Mine

by Jennifer Suzanne

  They pulled away long enough for him to open the now unlocked door as she fixed her dress. The coast was clear. Drew reached for her again and kissed her neck as they kicked off their shoes and made their way to the bedroom. This time he pulled the dress down to expose both breasts and she held his head against her chest. Her breasts weren’t sore today, and she thought she might climax just from the marvellous sensation of his touch.

  His heart hammered and he gasped for breath—every fibre of his being wanted her. He kicked her bedroom door shut as she lay on the bed waiting for him. She opened her legs slightly as she met his eyes. He thought he might lose his mind as he undid his pants and rushed to her. She called out again and threw her head back. The dress she had put on just for him was around her waist now; he kissed his way down her stomach and pulled it off the rest of the way, kicking his pants off in the process. She wasn’t wearing panties either. He had to stop for a minute to regroup. He pressed his face into her soft belly. When he raised his head to look at her, she grinned wickedly. He raised himself up to kiss her and unbutton his shirt; she bit his bottom lip and opened her legs wider.

  “Drew, we can’t have sex.”

  She said it as he was holding one breast and kissing the other. Alarmed, he stopped and looked up at her. She’d been uncomfortable for the last twenty-four hours; she knew intercourse would be painful.

  “Is everything okay?” His mind wandered to the scare and his erection faded.

  She explained how she felt and it gave him new hope. “Sooo…we can do other things still, right?”

  She grinned at him and twisted his hair around her fingers. “Yes, we can do other things.”

  He kissed his way down between her legs. She wrapped them around his neck as he ran his tongue along the inside of her thigh, slowly upwards to her swollen, pulsing centre. He didn’t stop until she exploded beneath him.

  In the afterglow of her orgasm he caressed her arm as she lay snuggled up beside him.

  She brushed her fingertips tenderly along the length of him until he thought he might die. He growled and suggested what would feel even better.

  “I don’t do that.”

  “Hmm?” He closed his eyes as she stroked him with her hand, distracted by the sensation. “Do you mean you’ve never…?” His ego swelled as it had when she told him she’d never been on a date. He knew it was juvenile, but he felt great pleasure to learn that this belonged to him as well. “So, does that mean no one has ever gone down on you?”

  “Oh no, I always got what I wanted.”

  He tried to erase the images the remark conjured from his mind. “Well, you’re going to do it for me,” he replied, trying to sound commanding and seductive at the same time, but she laughed.

  “Oh, am I?”

  “Yes, you are.” He wanted to tell her that he’d be the first and the last, but he refrained. “Don’t worry. I’ll teach you everything you need to know.”

  Amused, she kissed his chest and stomach as she made her way down.

  He decided she didn’t need much instruction.

  ***

  Two days later, Drew was shocked to open the door to his apartment and find Jess standing on the doorstep. His heart thumped in his chest at the sight of her, and he took her hands to pull her inside; he felt an immediate bolt of panic as he did so, “Are you okay? The baby?”

  She smiled, much to his relief. “I got off work early. A few surgeries were cancelled and since I’m on the bottom of the seniority list…anyway, I went home and took a nap and I know that you like when I do that,” she stuttered, looked at the floor, and shuffled her feet, “you know, take care of the baby, so I thought I’d tell you…that I did that.”

  Drew’s heart beat rapidly and he grinned; he was thrilled that she wanted to see him—he thought she might have even missed him.

  “It sounds stupid now that I say it out loud…I guess I could have sent you a text,” she blushed.

  “I’m so glad you came.” Their eyes met and they smiled at each other shyly.

  He took her hand and led her into his apartment and offered her a drink. She made a joke about having a beer and he laughed; her heart softened at the sound and she thought the tight blue t-shirt he was wearing showed off his muscular chest and brought out his eyes. She glanced around the small condo as Drew picked up a few clothes off the floor. She sat on the grey sofa and suddenly imagined her baby living there. It was the first time she’d thought about living arrangements and custody. Fear clutched her and she stood suddenly and backed up towards the front door as she realized that he might want custody.

