Mine

by Jennifer Suzanne

  Jess smiled at her gratefully as they followed her to the high acuity area. They followed her through the door, past the cubicles, to where Drew’s parents and other sister, Alexa, were standing waiting. Jess hung back to talk to the triage nurse and watched as Drew and his family embraced. “The mom said sick with fever and lethargy for about a week, had trouble breathing tonight so she brought him in.” The triage nurse lowered her voice. “She should have called an ambulance, he was blue when he got here, we almost had to code him. They’re thinking flu or pneumonia. You probably shouldn’t go anywhere near him just in case.”

  Jess thanked her and cautiously approached Drew and his family and stood beside him. He reached for her hand. His mother was mid-sentence.

  “…I don’t know, she told me he was sick, but not this bad.” She glanced at Jess and her son and reached over to give them a quick hug. Alexa looked Jess over and paused at her pregnant belly as Michelle continued. “He had a fever off and on but was still drinking fluids and playing…then suddenly she calls tonight…”

  “Did that nurse say anything, Jess?” Drew interrupted his mom and she felt everyone’s eyes fall on her. She repeated what the other nurse had said, minus the ambulance and code blue part.

  “Kids go down hill really fast, but they rebound just as quick. It’s good that he’s here so he can get treatment,” she assured them. Everyone, except Alexa who was frowning, looked relieved at Jess’s words, and Michelle nodded hopefully.

  “Yes, that’s right. When you guys were little you would be really bad one day and completely recovered the next.” She hugged Jess again gratefully and said a proper hello; she asked her how she was and thanked her for coming. Jess awkwardly hugged her back. “Lex, this is Jess.”

  Drew’s sister nodded. Alexa was thirty-three, and a lawyer specializing in estate planning. She had her own office downtown and was single. She was short compared to her parents and Drew, but she also had their father’s curly hair. It fell past her shoulders in soft blonde waves where she had attempted to straighten it. “Nice to meet you,” Alexa said and looked at her stomach again, and then at her brother with concern.

  Lily rushed into the waiting area and into her father’s arms, sobbing. Jess watched as he held her tightly and stroked her long brown hair, soothing her with his words. Jess took a step back.

  “He’s asleep. Oh my God, I don’t have much time. I want to be there in case he wakes up. He’s okay, for now… I mean, he’s better than he was. They gave him some oxygen and medicine in an IV. He was so brave when they poked him with that needle! And he’s not blue anymore, thank God! He has pneumonia.”

  Jess assumed the orders were oxygen, antibiotics, Ventolin, and maybe some corticosteroids. “How could I have missed it, Daddy?” she sobbed louder and looked up at her father, wide-eyed and terrified. Michelle caressed her daughter’s arms lovingly. “I’m the worst mother ever! They’re going to admit him…I’ve got to go…They’re taking him upstairs…”

  “You go honey, we’ll meet you up there. It’s not your fault, kids get sick.” Michelle called after her.

  As Lily flew out of the room, everyone hugged each other again at the news. Drew wrapped his arms around Jess and exhaled.

  Jess watched in awe as Drew’s family rallied into action to support one another. Being overseas and in the O.R., she often missed the family dynamics of her patients. Alexa went to Lily’s house to pack her a bag and get Rider’s favourite blanket and stuffed bear, and John left to get coffee for everyone. Michelle, Drew, and Jess took the elevator to the pediatric wing to wait for Lily and Rider. They sat in the waiting room. Jess stretched and yawned as she massaged her lower back before sitting down. Michelle looked at her with concern.

  “You must be tired, Jess. It’s late. Do you need anything?”

  She thanked her and said no; Drew looked her over, too. She felt uncomfortable with the attention. She was suddenly exhausted, but it wasn’t because of the pregnancy.

  “She’s okay, Mom, don’t worry. Jess works nights, so she’s used to it,” Drew answered, smiling at her. “She’s a tough cookie. But I could take you home if you want?”

  Jess refused; she wanted to get a look at the little boy for herself, to make sure he really was going to be okay. This was her baby’s cousin, she realized—Drew’s nephew—she closed her eyes and leaned back in the chair, even more tired than before at this extended, complicated web of relationships. Drew leaned in and kissed her forehead, then rolled his jacket to place behind her lower back.

