect themselves and accept that being human means being less than perfect.

  However, these natives would never willingly reveal their weaknesses, because they fear that if they appear in any way vulnerable, incompetent, irresponsible, or unambitious, others will think less of them. This can prevent them from asking for help when they need it. Actually, asking others for help would allow them to succeed and appear more competent; whereas by not asking, they just set themselves up for failure.

  They are learning that when they aren’t honest or they manipulate their image in order to look more competent to others, it usually backfires—and it often occurs with family members. For example, a Capricorn North Node client told her mother that with $500,000 from her inheritance, she could maintain her ranch for ten years. She didn’t really believe the money would last that long, but she thought that’s what her mother wanted to hear. In actuality, the money only lasted three years. By trying to appear “super competent,” she created an unrealistic expectation and ended up losing credibility with her family, which was the thing she most wanted to avoid.

  This preoccupation with trying to manipulate their image is very unhealthy for these natives, and makes them passive and rather dependent—it’s like they’re giving up control of who they are. They are learning that simply being themselves and telling the truth is actually their best protection. If they say: “I get cranky from time to time,” then when that behavior emerges others are prepared and can accept it. But if they pretend to always be on top of things, when they “slip,” others may feel let down, because that’s not who they said they were. Also, when they are hiding some part of themselves—or some information—the other person can sense it. And since they don’t know what the native is hiding, it creates distrust in the relationship.

  For Capricorn North Node people, the only real position of strength is to start making choices and behaving in a way that gives them a sense of self-respect, regardless of others’ opinions. They are learning that by pursuing a goal that is important to them personally, and just being themselves in the process, they are much more likely to achieve the success they seek. Then their “image” is simply a natural outgrowth of whatever they have succeeded in manifesting.

  And ironically, when these people demonstrate success in any area, others automatically give them the respect they have longed for and that is so nurturing for them—because now they respect themselves. They may even find that they become a role model for others in the process.

  Ceasing to Blame Others: Taking Responsibility for Overcoming Emotional Detours

  Capricorn North Node people see themselves as being emotionally empathetic, but really they are just highly sensitive to others’ emotional fields. If someone else—especially someone close to them—feels sad or angry, instead of maintaining their own emotional state so they can be supportive, these people tend to take on the other person’s emotions. Then the native blames the other person because THEY got upset!

  Their emotions are so easily triggered, the native will do almost anything to avoid experiencing criticism or any kind of negative energy from others, because they are afraid that they will have an overemotional reaction, hurt the other person, and then will have to deal with the ramifications. With those who are close, they try to be supportive, but if the other person says or does something that doesn’t fit their picture of how the relationship should be, the native may stomp off or use some other type of emotional escalation to bring that person “into line.” Their message is: “If I get upset with you, it’s your fault!”

  This blocks intimacy because others don’t want to become involved in this kind of co-dependent emotional manipulation. The other person ends up feeling like they can’t have their own feelings or share what is going on with them because the native may become enmeshed in their mood, or take what they say personally. Then the native may go off and lick their wounds for a few days, or cry, or pick a fight in order to release the emotional charge and regain their equilibrium.

  When these people think that someone in authority—especially family members—doubt them in any way, instead of taking charge of the situation and proving their ability—or being objective and thinking: “They may be right”—they tend to feel deeply hurt and take a time-consuming emotional detour from pursuing their goal. And it can be a long time before they’re ready to try again. One reason for this self-sabotaging dynamic is that since they take everything so personally, in their mind they have lost face with the other person.

  Accomplishing any goal requires objectivity and the practical ability to see everything that occurs as an opportunity to create success. But when the native’s emotions get triggered by any perceived obstacle, or a reminder of unresolved family issues, they tend to get bogged down by focusing on “this is painful” rather than just taking the next step that will allow them to reach their goal.

  Because of this dynamic, these people may not take responsibility for meeting their own needs, and sometimes create situations where others have to step in. In this way they tend to have relationships that involve the other person being in control. Usually the native just goes along with that person to ensure that their needs get met—and as a way to keep that person tied to them. So in a way, the native is controlling the other person by submitting to control—it can get pretty convoluted. It also blocks intimacy, because when they’re not in control of themselves, it doesn’t feel safe to let their barriers down and be close to others.

  One way they deal with feeling controlled is through passive-aggressive behavior. One moment they can be open and supportive, and the next moment—if they feel in any way slighted or rejected—they may deliver an angry tirade that makes the other person withdraw. This blocks intimacy, because those around them may decide not to get too close in order to protect themselves from these emotional outbursts.

  These people also tend to not take responsibility for their decisions, so if they do risk taking action and it doesn’t turn out well, it won’t be their fault. They may blame their lack of success on their ex-wife or past employer, and don’t own up to their own part in creating the results. Also, when they feel scared or upset, they often seek to blame someone else for their discomfort—the president, their boss, their partner—it’s everyone else’s fault but their own.

  These folks are learning to take more responsibility for making their partnerships successful. Their tendency is to see this as the other person’s job and then blame them when things go wrong. However, this resistance to being accountable for the outcomes in their life blocks intimacy, because when their partner sees that the native usually blames others for their feelings, decisions, and mistakes, they can no longer trust them or respect them.

  Until they become conscious, they don’t take the risk to set any goals of their own, and this can leave them feeling controlled when others who are close pursue their goals. For example, one client’s family—whose mother had this nodal position—moved to California
because my client and her father both wanted to go. The mother went and she hated it, and was very bitter about it. However, she hadn’t taken responsibility to tune in ahead of time to how she felt about moving, or express what she wanted to do.

  This pattern of not participating in decisions and then blaming others for the results undermines relationships. This is actually a form of emotional manipulation, because once the decision has been enacted, others can’t make it up to the native, and they feel beholden and guilty. In the above example, the family couldn’t fix it for the mother—they all ended up feeling futile, which created distance in their relationships.

  Perhaps the most serious problem created by these dynamics is that by blaming others, the native isn’t learning and growing from their experiences. As a result, they never gain awareness of the causes they are putting into motion. This makes them virtually powerless—repeating the same mistakes and complaints over and over again, which leads to the same inevitable hurts. After a while, others often begin pulling away because they don’t want to continue to feel the native’s pain and negative energy.

  Once the native finally gains awareness, they can start making some changes. For instance, if they get a speeding ticket, instead of blaming the mechanic for not fixing the speedometer correctly, they can face up to the real problem and state: “I created this situation, and by changing my behavior I can avoid creating it again.”

  Creating Success: Learning to Take Charge and Set Goals

  In past lives, Capricorn North Node people tended the home fires and nurtured family members so they could grow strong enough—inside and out—to survive in the world. Others in the family went out into the world to earn a living that could ensure the clan’s survival. In order to really become attuned to the emotional needs of others and support them, the native neglected to develop that part of themselves that was capable of taking charge and creating success in their own right.