Come Back for Me

by Corinne Michaels

  I am the one to blame.

  “While I appreciate that, I disagree. I knew I needed to get out, but I made the choice to stay and hope he would change. That will forever be on me because I was too scared to see that he never would.”

  Connor takes a sip of his coffee and offers me a sad smile. “I disagree with your disagree.” I let out a soft laugh and wince. “Are you okay? I really wish you’d have seen a doctor.”

  I was checked out by the EMT named Sydney, and I only allowed that to convince her I wasn’t in grave danger. But my side is in so much pain that I wouldn’t be surprised if I had a cracked rib. “I’ll go tomorrow when she’s in school.”

  “I need to at least clean the cut under your eye.”

  “I appreciate that you want to help,” I say softly. “But I’m sure I can manage.”

  Connor moves to rest against the rail, big arms crossed over his chest as though he could fight off the world if it came for him. “I understand if you’d rather that, but at least allow me to check your ribs. I’m sure they’re broken, and I want to make sure there are no signs of something more serious, especially if you’re putting off going to the doctor.”

  “Okay,” I agree, knowing I won’t be able to look at it or touch anything there. Hell, I can barely breathe without wanting to cry. “I still can’t believe this is how last night went. I’m so . . . tired but don’t think I can sleep. All I keep seeing is his face and feeling the pain when he kicked me.”

  We both fall silent. I don’t know why I’m admitting any of this to him.

  After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Connor clears his throat. “Ellie, did your husband ever hit Hadley?” he asks with no traces of judgment, just curiosity.

  “Not that I know of. He threatened . . . well, it’s why I finally left last night. He said if I tried to leave, he’d kill us both, and I believed him. I knew I had to leave. I knew that one more night was too many and didn’t care that my plan wasn’t in place or that we had no money or nowhere to go. I couldn’t stay another minute. I think he really would’ve killed me if you hadn’t shown up.”

  “You did right. Abuse never ends, hell, even if the abuser dies, you can still feel the effects.”

  My eyes lift, and I study him as though there might be something else beneath the surface. “I’m sure I’ll feel this way for a long time.”

  “You’ll heal, and I swear, he will never hurt you again.”

  “I don’t know how you can promise that.”

  Connor pushes away from the rail. “Because he sure as fuck won’t hurt you if you’re in my house. If you choose to go back home, then we’ll come up with a lot of ways for you to protect yourself if he’s released from jail. Either way, tonight, tomorrow, or until you’re ready to leave, you’re safe with me.”

  Safe. It’s a word I’ve taken for granted so many times. When I was young, I remember my father always giving me hugs and telling me he would keep me safe. He locked doors, took precautions, and then one day, when I was at college, another car veered into their lane and killed them both. They never found the driver of the other vehicle.

  Nothing kept them safe.

  When I met Kevin, he fooled us all. My parents loved him, thought he was sweet, wonderful, and told me how lucky I was to have met a man like him in my freshman year of college. He inherited the farm a month before the end of the year, so he and I invited them up to see it.

  They were so happy that night. They loved the land, the town, and hoped that I’d maybe live here someday. Then they were killed, and I was hollow. I thought he would fill the void of losing my parents. I was so alone. So sad, wanting for someone to make things a little better. Kevin was there, promises to take care of me, give me love, and a life. I fell for it, hook, line, and sinker until I was on his reel.

  Now I feel gutted, just like a fish.

  “I appreciate that, but I’m not safe anywhere. Can we not talk about this right now? My mind is . . . well, I can’t handle thinking now.”

  “Of course, can I sit with you?” I move over, giving him room, and he settles in beside me on the swing. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you to talk.”

  “No, you didn’t. I’m raw and a mess, but you did nothing wrong.”

  “You’re not a mess,” Connor says and then starts speaking quickly. “Tell me about Hadley as a baby.”

  I look through the window for the hundredth time. I keep checking to make sure she’s really there and that this isn’t some alternate reality I’ve created in my head. Right now, I trust nothing because I’m not really sure I’m alive and this isn’t limbo.

  Except for the pain. Surely, there’s no pain in death and there wouldn’t be Hadley.

  “Hadley was always, has always been, the best kid. She never fussed as an infant and slept through the night way before I probably deserved her to. It was as if she was following the baby book I read because she hit each milestone when she was supposed to.”

  He smiles. “She seems like a good kid.”

  “Yeah, she really is. I’ve been so lucky with her. I never really did get to thank you for how you took care of her when she hurt her arm. It means a lot that you cared. I truly appreciate you finding her and getting her home.”

  Connor rocks the swing gently. “I would never have let her go like that. She’s been the one thing about coming back to this place that hasn’t been bad. This town isn’t exactly my favorite place.”

  “Why is that?”

  He shrugs. “A lot of memories here. Lots that I tried to forget and won’t stay gone. You know, my mother used to do this each morning.” I look at him, wondering what he means. “She would sit out on this swing every morning and watch the sunrise. I remember trying to wake up early to come out here with her. She said it was her slice of time where nothing could bother her.”

  I smile despite the hell I went through. I picture him as a young boy, coming out here just to sit with her.