  ***

  As Alexa drove to her sister’s house to gather the things Lily and Rider would need for the hospital, she thought about meeting Jess for the first time and the situation her brother was in. The poor girl looked like a deer caught in headlights. She’d looked terrified and uncomfortable to be there with their family, as if she’d had no experience interacting with people at all. Alexa knew her history—of growing up in foster care—her mom had told her some of the details, but still, she wondered, wasn’t Jess a nurse? She must have been in situations like this before, dealing with patients and their emotional families. She gave her some credit; it was a personal situation after all…she shook her head and rolled her eyes. Drew was too trusting; he believed everyone was as good as he was and always had the best intentions. She knew talking to her mother about it would be useless, her baby boy could do no wrong. Fearful for her brother and his future, Alexa knew she’d have to talk to him about her concerns.

  ***

  Michelle, Drew, and Jess heard the elevator and watched as two nurses manoeuvred the stretcher, carrying Rider, through the doors and onto the pediatric unit. An emotional, exhausted Lily followed close behind. A nurse from the adjacent nurses’ station rounded the desk to help them, and the three waiting family members stood in the hallway as they entered his assigned room.

  Lily turned to her mom and hugged her tightly, and then to Drew, who introduced her to Jess. Lily nodded at her absentmindedly, clearly in no condition to process her brother’s pregnant new girlfriend.

  The tiny boy was pale, and his blonde hair was sweaty and messy. The yellow hospital gown he was wearing was too big and hung off his shoulder. An oxygen mask covered his face and an I.V., containing a bag of fluids and a separate mini bag of antibiotics, hung from a pole attached to the stretcher. Jess could see Drew’s resemblance to him, and it made her heart do an unfamiliar flip; she felt a connection to this child whom she hadn’t even met.

  They watched through the large glass window as the nurses carefully transferred him from the stretcher to the bed; he opened his eyes for a second at the movement, then settled back to sleep in the new bed. Jess thought he seemed pain-free and his colour looked good. His respiratory rate was normal.

  Lily and Michelle entered the room and pulled chairs up to either side of his bed. Lily took his hand while Michelle kissed his forehead and smoothed his dishevelled hair. Jess watched as Michelle closed her eyes and wondered if she was praying. She’d had no experience with religion and had often wondered if there was a God that had created her, and if so, why? Her own parents hadn’t even wanted her. She squeezed Drew’s hand and he squeezed hers back as they continued to watch Rider through the glass.

  The E.R. nurses gave their report to the floor nurse at the desk and Jess overheard them say that the fever was down after he’d had acetaminophen and ibuprofen, and the results of the lab work and chest x-ray had come in. It was pneumonia and he was going to be okay. Drew looked at her for reassurance and she nodded at him as John appeared with a tray of coffees and a sandwich for Lily. “Decaf for you,” he said to Jess as he handed it to her before asking her if his grandson was going to be alright. She told him that he was much better and that was a good sign. Then she told him that she drank tea. “Now I know,” he replied, meeting her eyes. She liked his reaction.

  Lily pulled out her phone to call Paul, who was on the other side of the country. Michelle left the room to give her daughter some privacy and
stood with Drew and Jess in the hallway, “It’s nice to have a nurse in the family,” she remarked to no one in particular. Jess looked down at her coffee and pretended to focus on opening it, but her chest felt tight at the word ‘family’. It was hard enough for her to try to have a relationship with Drew, but to extend that to his entire family left Jess feeling overwhelmed. She couldn’t believe how easily it came to them.

  When Lily was off the phone, Drew went in to see Rider. Jess watched through the glass in awe as Drew held his nephew’s little hand and gently kissed him on the head. Rider stirred and smiled at the sight of his uncle. The nurse took his vital signs and changed the face-covering oxygen mask to smaller nasal prongs that fit into his nostrils. As everyone hugged again and took turns visiting the sick boy, Jess became increasingly uncomfortable. She excused herself to the bathroom down the hall and, safe inside, leaned heavily on the sink. She exhaled sharply, dabbed the sweat from her face with a moistened paper towel, and found a chair to sit on in the hallway. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the wall.

