A Thousand Tomorrows / Just Beyond the Clouds

by Karen Kingsbury

  “Please, Mrs. Gunner. I know of other doctors you can talk to.” She swallowed, as if she didn’t want to overstep her bounds. “Please consider it.”

  His mom seemed overwhelmed by the idea. But she nodded. “We will.”

  Cody could’ve kissed Elle Dalton right there. That was the answer! Another doctor, one who was more open to advancements for sick people with Down Syndrome. He didn’t say anything, because he couldn’t. He was too mesmerized by the young teacher standing there, talking to his mother.

  Before they left, Cody pulled Elle aside. “Thank you.” He studied her. Something in her eyes closed off whenever they were close like this. He swallowed a ripple of frustration. “For helping me look, but also for caring.”

  “Of course.” She took a step back and motioned to her students. “I need to go. Maybe… maybe we’ll see Carl Joseph sometime soon.”

  “Maybe.” He wanted to ask her what was wrong, but he resisted. “My parents… They have a meeting with his doctor tomorrow.”

  “Well, then… I guess, have them call me.” She gave him a professional smile. Then she returned to her students.

  On the way home that afternoon, while Carl Joseph rattled on about Daisy and Gus and Sid and Teacher, Cody couldn’t stop thinking about Elle. His feelings weren’t caused only by her eyes or the way he felt when he was near her. More than that, it was her love for her students. Her dedication and concern for Carl Joseph. In the hour they’d spent together looking for his brother, she’d taken hold of Cody’s heart with an intensity he’d known just one other time in his life. He didn’t have to wonder about his feelings for Elle Dalton, not anymore. Today they were as clear as the sky over Colorado Springs. There was only one problem, and it consumed him the rest of the day and into the evening. He’d left a first impression bigger than Pikes Peak.

  And now—no matter what he tried—he wasn’t sure there was any way around it.

  Chapter Twenty

  The appointment with the specialist brought more bad news.

  When the three of them got home from Denver that evening, Cody’s father found him out back in the barn and told him the details. An MRI proved that a degeneration was happening in Carl Joseph’s brain. He would be prone to more and stronger seizures, and worse, he was at high risk for a stroke.

  “Between that and his heart disease, he might not have long. A few years. Five, maybe.” His father’s eyes were red and swollen. “So we’ve made our decision. Carl Joseph has to stay here, where we can care for him.” His dad took a quick breath and looked up, fighting a wave of emotion. When he had more control, he searched Cody’s eyes. “We want to talk to Elle about having him visit the center. Maybe once a week.”

  Cody reached out and steadied himself against the nearest wall. This couldn’t be happening, not to Carl Joseph. Losing Ali was enough loss for a lifetime. They couldn’t give up, couldn’t simply accept the diagnosis when maybe there was something they could do. He swallowed his disbelief and let his hands fall to his sides. “Elle says she knows another doctor…”

  “The tests don’t lie, Cody.” His father gave a sad shake of his head and then moved toward the barn door. “I’m going back inside. Your mother’s having a hard time.”

  When he was gone, Cody tried to draw a full breath, but he couldn’t. His one lung fought against the news, against the shock ripping through him. So that was it? Carl Joseph was doomed? There had to be another answer, a way for his buddy to accomplish the goal that mattered so much to him.

  The one Carl Joseph didn’t think he could reach working alongside Cody.

  There was only one place Cody could take all the feelings crowding his heart. Out to the fields with Ace. He hadn’t been on the horse in three days, too caught up with Carl Joseph to find even an hour to ride. Now he straightened and adjusted his baseball cap, saddled the horse, and climbed on.

  “Let’s go, Ace.” He blinked back tears. “I need you to run today.”

  A warm wind blew over his parents’ ranch, and it carried with it memories of everything that was gone from his life. Everything that would never be again. His days of bull riding, and his time on the rodeo circuit, and Ali. He breathed deep and peered at the still blue sky. He stopped and let his sadness come to the surface.

