by Jeff Kinney
work done with Gabe in the picture. Plus
he never got a girlfriend because he knew
Gabe would probably mess that up too.
And even though Rusty thought it was nice
to have his best friend around, sometimes
he wondered if he'd made a terrible mistake.
51
Once there was a girl named Lilli. And
from the time she was a baby, Lilli liked
putting things in her mouth.
Right now you're probably saying "ALL
babies like putting things in their mouths."
But trust me this kid was DIFFERENT.
It wasn't just baby toys, it was
EVERYTHING. So Lilli's parents had to
get used to their stuff being covered in
baby drool all the time.
52
Lilli's pediatrician told her parents their
baby was teething and that's why she
always needed something to chew on.
So Lilli's parents just tried to ignore her
and let Lilli do her thing. But then Lilli's
teeth started coming in and they were
SHARP.
Lilli's parents kept hoping she'd grow out
of this stage but she never did.
53
When Lilli got a little older her parents
tried to set up playdates with other
kids, but they always ended in tears.
Lilli's parents bought a bunch of books to
help teach their daughter that biting was
bad but the lesson never seemed to sink
in. Plus books were some of Lilli's favorite
things to chew on.
54
By the time Lilli was old enough to go
to full-day kindergarten she didn't have
many friends. Her parents were kind of
nervous sending her to school because of
her biting issue but they thought maybe
Lilli's teacher could figure out how to
handle it better than they could.
But they probably should've given her
teacher a heads-up about Lilli when they
dropped her off for school.
So Lilli got sent home early on her first
day of kindergarten. And this was a big
problem for her parents because they
both worked from home so they couldn't
be watching her every second.
55
They took her back to the pediatrician
to see if there was anything she could
do. The doctor ran some tests and a
few days later she called them in to
share the results.
It turns out the reason Lilli liked biting
things so much was because she was a
VAMPIRE. And even though it was hard
for Lilli's parents to hear that, they
were glad they finally had some answers.
The doctor said the good news was that
vampires aren't contagious until they're
full-grown, so right now the biting was
more annoying than anything.
56
Lilli's parents didn't understand how
their daughter was a vampire since
neither of THEM were vampires.
But then Lilli's mom remembered that
when she was pregnant she got bitten
by a vampire bat so that must've been
how it happened.
Lilli's parents were happy to know what
was going on with their daughter but
it still didn't solve their problem. They
really needed her to be in school but they
couldn't send her if she was gonna keep
biting people.
57
Lilli's pediatrician said there was a special
school where Lilli could learn with other
kids just like her. But even though the
brochure looked nice, Lilli's parents knew
they could never afford to send her to a
place like that.
58
Lilli's parents asked her pediatrician if
there was anything else she could do for
their daughter. So the doctor wrote
a note to Lilli's school explaining the
situation.
Well it turned out the school was GREAT
about it. They made all sorts of changes
in the classroom and from then on when
Lilli bit her teacher it was really no big
deal.
59
They even made changes in the cafeteria
so Lilli could feel included.
Lilli's classmates thought being a vampire
was cool so now everybody wanted to
be her friend. And they all wanted to be
just like her so they started ACTING like
her too.
60
Things were going pretty great for
Lilli at school and she had a ton of new
friends. And now EVERYONE wanted to
come over for playdates.
But then one day the pediatrician called
and asked Lilli's parents to come back
into her office. She said she had read the
test results wrong and that Lilli wasn't
a vampire after all. She was just a bad
kid who liked biting people.
61
Well you would think that Lilli's parents
would be thrilled to find out that their
daughter wasn't a vampire.
But Lilli was doing great at school and
they really didn't want her home during
the workday.
So they decided to keep the test results
to themselves. And when Lilli had a
birthday party and everyone in her class
came, her parents felt like they'd made
the right choice.
63
Everybody's heard the legend of the
Headless Horseman who terrorized the
town of Sleepy Hollow a long time ago.
But I'll bet you've never heard the story
of the Human Head who lived a few
miles away in the town of Elmsford. And
just because the Human Head didn't go
around chucking flaming jack-o'-lanterns
at people doesn't mean his story isn't
worth telling too.
64
So let's start at the beginning. Before
the Human Head of Elmsford got his
nickname he was just a regular kid named
Anders.
