Whispers of the Past

by Cora Clark

  She smiled and checked her computer. “With Doctor Wedin, no problem, please have a seat.”

  I nodded and sat down on one of the chairs, eyeing the people there. A mother with her crying baby, trying to soothe him by offering a bottle of milk. An older woman, holding a walking stick, and a young boy, who looked bored, like he didn’t want to be there at all.

  Luckily, I didn’t have to wait long. The doctor came to see me and I slipped into his office. I glanced over at the many tools and posters on the walls before meeting his gaze as he sat down.

  “Hi, so I heard you are Octavia Hanes?” He smiled as he spoke.

  I nodded. “Yes, have we met?”

  “We have! I looked after you when you came in after the accident.”

  I couldn’t believe my luck, I smiled. “Wow, sorry I don’t remember you…”

  “I understand, you were very young.”

  “Right. So… I came to ask you a few questions about… about the accident itself.”

  He nodded and turned his gaze to his computer screen, looking over notes. “Yes. Terrible accident. You hit your head on the side of the boat after tripping, and then landed in the water.”

  I bit my lower lip. “Yes… about that. So, I was wondering how much head trauma there was?”

  He seemed a little puzzled by the question but kept looking through the notes, finding an x-ray. “Quite significant,” he said, pointing to a dent in my skull.

  I frowned as I looked at it. “Do you get that much head trauma from falling in a boat? Looks like blunt-force?”

  “Well… it all depends. Your dad said you were standing in the boat and then tripped. You can, technically speaking, hit your head quite hard if that happens.”

  I nodded. “Okay, so there was never any question of… foul play?”

  His eyed widened. “Foul play?”

  “Yes. No question about how it all happened?”

  He shook his head. “No. We never questioned it, and the police didn’t either.”

  “Okay. What caused my memory to fail?”

  He folded his hands together in his lap and eyed the wall as he thought. “It wasn’t the fall on its own. You nearly drowned, in fact, we had to kick-start your heart twice once you got here.” He turned his gaze to me, pale blue eyes looking straight at me. “We didn’t think you would survive it, Octavia. You were blue, didn’t breathe. That would have been how you lost your memory.”

  I felt my heart twist in my chest as he said the words. But I was determined to find out if my dad could have possibly been behind the whole thing. “Okay,” I said and cleared my throat. “And my father jumped in after me?”

  He nodded. “That is what he said.”

  “You don’t believe he did?”

  He shrugged. “It was cold, I think he delayed before jumping in. Not a crime. But if he would have jumped in straight away, you wouldn’t have been drowning.”

  I suddenly felt a little ill. That must have been why Mum had doubted his story. “How long would I have been underwater?”

  He turned back to the computer. “Based on what we managed to gather, you didn’t hold your breath as you fell in. You were only underwater for about a minute, probably trying to hold your breath after you already swallowed some water.”

  I let the words sink in. “He waited for a whole minute?”

  A slow nod. “Yes.”

  I just stared at him for a moment. One minute. Sixty seconds. Wouldn’t I, as a parent, jump in mere seconds after my child falls in? Why did he wait for so long?

  “Are you okay?” he asked me.

  I nodded. “Yes. Yes, thank you.” I clutched onto my bag and prepared to rise from my seat when Dr. Wedin touched my knee.

  “Octavia. Have you tried hypnosis?”

  My eyebrows furrowed. “What, sorry?”

  “Hypnosis, to bring your memories back?”

  I shook my head. “No? Would it work?”

  He smiled. “I’ll write down a couple you can try at home. They are on YouTube. It might not work, but it could be worth a try?”

  I nodded and waited for him to write it down. “Thank you, thanks a lot for seeing me.”

  He shook my hand, and I left the hospital.

  I was completely lost in thought in the car on my way back to the cabin. While there was no proof of anyone hitting me in the head, I never knew my dad waited for that long before jumping in after me.

  I didn’t know what I had been expecting, coming there, and how it would now change things, knowing that. I could understand why Mum never told me about it. It hurt to know that. I had never wanted children myself, but I could have never imagined sitting there, watching my child slowly drown, for a whole sixty seconds before jumping in.

