by Jan Spiller
Gifts Given Obliquely
If your South Node is in the same house (in your own chart) where another’s North Node falls, your relationship may hold special challenges in the area depicted by that house. This person may bring you their gift indirectly by not letting you get away with any behavior that reflects less than your full potential in terms of the attributes of that house.
For example, I had a client whose South Node is in her 3rd House, indicating that she is learning not to tell white lies or indulge in superficial conversations that aren’t based on what is true for her. Her father’s North Node also fell in her 3rd House, and growing up she felt she had almost no communication with him. His energy didn’t allow her to continue in past life patterns of misusing communication as a form of manipulation.
So she was silent around him quite a bit because it took many years for her to mature enough so that her words could indeed be based in her own truth (her North Node was in her 9th House). Her father did give her the gift of authentic communication by forcing her to carefully consider the integrity of her words, but it was not given in a direct and loving manner.
Conscious Communication
Words—the way we present things to others—are so important. The part of ourselves we are coming from when we approach another is integral to the outcome of the interaction. We are much more likely to get what we want in Life if we just learn how to state our needs in a way that the other person can really hear, so they can have the opportunity to cooperate with us.
You will find recommendations for helpful communication techniques specific to each house—for both Giving and Receiving—in the sections “Potential Areas of Concern” and “Best Approach.” Experimenting with these suggestions can help you become open to accepting the strengthening influence of the gifts you are destined to receive. These pointers can also assist in circumventing the “energy drain” that can be caused inadvertently by the South Node influence of another.
Consciously using the tools presented in this section can open the door to actively experiencing a deeper exchange of Love between ourselves and those with whom we are in relationship.
If you don’t know the house position that shows the gifts that you are exchanging with another, go to www.cosmiclove.com and type in the birth information for yourself and other person involved. You will need the date, location, and time (if available). This service is free of charge.
RECEIVING LOVE: GIFTS YOUR PARTNER BRINGS YOU
When their North Node is in your 1ST HOUSE, they are bringing you the gifts of:
SELF-AWARENESS—When your personality is out of balance because you need to strengthen your awareness of your own identity and have your sense of “I” validated and expanded, you may attract someone into your life whose North Node falls in your 1st House. Their gift will be to put you back in touch with who you really are. Someone with this nodal position truly sees your glory. They will help you become aware of your specialness and how you are different from others, which deepens your level of self-awareness. They are interested in you and impressed by you. By repeatedly telling you how smart and talented you are, they bolster your confidence.
Life also brought this person across your path because it’s time for your personality and self-expression to more accurately reflect the truth of your inner being, and they empower you to more effectively communicate this truth to others. They believe in your ability to be self-sufficient, which increases your awareness of your own personal strength. In addition, you are naturally receptive to their manner of encouragement and are willing to try their suggestions. You will also be aware of their strengths in a way that further increases you. For instance, if they exhibit the traits of diplomacy, good business skills, or social awareness, you may recognize that you also possess those qualities. By watching their demonstration you naturally learn to use these abilities more effectively in your own life.
This person has come into your life to strengthen you in the areas where you need to grow, so if you actively participate in receiving their gifts, you will speed ahead on your own karmic path. And simultaneously, you also validate their effectiveness in the very area where they need confirmation.
INDEPENDENCE—A person whose North Node falls in your 1st House has also been drawn to you to infuse the qualities of strength and independence into your sense of self. They can help you establish a base of healthy self-sufficiency in your life. Another aspect of this person’s gift to you is helping you to develop more independence in your relationships with others. To this end, they will totally discourage any form of co-dependency or reliance on others. They like it when you are “feisty,” discovering yourself, being yourself, and asserting yourself.
One of their jobs in your life is to help you strengthen your individuality, so when you are not exhibiting the trait of independence, they subconsciously pull away until you reestablish it again within your personality. Then they are attracted to you and come closer. So if you desire closeness in this relationship, maintaining your independence is actually the key factor in creating it.
This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t choose a partner with this nodal position, but sometimes this can be a bit tricky. I had a client whose boyfriend’s North Node was in her 1st House, bringing her the gift of independence. But HER North Node was in HIS 8th House, bringing him the gift of learning about bonded, Soul Mate relationships! Since these gifts could have opposed each other, the energy in their relationship needed to stay in constant motion in order for them to be happy.
For instance, sometimes when she was giving to him and creating a sense of Oneness, he would push her away so that each of them could internalize the shared energy and allow it to strengthen their own separate personalities. This was a unique situation where as a couple they were learning how to be in a committed relationship without losing their individuality—and their personal astrological charts showed that each of them was challenged with learning this lesson. They had subconsciously attracted each other when they were ready, so they both could master it.
