Mine

by Jennifer Suzanne

  “Thank you,” she whispered, reaching for his hand. “I won’t be able to thank your family enough for everything they’ve done. I can’t believe it.”

  “They’re your family now too, Jess,” he said cautiously as he kissed her hand and twisted his grandmother’s ring on her finger. She smiled weakly and felt embarrassed.

  “Drew, the way I demanded this ring…” she started to take it off and Drew looked at her, alarmed, “…I wasn’t in my right mind and if you want it back…”

  He moved it back in place gently and shook his head. “I love how that happened. I want you to wear it.”

  Jess nodded, relieved. She wanted to keep it too. He got up and went to the kitchen to plug in the kettle for tea. From the open-concept kitchen island, he could see her rest her head back on the couch. He brought her a glass of water and a bowl of the steaming soup that his sister Alexa had made. He kissed her forehead and told her he was going to get her bag from the car.

  On the front porch, he slouched against the red brick and exhaled. The thought of returning to his empty condo and leaving Hope and Jess here…being without them…his family…he had no idea where her head was and the last thing he wanted to do was pressure her, but he was going to have to tell her how he felt. Everything had happened quickly, with the early birth and then almost losing her…he hadn’t even begun to wrap his head around that. Once he did, he was sure he’d have nightmares for weeks. He opened his tired eyes and Chris was standing in front of him.

  “Is Jess okay?”

  “Yeah, man. She’s tired and weak, but she’s okay. Go on in.” Drew really saw his friend for the first time in days and he was shocked at his appearance; his eyes were bloodshot, he clearly hadn’t showered lately, and he looked as if he hadn’t slept in days. Drew had been so caught up in Jess and the baby and his own feelings that he hadn’t noticed his friend was suffering.

  Drew returned with the bag and unpacked it for Jess while the siblings spoke quietly. He placed her clothes in the hamper in the laundry room and put her toiletries in the master bathroom. He listened as Chris asked her about the house and the furniture and if she wanted anything moved; she told him she loved everything. Chris poured her the tea that Drew had started and held the baby as he told her stories about painting the walls and putting everything together in a hurry with Drew’s family. She listened and laughed weakly.

  By the time Jess had finished her tea and soup the colour had returned to her cheeks. Drew suggested that she shower and sleep. It was so simple, but it seemed like the best idea in the world to her. She looked at Chris expectantly.

  “I’ll stay, too,” he said, “take as long as you need.”

  She felt hesitant to leave Hope and considered that maybe she could take her into the shower with her and then into her bed. She didn’t want to leave her, but she was so drained that she was afraid she might drop her. She couldn’t believe how hard it felt to make this one decision. Drew left the room and returned with a baby bathtub.

  “Look what Lily gave us,” he held up the tub with a big smile on his face. “It was Rider’s. Chris and I will give her a bath.”

  Jess stared at him, mortified. His grin disappeared. “No, really. The nurse showed me how in the hospital.”

  Jess looked between the two men. Reluctantly, she kissed Hope and went into her new bathroom.

  A few hours later, she woke up in a panic, looking for Hope. Her eyes adjusted to the semi-dark room and she realized that she was in her new house. She ran out to the living room, breathing heavily, and stopped abruptly to find Drew holding the baby and he and Chris sitting on the couch watching a basketball game. Drew looked at her, alarmed, and Chris stood up at the sight of her panic-stricken face. She felt foolish as she took in the peaceful scene. She lifted the baby out of Drew’s arms; she smelled like baby shampoo. “It was just too long without her,” she explained meekly.

  Drew was relieved to see her look so rested. They sat together on the couch with the baby. Jess snuggled into her baby—it felt as if she hadn’t seen her in weeks, not two hours, and she hated the feeling. She grinned at Drew as he told her about the bath.

  Chris lowered the sound on the television and kissed Hope on the head as he headed for the front door.

  “Thank God Chris was here, because when you’re holding a slippery newborn in a bathtub and you forget something…he had to hand me the shampoo, and then set up the towel—you can’t open a bottle of shampoo while you’re holding a baby! I’m going to buy one with a pump.” Jess laughed and glanced at the baby bathtub on the kitchen island and the mess of water, towels, and diapers. “That reminds me,” he added as he got up off the couch, “I have to clean up. How much mess can you make with one small baby?!”

  Jess smiled at him as he bent down to kiss her; she reached up to touch his face as they did.

  “Do you need anything?” he asked, and in that moment, she thought her life might be perfect.

  “Actually, I’m really craving a beer,” she laughed.

  There were none in the house, so he jogged the short distance down the hill to Chris’s house and retrieved two from the fridge. He gave Mo a pat on the head and promised her a walk and a chance to meet the new baby soon. When he returned to the new home, he opened the beers and handed one to Jess. He clinked his against hers and returned to the kitchen to clean up. Jess unlatched her bra and placed the baby on her breast. She watched Drew as he drained the tub and wiped down the counter; she knew something was on his mind. The beer didn’t taste as good as she thought it would; she had two sips and put it on the table.

