I swallowed. He was right, and I'd been a pain in the butt to her. Sometimes my impulses got the better of me, but she shouldn't have to suffer for it. I'd really had some sense knocked into my pig head tonight.
"I'll sort it out when I see her again," I said. "I'll have to go back to Brussels tomorrow and get it fixed up."
He laughed. "Rather you than me."
The movie finished, but we didn't move. He still had his arm around me, and I still had my head on his chest. I could stay like this for a lot longer, but if I said anything, he might decide he had to go back to Damo's room.
Instead of leaving, he pulled me closer to him, his lips brushing against my forehead so softly that I almost thought I imagined it.
Fay
THE TICKLE OF HIS BEARD made me giggle a little, but his lips were so soft and gentle.
The kiss left me confused. Was it a friendly kiss, or did it mean more? I mean, the forehead? That's a pretty neutral area for kissing.
I tilted my head to his, encouraging him take it further. He hesitated. That was damn awkward. There's only so long you can have your face tilted towards a guy before it looks dorky and weird.
Then he looked at me, really looked.
"You're such a damn temptation," he said.
"Yep, that's my intention," I told him. "I want you to be so crazy for me, you can't resist."
The laughter track to some cheesy sitcom blared in the background. He kept his arm around me. I rested my hand on his knee. If I had known what to do to tip things in my favor, I would have done them, but I was too scared. Every time we started getting close, he pulled away from me. That pulling away messed with my head. If I hadn't known him better, I would have thought he was playing games with me, but Crow was way too serious for that kind of thing.
He stroked my cheek. "You have so many possibilities. Why me?"
"Because you make me feel happy inside. When I'm with you, I get all squishy and warm."
I grinned at him. He didn't grin back.
"There are things about me that you wouldn't like," he said. "Things that would make you feel differently."
I couldn't imagine what they'd be. It wasn't like he was the kind of guy who would kick puppies or beat up old ladies. Was that why he kept pulling away from me? I'd thought there was something the matter with me. I hadn't thought that he might have his own worries.
"You have a good heart," I told him. "No matter what happened in your past, that's not who you are now."
He stared at the television. "You see a better side of me than I could ever see in myself."
I reached up, stroking his chest. I was sure he knew that everyone had warned me off him. Even the people closest to him, Damo and Elijah, thought he was too dark. Did that hurt him? It couldn't be nice, having everyone mistrust you like that.
"I can make you see that side."
"I think you could, Firecracker."
That was the first time he'd used Elijah's nickname for me. I hated that name, but when Crow said it, with that quiet inflection, it made my heart skip a beat.
"I don't want to hurt you," he added.
Jeez, why was everyone on the "hurt me" thing? It wasn't like people didn't get hurt every day.
"I'm tougher than I look," I said. "Give me a chance. Give us a chance. You can't keep running forever."
He didn't answer, he just kissed me. He lowered his face, his lips grazing against mine in the most annoyingly teasing way. I put my arm around his neck, pulling him closer, but he resisted.
I wasn't sure if I was a fan of this "going slow" thing. What had happened to the slamming against the wall?
But as he deepened the kiss, my insides went all gooey. That kiss shot through me, right down... Hell, I wanted to climb onto his lap and rub myself against him, but I held back. I needed him to take the lead. If I pushed things now, I might ruin this moment.
He kept on kissing, and I liked it a lot. Slowly, he pressed me against the back of the sofa. I tangled my hands in his hair. I loved to feel that hair, so surprisingly soft.
I could keep kissing him like this for a long, long time, but eventually, he pulled away from me and stood up.
I looked up at him.
"I've got to go, Fay," he said.
Ouch. Again.
"No," I whispered.
I stood up and pressed myself to him. I couldn't handle all this stopping.
He put his hands gently on my shoulders and stepped back. "Don't make this any more difficult for me. I can't stay. We have to take things slowly, okay?"
I nodded slowly. "But we are going to take things?" I asked.
Oh, I wanted to take things with Crow, slowly or not. So long as there were things there.
