Whispers of the Past

by Cora Clark

  “You remember Markus too?” Hayden asked.

  I nodded. “Yeah, does he still work at the store?”

  “He does, and he is not a boy anymore.”

  I smiled. He wouldn’t be. “I wonder if he would recognise me.”

  “I am sure he would.”

  I turned my head to the big window, seeing my own reflection through the glass. I had dyed my hair a sandy blonde, but other than that, I was probably pretty recognisable.

  Hayden rose from his seat and walked with his empty mug to the kitchen counter. “Come over for dinner one night, my treat.”

  I smiled. “I will, thank you.”

  “It’s nice to have someone I know around.”

  I finished my coffee and got up. “I should head back.”

  “Here, grab my number, call me if you need something.” He handed me a business card.

  “I will, thank you, Hayden.”

  “I’ll see you around.”

  Chapter Three

  The Country Air

  Snow falls thick on the ground. A little girl, ten years old, runs from the warm house to the shed, looking for her father. “Pappa!” she yells, but there is nobody in the shed. She turns around and notices a van pulling up to the house. A man she doesn’t recognize is stepping out and walking to the house. It is too cold for her to stay outside, so she runs to the door. When she opens it, something hard hits her head, and she falls down in the snow. Blood seeping from her head, and she takes her last breath…

  I opened my eyes and noticed my heart was speeding in my chest. I threw the blanket off me and sat up, feeling my entire body wet with sweat despite the chill in the room. I touched my forehead and tried to calm my breathing.

  It was morning. I got out of bed and put on my slippers. I tried not to think about the dream as I walked downstairs and shoved some wood in the fireplace. As soon as I saw a spark, I turned and walked into the kitchen. “Oh my God,” I whispered under my breath as I prepared a cup of coffee.

  What was that? I had never had a dream like that before in my life. The girl, was it me? The house was this very house. But I had never seen the man in the van before. I shook my head. No, it could not have been me. It must just be the country air, I thought.

  I had my coffee sitting at the kitchen table, eyeing the lake. Frost on the water, a sign for snow to come. I took a minute to appreciate the warmth coming from the fire before I decided to head outside. I wanted to look at the shed I had seen in my dream.

  I put on a thick coat and snow boots before stepping outside. The icy cold wind cooled my body in an instant. I hugged myself as I walked out to the shed. It looked old, like it would fall apart any minute. The wood had begun to rot in places, and some of the planks hung loose, nails sticking out of them.

  I touched the cold handle and pulled the door open. The smell of mould hit my nostrils, and I covered my face with my scarf as I carefully stepped over wooden planks, boxes, and old tools lying around.

  I turned, eyeing the small window covered in cobwebs. There was nothing in there. Nothing at all. I turned and walked back outside, facing the lake. A small rowboat lie upside down on the ground, and I walked up to it.

  My hand touched the boat, and a snowflake landed on my pale skin. I looked up. Snow. I eyed the lake and sat down on the boat. Something about it made my skin crawl. The accident. The water. Drowning.

  I closed my eyes and saw myself sitting inside the boat with my dad as he fished. I was happy, young, and careless. I also noticed the girl in my dreams looked just like the memory I had of myself at age ten, the year of the accident.

  I opened my eyes again and felt tears roll down my cheeks. The snow was now falling down rapidly, quickly painting the ground white in front of me. I wiped my cheeks and walked back inside, locking the door behind me. Why, I didn’t know.

  I grabbed my laptop out of my bag and placed it on the kitchen table. I could try to get some work done.

  I opened my emails and immediately felt overwhelmed. Three days of me not checking it meant I now had to spend at least an hour cleaning it up. I sighed and started from the bottom.

  A new manuscript was sent to me by the publisher. I opened it up, a thriller novel by a debut author. I quickly wrote my boss back and accepted the job, saying I should have it done within a month.

  I cleared the rest of the emails before opening the manuscript, eying the page where ‘Chapter One’ was written.