This person can permanently strengthen your life by encouraging your individuality and enhancing your sense of independence. As you accept their gift and allow them to help you recognize that you can do things on your own, your demonstration motivates them to actively begin exploring their independence and pursuing their own talents. In this way, you empower each other to evolve into the full expression of your own unique potential.
COURAGE AND LEADERSHIP—If you have a significant person in your life with this nodal position, the Universe is letting you know that it’s time for you to become more assertive and develop your leadership potential. This person is here to awaken the natural leader within you. They will encourage you to take charge of your own life, and help you develop your ability to assert yourself in ways with which others can cooperate. They will support you in being decisive and open in letting others know what you want.
Courage is also a quality that you need to strengthen at this time, and your readiness to develop it has attracted this person to support you. They want you to actualize your full potential, and to this end they inspire your boldness to take risks and go after what you want in life. This person is aware of any shyness or hesitation in your personality and they have the ability to help you overcome it, increasing your self-confidence through their confidence in you. In the process they encourage your competitive nature in a healthy way.
When you take the initiative and start something, this person will almost always come along to support you. Even if you don’t succeed the first time, they will remain strongly convinced that soon your light will really shine. Your job is to accept their gift by allowing them to help you assume a position of leadership and attain your goals. And as they bring you the gift of courage and the ability to exercise clear and direct leadership, they are learning to be responsive to the style of leadership you naturally exhibit. So when you become more open in di
splaying your leadership through their influence, it brings out the best in them and they also gain a greater sense of self-confidence.
PERSONALITY EFFECTIVENESS—This person understands the inner working of your personality and can help you heal any hindrances you may have in terms of effectively expressing yourself to others or successfully interacting with your environment. For example, if you are shy and normally have a quiet voice, they may encourage you to speak up so that others can hear the important information you have to share.
They recognize your strengths and talents, and want to bring your inner beauty out into the world so that others can see your true worth. They would make a good life coach for you in the areas of public speaking, marketing, or otherwise presenting yourself to others. They can also assist you in developing your inner talents and help promote your gifts to a wider audience or market.
Someone whose North Node falls in your 1st House is “good karma” for your physical body, so they would be a good doctor, cosmetic advisor, wardrobe/color consultant, or plastic surgeon for you—assuming they are qualified in their particular field. This is the friend you want to take shopping with you in order to benefit from their accurate advice on what clothing and accessories look best on you. They also love to “show you off,” which helps you gain confidence in your personal appearance and the way you present yourself to others.
As you receive this person’s gift by allowing them to help you become more effective in reaching your goals, you gain the impetus you need to boost yourself to success. And by accepting their gift and appreciating what they do for you, you bring out the best in them. In supporting you, their own life is strengthened.
POTENTIAL AREAS OF CONCERN—In bringing you the gifts of increased self-awareness, strength, independence, and personal effectiveness, they inadvertently drain energy from the area of partnership and interdependency. Even if this is a marriage relationship, if you become too undefined in your own personality or too reliant on them, something within them will begin to push you away.
This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t choose a partner with this nodal position. But if you want to experience teamwork in the relationship, you will have to take the initiative to bring it about, rather than assuming that it will happen naturally. They will not automatically see the benefits of creating an interdependent partnership with you: They see a partnership based on your increased strength and independence, where you assert yourself and take the lead. So in a partnership, they will consistently shift the focus from “doing it together” to putting you in a position of self-reliance. You’ll say: “Let’s do this together,” and they’ll reply: “Well, I think you can do that on your own.” They will never let you become dependent on them—they want you to approach the relationship from a position of independence.
The best way to create a happy marriage or other close relationship with this person is to allow yourself to be a strong, independent entity and let your partner know specifically what you need from them. And they will be totally supportive of you as an independent being, even at the expense of the partnership. From a larger point of view, it’s important to be sure that in their willingness to support you, you do not allow them to be diminished or harmed in any way. If you want an equal interdependent partnership in your life, you may need to look outside this relationship to create it. You might consider partnering with someone else on a joint project, or having close friends you can share with on a deep level. Or maybe you can create a job situation that involves a lot of teamwork.
Another thing to be aware of is that this person is not able to give you good advice about how to cooperate with others—either socially or in the workplace. They can tell you how to communicate more clearly, but even with the best of intentions, they will inadvertently give you bad advice in terms of relationships, so don’t choose someone with this nodal position as a relationship counselor.