"I guess so."
Yes! I wanted to leap around the room, doing a dance of joy. I wanted to punch the air. I wanted to scream and let the world know. I was pretty darn happy. Instead, I bit my lip, not trusting myself to speak.
"But we have to talk to Polly. I'm not sneaking around behind her back."
"You don't need her permission," I told him. "She's not the boss of me."
Wow, that wasn't the best way to prove I was an adult. I could've phrased that much better.
"I don't need her permission," he said. "But I'd like everything above board. We all have to live to together in this crazy rock circus, and the only way for that to work is to be honest. So, no more sneaking around. No more running away, either."
I nodded. If we were official, I wouldn't need to. We'd be official. I could call him my boyfriend, and we could share a room and be perfect sweethearts.
"I'm fine with that."
"Fay, we need to take things very slow."
What did slow mean? No sharing rooms? No all-night hot and sweaty sex sessions? I wasn't a fan of slow. I wanted it all, and I wanted it now.
"You don't need to," I said, looking up at him. "I'm ready. I'm totally ready. We can go as far as you like. You don't have to hold back for my sake."
"I'm not doing it for your sake," he said. "I'm doing it for my own. This is a huge step for me."
He grimaced. I'd never thought of it from his side, but I guessed this was as much a huge step for him as it was for me. Although neither of us had spelled it out, we weren't just talking about sex. Sex was nothing compared to the immensity of my feelings for him. Holding back my feelings was like trying to stop a dam from bursting, but maybe it wasn't like that for Crow.
"You'll talk to her on Tuesday?" I said.
"I'll talk to Damo first. If he's on our side, it'll be a hundred times easier."
I gazed up at him, not wanting to stop seeing him. I wanted him in my vision forever. He looked at me too. The intensity nearly killed me, but in a good way, a way that said he really didn't think of me as a little sister.
Then he left me. And even with everything in me screaming for him to stay, I had to deal with him going to Damo's room. This thing between us wasn't just about me. I couldn't keep acting like a selfish kid.
I curled up in bed, but I couldn't sleep. All I could do was think about Crow and how amazing things would be forever. He liked me, and no matter what Polly or anyone else said, nothing would change that.
Fay
IT WAS FINE FOR CROW to say he'd be the one to speak to Polly, but I was the one who had to go back to Brussels to face her. The entire train trip home, I anticipated her reaction. She'd be angry. That much was certain. I played out all the scenarios in my head. As much as I said she had no right to try to control me, I understood now that she was justified. She'd been worried and freaked out.
When I got to my room, I called her. There was no point putting off the inevitable. It might be harder to be proactive about this, but that was what I needed to do.
About thirty seconds after I called, she came to my room.
"I'm sorry, Polly," I said. "I'm really sorry. I know I did the wrong thing and I've been a pain in the butt to you."
She put her hands on her hips and stared at
me. "It's easy to apologize when you got your own way," she said. "That was a really stupid thing to do. I'm not sure if I want to take responsibility for you anymore."
I rushed to her and wrapped my arms around her waist. "Yes, you do, Polly. You really do. I've learned the error of my ways now. I've grown as a person. I'll never do anything stupid again."
She snorted. "That's unlikely."
"I promise. I'll be hardworking and diligent and never do anything impulsive. Polly, I saw the crowd at that festival. We need to be better than the Freaks. We need to be bigger than them, too. I want to play to crowds like that."
I stepped back from her and shot her a timid smile.
"You say that now, but what about next time you get a fool idea in your head?"
Before I could answer, Jax came into my room to join us. "Is shit hitting the fan here?" he asked. "Because if Fay's being kicked out of the band or any of that, I need to know."
He sat down on one of the chairs. I sat opposite him.
"I'm not kicking her out of the band," Polly said.
"Yay! Thank you. You're the best," I said.
She put her hand up to stop me. "But I'm not putting up with your shit, either. This is the last warning. Even if we have to pull out of this tour, I'm not going to be the one to call your mother and tell her you've been found buried in a shallow grave in some backwoods."