  Drew raised his eyebrows at her in alarm. “Jess?”

  “I should go.” She turned and headed towards the door, but he intercepted her.

  “Wait a sec…you just got here.”

  “I shouldn’t have just dropped in without calling,” she said, flustered, “it was rude and…”

  “No, it wasn’t. We’re past that, I hope. I love that you’re here! What is it? What’s wrong?” he asked softly and leaned in to kiss her on the lips, cupping her face, “Hey, it’s okay.” His sweet kiss and warm hands made her forget her fear for a minute and she relaxed. “Come on, I’ll show you the rest of the condo.” He held her hand and led her down the hallway to the bathroom and bedrooms. Reluctantly she followed, her palms moist. She paused in the doorway of his bedroom and stared at the unmade bed with the white duvet crumpled at the bottom. “I would have tidied up if I knew you were coming,” he laughed nervously. She glanced into the spare bedroom, which he used as an office for work, and imagined a child’s bedroom. Then she glanced into the bathroom before returning to the living room. She sat on the couch; worry etched on her face. He kissed her on the forehead and went to the kitchen to make her some tea.

  As he plugged in the kettle, he smiled. This was a big step for her, and he knew it. He placed the mugs on the coffee table and sat beside her on the couch. “Will you want the baby here…” her voice cracked, “…with you some of the time?”

  Drew froze with the cup of tea at his lips and slowly placed it back down on the table as he realized what she was asking. His heart ached, and his eyes darted back and forth as he tried to figure out the best answer.

  “I don’t know, Jess. I hadn’t thought about it too much yet. I mean…” He was lying; the house he’d imagined the three of them living in, with the big backyard and swing set, popped into his head. “I’ll do whatever you want,” he reassured her. He hated lying to her, but he was afraid to push too far, too soon.

  “I’m going to breastfeed, so the baby will need to be with me...”

  “Yes, of course. I want our baby to be with you,” he smiled at her, “you’re his mother.”

  Jess nodded, relieved, and sipped her tea, but as she watched Drew pick up his own mug, she saw the light fade from his eyes.

  “I had a nice time on our date the other night,” she said, switching gears. The light returned a little and he smiled. She enjoyed the feeling it awoke in her.

  “Me too, Jess.”

  “Oh really? What was your favourite part?”

  “The ending,” he said quickly with a grin.

  “You mean when it was over?” she answered, frowning.

  He laughed. “No, just before the ending then.”

  Jess finally understood and blushed.

  He leaned across to kiss her. “I loved every part of it. I love being with you. We should do it again.”

  She shook her head. “Oh, you don’t have to.”

  He laughed again. “Jess, lots of couples have regular date nights.”

  She looked at him as if trying to decode a puzzle, and they were silent for a few minutes, regarding each other.

  Finally, he took a deep breath. He’d tried to let it go, but he couldn’t; he knew it was risky, but since she had brought it up, he wanted to be honest. “Jess, I’m hoping that the three of us will live together,” he said cautiously. He watched her body tense, but he pressed on. “I
want to be with you, and I want to see my child every day. I want to be in this baby’s life. I hate being here alone,” he motioned to his apartment, “and thinking of you two being somewhere else. I’m ready for more.”

  By the time she figured out that he meant him, the baby, and her—and not Chris—her mind was already spinning. Where did he expect them to live? What would happen if he wanted to date someone else? She couldn’t expose her child to that. She suddenly felt cold inside, and she started to shake.

  “I can’t leave Chris…”

  “I would never ask you to leave him, he’s your family, I get that,” he replied, although he felt disappointed. He thought about Chris’s parties and Jess dancing with Steve.... “There’s no rush, Jess. When you’re ready. I’m just hoping—” He regretted bringing it up.

  Jess stood abruptly, panic rising; she wanted to flee. Her mind flew to Ryan in California.

  Drew retracted, “I’m sorry. Let’s forget about it for now.”