  “I think it’s important for kids to have time like that with their parents. Hadley and I have our bedtime routine that I cherish and pray she always remembers.”

  “Mom did something special with each of us. She made it her goal to make us happy. She died when I was about Hadley’s age.”

  I touch his hand. “I’m so sorry you lost her. I met your father a few times, but I didn’t know him that well. I wish I had gotten to meet her, she sounds wonderful.”

  “My mother was a saint. I don’t remember much, but what memories I do have . . . are everything. I wish I could see her face clearer in my head.”

  “I know what you mean. I lost my mother as well, so I know it’s hard. She would be very proud of the man you became. I know we don’t know each other really, but everything I’ve seen so far says you’re a good man.”

  I don’t know how to explain it, but since Connor came back into my life, everything has shifted. Maybe it’s nothing or maybe it’s the universe telling me I fucked up the night I left him sleeping in a hotel room and I should listen to it. Maybe it’s my parents giving me a sign from above. Whatever it is, Connor has helped me more in the last week than anyone else has since I moved to this town.

  He rescued my daughter and now me. He’s been kind and hasn’t made me feel small. Even now, instead of grilling me or making me talk, he’s giving me something else to think of and talk about.

  I’ve wondered about him for so long, and he’s here. Right when I need someone the most.

  When Connor glances over to me, his eyes look haunted. “I really hope she would be. My brothers and I have tried to live in a way that would make her proud.”

  “Tell me something about her,” I urge. I’d rather talk about her than my own parents or what has happened.

  “She made the best pie. For our birthday, she would make us our favorite one instead of making us cake. We didn’t care about presents or anything as long as she made pie.”

  “Which was your favorite?”

  “Apple.”

  �
��The same as Hadley,” I say and then look toward the window again. “That girl can eat an apple pie all on her own. I’m sure mine doesn’t taste near as good as what your mom made, but . . .”

  “I’m sure it’s perfect, Ellie.”

  I bite my lip to keep it from wobbling, but it’s too much. I can’t stop it. “God, Connor, I could’ve died, and then who would’ve made her pie? What would have happened to her if . . . if you didn’t get there? How would I ever forgive myself for making her world fall apart?”

  “You didn’t die, you’re right here.”

  Am I, though? Guilt and pain assault me, leaving me breathless. I’ve been trying so hard to keep everything at bay, but I’m a mess. Everything is a mess. “I should’ve never tried to leave last night. If I had been smarter and waited . . .”

  “What? What do you think would’ve happened, Ellie? Men who use their fists don’t care when it is. Men who use their power to make people submit to them don’t care about the situation or the person, it’s all about them. You did the right thing.”

  I shake my head and wipe at the tears on my face. “I did nothing right.”

  His eyes look inside and then back at me. “You did right for her. You didn’t allow him to hurt her. You put Hadley first so that she would have pie when she wanted.”

  My chest aches, and not just from my injured ribs. I feel helpless, drifting away like the morning mist, becoming nothing. I was so scared that he would make good on his word that I gave him the opportunity to do just that. “I promised myself that, if he ever touched Hadley, I would leave. I vowed never to let anyone hurt her, and look . . .” My tear-filled eyes watch the little girl sleeping on the couch. She’s tucked in tight as a ray of sunlight illuminates her face. “I broke my word and failed her.”

  But I will do anything I can to never break another promise again.

  Chapter Eleven

  Connor

  “We promise each other right now,” Declan says as we all link hand to wrist so we’re standing in a circle. “We vow that we will never be like him. We will protect what we love, and never get married or have kids, agreed?”

  Sean bobs his head quickly. “Yes, we will never love because we might be like him.”

  Jacob grips my wrist tighter. “We don’t raise our fists in anger, only to defend ourselves.”

  I tighten my fingers around Declan and Jacob as I make my pledge. “And we never have kids or come back here.”

  In unison, we all shake as one unit, the Arrowood brothers never break promises to each other.

  I’ve held on to that vow that the four of us made that night like a vice. I’ve never allowed myself to love anyone or have a kid. Not because I think I’m anything like my father but because my word to my brothers means everything. We broke the cycle that day. We promised to protect each other by ensuring we don’t have anything worth losing that would make us turn to drinking.

  A man is only as strong as his word, and mine is ironclad.

  Sitting here with her, I know that all my promises don’t mean shit. I’d break each one for her, and that scares the fuck out of me.

  I can’t convince her that she did nothing wrong. Her heart and head are filled with the truths she is going to hold on to. I know it all too well.

  However, I’m overcome with the need to comfort her.

  She shivers, and I want to pull her into my arms, shielding her from the cold as well as everything that’s haunting her. I don’t want to overstep, but the need to protect her is so strong I can’t stop myself. “Can I hold you?” I ask, prepared for whatever answer will come.

  Her eyes lift slowly, reminding me of a wounded animal. I hate that anyone did this to her. I want to slice that man apart for ever making her fear anything. She should’ve been loved, protected, and cherished.

  “Will you?”

  I’ll fucking do anything for her.

  I lift my arm, inviting her to come to me.

