I’ve never been vocal. In fact, I’ve always been forced to be quiet and obey. I don’t know how to do this, but here is this big, strong man, surrendering himself to me, which is something I don’t think he’s ever done for anyone else. I want to be brave for him.
“I want your mouth on my breasts.”
Heat flashes in his green eyes, and then, without breaking our connection, his tongue circles my nipple, which is the hottest thing I’ve ever seen. My fingers slide into his hair as he worships me. He kisses, sucks, and caresses my skin before going to the other side.
It’s heaven and hell all at the same time. I start to move my hips, needing more.
“That’s it, Angel, take what you want. Use me. Ride me and take what you need.”
His words should embarrass me, but they don’t, and I do as he says, giving myself the friction I so desperately need. We go at it like teenagers who don’t know any better, but it’s perfect.
I start to build as Connor’s mouth is on my breasts and his cock strains against his jeans at the exact angle I need. My heart is pounding, body tense as I search for my release.
“Let go, Ellie. Let go, I’ll catch you. I’ve got you in my arms, and I won’t let you fall.”
I push harder, moving faster as he groans. His tongue rolls my nipple around and then I feel his teeth bite down just enough and then . . . I fly.
My eyes close, head falling back, and he’s right there, kissing my skin as I have what might be the best orgasm of my life.
My breathing starts to come back as embarrassment washes over me.
Connor looks up at me. “That was the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen. Watching you let go, it was beautiful.”
I shift, and he winces. “But you . . .”
He takes my face in his hands and kisses me tenderly before bringing my forehead to rest on his. “I got everything I wanted, but I do need to”—he shifts—“go to the bathroom for a minute. When I come back, I’m going to hold you and force you to watch a movie. Don’t go anywhere, okay?”
I don’t know that my legs would even work if I tried. “Okay.”
“Thank you.”
“For what?”
Connor gives me a smile that melts my bashfulness away. “For trusting me.”
I kiss him again. “Thank you for being a man I can trust. I . . .” I stop myself, knowing that’s it’s too soon to tell him that I’m falling in love with him.
I’m not even sure if I should love him, but here I am, hopelessly feeling as if I don’t have a choice in it. I love him. I think I might’ve fallen in love with him that night eight years ago and I’m only just now allowing myself to acknowledge it.
“You?”
“I wanted to say that it means a lot to me.”
“You mean a lot to me, Ellie.”
“And I feel the same about you.”
He brings my palm to his mouth and kisses it. “I’ll be right back.”
I get up and watch him walk toward the bathroom, feeling guilty that he was left unsatisfied, but then he turns and winks. He’s truly the best man in the world, and for now, he’s mine.
After a few minutes, he returns, and I’m sated and full of contentment as Connor wraps his arms around me and we snuggle on the couch. He pushes play, and I burst out laughing at his movie choice. Only Connor would pick Beauty and the Beast.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Ellie
It’s the most beautiful fall day I’ve ever seen. The cool air is clean and crisp, and the sun is bright, illuminating every gorgeous color in the leaves. I stand on the porch with a cup of coffee, staring out at the cornucopia of reds and oranges that seem to soothe my soul.
Connor, Hadley, and I are going out for an adventure today. I have no idea what we’re doing, but I was told to dress warm because we’ll be outside.
Surprises used to be unwelcome, but with Connor, I never worry. He is beyond thoughtful, and each day I’m around him, I fall further in love with him.
Since the night on the couch a week ago, we haven’t fooled around a bit, and it’s all I seem to think about. When he brushes by me in the hall, I want to grab him and kiss him. He finds these little ways to touch me without really touching me. It’s driving me nuts.
“Mommy! Where do you think we’re going?” Hadley asks, breaking the calm of the early morning I was savoring.
“I’m not sure, peanut. What do you think?”
“I think he’s taking us horseback riding.”
I tilt my head and narrow my eyes. “Does he have a horse?”
To be honest, I have no idea what Connor has on this farm other than a lot of work. He’s been working on the barn and all the equipment in it since we got here. When he fixed the tractor yesterday, you would’ve thought he won the lottery. He was so overjoyed it was comical to watch.
“No . . .” I see the wheels turning. “You don’t think he thinks we can ride the cows, do you?”
I chuckle and shake my head. “I think he knows better.”
“Are you sure? He’s not really good with the cows.”
She isn’t wrong. Thankfully, the foreman, Joe, and the workers on what was my farm love me and came here to help Connor. They hated Kevin and were all too happy to leave him, especially after they found out he beat me.
We’ve moved the Walcott cows onto Arrowood land to ensure nothing happened to them, but Kevin’s farm is no longer functioning.
“I guess we could let him know if he tries it,” I say conspiratorially. “But he seemed really excited.”
“Mommy, is it okay if I love Connor?”
Her question knocks the air from my lungs. She and Connor have become very close, and he’s made it very clear he wants Hadley and me in his life. “Yes, baby, it’s very okay that you love him.”
“Good, because I do.”
“I’m glad. He loves you too.”
She beams. “I know, he told me. Do you think Daddy will be mad?”