  I thanked the driver and walked to the house, snow landing on my shoulders and painting my hair white. I walked inside and lit the fireplace before checking the hypnosis videos on YouTube.

  Maybe it was worth a shot. What did I have to lose?

  Chapter Nine

  Memories

  I was hesitant at first. I didn’t know how I felt about trying to awaken my memories. But then at the same time, wasn’t that what I had been trying to do since I got there?

  I lit a candle, turned off the TV, and lay down on the couch. I reached out to turn on the video, closing my eyes.

  I focused on the voice of the man speaking to me, telling me to relax. Focus on my breath, relaxing my hands, toes, fingers, back, shoulders, and face. I had to go back to the beginning once, as my mind started to wander.

  But the second time I scanned my body, I felt completely relaxed as he began counting down.

  Five…

  four…

  three…

  two…

  one.

  Snap.

  I see the strange man again. He looks down at me in the doorway, and I, as an innocent ten-year-old, just smile at him. His bushy eyebrows are twisted in a frown, and when he moves his gaze from me, he looks at my Dad, who is standing right behind me.

  “This changes everything,” the man says.

  “She wasn’t supposed to be here,” my Dad says.

  “You have to deal with it, do you understand?”

  I close my eyes and try to think about what the man could possibly mean by those words. I am transformed, and when I open my eyes again, I stand in a cold, damp cellar. I look around, feeling my heart race in my chest.

  Then I see myself as the girl walking towards a pile of moving boxes. She looks back at me, a sad expression on her face.

  I move closer, trying to speak, but no words escape my mouth.

  The girl gets down on her knees and grabs hold of a carpet covering the dusty cement floor. She moves it, and there is something underneath.

  I move even closer and then drop to my knees as well, seeing a hatch in the floor.

  “… and now, you will begin to feel your toes again…”

  I opened my eyes and noticed how dark it had gotten in the house while I was gone in my own head. Yawning, I got up from the couch and turned on the lights. I made myself a cup of coffee and sat down on the couch with the TV on.

  What did I just see? Were they real memories? Or was I just making myself more and more crazy by trying so hard?

  I didn’t know who I was kidding thinking I would be able to calm my mind by having coffee and watching TV. I kept turning my head, hearing noises and feeling like somebody was watching me.

  I picked up my phone and sent Hayden a text.

  ‘Hey, sorry to bother you. Are you busy tonight?’

  ‘No, why? Is everything okay?’

  I smiled at the phone. ‘Yeah, just you know, jumpy, do you want to come over?’

  ‘I’ll come by, see you soon.’

  I put the phone on the coffee table and sighed. What would I have done without Hayden?

  I didn’t tell him about my visit to the doctor, or the hypnosis, until much later that evening. And after a couple of glasses of wine. He just
looked at me, like I was making a huge mistake.

  “Why are you looking at me like that?” I asked him and took a sip.

  He shook his head. “I don’t know. I am just concerned. Maybe you are creating memories instead of remembering them, you know? Trying to make sense of it all in your mind.”

  I sighed. “I am trying to make sense of it all. But why would I be creating fake memories? The man I keep seeing must be real, otherwise, where did I get his face from?”

  He shrugged. “Could be anywhere. A movie, TV, anything.”

  I didn’t buy it. “I really don’t think I am, but I understand why you might think so.”

  He leaned forward, resting his arms on his knees. “When you say you get jumpy, is it because of all this?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Do you feel jumpy and scared because of the memories you are creating?”

  I bit my lip, trying to think. “No. I mean. Yes, they probably have something to do with it. I just don’t feel like I am alone here. I don’t know why. It’s like somebody is watching me. I know it sounds crazy…”

  He touched my hand. “Octavia, you have to stop doing this to yourself.”

  I pushed out a smile. “I know what you are thinking, but honestly, if it were you, would you not want to know?”

