My chest tightens and tears threaten to form. I don’t care that he says he’s happy to be done with me, I really don’t, but I thought maybe he’d have some slight affection toward Hadley. I don’t know why since he’s a bastard in every sense, but she adored him. “She meant so little to you?”
Kevin shakes his head, reminding me of how callous he really is. “Why are you here? Did you want me to have to look at you in the eyes and tell you, what? I signed your fucking papers. I don’t want to be married to a gold digger who fucks other men. You want a divorce, go. Take your bastard child and leave.”
“I came because a part of me felt bad for you, silly me. I thought that maybe it really hurt you and you wanted answers.”
When Kevin leans forward, anger fills his eyes. “You put me in jail, divorced me, and then told me the brat I’ve been raising for seven years isn’t even mine. Feel bad? I’m fucking relieved to be done with you, and when the judge hears what a whore you are, I’m pretty sure I won’t be in here after the trial. If I were you, Ellie, I’d do what I could to avoid running into me—ever.”
And with that, he hangs the phone up and stands.
I look at the man I once loved and wanted to make happy who is now a stranger to me. I came here for closure, and I guess that’s exactly what I got. There was no love between us. It was possession and control. That was all we were to him, nothing but expendable property all along.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Connor
“What do you mean you have a kid?” Declan asks after I get done informing him of what’s happened the last week.
I’ve been avoiding his calls, saying I have no service and texting him updates instead. I don’t need a lecture or a reminder of what my brothers and I vowed to each other. None of that matters anymore. We’re adults, and if any of them don’t understand, they can fuck right the hell off.
“I have a daughter.”
Silence fills the other end of the phone. “You’ve been there for what, almost four months? How the fuck did you father a kid in that little of time?”
I sigh and launch into the explanation of Ellie and Hadley. I’ve held that night close to the chest. There was no reason to tell anyone because it was just mine. Telling Declan everything now makes me feel like a tool. He’s always been more of a father than anything and has the most guilt and disappointment over the things we’ve endured and done.
“Jesus Christ, Connor.”
I picture my brother in his fancy high-rise office, flopping down in his chair with his hand over his face.
“Look, I know you’re probably pissed at me, but I’m happy. I love this little girl, and I’m falling hard for Ellie. I can’t explain it, but it’s like she’s this perfect other half of me. I’m not asking your permission or asking for anything else other than your understanding.”
Declan releases a low, long sigh. “I get it more than anyone, brother. I’ve had that kind of love before.”
“Speaking of Syd, she’s Ellie’s best friend.”
“You’ve seen her?” There’s an animation in his voice that wasn’t there a moment ago. He can pretend with anyone else, but he can’t with me. He loves her. He always has, and she’s the reason my brother will never find happiness.
“She was here the other night.”
“Fuck. I can’t see her.”
“You’re not going to have a choice when you’re back in Sugarloaf for your six-month sentence,” I remind him.
My brother may be some big shot in New York City, but Sydney will bring him to his knees.
“And what are you planning to do with your new family? Are you moving? Going to get a job? Do something else?”
This is the main reason for my call. He’s going to lose his shit, but my other brothers will be worse. If I have any hope of selling this idea to them, I’ll need Declan on my side.
“I’d like to buy a parcel of the land.”
“I’m sorry, what?” He nearly chokes on the words.
“Hadley has only ever known Sugarloaf as her home, and we have enough acreage to buy a part of it. There is no mortgage, so I’d like to buy some of it.”
“Are you fucking insane? You want to stay in fucking Sugarloaf? Do you remember the reasons we left, Connor? Of all the damn things I thought I would listen to, this has to be the most asinine thing ever!”
Now it’s my turn to yell. “Yes, I’m fucking insane because I want to be a father to my kid! I want to give her what we didn’t have—stability. You may run from the things you love, Declan, but I don’t. I found the woman I literally dreamed of for eight years, and I’m not letting her go. If she wants me to live here and be buried on this land, I will.”
He huffs and doesn’t say anything. We’re both pissed off, and our tempers are known to get the better of us. We also love a good verbal sparring with each other, so I doubt whatever words get slung will have any lasting effect.
“And what are you going to do for work? How do you plan to buy this land?”
“I’m not an idiot. I can find a job.”
Not that I’ve gotten to that point yet because I’ve been busy serving out my sentence, but I’ll figure it out. I got my degree while I was in the navy, and while dairy farming isn’t really what I want to do, I could probably do fine with a smaller herd.
Maybe.
“You’re not thinking.”
“No, you’re not listening. I called to tell you about your niece, who is wonderful, and that I’m actually doing well and am happy, but you’re too much of a selfish dick to hear that.”
“This is just like you, you think only about you. What about Sean and Jacob? What are we all going to make you pay for a part of the land that you were going to inherit? Come on. I don’t want that damn farm or any of the land, but we all made a promise never to move back!”
That promise had been the one thing that kept me from talking to him about this. My brothers were the only things in this world that mattered to me, and I love them, but I can’t live my life like this.