  She moves very slowly, making small noises when it hurts, but I stay completely still. She tucks herself into my side, head resting on my shoulder, and then I wrap the blankets around the both of us.

  Neither of us say anything, I don’t think words are necessary. Right now, I couldn’t speak if I had to.

  She’s with me. In my arms and allowing me to give her comfort. The amount of trust she’s giving me isn’t unnoticed. The last six hours have been hell for her, and once again, she shows her bravery.

  We rock together as the sun continues to come up, lighting the sky in warmth. Her tears soak my shirt, but I don’t remark on it. If she needs to soak through a hundred shirts, I’ll let her. If she wants me to hold her for days, I’ll stay just like this. She may have gotten away from me that night, and our lives may be complicated, but one thing is for sure, Ellie will never feel small or broken again. I will do everything to make sure that, from this day forward, she feels protected.

  “You really don’t have to drive me,” she says for the tenth time as we head to the preliminary hearing for her husband. “You’ve done so much for us already. I could’ve walked.”

  Right, like I was going to let her walk twelve miles to the courthouse. She needed a ride since she can’t drive because of the medication she’s taking, and I couldn’t seem to let her leave my sight for more than an hour. So, my driving her is as much for her as it is for me.

  “You don’t have to keep saying it. If I didn’t want to be here with you, I wouldn’t be. I know you can’t understand this, Ellie, but I need to be here with you right now.”

  “You do?”

  “Yes. I am not making you go in that courthouse alone. If you want me to come in, I will. If you want me to stay out of it, I will. I’ll do whatever you need me to. Okay?”

  “Okay.”

  She and Hadley stayed at my house last night, mainly because I was able to convince her that she needed someone to help her move around because she can barely walk upright. The doctor verified that she has three broken ribs and there is extensive bruising. His handprint is on her arm, and there is a purple mark on her cheek from when he slapped her, but she didn’t need stitches. I don’t have any intention of leaving her side.

  Not because I want to control her but because I want to protect her, which is where I’m struggling to keep myself in check. Ellie had no choices and no way to leave, and it made her feel helpless. My stepping in and protecting her by trying to tell her how to handle things isn’t something I can do.

  I don’t want Ellie to have another man take from her. So, I’m choking down every response I would normally give that would leave zero room for negotiation and trying to get her to come to the decision I want. If she doesn’t, which is something that hasn’t happened yet, I’ll have to pivot.

  Sheriff Mendoza explained that today would determine if they keep Kevin in jail until the trial or if he makes bail and is released on his own.

  If he’s released, I don’t know how I’m going to respond, and I don’t know if Ellie has a plan for if that happens.

  I park the car, and Ellie reaches for the handle, but she doesn’t move to open the door. “I can’t do this.”

  “Yes you can.”

  “No,” she says with a hitch in her breath. “I can’t. I can’t see him.”

  I get out of the car, go around to the passenger side, and open her door before squatting so we’re eye to eye. “He can’t hurt you. He’ll have to get through me to even come close to you.”

  Her hand lifts, and she touches my cheek for a brief moment. “You owe me nothing, Connor.”

  I’m not sure what she means by that. “I’m not here because I feel indebted to you. Why would you think that?”

  “I don’t know, but I also don’t know why you’re doing this.”

  “Because I care.”

  “You care?”

  How does she not see? “I care about you and Hadley. You have no idea how many nights I dreamed of you, Ellie. I didn’t know your name or anything but your face and how you s
aved me that night. Your smile, your eyes, the way you gave me trust and hope when I had none is what kept me alive. Night after night, I would replay it in my head, dreaming of my angel who came down from heaven, making me want to keep fighting. So, I may not owe you, but I do care about you. I’m doing this because I can’t imagine doing anything else but being here for you. I’m doing this because you are fucking brave and strong and no one ever deserves what was done to you. You got Hadley and left. You knew that your daughter needed you to choose her, and you did. So, you have to do it again now. You have to fight and walk in there with your head held high. I’ll be right beside you.”

  She releases a heavy breath, turmoil clear on her face. “You say these things to me.” Her voice catches, and she has to clear her throat. “I’m not brave, but I want to be. I have so many things I want to say to you, but my head is such a mess.”

  “I’m not asking for anything. I just want you to know that you’re not alone.”

  “I want to be the woman you see.”

  I know how that feels. I stand and extend my hand to her. “Then show me.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Ellie

  I place my hand in his and exit the car, garnering courage from him with each step I take. He thinks I’m brave. He doesn’t look at me like I’m a stupid girl who was too weak to leave. Connor sees me as a woman who put her child first and left when that child’s safety was threatened.

  Now, I need to feel that strength again. I need to be strong, even though I want to hide in the car and never see him.

  When we get to the courthouse doors, the district attorney, who was once good friends with Kevin, is standing there.

  “Ellie,” Nathan Hicks says with his hand raised.

  My hand moves to Connor’s forearm, and I hold on as we move forward. “Hi, Nate.”

  He looks at me, taking in the bruises and cuts that I can’t hide, and his jaw clenches. When his attention moves to the man beside me, his eyes widen. “Connor? Connor Arrowood?”