"Yeah, or thrown in a river somewhere," Jax added.
"I'm not going to be," I said. "But I am dating Crow."
"No!" Polly's mouth drew into a firm line.
"Yes," I responded. "He's going to talk to you when we hit Paris. I know you have your doubts about this relationship, but we're serious. Isn't it better to have everything out in the open?"
She didn't say yes, but she didn't say no, either. She just gave me a strange look.
I'd work on her. I'd work hard. By the time we got to Paris, she'd be ready to agree.
"Come on. Surely, you don't want to spend all your time watching over me when you could be with Damo. It must suck for him. No dude wants to play second fiddle to their girlfriend's cousin. They want the hot sex." That might not have been the best thing to say to get Polly onboard. "And the other stuff. The sweet talk and the snuggling and spending time together not having sex..."
"I'm with Fay," Jax said. "It's ridiculous to be so protective of her. Crow might have faults, but he's no worse than Damo."
The look on Polly's face was priceless. She glared at him so hard, she must've strained her eye muscles.
"Damo's a control freak. No pun intended. And he's way too bossy," Jax said. "Even if he is hot."
"And he's heaps better than Miles," I said. "Miles was the worst kind of jerk. Crazy and controlling and full of petty jealousy. Crow is nothing like that. He just likes keeping to himself."
I said that, but I wondered if there was more to it than that. He'd said as much, but my faith in him was unshakable.
"She's got you there," Jax said. "Not only was Miles a jerk on a personal level, he let his jerkiness interfere with the band. We'd be screwed now if it weren't for Fay and my fast thinking."
He shot me a self-satisfied grin.
"No one has actually told me what the problem is with dating Crow," I said. "Everyone keeps saying to stay away from him, but he's a good guy. He's not a player like Elijah. He's not going to run around and cheat on me. He's not going to lie. Those are very important qualities in a man."
I folded my arms, but my gaze went to the room service menu. I'd been too stressed about facing Polly to eat the whole morning, and now that that was over, I was starving.
Polly relaxed a little. "He's got a darkness in him."
"Yeah, well, that's just part of being human. It's not a violent darkness or anything like that. There's some sadness in his past, and I think I can cure that."
Jax sighed. "You can't cure people, Fay. That's a myth. You have to accept them."
He might say that, but I knew I could make Crow forget that past sorrow. I made him smile and laugh. Not many people were capable of that.
"All this philosophical talk can wait for another day," Polly said. "Since you're back, we have rehearsal to do."
Jax and I both huffed.
"And you said Damo was a control freak," I said to him, glancing over at Polly.
"They're an evil couple," he replied. "If they weren't in music, they'd probably run a sweatshop or something. Not even a regular sweatshop, but the kind that the other sweatshop owners think overworks their staff."
I grinned at him. "Yep, they'd be the definition of evil sweatshop owners."
"Fay, you're the one who wants to play the big crowds like the Freaks," Polly said. "You don't get to do that sitting around having love life chats with Jax. So, are you serious or not?"
I stood up. Of course I was serious. Well, mostly serious.
Despite my complaints, my heart buzzed. I'd gotten over the hard part with Polly, and it hadn't been too bad at all. By the time Crow talked to her tomorrow, she'd have become accustomed to the idea. Jax had really helped, bringing Miles into it. Why hadn't I thought of that argument? It was something Polly couldn't disagree with.
"Can we eat before rehearsal?" I asked. "My belly is about to collapse in on itself with starvation."
"Burgers?" Polly said.
"Burgers," I agreed.
Fay
I SLEPT MOST OF THE way to Paris on the train. A late night of rehearsals and an early morning start weren't my idea of fun. But soon we'd get to the hotel, and I'd see Crow again. This would be the start of our life as an official couple. Maybe we needed to buy matching rings or something to celebrate that. I liked that idea.
Polly nudged me awake when we hit the outskirts of the city.