  I needed food before I could work, so I got back up and made myself a couple of sandwiches. I grabbed the caviar out of the fridge, eyeing the tube. I had a vague memory of me loving ‘Kalles Kaviar’ as a kid, and so I had bought it. I put it on my sandwich and tasted it. Yes. Swedish caviar. I really had missed it.

  When I sat back down, a noise coming from the window behind me caused me to jump. My heart sped up and I dropped the sandwich onto the table. Nothing, just snow covering the lake outside. I walked up to the window and checked left and right, there was nobody there. A bird? Maybe.

  But I was really unsettled now. I sat back down and started reading the manuscript, but the words didn’t register. My gaze kept flickering around the room, reacting to every little sound. Was there somebody in the house?

  I gathered all the courage I had and checked the rooms. Of course, I found nothing, but it didn’t make me feel less threatened. I sighed, cursing myself for being so jumpy, and picked up my phone.

  I then grabbed the business card Hayden had given me the day before and dialled his number. One tone, two, and answer.

  “Hayden.”

  “Hi, it’s Octavia.”

  “Oh hi! Is everything okay?”

  I suddenly felt really silly. “Yeah, yeah everything is fine. I was just… wondering.”

  “Yes?”

  God, my cheeks were burning now. “Do you want to come over?”

  He went quiet for a moment on the other end, making me regret asking.

  “You don’t have to, of course,” I said, cringing.

  “Oh no! Yes, I would love to. Let me just get changed, and I’ll be over!”

  I breathed a sigh of relief. “Great, I’ll see you soon then!”

  We hung up, and I placed the phone on the table. Why did I ask him over? Did I want him over? I didn’t know. The only thing I did know was that I didn’t want to be alone.

  There was something in the house. Even if it was just hidden memories coming to the surface, that something made my skin crawl, and I wasn’t ready for it quite yet. Hayden would help me feel safe. Having someone, anyone, there would help me feel safe.

  Hayden came with a smile on his face. I couldn’t help but smile back as we sat on the couch in front of the fire. I had put the TV on low, for background sound. He eyed the news and took a sip of his coffee. “How much of it do you understand?” he asked.

  I giggled and turned my gaze to the TV. Listening, recognising the words, trying to put them into perspective.

  “An ambush on police in Stockholm. Big news. They think it may have been a religious act of violence.”

  Hayden’s thick, dark eyebrows raised. “I’m impressed! So it isn’t all gone then, is it?”

  I shook my head. “I don’t think it ever will be. I just don’t feel comfortable speaking it anymore.”

  “Fair enough, I could imagine.”

  I place the empty cup of my third coffee of the day on the table. “I need to learn how to drink water,” I mumbled.

  “Too much coffee?” Hayden teased.

  “Yeah, way too much.”

  “How are you finding it?”

  I looked at him. “Finding what?”

  He glanced around the room. “The house. Being back?”

  I nodded, thinking about my dream, about the tears shed at the lake. “Yeah… I… it’s alright.”

  “Memories coming back to you?” he looked serious now, like he was genuinely concerned.

  I shrugged. “I’ll get used to it. I’m a bit jumpy. Not used to being alone.
It is so quiet, so every little sound alarms me.”

  “Did something happen?”

  I shook my head. “No. Just had a really bad dream, and then wasn’t quite ready to shake it, I guess.”

  He leaned forward and looked me deep in the eye, making me wonder if what I had said was bad. How could it have been bad?

  “It’s the country air,” he said, a smile creeping upon his lips. “I have strange dreams sometimes too.”

  I smiled back, but on the inside, I felt confused. The country air. Had I heard that before? I had blamed it on the country air earlier, and now Hayden was saying it as well.

  “Are you okay?” he asked.

  My smile widened. “Yeah, sorry. It must be. Like I said, I’ll get used to it eventually.”

  “What was it about?”

  “Sorry?”

  “The dream?”