“You of all people should know that things change, Dec. We aren’t the same boys we were.”
He doesn’t say anything right away, and I look down at my phone to see if he hung up. “No,” his voice breaks the silence, “I guess we’re not. Tell me about Hadley . . .”
Then I remember that my brother isn’t a bad guy. He’s just protective.
Hadley comes running to the barn, brown hair up in a ponytail and her nose is bright red from the chill. “Where’s Mom?”
“She went to see Sydney. I’m sure they’ll be talking for hours. Hand me the wrench,” I instruct her while I work on this stupid tractor.
No matter what I fix, replace, or tinker with, the damn thing won’t start. While I would love nothing more than to set it on fire and get a new one, it’s only three years old and should work. It’s a test of wills at this point, and I refuse to give up.
“Do the brown cows make chocolate milk?” Hadley randomly asks.
“Uhh, no.”
“Really because hippopotamuses have pink milk, which is weird. I wonder if it’s strawberry flavored. I used to like strawberries, but one time, I ate too many and got sick.”
These stories might have seemed stupid before, but now, I want to know everything. I’ve worked really fucking hard not to look at Hadley any differently or hug her too tightly. All I want to do is tell her the truth, pull her close, and promise her the world.
I want to make up for the time we’ve lost, which isn’t possible.
“Yeah, I love strawberries.”
“I could love them again,” she says quickly.
I smile. I really love this kid. “What else don’t you like?”
“Ducks.”
My head whips around to stare at her. “Ducks?”
She nods. “Sydney said that we both have anatidaephobia. It’s a big word, I know.”
Sydney is in on this? Great. “And what exactly did Sydney say?”
“Well
, she asked me if I liked ducks, and I said, they’re okay but they have weird eyes. And she agreed and told me that you don’t like ducks either, which means I decided that ducks really are dumb. When I told Sydney, she said that you have anatidaephobia. I looked it up, and decided we both have it because I don’t like when they look at me and neither do you. We have a lot in common.”
I’m not sure whether I should laugh or drive to Sydney’s house and leave a hundred fake spiders in her bed and see who laughs then. But then I look at my daughter, who looks like our hatred of ducks has solidified her place in my world, and I don’t care.
“We really do.”
Her beaming smile grows brighter. “Do you know what else I’m afraid of?”
“No, what?”
“The Tooth Fairy.”
I chuckle. “Really?”
“She’s so creepy! Who comes into your room when you’re sleeping and takes teeth? If I could be anything cool, it wouldn’t be that. I’d probably want to be Santa Clause because he gives presents and makes people happy. I like to make people happy. Do I make you happy, Connor?”
I put my wrench down and move to sit beside her, grabbing us each our water bottles that Ellie makes us before we come out to the barn to work. “You definitely make me happy, Squirt. Finding you up in that tree house was the best thing that happened to me in a long time.”
“Really?” Her green eyes brighten.
“Really.”
“I love you!” she says and then wraps her arms around me, leaving me stunned.
I wrap my arm around her and pull her tight, not caring about the rules I’ve created. “I love you too, kid. I love you too.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Ellie
“Do you want to watch a movie?” I ask as I come back into the living room.
I just got Hadley to sleep and am doing anything I can to stop my mind from going to what happened today. I’m exhausted, on edge, and need a distraction.
“Yup, I already have it ready to go.”
“You picked it already?”
He nods. “I sure did.”
“I’m worried.”
“As you should be, Angel, but since you asked me for a date tonight, it’s only fair I get to pick.”
I’m not sure about his logic, but I’m willing to give him this win because I don’t have the energy to fight. “Then I get to pick the snacks.”
Connor eats healthy for the most part. His breakfast and lunches are all about macros and some other term, and his idea of a good snack is carrots or peppers. I’m feeling Oreos and milk are needed tonight.
There’s mirth dancing in his eyes, as though he can read my mind and knows he’s in trouble. “I’m not sure I want to take that compromise.”
“What can I do to persuade you?”
“You could kiss me.”
I move closer, standing in front of where he’s sitting on the edge of the couch. I like this position over him. “I think I could oblige.”
I lean down, my hair creating a curtain around us, and while Connor may have asked me to kiss him, it’s him who takes over when our lips touch. His hand slips into my hair, holding me where he wants me, but I want to be closer to him, so I push him back against the couch and straddle him.
The look of surprise in his eyes causes me to grin, but it doesn’t last long because I need his kiss.
I want to be lost in his touch, warmth, and affection.
His arms snake around my back, and I kiss him with everything I am. Our tongues move together, my fingers run through his hair, and I grind down on him. I don’t know if it’s everything that happened today that has me so desperate for him, but I want to forget it all. I want the world to fade away in the way that only Connor can do for me.
“Easy, Angel,” he murmurs as I kiss him again.
“I need you.”
He holds my face in his hands, studying me. “I’m right here.”
Guilt assaults me because it’s not right to use him this way. I had no plans to tell him I went to see Kevin. I didn’t plan to tell anyone, but he deserves the truth, no matter what.
“I went to the jail today.”