  “It’s a mistake,” she whispered.

  His heart hurt at her words. Did she mean being there, or him, or the baby? Or all of it?

  “It’s not a mistake and we have lots of time to figure it all out,” he lied again as he thought about the due date, and the urgency he felt to make things official between them.

  He approached her gently and hugged her. She closed her eyes and let him. She wrapped her arms around him in surrender.

  ***

  The next morning, Drew dropped Jess off at Chris’s house, kissed her goodbye, and headed to work. Chris wasn’t home and Jess worried about his whereabouts. Jess made tea and her mind wandered to her conversation with Drew the night before. Alone in the house, fear and anxiety consumed her. The need for self-preservation, and to protect her baby, was stronger than the new happiness she’d felt with Drew the last few weeks. She berated herself for getting caught up in it; she couldn’t allow it to cloud her judgement. She knew it wouldn’t last. He would eventually see her for who she really was, and he’d leave. Everybody left. This baby was her responsibility and hers alone. She needed to protect it, any way she could. She sent Drew a text to come over after work.

  ***

  Drew was overjoyed to get her text; the first summons he’d ever received from her. When he arrived, he kissed Jess and brushed his hand against her stomach in greeting. “What’s up? I hope this is a booty call,” he teased. Jess hesitated, looking into his twinkling blue eyes; suddenly she felt unsure about what she was about to do. She took a deep breath. Seeing the look on her face, the smile disappeared from his own, and he sat down slowly on the chair at the kitchen table. “What is it Jess, is everything okay with the baby?”

  “I want you to know, the way I grew up…” She paused for a second; saying it out loud was even harder than she’d thought it would be.

  “Hey, I know...” He reached to comfort her, but she pushed away from him. The last thing she wanted was his pity. He stepped back, confused.

  “What I mean is, there wasn’t much certainty in my childhood, and for this baby…” she placed her hand on her stomach, “…I want…”

  Drew smiled and, relieved, sat back down on the chair to let her finish. His heart had beat fast at her words; the last two months they’d spent together had been the happiest he could remember, but after their conversation last night, he felt unsure whether she wanted more. He was thrilled that she’d thought about it and was going to ask him for more of a commitment to her and their baby. He imagined them living at his apartment or finding a new place. He’d give her whatever she wanted. He was excited that she’d finally come around to see how right they were together.

  “…I want you to consider giving up your parental rights. I want full custody of this baby.”

  Drew felt as if all the blood had rushed out of him. His mouth fell open and he gaped at her. He tried to breathe. He felt shattered.

  Jess saw the shock on his face and felt awful. “Please let me explain. I know this might not be what you expected, but if you just let me—” she struggled to find the words. “I need to provide a secure home for this baby. I want it to be with me, always, not shuffled around if it doesn’t work out between us. I’m not saying that you can’t see your child, Drew, because you can, but I can’t take the chance that when you leave…”

  “Jess…” He stood up, hurt and confused and angry. His legs felt like lead.

  “We barely know each other, and once you see who I really am—” Tears filled her eyes and it suddenly became clear to him.

  “Jess, I get it, but I’m not going anywhere. I’m not lying to you! I want to be with you and our baby.” He felt desperate. How could he make her see? “I see who you are. The last two months we’ve spent together…I’ve been happier than I’ve ever been.” He couldn’t believe she didn’t know this; hadn’t he been clear? He’d been so careful to be respectful; to take things slowly so he didn’t scare her away. In doing so he’d clearly failed to show her how he really felt. He was devastated. She still didn’t trust him; he felt as if they were back at square one.

  “I still want you to do it, for me,” she pleaded, though she hung her head.

  He shook his adamantly. “I will do anything for you and our baby. Anything. Except that. I will never sign my child away. Never! How could you even ask me to do that, after everything that’s happened? Secrets always find a way out, Jess, and imagine how he or she would feel!” He shook his head, still stunned at the turn of events.