  I shook my head, not wanting to talk about it. “I can’t remember. I just know it was a nightmare. I get them sometimes. Nothing serious at all.”

  “Well, I am glad you called. I don’t want you to be sitting here scared by yourself.”

  “Thank you, I really appreciate it.”

  He placed his cup on the table and averted his gaze back to the TV. “You may not remember a lot from our childhood. But I do. And you are my friend, after all.”

  Chapter Four

  The Accident

  “Daddy! Are we going on the boat?” the little girl yells in a happy tone. Her father looks down at her. His eyebrows furrowed, but he is still smiling.

  “Yes, hunny, put on your coat.”

  The little girl runs to the front door and grabs her bright pink coat from the wall. The smell of burning firewood fills her senses as she puts it on. It is warm inside, but she still wants to go on a boat trip.

  “Are you ready?” her father asks.

  “Yes!” she yells out, and he opens the door. She trots all the way to the edge of the lake, and he prepares the boat.

  “It’s a little cold today, but it doesn’t matter,” he says, still looking concerned.

  But the little girl barely notices. She only has eyes for the lake.

  “We will warm up!” she says.

  Her father gets into the boat and helps her as well. The wind is causing goosebumps to form on the girl’s body, but she keeps her smile on her lips as they move further and further out. The house gets smaller and smaller. The girl’s gaze flickers from the house, the birds flying above them, and her father.

  He doesn’t look right. He looks worried. She wonders why but doesn’t ask. She had seen the strange man come earlier, and they had a fight. He was probably just upset about whatever they fought about.

  “Can you see that?” her father asks after they stop.

  The little girl looks where he points at the water. “What?”

  He points again. “Look closer.”

  She leans forward until she can see the dark water, and her own reflection, moving with the ripples. Curly hair, innocent eyes, and a pink coat.

  The little girl feels a thud on her head. Hard. It hurts. She turns her head, but it is too late. The icy cold water is seeping into her clothes and engulfing her entire body. She sinks, and she can see the face of her father above her. He doesn’t try to help her get back up…

  I woke up sweating yet again. I threw the covers off me and sat on the edge of the bed, catching my breath. What was going on with me? Why these dreams? Why now?

  I rubbed my forehead as I walked into the bathroom and washed my face. I looked myself in the mirror as I played the dream over again in my head. The little girl was me. My dad, and me. I couldn’t remember anything about that day. I could not remember jumping into the boat, and certainly not how I ended up in the water.

  Dad had told my mother I stood up in the boat and lost my balance, hitting my head on the side, and then falling in.

  That was not how it happened in my dream.

  I shrugged and dried my face, and then threw on my nightgown. I was ready for a coffee, and for some unfamiliar voices to talk from the TV. I needed noise.

  I turned the coffee machine on and then grabbed the remote to the TV, turning it on. A morning news show, perfect. I sat down at the kitchen table and noticed it was snowing again. Soon the entire place would be covered in it, and I would need to start clearing the entryway unless I wanted to get stuck in the house.

  I certainly did not want that.

  Once my coffee was done, I sunk down on the couch and watched the news. I listened to the words, remembering more and more. In our house, growing up, we spoke English to each other, as Mum and Dad had always planned to move back to England, and they didn’t want me to have to learn English once I got there.

  I only spoke Swedish at school, and even there they had teachers who spoke English with me when I struggled. My favourite teacher, Johanna, was always really kind to me. She made sure I didn’t struggle with the language, and that I was coping with not remembering people from school, after the accident.

  She was a kind soul, and in a way, it was really sad to think I had no idea where she was now.

  I grabbed my phone, noticing a text message from Hayden. I smiled as I opened it.

  ‘Hey, sleep well?’

  I placed my coffee on the table and wrote him back.

  ‘Yeah, alright, yourself?’

  ‘Good, thank you, want to hang?’