  When he finished cleaning, he sat beside Jess and watched Hope feed. “It’s amazing, isn’t it?”

  Jess nodded in agreement.

  They sat silently for a few minutes, watching their daughter in fascination. He reached for her hand. She and Hope were his life now and there was nowhere else he’d rather be. “Jess, I’m worried about leaving you and the baby here alone, after everything that happened…”

  She knew what he was asking; they had avoided talking about it for weeks, even as the house was nearing completion. Part of her wanted him to stay, but the other part…the fear of being left, of Hope being abandoned…she was still torn between needing to build a secure life for her and Hope and letting Drew into that new life completely. She knew Chris would help her if she needed it, but for whatever reason, that wasn’t enough anymore. The thought of Drew not being there with her, not living with her and the baby, seemed unthinkable.

  When she didn’t answer him, he pressed on. “I want to stay here with you and Hope, Jess. Don’t make me go back to my condo alone, I can’t even imagine it.” She was suddenly exhausted again; she didn’t have an ounce of energy left to protest, but she didn’t want to—she wanted him to stay. Jess stroked his face and kissed him on the lips, balancing the breastfeeding baby between them. She nodded, and he exhaled and closed his eyes, pressing his forehead to hers. Relieved, he kissed her back.

  ***

  There was a knock on the front door and Lily entered carrying grocery bags. “Hello?” she called softly, afraid to wake them in case they were sleeping. She grinned when she saw the two of them sitting on the couch, the baby between them. “Aww…look how cute you three are!”

  Drew stood up to help her with the bags as Jess moved the baby to her other breast and covered herself with a blanket.

  “I don’t want to interrupt. I just wanted to drop these off.”

  “It’s fine, sis, thanks.”

  The siblings unloaded the food into the empty fridge. Lily stood on her tiptoes to peer over the kitchen island. “Oh my God, she is the cutest thing ever! And that hair! Drew’s hair! She will so hate that later!” She laughed and placed the apples in the fridge and the bread on the counter. Jess was in awe again at how Drew’s family pitched in. “You’re lucky she took to breastfeeding right away. Rider fought me like you wouldn’t believe. I really struggled. Finally, I just threw in the towel and gave him form
ula. I still feel guilty about it though.”

  Jess raised the baby to burp her and Lily rushed over. “Is she finished? Can I hold her?” Jess passed her the baby and left for the bathroom. Drew sat beside his sister on the couch and she looked at him seriously while patting the baby’s back. “How’s it really going?”

  Drew told her how Jess had bonded with the baby and their decision to live together. Lily smiled, ecstatic for her brother.

  Jess sat on her bed and rubbed her eyes; she thought about what she and Drew had discussed just before his sister arrived. It felt right that he was staying. Really right. She looked at the ring on her finger and realized that she had everything most people wanted. And it turned out she wanted it too.

  Jess felt happy and excited for her future, for the very first time in her life.

  That night, climbing into bed with Jess and wrapping his arms around her, their baby in the bassinette beside them, Drew was the happiest he had ever been. “I love you, Jess.”

  She reached for his hand and held it against her heart. “I love you, too.”

  Chapter 14

  That night, Jess grabbed and twisted the unfamiliar arm that roughly shook her awake in her dark bedroom and pinned it back against the bed, her heart beating crazily in her chest. She jumped out of bed, ready to fight. She recognized Chris’s hushed voice as he fell to his knees and cupped his hand over his mouth to muffle the cry of pain so he wouldn’t wake Drew or the baby. He had forgotten how freakishly strong she was. Jess glanced at Drew, who moaned and rolled over onto his side, and their sleeping infant beside him. She helped Chris up and dragged him to the dark living room.

  “What the hell are you doing?!” she whispered angrily, still gripping his arm. “And where the hell have you been?!”

  He broke free from her grip and that’s when it dawned on him. His first instinct had been to go to her because she would know exactly what to do, but he had no right to ask her for help. The moon shining through the window allowed just enough light so he could see the worry etched on her face and he felt guilty. She had a new baby now, a new life… the life he wanted for her and had worked so hard these last few months so she could have it. She didn’t need to be looking out for him anymore. He knew that this time he had to clean up his own mess and that he had to leave her out of it. He owed her that much.

  “Jess, I’m sorry,” he rubbed his eyes and shook his head, “I just needed to see you and Hope. I had to make sure you were alright,” he lied. “It’s hard for me with you gone, but I want this life for you…”

  There was a look in his eyes, illuminated by the faint light, that she’d never seen before. He was calm. At peace. Jess couldn’t believe his emotional words and she had hope for the first time that he was going to be okay. That maybe the birth of her daughter had somehow helped to heal him in the same way it had changed her. She reached out and placed her hand on his arm. He apologized again for waking her and backed up towards the front door. Jess climbed back into her bed beside Hope and Drew with a new sense of relief.

  ***

  Chris returned to Charlie and June’s house, but this time was careful to park away from it and the streetlight and under the partial protection of a large tree. Nothing looked amiss as he stared at the house. The only sounds were the buzzing of the streetlights and a few cars on the highway in the distance. The other houses on the street were dark. He steeled himself for what he had to do.