  He walked Ace out to the trailhead. June evenings in Colorado Springs were always beautiful and this one was no exception. It was eight o’clock and he still had half an hour before sunset. The old horse was still as strong and proud and faithful as he’d been when Ali rode him at one barrel-racing event after another, week after week, season after season. The vision of Ali tearing around the barrels on Ace stayed with him still. The way it would forever.

  Cody patted the horse’s neck. “Atta boy, Ace.” He leaned forward and in a sudden rush he shouted, “Giddyup!”

  A strong whinnying came from the horse and Ace set off at a trot that quickly became a full run. The pace fit his mood, made him feel that somehow they could outrun the bad news about Carl Joseph, outrun the ways things had gotten worse for his brother in the weeks since he’d been home.

  Usually, riding like this made him think only of Ali, but not so today. With the wind in his face and Ace pounding out a timeless rhythm beneath him, Cody could only think of his brother and the teacher who had given his buddy a chance to truly live.

  Elle Dalton.

  The sun was making its way toward the mountains, casting that surreal final splash of light against the cactus and shrubs that dotted the back acreage of the property. Cody leaned back and let the rays hit his face, as if the warmth might find its way to the cold dark places of his heart. Gradually, Ace slowed to a walk.

  “So, Ace…” He rubbed the horse’s mane. “Carl Joseph, too.”

  The horse took a few steps, then stopped and ate from a patch of grass.

  Carl Joseph was dying. Not today, but soon. Cody stared as far as he could toward the horizon. Carl Joseph, his buddy. The kid who had adored him since he was old enough to crawl. The one who wanted to be a bull rider so he could be a little more like Cody. Dying from something Cody couldn’t understand, let alone help.

  If he was at risk for a stroke, then every day would represent danger to Carl Joseph. Cody settled back in the saddle and drew a full breath. What had Kelley Gaylor said yesterday morning? Cody of all people should know about taking risks.

  At least a hundred times since the nightmare of losing Carl Joseph, Cody had played one particular moment over in his mind. Yesterday as he walked into the recreation center, he had been struck by something that hadn’t dawned on him until after Carl Joseph disappeared. The young adults at the club meeting were entirely different from the students at Elle Dalton’s Independent Living Center.

  At the club meeting, people with Down Syndrome were given crafts and simple books and time to visit. But they wore blank expressions on their faces and seemed almost despondent. No challenge was presented, no learning. Just a way to pass the time together. Something to set apart Tuesday from Wednesday. It wasn’t Kelley Gaylor’s fault. The club wasn’t designed to teach independence or give its members a goal.

  Cody stroked Ace’s neck again, and the horse lifted his head. There weren’t many horses like Ace. He could sense a person’s feelings, a person’s mood. Now, for instance, when Cody wanted to wrestle with his feelings, Ace was content to graze and take only a few small steps in either direction. And when Ali was sick, when Ace could tell her breathing wasn’t right, he would lift his head high, giving her something to rest against until she caught her breath.

  Cody looked at his wedding ring, the simple white gold band he still wore. If Ali were alive today, if she were here with him, well enough to ride across the back field with him, he knew without a doubt what she would say about Carl Joseph’s situation.

  Ali and her sister were both born with cystic fibrosis, and for the first decade of their lives they stayed indoors. Their parents bought special air filters and did everything possible to keep allergens a
nd dust from entering. Ali and her sister would sit by their bedroom window and dream of running across the grassy hills and over to the neighbor’s barn and the horses he kept there.

  Ali rode horses even after her doctor told her it would take years off her life to do so. She rode because she wanted to live her life, not sit it out. Ali was a dreamer and a doer, and if she had known Carl Joseph longer, she would’ve been supportive of the ILC from the beginning, and she would’ve cheered its purpose.

  Even when she knew her death was coming, she lived every day, every final moment to the fullest. He pictured Elle Dalton and her tireless work with Carl Joseph and the other students. Elle wasn’t so different from Ali, really. They both understood that risk was a necessary part of living.

  Cody gave a light nudge with the reins, and Ace started walking back to the barn. One autumn, a year before she died, Ali was walking beside Cody in the mountains when she stopped and stared at a tree whose leaves were brilliant red with just a hint of gold.

  “Funny, isn’t it?” She picked up a red one from the ground. “A leaf’s most beautiful days are at the very end, just before it dies.”