Shit. I don’t know what to tell her, but I don’t want to lie either. She hasn’t said anything about Kevin recently. In fact, she’s been completely avoiding anything that even remotely pertains to him. We haven’t told her that Kevin isn’t her biological father yet, and I know that Connor wants her to find out in a special way.
I don’t want to take that from her.
“Hadley,” I squat and take her wrists in my hands, “do you remember what I told you about love?”
She purses her lips and shrugs. “No.”
Typical kid. “Well, I told you that when you love someone, it’s a gift and that the person on the other end should always be grateful for it. How do you think you would feel if Connor was a part of our life? Would you want him to always be around?”
“Like a dad?”
I nod. “Yeah, like that. If we spent time with him and maybe loved him with all our hearts.”
I’m on very shaky ground, but I’d like to gauge her receptiveness a bit. She’s a huge part of my decision-making process. If the idea scares her, I will back off. I will never again put her in a position where she’s filled with fear.
“Do you love Connor?”
“I do.”
She smiles so wide I worry she’ll break her face. “I think he loves you too, Mommy.” Her voice is just a whisper.
“Why do you think that?”
“He watches you.”
“Watches me?”
Hadley nods. “He stares at you, and I think he loves you and wants to kiss you.”
Oh, she would be very right on the kissing part, but Connor and I are clearly not doing very good at hiding our feelings.
Just then, he comes striding up to the house like straight out of an Austen novel. He strides through the thick grass as though he’s Mr. Darcy with the sun streaming from behind him. He’s so damn gorgeous that if I weren’t holding Hadley’s hand I’d be running toward him.
“See,” Hadley’s voice is quiet, “he’s watching you.”
I look do
wn at her with a grin. “Yeah, I guess he is.”
“I want to stay with Connor.”
I don’t say anything, but I squeeze her hand a little.
“There are my girls. How about we go on our adventure.”
I’d go anywhere with him.
Hadley releases my hand and jumps off the porch toward him without warning. I almost scream, but he catches her without missing a beat. “Where are we going?” she asks as she wraps her arms around his neck.
“It’s a surprise.”
“Let’s go!” Hadley exclaims.
We grab our jackets and get into his car. Hadley has her headphones on and is watching a show, oblivious to where we’re going. Throughout the ride, I keep sneaking looks at him, and each time he catches me, he grins. Subtly, he places his hand on the center console and inches it closer to mine. Following his lead, I do the same until the tips of our fingers hook together.
I glance back at Hadley, who is engrossed in her show.
“She asked about you and us today.”
He glances up in the mirror and then back to me. “And?”
“I think we should tell her.”
“You know what that means?”
I do. It means that this thing we’re doing is real. It means that he wants us to be a family and he wants us to move in with him and commit to something more.
As much as fear is a very relevant feeling, when I look at him, I still can’t imagine any other outcome. Walking away from him isn’t possible. I love him. It might be fast, but it’s what I feel in my heart.
Connor is selfless and I’ve never had that before.
“I want it all, but I need to go slow.”
“I know.”
“As long as you understand that.”
His hand shifts, and he weaves our hands a bit tighter together. “We can tell her and the rest is at your pace. Just know that when it comes to her, I may not be able to pump the brakes.”
That part is perfectly fine. I want her to love him, and I want her to be the one thing he loves more than anything. He and I can pace ourselves a bit and don’t need to work on a timeline, but I won’t rob them of any more time together.
“Be gentle with her . . . if she’ll let you.”
He smiles. “I don’t think you know how happy you made me.”
My cheeks burn. That’s all I want to do, and he has no clue what he does for me. Every minute with Connor is a gift.
“You do the same for me.” I glance back again to make sure she isn’t listening. “I just hope she doesn’t hate us after this.”
“We’ll tread carefully.”
I can’t help but be nervous and anxious about this. While she loves Connor, she gets him as this friend. When he steps into the role as parent, her relationship with him will change. It won’t be all fun and games—he’ll be her father, and the first time he has to discipline her will be a challenge.
That isn’t even taking into consideration how she will feel about the things I’d done. She will know that I lied, and I hope that doesn’t diminish her trust in me.
Hopefully, we will transition without a lot of bumps, but then again, that doesn’t really seem to be the theme of my life.
We make a turn onto a dirt road, and my curiosity spikes. Where the hell is he taking us?
Hadley pulls her headphones out and her face is glued to the window. “Are we there?”
“We are,” Connor says as he continues down the path.
“Are there cows here?”
I burst out laughing, and Connor looks over like I’m crazy. “She thinks you’re taking us cow riding because you seem so inept when it comes to the livestock you raise.”
“Hey! I know you don’t put saddles on cows unless you’re in a rodeo!” he protests with a joking tone.
“Those are bulls!” she yells at him before covering her eyes with her hands.
“Same thing. I know things.”
Her hand drops and she shakes her head. “You also didn’t think you had to milk the cows.”
“You know, you were my favorite, now I’m reconsidering giving you Betsy the new calf that was born.”