“Please tell me it’s because you had some distant relative incarcerated.”
“I talked to Kevin.”
His body goes tight, and I flinch, waiting for the anger and not expecting the horror I get. “Did you think I was going to hurt you?” I start to get up, needing space, but Connor grabs my hips, forcing me to stay. “Ellie, I will never hurt you in anger.”
“I know . . .”
“I’ll tell you until you believe it. Was I upset just now? Yes. Not because you went but because I hate the idea of that asshole anywhere near you. I would’ve gone with you if you had asked. All I want—all I will ever want—is to keep you and Hadley safe, and anything that puts you in danger has me on edge.”
“I was safe. He can’t hurt me there.”
Connor releases a breath through his nose. “Then why are you on edge? What did he say to you?”
This has to be the most uncomfortable conversation in the most uncomfortable position. I’m sitting on the lap of the guy I’ve sort of moved in with who I’m falling in love with and talking about the man I’m currently divorcing.
“He said I was worthless and that he signed the divorce papers. He wants out and wants my bastard of a child not to be his issue. He basically let me know that he’s not at all upset about it and I’m a whore.”
“I’ll fucking kill him,” Connor says through gritted teeth.
I place my hand on his cheek. “And then what? I’d lose you again? Hadley would lose you. He isn’t worth it.”
He closes his eyes and then takes a beat before opening them. “That man will never speak to you again, do you understand? I can’t fucking handle it. He will never come near Hadley, and I swear to God, Ellie, you can’t be alone with him.”
“I have no intention of it.”
After today, there’s nothing left to say. We’ll be divorced since he signed the papers. And considering the charges and judge’s notes on what happened, they’ll sign off on it instead of making us go through mediation. Sydney provided a lot of notes and evidence to support the claim of abuse, including photos. Now that it’s clear he wants nothing to do with Hadley, it’s simpler.
“Just thinking of you being near him . . .”
I can see how distressed he is and I hate that I caused it. “It was something I needed to do. Even though it only confirmed what I already knew . . .”
His eyes, which are full of understanding, meet mine. “I get it.”
“Your father?” I guess.
He blows out a breath and then tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. It’s such a simple gesture, but the tenderness he’s showing even in his anger speaks more than any words can. He isn’t calling me names or yelling. He’s showing me understanding.
“I confronted him more times than I care to count. I could never get through to him, and he felt no remorse for what he put us through, which is why when I left, I never returned. You can’t make monsters see the light, Angel. You can’t show them a better way because the darkness is what calls to them.”
I shift in his lap again, feeling slightly self-conscious that the first time we’re like this, I did it to forget. “Connor,” I say softly, running my hands through his hair.
“Yes?”
“Can we start tonight over? Can I kiss you because you gave me something tonight I didn’t know I needed? Can I lie in your arms as we watch a movie and enjoy that it’s even possible to do?”
He moves his hands to my face, gingerly grips my cheeks, and then brings my mouth to his. This kiss is his and only his. My head swims with the sensations and emotions that he seems to be infusing into his lips. I feel his love, and more than that . . . I feel cherished.
We both deepen the kiss, not knowing where one begins and one ends. My fingers move to his chest, and I revel in the way his muscles flex under my t
ouch.
Then his hands drift down my neck and to my back, grazing the sides of my breasts before landing on my ass. He grips me, pulling me a little higher until I can feel his erection growing.
“Connor.” His name is a prayer.
“I want you so much.”
“I want you too.” And I do, even more when we’re kissing. When I can taste, smell, and breathe all that is glorious and perfect about him. “You make me feel so good.”
“You lead this, Ellie. I won’t do anything you don’t ask me to.” He kisses me again and then pulls back, causing me to whimper. “Tell me, baby. Whatever you want.”
My heart pounds so loudly it makes me dizzy. “Kiss me.”
He does. He kisses me as though it’s the only thing he was made to do. Our tongues clash over and over, driving me crazy. I need more. I want more. I want him to touch me and love me.
“Touch me.” I barely get the words out before I go back to his lips.
He’s the only man who has ever made me feel like this. Never in my life has someone kissed as thoroughly as Connor does. It’s a full-bodied experience, and right now, my body wants more.
I’ve been loved by him before.
I’ve felt him inside me.
And I want to feel it all over again.
Connor’s hands glide up my back and then back down. He breaks the kiss, and we watch each other as his hands move to my chest. Knowing he’s measuring my response, I tear my shirt off, revealing my breasts to him, and then I grip his wrists so I can guide him there.
The heat in his gaze is enough to melt me, and my head falls back as he rubs his thumbs against my nipples and kneads my breasts. I swear that I could come just like this. I bring my head back up, and his touch, his eyes, and the power he’s giving me is too much.
“You’re so perfect. You’re everything, Ellie. Tell me what you want.”
“More.”
He smirks but shakes his head, warm breath caressing my bare skin. “Be specific. Do you want my mouth on your gorgeous breasts? Do you want me to kiss your lips again? What do you want, Angel?”
Come Back for Me Page 18