Anders was normal in every way except
he was born without a body. But that
didn't stop Anders from doing all the
things other kids his age did.
Anders's parents loved him very much
and told him he could be whatever he
wanted to be. And that made Anders feel
good.
65
Anders had lots of friends in elementary
school and was so popular that he got
voted class president in the fifth grade.
But things changed when it came time
for Anders to go to middle school. A few
of his closest friends moved away during
the summer and some others went to
private school. So when September came
around, Anders felt like he was starting
over.
66
The first day of middle school isn't easy
for anyone but it's even harder when
you're a late bloomer like Anders and you
haven't hit your growth spurt yet.
Back in elementary school, Anders stayed
in one classroom the whole day.
But
middle school was a different thing and
sometimes Anders had trouble getting
from one class to another before the bell
rang.
67
When lunchtime came, Anders was happy
because he really needed a break and
plus his mom had packed him a bologna
sandwich and his favorite snack. But by
the time he got to the cafeteria all the
good seats were already taken.
Anders spotted a table across the
cafeteria with a bunch of empty seats.
And that's where Anders saw the
Headless Horseman for the first time.
68
Right now you're probably thinking "Oh
no the Headless Horseman is gonna do
something terrible to Anders!" but don't
worry because this was way before
the Headless Horseman turned evil. In
fact this was way before he got that
nickname and a few years before he even
learned to ride a horse.
For now the Headless Horseman just
went by his real name which was Gunther.
And like I said he wasn't evil yet so when
he spotted Anders he invited him to sit
at his table.
Well from the moment they met, Anders
and Gunther became fast friends.
69
Gunther didn't mind that Anders was a
little chatty and Anders didn't mind that
Gunther shoveled food down his neck hole
to eat.
The two boys started hanging out after
school almost every day. Anders helped
Gunther with his homework and Gunther
helped Anders with just about everything
else.
70
Fall turned to winter and the two best
friends made lots of happy memories
together.
When February rolled around, everyone
at school was buzzing about the big
Valentine's Dance.
71
But both boys were too shy to ask
anyone to go with them and before long
it seemed like everyone at school was
paired up.
Gunther and Anders were sad because
they knew they'd be spending the night
of the dance playing video games like
they always did.
72
But something happened the week before
Valentine's Day that changed everything.
A girl named Prudence whose family had
just moved to town showed up at the
school, and she was so pretty that some
of the guys who'd asked other girls to the
dance were kind of kicking themselves.
Even though Gunther and Anders both
thought Prudence was cute neither one
of them was brave enough to ask her to
the Valentine's Dance. But then Anders
had an idea.
73
He said maybe if the two of them
teamed up they could convince Prudence
to go to the dance with them. And
after a lot of rehearsing in front of the
mirror they felt like this might actually
WORK.
The next day the guys brought a
bouquet of flowers to school and got
the courage to ask Prudence to the
dance. And believe it or not she said YES.
74
On the night of the big dance Anders put
on some of his dad's cologne so he'd smell
good for his date. And Gunther's parents
rented him a cape so he'd look extra
handsome.
So when the guys showed up at
Prudence's house they were looking
pretty sharp.
When the three kids got to the school
they didn't know what to expect because
this was the first time any of them had
been to a real dance.
75
But the Party Planning Committee
had really done their job because the
cafeteria looked totally AMAZING.
Anders, Gunther, and Prudence hung out
by the refreshments table for a while
and Anders told a few jokes he had been
practicing. And when Prudence laughed,
Anders thought things couldn't be going
any better.
76
When the music really got cranking no one
wanted to be the first to step onto the
dance floor. But then Gunther surprised
everyone by totally going for it.
It turns out Gunther was a really
awesome dancer. And no one was happier
about that than ANDERS.
77
That was all it took to get everyone
ELSE out on the dance floor. And before
long the party was in high gear.
Anders and Gunther started a conga
line and everyone joined in. But Anders
wasn't looking where he was going and
that led to disaster.
78
Prudence was kind of upset because until
now she thought Gunther and Anders
were one person.
She was a little sore at the guys for not
being honest with her about who they
really were. But after Anders apologized
she forgave them, and when a slow song
came on, Gunther asked her to dance.
79
Even though Anders had a great spot
right next to the cookie platter, the
rest of the night wasn't very much fun
for him.
After that night, things started to
change between Anders and Gunther.