“Apples!” Hadley yells instead of responding, her attention wholly focused out her window. “You brought us apple picking!”
I glance back at Connor as he nods. “Well, we both love apple pie, I figured maybe we should get some and try to convince your mom to bake it.”
She giggles as her feet kick wildly. “Best day ever!”
I take Hadley pumpkin and apple picking each year, but Kevin never came with us. He was always too busy—or too angry—to do things with us. Connor is not only here but also has planned it. He wanted to spend time with us. He put thought and effort into something that he couldn’t know we enjoyed doing, and yet, somehow, he did know.
The man managed to take a flippant comment about apple pies—a comment I’d made on the worst night of my life—and turn it into a joyful moment.
He parks the car, and Hadley is out.
I turn to him, and before I can stop myself, my lips part. “I love you.”
Connor’s beautiful green eyes fill with emotion. “I’ve loved you since the first moment I ever saw you.”
“I think I have too, but it’s so soon and there is so much we still need to figure out.”
He grins and takes my hand in his. “We also have nothing but time. Now, let’s go pick apples, and maybe tonight, we can start to make a plan on how to make this dysfunctional trio into a family.”
And with that, he exits the car, and I wonder how I can ever thank his horrible father for forcing Connor Arrowood to come back so he could find me.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Connor
“How many apples do we really need?” I ask as Hadley puts another two in the wagon. Yes, we have a wagon because the kid picked half the orchard.
“I like apples. They’re good for you.”
Okay, she has a point, but . . . we don’t need fifty. “Fair, but I think we have enough.”
Hadley stops, turns toward me, and puts her hands on her hips. “If we don’t have enough apples, Mommy can’t make pies.”
I’m not really sure how to argue with that, but I can divert her attention to something else. “Do you like pumpkin pie?”
She scrunches her nose. “Ewww.”
Now I’m not sure if she’s my kid. How can she not like pumpkin pie? “Have you ever had it?”
“No, because it’s gross. Pumpkins are like a vegetable.”
Ellie sighs beside me. “You have no idea how much fun this can be.”
I don’t think she understands that I couldn’t care less about these arguments. I want to have a million of them. I’ll debate whatever the little girl beside me wants to debate so long as I’m spending time with her.
“I’m not sure she can do anything I don’t find interesting.”
Ellie shakes her head. “Oh, I can’t wait to see if you say that in a month.”
I can’t either. I hope that it never gets old, although, I know better. My brothers probably thought I was cute and interesting at some point. By the time I was two, I’d become their bargaining tool and scapegoat. Being the youngest meant I was stupid and listened to them.
“I’m sure it’ll wear off in about five years.”
“Connor, Connor! Look, they have a huge pumpkin!” She points at what has to be the biggest thing I’ve ever seen. “Can we get it?”
“I’m strong, but I’m not that strong.”
Ellie snorts beside me. “Hadley, we can’t fit it in the car.”
Hadley’s eyes find another that is only marginally smaller than the other one. “Can we get a big one like this?”
“Did you bring the tractor?” I ask.
“Does it work?” Ellie says with a snort.
My eyes narrow. “Not yet. It apparently needs another part.”
Hadley grabs my hand and pulls me closer to it. “Then we can’t bring it because it is sti
ll broken.”
How does a seven-year-old master this level of sarcasm already?
“And we can’t get a pumpkin the size of the car.”
Hadley gives a dramatic sigh. “Fine. Can we get a pony?”
“Uhh,” I say, not understanding how we went from a pumpkin to a pony.
Ellie stands there with a grin as though this is the funniest thing, and an expression that says I can’t wait to see how Connor will handle the question. “I can’t promise that, Squirt. I can barely manage the cows.”
She looks off to the side, seeming to ponder that. “Okay.”
That was easy.
“Maybe soon,” she adds before taking my hand, stopping me from saying anything more. “Let’s go look at the pumpkins—you know, the ones that Connor can lift without a crane.”
We walk over to where there is a row of pumpkins, and she studies each one intently.
“Can you lift this one?” Hadley asks as she picks up one that’s the size of her hand.
I give her a pointed stare, and she giggles. “You’re just messing with me.”
“I think you could lift all the pumpkins.”
“You must really think I’m strong.”
She nods. “You have big muscles, doesn’t he, Mommy?”
I look to Ellie with a sly grin. “Yeah, Mommy, do I have big muscles?”
“You have a big ego.”
Hadley scratches her head. “What’s an ego?”
Ellie sighs. “It’s what you think about yourself. And it seems Connor thinks he’s super strong and handsome.”
“He is handsome. You told Sydney you thought he was,” Hadley informs us.
Ellie’s lips part, and I can’t avoid teasing her a bit. It’s way too fun. “You did, huh?”
“I might have mentioned it—once.”
Hadley puts her pumpkin down and comes over to take both our hands in hers. “I think you’re handsome.”
“Well thank you, Squirt,” I say as I squeeze her hand. “I think your mommy is very pretty.”
“Do you think I’m pretty?”
“I think you’re beautiful,” I tell her. “The most beautiful girl in all of the world.”
Come Back for Me Page 19