  She thought about Drew’s family and wondered how she would ever fit in. They were kind and supportive of each other. They accepted her and she just couldn’t understand why. She touched her belly and thought about her baby being a part of this family, of how it would be loved unconditionally simply for the fact that it had been born. She forced back tears and tried to push the thoughts away, but she couldn’t. She tried to blame the emotions on her pregnancy. She considered again how this baby might be better off without her. She felt ashamed and guilty; she massaged her stomach and hoped the baby couldn’t sense how she felt.

  ***

  Alexa returned to the hospital and entered her nephew’s room. She placed the backpack in the closet and smiled at her mom and sister. She kissed Rider on the head and, half asleep, he weakly squeezed the bear and blanket she offered him. She hated to see him so ill; it tore at her heart. Briefly she massaged her exhausted sister’s shoulders and Lily leaned against her; she picked up the take-out coffee her father had left for her and opened it as she spotted Drew alone in the hallway. She made her way out of the room and stood beside him, sipping her coffee as they watched their nephew through the window.

  “Say it,” he said, staring straight ahead.

  “Say what?”

  “Say what you’re going to say about Jess. I know it’s killing you.”

  “Drew, are you sure about this? I mean, what are you thinking? She’s just so…”

  Drew cut his sister off; he didn’t want to hear her awful words, and he turned to face her. “I’m sure. I’ve never felt so sure, Lex, this is it, and this baby…” he closed his eyes and looked at the floor, “I know she has some issues…”

  “Some issues?”

  “Lex, we all have stuff…”

  “Not like this we don’t.”

  “I know, but you have to trust me.”

  “Just be careful. Don’t think with your—”

  “Lex!”

  “Your heart! I was going to say heart.”

  They laughed quietly together, both grateful that the tension had been cut. He put his arm around his sister and gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. He knew his family had reservations, but he didn’t care, he was happy.

  ***

  Jess awoke to the sound of Drew’s voice. “There you are.” She opened her eyes and looked up into his worried face. “Come on, let’s get you home.” He reached for her hand to help her out of the chair. She wondered why he was smiling.

  “Is Rider still okay?” she asked sleepily, rubbing her eyes and looking at her phone for the time.

  “Yeah. My mom’s going to stay with Lily until Paul gets home. My dad and Alexa are heading out, too.”

  Jess yawned. As they walked past Rider’s room, Lily raised her hand in a gesture of goodbye and Michelle came out to hug them.

  ***

  Jess climbed gratefully into her own bed. Drew kissed the back of her neck, spooning her close as her eyes started to close. He was grateful that she had come to the hospital, and he was exhausted and emotional from the night’s events.

  “I love you,” he whispered as he fell asleep.

  Jess turned to face him, her heart hammering in her chest with fear and some other unfamiliar emotion. It was the first time anyone had ever said those words to her.

  ***

  The next morning, Drew woke up alone in Jess’s bed and felt a fleeting fear that what he’d said last night had scared her away. But he didn’t regret his words; in fact, he felt as if a weight had been lifted. He heard Jess and Chris in the living room. He exhaled and thought about his nephew; he reached for his phone to text his sister. There were no messages from her or any other members of his family, and he considered it a good sign. She replied right away: he was the same. They had both slept a few hours in between the nurses checking on him, and they were waiting for the doctor now. Relieved, he dressed and headed out of Jess’s bedroom.

  Jess met his gaze and told him there was coffee in the kitchen. He nodded appreciatively and glanced at Chris before helping himself to a cup and joining them in the living room.

  Chris spoke first. “Sorry about your nephew man.”

  Drew thanked him.

  “He’s about the same this morning, no worse, which is good news,” Jess said, sipping her tea. The antibiotics won’t kick in for at least twenty-four hours.”

  “How do you know?” Drew asked her in surprise.

  “I called the nurses’ station,” she replied.

  Drew smiled his relief and gratitude.

  Chris excused himself to do some work and Drew looked at his phone for the time; he had to get to work, too.