  He sighed. “I don’t know. You have gone these many years without knowing, but then you come back, and it is like it has become an obsession. Is this why you came here in the first place?”

  I shook my head. “No. No, it wasn’t. I don’t want to talk about it anymore tonight, I am exhausted.”

  He smiled. “I can stay the night, if you want me to.”

  I smiled back, placing my hand on his. “Thank you, I really appreciate it.”

  “But you need to promise me, no more hypnosis.”

  I laughed. “Well, I don’t know if I can promise you that.”

  “Just do it, even if you are going to break it.”

  I looked him in the eye. “Okay, I promise.” I don’t know why, but I felt an overwhelming urge to lean forward and kiss him at that moment. Instead, I let out a chuckle and got up, getting the couch ready for him to sleep on.

  “You can sleep in my parent’s room if you prefer, but I don’t think you want to.”

  He nodded. “You’re right. The couch is fine.”

  I smiled as I grabbed a warm blanket and threw it at him. He caught it with a chuckle, and I trotted up the stairs to grab out a pillow from the cupboard.

  As I got upstairs, and before I turned on the light in the hallway, I saw the silhouette of a man standing in front of my parent’s bedroom. My breath caught in my throat, and I reached a shaky hand to the wall where the light switch was.

  I turned it on, and the silhouette disappeared. I took a deep breath and quickly grabbed the pillow, running back down the stairs, feeling like I had eyes burning at the back of my neck.

  “I would have been fine with the couch pillows,” Hayden said as I got down.

  I rubbed my forehead, still trying to calm my speeding pulse. “Well, I thought this would be better.” I placed the pillow on the couch and then turned to go back to my bedroom. Hayden grabbed my arm, and I jumped.

  “Hey,” he looked at me, “there is nobody in the house. Okay?”

  I smiled. “I know. Thank you, and goodnight.”

  Chapter Ten

  Visions

  I think knowing that Hayden slept in the house helped me get a good night’s sleep. No dreams, just pure rest. I woke up to the sun shining through the blinds. I stretched and found myself smiling as I got up and put on some clothes. Maybe my stay in Roseberg wouldn’t be all bad.

  I quietly walked down the old stairs as I could hear Hayden’s heavy breaths. Once down, I slowly moved up to the couch to take a peek. He lay sprawled out on the couch, arm over his head. I smiled as I watched his perfectly smooth face with closed eyes. He looked so peaceful.

  Choosing not to be a creep, I turned and walked into the kitchen, thinking what better way to wake up in the morning than to the wonderful aroma of freshly brewed coffee.

  While I waited for it, I sat down at the kitchen table and opened up my laptop. I managed to get in some work before I heard Hayden stir on the couch.

  “That smells great!” he yelled out.

  I giggled. “I’ll bring you a cup!”

  I was not expecting him to show up behind me as I poured the coffee into two cups. He gently touched my shoulder, and I jumped. “God! Don’t sneak up on me!”

  He laughed. “Sorry, I wasn’t trying to. Did you sleep well?”

  I handed him his cup and smiled. “I did, thank you for staying.”

  He took a sip and then sat down at the table. “You’ll get used to it, it takes a while.”

  I sat down next to him, warming my hands on the hot cup. “What would you know about it? You have always been here.”

  He raised his eyebrows. “True. I guess I am just assuming the country would be different.”

  I smiled and took a sip of my coffee. “Will you need to leave soon?”

  “Do you want me to?”

  I felt my cheeks burn for a moment. “No. I mean. No, but, we both need to work, I assume.”

  He let out a small giggle. “Yeah, yeah we do. I’m a bit behind, actually.”

  I felt my heart sink. For some reason, I didn’t want him to leave. It was so nice having him in the house. “Me too,” I said and placed the cup on the table. “I’ll need to send some chapters over to the publisher.”

  “Well, I’ll get going once I finish this.”

  I smiled. “Thank you, again, for staying.”

  He rubbed the top of my hand and looked me in the eye. “Anytime. You know. I never thought I would see you again.”

  My heart sped up a little. “I didn’t think I would ever see you again, either.”