"You'll be nice when Crow talks to you, won't you?" I asked her. "Don't mess with him."
She just smiled. It was pretty much a given that she'd approve of our relationship now, but that didn't mean she wouldn't toy with him. Polly liked to do that sometimes, but I wasn't sure if Crow would stand up to her teasing.
"It seems very formal," she said. "Like he's asking for your hand."
"He wants things all above board and out in the open, that's all."
I stared out the window. So far, there was nothing especially Parisian about the city. I guessed cities were all the same on the outskirts.
"He doesn't want to look like a creeper, especially considering how young Fay is," Jax said.
He didn't need to remind Polly of things like that. I was plenty old enough to date Crow. The way these guys acted, you'd think I was still underage.
I kicked Jax. He tried to dodge, but I got his ankle hard enough to make him grimace.
"More like, he doesn't want to cause trouble on the tour," I said. "You know what Damo's like."
Then, to emotionally kick Jax on top of the actual kick, I added, "Wow, everyone's going to be paired on this tour. Damo and Polly, Elijah and Rose, Matt and Fiona, and... oh, wait, then there's you, Jax. All alone."
He looked like he wanted to kick me back. I tucked my feet under the seat just to be on the safe side.
"I'm fine," he said. "I can take care of myself."
I chuckled. "Yeah, you can." And I did a jerking-off hand gesture. "That's Jax 'taking care of himself'. But there's Fartstard. He's single. Go for it, Jax. You'd make an awesome couple. Except for his conniving, double-crossing ways."
Jax screwed up his face. I didn't blame him. I still had to make that bastard pay for ratting me out to Polly. Even if everything worked out fine in the end, he'd betrayed my trust.
"Good thing he did," Polly said.
I shrugged that off. I didn't want to open that discussion again, not with things starting to work out.
I stared out the window as the train got closer.
"Paris. It's the city of love," I said.
"It's the city of working our asses off onstage," Polly said. "But it'll be nice to get a chance to look around a bit."
; "And eat French food," Jax added.
"The only French food Polly will eat is French fries, I bet," I said with a grin.
"I have an Eiffel Tower view from my room," Polly said. "I'll be able to see it from my bed."
"Me too?" I asked. That would be the greatest. I'd be able to take the most jealousy-inspiring selfies for my Instagram.
Polly gave me a fake pout. "Oh, sorry, no. We have the luxury suite."
Polly always got the luxury suite. Mainly because of Damo.
It didn't take long until we had to gather our things to get off the train. Fartstard met us at the station to take us to the hotel.
"We can't be too careful after that incident at the festival," he said.
I hoped Polly wouldn't notice what he'd said, but she turned to him. "What incident?"
Fartstard nodded at me. How did he even know about that? Only Crow and Elijah knew, and neither of them would talk. Sure they wouldn't.
"I heard from the festival organizer that this little Firecracker got in some trouble."
I wanted to punch him for saying that. He made it sound like my fault. I hadn't gotten into trouble. Trouble had found me.
"It was nothing," I said. "Some creep came on a bit strong, but I got away from him, and then Crow and Elijah sorted him out."
"Fay..." Polly stopped walking and looked at me.
"Seriously, Polly, it was no biggie. It could happen anywhere. If I'd stayed at home, even. Guys like that are everywhere."
Hell, the last thing I wanted was her getting some idea that hanging out with Crow was a bad idea. I balled up my hands into fists, wanting to slam one of those fists right into Fartstard's pudgy pudding face. He could've kept his mouth shut, but nope, he had to blurt it all out.
"I don't like this," Polly said. "I don't like it one bit."
"Well, you can't change the world," I told her. "If you'd been there with me, if we'd been playing the festival or whatever, it would've been the same. It wasn't like I encouraged the bastard at all."
I hadn't been to blame, and now it might ruin everything. Damn Fartstard. I would totally get him for this. Maybe itching powder in his jocks, except then I'd have to go near them, and ick, no.
Rock Mayhem: 8 Complete Rock Star Romance Novels Page 68