  She thought about all her secrets. She turned and headed to her bedroom and closed the door. He slammed his fists on the table and swore. He followed, turning the knob, but it was locked. Frustrated, he banged on the door. “Jess! Open up so we can talk about this.” When she didn’t respond, he sat on the couch to wait. Even though he understood—in a theoretical way—what she was trying to do and why, it hurt, deeply. He knew she couldn’t trust and that she was only trying to protect herself, so he had no intention of giving up. She had him from the start, she was the one, and he couldn’t let her, or his baby, go.

  Jess sat on her bed, tears streaming down her face. She rubbed her belly, feeling helpless to protect her child. Since she’d left foster care, she’d always made sure to feel in control of her own life. But now it was impossible. Drew’s promises reverberated in her thoughts, but she shook them away.

  An hour later, Jess emerged from her room to find Drew in the kitchen.

  “You guys really don’t have any food here,” he began, “but I managed to throw together a stir-fry. Are you hungry?”

  Jess shrugged stubbornly as the fragrant smell filled her nose and her stomach rumbled. Drew turned the burner to low before turning his attention to her completely. “I’m not going anywhere, Jess. You won’t get rid of me that easily.”

  She looked up at him, frustrated.

  He leant towards her, kissed her firmly on the lips, and then went back to work on the meal.

  Chapter 8

  “So, when am I going to meet the mother of my grandchild?” Drew’s mom accepted his kiss on her cheek as he entered her home.

  “Well, I’m trying to get her to like me before I scare her away by introducing her to the rest of you.” He sighed as he thought about the huge step backward they’d taken when she’d asked for custody. “Hey Dad,” he called as his father walked by trying to juggle bunches of Christmas lights and a ladder.

  “What’s up, my boy? Just in time to help me hang these.” Drew and Michelle followed him into the living room where a fresh ten-foot tree had been erected. The pine scent filled the air and made him nostalgic. His family had bought a live tree every year for as long as he could remember. His father, John, carried the ladder easily and, at fifty-five, was considering retirement from his job as a bank manager in the next few years. His mom had retired from the same position at a different branch last year. They had plans to travel and spend time with their grandson and now, hopefully, their second grandchild. John set the ladder down and pushed aside
his curly, greying hair, straightening his glasses.

  “Well, surely she’ll come for Christmas dinner?” Michelle persevered. “Is she feeling okay? Gaining enough weight? Girls these days worry about putting on too much weight and—”

  “She’s fine, Mom. The baby’s perfect. Here, I brought you a picture.” He took the ultrasound picture out of his wallet and handed it to her before climbing up on the ladder. His father passed him the lights.

  “Oh my God, look at that!” Michelle fanned her face with her hand to try and stop the tears that filled her eyes. “Look at that perfect little face,” she turned the picture around for her husband to see. “Is it a boy? I think I see something.” She handed it to John, who squinted at it from behind his glasses.

  After the lights were hung, Drew sat to chat with his parents. “Tell us how it’s really going,” his mom pressed, worriedly. But as he did so, she smiled to herself; as she listened to her son talk about this girl, she wondered if he knew he was in love with her. She excused herself for a minute and when she returned, she handed him a small ring box. He looked at her with a puzzled expression and opened the box to find a gold ring with a solitaire diamond set in it.

  “Mom…” he said, bewildered.

  Michelle put her hands up. “It’s just in case. It was your grandmother’s and your sisters don’t want it. A girl that you love who is having your baby needs a Christmas present, doesn’t she?”

  As Drew snapped the box shut and placed it on the table, a pit formed in his stomach. “Mom, Jess does not want to get married, trust me.”

  “Well, you never know. Plans change. People change. And please tell her that I would love to throw her a baby shower. She’ll have to register, too.”

  Drew laughed out loud at the thought of Jess wandering around a store with a scanner and one of those hats on her head with all the bows on it like his sister had been forced to wear at her shower. He didn’t want her to change; he thought she was perfect just the way she was. He just wanted her to love him and their baby. He slipped the tiny box in his jacket pocket when he bade his parents goodbye.