  He had listened, watching her, memorizing her.

  “Sort of like me.” She met his eyes, leaned up, and kissed him. “These are the most beautiful days of all, Cody. The ones I want you to remember.”

  The sun was behind the hills now. Streaky pinks and pale blues filled the sky. He’d had enough loss to last him a lifetime, without having something happen to his younger brother. But it would be worse to watch him waste away at home, having never done even the simplest things he dreamed of doing.

  Maybe he could move out with Carl Joseph, and the two of them could live together. That might make things a little safer for Carl Joseph. But as soon as the thought crossed his mind, his doubts overshadowed it. He and Carl Joseph were better off with the friendship they used to share. His buddy didn’t want him acting as the teacher. He wanted to do things on his own. Cody would only hold him back.

  Cody sucked in another breath of sweet early night air.

  Then there was the phone call he’d gotten earlier today. A vice president from the network had phoned. Apparently, Cody’s agent had given a verbal commitment that Cody would return to the circuit.

  “We could use you, Gunner,” the man told him. “The fans love you. I need an answer by the end of the week.”

  An ache filtered through his chest. In the end, it probably made the most sense to go back. Bull riding was what he knew, what he was good at. And it would take him away from Elle Dalton—a woman who clearly wasn’t interested. Either way, his decision about the circuit didn’t matter nearly as much as the one his parents needed to make, the one about Carl Joseph’s future.

  Cody pressed his heels lightly to Ace’s sides, and the horse began to gallop. He released the tension on the reins, and Ace moved into a full run. The details weren’t clear, but somehow he had to change his parents’ minds. Cody leaned down close to Ace’s neck and squinted against the wind. Carl Joseph would tell him to pray about it. And prayer had certainly helped yesterday. He was getting closer to the barn, and in the fading sunlight he could see someone standing near the back of the house. As he came nearer, he saw it wasn’t one person, but three. Carl Joseph and… He strained forward, trying to make them out, until finally, he knew. His heart skipped a beat and he sat up straight in the saddle.

  It was Elle Dalton and her student, Daisy.

  Chapter Twenty-one

  Elle couldn’t take her eyes off Cody. The way he looked in the fading sunlight, flying across the field on the beautiful palomino. Together they made a picture of strength and grace and beauty. She wasn’t here to see Cody, but it was impossible not to look.

  She turned away and watched her sister and Carl Joseph, slow dancing on the fresh-cut grass. Carl Joseph’s mother had called with the news, and Daisy had heard her half of the conversation.

  “CJ is sick?” Daisy had tugged on her arm. “Is he sick, Elle? Tell me if he’s sick.”

  Elle held her finger to her lips and gave her sister a sharp look. But Daisy wouldn’t be ignored. Finally, Elle had to ask Carl Joseph’s mother to hold on while she explained to her sister that CJ was okay. A discussion of epilepsy could come later.

  “Take me to him, Elle… I have a Minnie picture for him. Please!” Daisy tugged on her again. “Please, Elle!”

  Finally, Elle relented. “Would you mind if Daisy and I came by after dinner?”

  Carl Joseph’s mother sounded tired, but she said she was grateful for the offer. “We could all use a reason to smile.”

  Elle had another reason for coming to the Gunner house tonight. She wanted to meet Cody’s wife. She scanned the area adjacent to the driveway. Was his wife here? According to Carl Joseph, Cody was home for six weeks. So where was his wife? Did she stay back in whatever city Cody had come from?

  The pieces of his story didn’t add up.

  She heard Cody’s horse getting closer, so she shifted back toward the pasture and watched Cody ride into the barn. The news about Carl Joseph must’ve been devastating for him. If he was hurting, she had to be especially careful. His behavior yesterday when he held her hand, and the way she enjoyed it, still burned in her conscience. She wouldn’t cross that line again today.

  A few feet away, Carl Joseph was explaining the situation to Daisy. “Brother has to put Ace in there ’cause it’s bedtime.” He was talking loudly, probably trying to impress Daisy with his horse knowledge.