  “Let me get you a travel cup for that coffee,” Jess offered, and he followed her to the kitchen and slid his arms around her as she reached up into the cupboard for the mug. She turned.

  “Hey,” he said softly, gazing into her eyes and smiling. “Good morning.”

  She smiled back cautiously, feeling unsure.

  “Are we okay?” he asked, noting her expression.

  She blushed. “You’d better get going, you’ll be late.” She reached for the mug again, having no idea what to say.

  He swallowed and took a step back. Maybe the last twenty-four hours had been too much—what with the ring, meeting the rest of his family, and then his confession of love…. He was always taking it too far. He ran his hand through his hair.

  “Jess…”

  “Come over after work and we’ll go visit Rider together, okay?”

  He nodded, relieved.

  “And after that, you’re coming out with me,” Chris said as he entered the kitchen. “We’re way overdue for a guy’s night. What do you say?”

  Drew looked at Jess and she shrugged; it wasn’t a yes or a no. It was also the last thing he wanted to do; he was exhausted after the night they’d just had, and he just wanted to spend as much time as possible alone with her before the baby came. When she didn’t say anything, he told Chris he would.

  “Awesome,” Chris said as he got a water bottle from the fridge and walked out, “it’ll be epic.”

  Drew placed his hands on Jess’s belly. With his face close to hers, he put his other hand on the back of her neck and kissed her passionately.

  ***

  Relieved at the sight of Rider pink-cheeked and happily playing with his toys in the hospital bed, Drew and Jess went out for dinner and returned home.

  “Hey, man, you ready?” Chris asked, coming out of his bedroom dressed in jeans and a blue and white plaid button-down, his blonde hair slicked neatly to the side. Jess looked him over and went to the kitchen to make tea. “How’s the kid?”

  “He’s better, thanks bud,” Drew replied.

  Chris clapped him on the shoulder. “Then tonight is all about you and me. Mostly me, and you helping me meet the woman of my dreams.”

  Drew laughed; he’d figured tonight included a bar and drinking and him pla
ying wingman; that was usually the case, although Chris didn’t need much help picking up women. Drew watched as Jess settled onto the couch with her mug and her book. He brought her a blanket from the opposite chair and draped it over her legs. She reached up to touch his face as he leaned down to kiss her goodbye.

  “Hey, can I say something?” he whispered to her, and she put her book down to look up at him. Chris was fixing his hair in the mirror at the front door, waiting. “With the ring, and meeting my sisters, and me saying what I said last night…” he looked away briefly before meeting her eyes again, “I just mean, I know that’s a lot for you and...” He wasn’t sure what he was trying to say. He was proud of the way she was trying hard and handling everything, but he didn’t want to tell her so as if she was a child. Jess gave him one of her strange looks—the kind that he now knew meant she had no experience with what he was talking about. He grinned, “I just feel really happy,” he said instead. Jess blushed and looked away. He kissed her on the cheek. As she watched them leave, she thought about how it felt to make someone else happy. It was a nice feeling.

  In the car, Chris took a different route to their usual stomping ground, so Drew assumed they were going somewhere else. When he asked, Chris brushed him off, saying something vague about going a new way. Drew didn’t think anything of it as he stared out the window. He pulled out his cell to text his mom:

  So glad Rider is okay. Whatever you said to Jess…thank you.

  The reply came almost immediately:

  Me, too, honey. She just needed confirmation of what she already knew. Luv u.

  Chris studied the house as he drove by. The shutter was perfectly in place. He straightened up in his seat and smiled to himself, pleased.

  ***

  In the dark club, with laser lights reflecting off their clothing and the loud bass thumping through their bodies, the two friends found stools at the bar. Chris ordered two shots of whiskey and two beers. They clinked their shot glasses before emptying them and Chris spun around on his stool to view a group of women on the dance floor. Drew placed his elbows on the bar and sipped his beer. He nodded at the bartender and gave him his credit card to start a tab; it was his turn to pay. Amused, Drew watched his friend assess the dancing women. At one time he would have joined in, but he had no desire to now. He was ready to have this baby with Jess and start their life together. And for the first time, he was optimistic that she felt the same way.