  I giggled like a schoolgirl to myself at the message. I was glad he asked. I had a lot of work to do, but it could wait. I never thought he would still be in Roseberg, and it had been the best surprise so far.

  ‘Yeah sure, do you want me to come to you?’

  ‘No, I’ll come over.’

  ‘Cool!’

  I finished the rest of my coffee and trotted upstairs, then put on some proper clothes. I noticed I was starving and decided I would make us both some brunch once he got there. I wasn’t one to sleep in in the mornings, but… it was probably the country air.

  After enjoying some bacon and eggs on toast with Hayden, I decided I would ask him some questions about my childhood. It wasn’t something I had really planned to do, but it seemed talking about it helped me slowly uncover memories. Even if they weren’t real, like the dream about the boat accident. I knew that wasn’t real.

  “Hey, at what age did we become friends?” I asked, cradling the cup of tea in my hands.

  He blew out a breath and raised his eyebrows, thinking. “God. I am not sure. I think I moved here when I was about five, and you were already here. So my guess? When I was five, and you would have been four.”

  I smiled. “That’s a long time ago.”

  “I know!”

  “Do you remember much, from… before the accident?”

  He smiled and rested his arms on his thighs. “I am not good with memories. Really. I just remember us playing hide and seek a lot, behind your house. Even when it was freezing cold. I also remember your mum yelling at us for being out too long. And when she finally managed to get us inside, out hands and feet were numb. She would make us footbaths, and we would soak our feet in front of the fire.” He eyed the fireplace. “But that’s about all I can remember.”

  I enjoyed listening to him talk about our friendship. Even if I couldn’t remember it myself, I could picture us running around, chasing each other, throwing snowballs and hiding behind the trees.

  “Do you remember my dad at all?” I didn’t really know where the question came from, and I mentally prepared myself for the answer. At least, as best as I could.

  He seemed surprised as well. “No. Don’t remember him much. He was away a lot, for work.”

  I nodded. “Yeah. Look. I don’t talk about him much, and it is because of that. He was never home, and after the accident, even less so. And as you would already know, he left us both when I was thirteen. Took off.”

  I bit his lower lip. “I know. You took it hard.”

  “Yeah. Mum did too. It was then I decided I would get away. Leave.”<
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  “It was never your fault…” he started, but I raised a hand, cutting him off.

  “I know. Let’s not talk about him.” The dream flashed before my eyes again. Had I dreamt about him hitting me in the head because I held so much resentment towards him? Because I was angry?

  “How is it going, anyway?” Hayden asked and nodded towards my laptop on the kitchen table.

  I scoffed. “What, you mean work?”

  He smiled. “Yeah.”

  I shook my head. “I have been kinda… distracted. Haven’t done much yet.”

  “Look, I shouldn’t be interrupting you from working. I am sorry.”

  I gently pushed him, causing him to lose balance where he was sitting on the couch. “Hey!” he yelled out.

  I giggled. “I am a big girl, Hayden. I am more than capable of telling you I need some time for work. I am on schedule still.”

  “Fair enough. I am falling behind, maybe that’s why I am assuming you are too.”

  “Really? Go home and work then!”

  He looked me in the eye. I thought I could see a spark in his auburn eyes. “I am a big boy, Octavia.”

  I laughed. “Sorry, of course you are.”

  I didn’t end up doing much work that day either. I spent most of it with Hayden, talking about him and his life. How he didn’t want to leave Roseberg, so his parents let him the house. How he got his job as an app developer, and how he had fought to be allowed to work almost completely from home.

  His life had been so different from mine, but the more I listened to him, and the more I heard his sweet voice, I could remember why he was my best friend.

  He was kind, funny, and had a heart of gold. Once again, I felt bad knowing I had left Roseberg without keeping in contact with anyone. Hayden deserved better. Who was I to just leave? To pack my bags and turning my back on him?

  I couldn’t understand why he was so happy to spend time with me now. If I were him, I would have been angry for all eternity. I would have held a grudge.