  “But horses don’t lay down to sleep, right?” Daisy was standing next to Carl Joseph, leaning against his arm.

  “ ’Cause they don’t have beds.” He laughed hard, and she did, too. “Isn’t that funny, Daisy? ’Cause horses don’t have beds.”

  Cody came out of the barn toward them. The closer he came, the more Elle was sure she could see something different in his eyes, something that hadn’t been there before. A compassion and empathy that seemed directed straight at her. She felt her guard go up. He’s married, Elle… Don’t be crazy. God, help me keep my head.

  “Hi.” He folded his arms and looked at Daisy. “I see your teacher took the long way home.”

  Daisy laughed. “I’m not allowed to call her Teacher after class.”

  Suddenly Elle realized how little Cody knew about her. She moved closer to Daisy and took her hand. “Daisy’s my sister.” She looked at Cody. “You didn’t know that?”

  Cody’s expression went blank, and then filled with wonder. “You’re her… she’s your…”

  Cody was clearly shocked by the news, but more than that, he seemed touched by it. Elle allowed a nervous laugh. How had she missed telling him this detail before? They would’ve found common ground on the issue of independent living so much sooner.

  He was still looking at her, searching her eyes, when Carl Joseph walked up to him and tugged on his denim shirtsleeve. “Brother, look at this.” He held out a painted picture. “She drew me Minnie Mouse.” The painting was meticulously done, and at the top, Daisy had written, Daisy wants CJ to come back.

  A smile lifted the corners of Cody’s lips. “It’s beautiful.” He winked at Daisy. “Nice work.”

  “Thanks.” She was beaming. Whatever ill feelings she had had toward Cody Gunner, they were gone now. Daisy pulled a picture from behind her back. “And look what CJ gave me. Mickey for D-A-I-S-Y. And that’s the very best gift of all.”

  Again Cody appreciated the artwork, and the painstaking way that Carl Joseph had spelled out Daisy’s name across the top. Her name was still one of the few words he could consistently spell correctly.

  Carl Joseph said something quiet to Daisy, and the two of them laughed again. Elle took the moment to approach Cody. Keep it professional, she told herself. She crossed her arms. “Can we talk?”

  “Sure.” He walked a few yards away from their noisy siblings, and she followed. “My mom told you, huh?”

  “Yes. His diagnosis isn’t good.” Elle kept
her distance.

  Cody put one foot up on the split-rail fence. It wasn’t dark, but shadows were falling across the yard. Cody stared into the distance, heartbreak glistening in his eyes. “Just when he was starting to really live.”

  The back door of the house opened, and Mrs. Gunner stuck her head out. “I sliced up some apples,” she called. “Carl Joseph, maybe you can bring your friend in for a snack.”

  Carl Joseph cupped his hands around his mouth. “Apples all alone or with peanut butter?”

  “Peanut butter.” There was a laugh in Mrs. Gunner’s voice.

  “Goodie!” Carl Joseph clapped loudly and took Daisy’s hand. “Come on, Daisy…’cause my mom makes the best apples and peanut butter in the whole Rocky Mountains.”

  Elle watched them skip toward the back door and disappear into the house. She moved a step farther away from Cody. Though the night was warm, a shiver passed over her arms. The song of faraway crickets mixed with the breeze and heightened her awareness of Cody a few feet away. She tried to concentrate. “The other doctor… he has methods for helping patients remember to take their medicine. Ways an epileptic patient can be certain not to forget.”

  Cody studied her, and for a while he said nothing. Then he leaned back again on his elbows. “You’re uncomfortable around me.”

  It wasn’t a question, so at first Elle wasn’t sure how to respond. But anger mixed with her curiosity and she put her hands on her hips. “Which might be a good thing, don’t you think?”

  Cody wiped his brow with the back of his hand, but his eyes stayed locked on hers. “Because you still think I’m your enemy?”

  “No.” A sound came from her that was part laugh, part frustration. “Because of your wife.”

  Disbelief flashed in Cody’s eyes, and then faded. He opened his mouth to say something, but then he must’ve changed his mind because he pushed away from the fence and took three steps toward the barn. He stopped and slowly faced her again. “You’re serious?”