  Chris turned the knob to the front door and slowly pushed it open. The smell of his childhood house consumed his senses and made him feel nauseated. He made his way through the kitchen into the living room and he turned on the lamp. He saw the bloodied, bruised bodies of his foster parents lying on the floor. His hammer lay between them. He gasped and covered his mouth and quickly turned off the lamp; his heart raced as the smell of blood hit him and though he had no memory of the act, the reality of what he’d done a few hours earlier set in. Pulling himself together, he remembered that the foster boys who currently lived there were away at the March break sleep-away camp. He shuddered as he pushed aside the horrible realization that maybe he’d planned it. That maybe he’d been planning it all along.

  He closed his eyes and inhaled through his mouth to avoid the smell. He had to think quickly—what would be a plausible accident? He closed his eyes; he wished Jess were here. He went to the kitchen and retrieved a large pot from the cupboard. He poured canola oil into it and turned the burner on high. He covered it with a tea towel and took a bag of frozen French fries out of the freezer and placed them on the counter. He got a chair from the dining room and stood on it in the hallway; he reached up to remove the battery from the fire detector and discovered it was empty. He shook his head in frustration and disbelief over his foster-parents’ carelessness. He returned to the living room and picked up the hammer. Careful to avoid the blood, he pressed his fingers to their necks to make sure they were dead. He closed the front door tightly on his way out. He glanced around to make sure there was no one on the street and made his way back to his truck. He quietly placed the hammer into the back and climbed into the driver’s seat to wait. He chewed his nails and glanced at where the shutters used to hang. He watched the house as he had done many times.

  As the sun started to rise, Chris saw the flames in the front window. He started the truck.

  He drove home in a daze. He pulled into his driveway. He dug a hole at the side of his house to bury the hammer, scrubbed his truck and his hands until they were raw and bleeding, and then changed and tossed his clothes into the fire pit in the backyard. He thought about his promise to Jess to always protect the baby.

  ***

  Jess woke early and left her new little family to sleep and went to the kitchen to make tea. She sat down on the couch to read. She thought about the late-night visit from Chris and what it meant. She hoped he was turning a corner.

  Drew emerged from the bedroom smiling and looking rested. The tiny newborn looked even smaller in his large arms. “Good morning,” he said to Jess as he kissed her and sat down beside her. “Did she wake up for her night feed?” Jess nodded and sipped her tea. “Wow, I must have been out! I missed it completely. Who knew how exhausting it would be to give birth?” he joked.

  Jess smiled and rolled her eyes at him.

  Drew went to the kitchen for coffee. Jess stood and looked out the patio doors; she glanced down the hill. From there he could see smoke from Chris’s bonfire pit.

  Chris’s mind was the clearest it had been in years. He sat outside to watch the fire, opened his laptop, and got to work on the new app he wanted to create.

  ***

  A few days after Chris had woken her in the middle of the night, she read the headline on her phone: Couple Killed by House Fire, Domestic Error Suspected.

  Jess was shocked that Charlie and June were dead, but she felt strangely neutral about the loss. She suspected nobody would care, they were poor and from the wrong side of town. They had no other family. She wondered if Chris had heard the news yet and how he would react; she felt guilty for hoping that their deaths might put an end to his obsession. Any further thoughts on the matter were suddenly interrupted by Hope’s wails of hunger from her bedroom and Jess quickly hopped up to attend to her baby.

  ***

  The next morning, Jess heard Drew get up early and leave the house. When he returned, he carried a folder and wanted to talk. He fanned the papers out on the kitchen table and asked her to sit. She marvelled at how even a few months ago, she would have been terrified at this prospect, but now, how she trusted him.

  “Jess, I had these drawn up by a lawyer. The house is in your name and will always belong to you. That if we split up, I have no claim to it. You will always be able to live here with Hope, forever. I want to sell my condo, put that money towards this house and live here with both of you. I want us to be a family.”

  Jess nodded with tears in her eyes, relieved and happy. She told him she loved him, and he wrapped his arms around her.


  ***

  A year later, when Jess returned to work, Chris looked after Hope. She was the light of his life. He took her for ice cream and to the library for story hour. He played hide-and-seek with her for hours. He gave her anything she wanted. He took her to the same park that he and Jess were never allowed to go to. He pushed her in the swing and listened to her squeals of delight. Occasionally, he would glance over to where his childhood home used to stand—there was nothing there now but a burnt hole in the ground and some caution tape surrounding the perimeter. There had been no further news or inquiry into their deaths. When he took Hope swimming in his pool, he’d glance up the hill to Jess’s new place.

  He had a new house to watch now.

  Acknowledgement

  Thank you to my friends and family, who once again allowed me to ignore them so I could retreat into my bubble and indulge in my passion for writing.

  Thank you to Kate Juniper – a brilliant editor.

  And to my readers: Thank you for reading and asking for the next book.

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