  The house felt lonely after he left. I sighed, put on the TV, and then settled in front of my laptop. I edited a few chapters and sent them off. As soon as I was about to think that it wasn’t so bad being alone in the house, I saw a blurry vision of my mother, standing in front of the sink, doing dishes. My gaze locked on her, no matter how much I tried, I couldn’t shake the vision.

  She was crying, wiping her eyes with her wrist as her hands were wet. She jumped as my dad walked in. “Don’t scare me!” she hissed.

  He placed himself next to her, arms folded. “Are you going to talk to me?”

  “No. I am not ready.”

  “Come on, don’t leave me in the dark…”

  Mum threw a plate down in the water. I flinched. “Who is he?”

  “Who?” Dad looked seriously surprised.

  “The man who keeps coming over.”

  “What man? What are you talking about?”

  She sighed. “We have neighbours, Robert. They have seen a strange man come over when I am at work. He stays here for about half an hour, and then leaves in a black van.”

  Dad rubbed his forehead and turned away from Mum. “He is a colleague. Why are you so upset about it?”

  “Because you never told me about him! Some stranger is walking in and out of my house, and I have no idea about it! What does he do here?”

  Dad shook his head. “He has a bloody coffee!”

  “Right.” Mum pulled the plug in the sink, dried her hands on a towel, and walked off. She nearly bumped into child-me as I stood in the doorway, holding a teddy bear. “Sorry hunny,” she said and picked me up.

  I turned to look at Dad, but he was gone.

  I shook my head, rubbed my eyes, and sighed. The man I had seen. He was real, and Mum didn’t know who he was either. For some reason, I knew he wasn’t just a colleague. Dad was hiding something from us both, but I had no idea what it could be.

  Did it have anything to do with the accident? At all?

  I felt shivers running down my spine. I couldn’t do any more work. I rose from the chair and settled on the couch, cuddled up by the blanket Hayden
had used the night before. I pulled it up to my nose. It smelled like him. I felt a tear roll down my cheek as I turned my attention to the TV and tried to follow the evening news.

  While I always knew I had lost a big chunk from my childhood after the accident, it suddenly dawned on me just how much it was I had lost. It was everything. Memories shape who we are as adults.

  Who was I? What did I believe in? What did I learn from my childhood? Did I learn about love, trust, and relationships?

  I certainly didn’t learn anything about relationships. I had never let anyone close to me. I couldn’t even keep a healthy relationship with my own mother, who had done me nothing wrong.

  After I had eventually fallen asleep on the couch, holding on to the blanket, my dreams started again. I saw the little girl walk down the cellar and move the old carpet from the floors, revealing the hatch.

  She was trying to tell me something, something about that damn hatch…

  Chapter Eleven

  The Hatch

  I woke up the next day on the couch, feeling anything but rested. I rubbed my eyes and decided to take a long, hot shower. The snow had piled up outside overnight. It was crazy how much could fall in just a few hours.

  I stood in the hot shower for way too long, enjoying the heat on my skin, and the warmth on my scalp. I washed my hair, face, and body. I tried my hardest not to think about the dream, but it was useless. The hatch kept popping up in my head, and I decided I would check it out, no matter how uncomfortable the cellar seemed to me.

  I got dressed, had my coffee, and then found myself opening the door leading down to the cellar. I slowly walked down the stairs, the light bright enough to show me each footstep. I got met by a ton of boxes down there. Spider webs in the corners, and a smell of damp mould. I sneezed as I reached the last step.

  I didn’t want to be there. It was like something inside me was urging me to run back up the stairs, but I couldn’t help myself. The dreams had to stop.

  I moved some boxes and pieces of furniture until I got to the spot where I thought the old carpet would lie. And there it was. It was even darker and dirtier now than it had been in my dreams.

  I felt my heart pulse hard in my chest as I carefully lifted it, moving it to the side. I wasn’t expecting to find a hatch, so in my head, I told myself I just needed to move the carpet, and then I could go back upstairs.