BEST APPROACH—The words we use to propose things to others are so important. They reflect where we are coming from, which always determines the outcome. If a person’s North Node is in your 1st House, they will be able to hear you if you take a position of leadership and simply let them know how they can support you, without justifying your position. Since their gift is to help you learn to focus on yourself, when you try to focus on what is good for them or for the relationship, you will lose.
For example, if you say: “I think it will help our relationship if we take turns doing the laundry,” they won’t be able to hear you. To get the results you want, put the focus on yourself: “I feel frustrated with always doing the laundry and I would really like you to do it every other week.” Stated this way, they will be able to hear you and you are more likely to get a positive response. In the same way, if you try to change them directly by focusing on their behavior, they will turn a deaf ear. So saying “You need to pick up your own clothes and do your own dishes” won’t work. But if you say, “I want you to pick up your own clothes and do your own dishes from now on,” they WILL hear you and will be much more likely to do it.
The “I” approach will always work best with this person, even if it’s something they don’t want to hear. For example, if they want to come to see you and you really don’t have time, just tell them: “I have such a heavy work commitment right now, I just can’t do it.” When you are direct and honest with them, showing that you have accepted their gift by demonstrating your independence, they won’t take it personally.
Phrases like “I’ll be better company if I have a half hour to myself every day to regain my perspective” or “I need you to do the grocery shopping so I can cook for our friends tonight” actively focus the attention on you, and will allow your partner to respond from the best part of themselves instead of getting bogged down in unconscious resistance.
One final example: If your mate has their North Node in your 1st House and you say: “I think it would be good for our relationship to go out once a week for a romantic date,” they won’t be able to hear you and meet your needs. But if you say: “What I need at this point to be happy in our relationship is for us to go out once a week for a romantic date together,” they will cooperate. Using your own words and style of delivery, experiment with how you can step into the leadership role with this person in ways that naturally allow them to cooperate with you.
PAST LIFE INFLUENCES—There are no specific past life influences related to this nodal position unless a person’s North Node falls in your 1st House and their South Node conjoins one of your planets (see Part III). Then, meeting them in this lifetime is truly a matter of destiny—a contract to be fulfilled—and these influences may be strongly felt.
In a past incarnation, this person somehow eclipsed your independence for selfish purposes. It may have been a husband who made you a slave to his “whims,” or a partner who for reasons of personal gain would not allow you to leave the relationship. The effect on you from this past life situation may have resulted in tendencies—carried over into this lifetime—that prevent you from being effective in going after what you want.
Regardless of the specific circumstances, from a karmic point of view this Soul has a “contract” to repay their debt to you by encouraging you to stand free of the partnership, look out after your own interests, heal your limitations, and pursue your own path of self-discovery. However, because this Soul is so familiar to you, you may try to fall back into a habitual tendency to become dependent on them. You may judge them harshly because they will not allow you to develop a co-dependent relationship.
This person may even resist forming a healthy interdependent relationship with you, since their obligation is to make sure that you regain your own strength: a self-aware, individual entity. Their gift is to help you become an independent leader. Life is much easier if we accept the gifts that others are trying to give us, thereby creating an experience of mutual increase. There are no accidents. If someone significant has their North Node in your 1st Hous
e, graciously allow them to help you blossom as an individual—as they are uniquely qualified to do—and both of you will win.
When their North Node is in your 2ND HOUSE, they are bringing you the gifts of:
MATERIAL WEALTH—If someone has come across your path whose North Node is in your 2nd House, it’s time for you to become more aware of your individual talents and learn how to create a strong financial base. This person is good “money karma” for you, and their presence in your life will increase your material wealth in some way. They may give you money directly, make money for you, or attract others who will add to your financial resources. They can also infuse you with such a heightened awareness of your special abilities that you start making more money on your own.
This person really recognizes your talents, knows how good you are at what you do, and understands your value, so they can instinctively give you good financial advice. They are internally motivated to assist you, and their energy stimulates you to make decisions that will bring you more money. For instance, they might encourage you to request a raise at just the right time and pinpoint how your contribution is worth more than your current level of compensation.
When a person has this nodal position, it is definitely in your best interest to allow them to increase your business and/or your money in some way. In fact, if they come to you for a loan and you feel their project will make money for you, the chances are good that your financial payback will be quite lucrative. But make sure that your money remains completely separate from theirs, or their “good money karma” won’t work! It’s tricky. Whenever possible, it’s always best to begin a small test loan before making a large investment. For example, I have a client whose brother’s North Node falls in her 2nd House. He buys houses to renovate and sell, and has come to her periodically for loans. She has consistently gotten profitable returns when he sells these properties.
