“Love her magic touch,” Queastra said.
I kissed her neck. “Welcome home, we all missed you.”
We went far out to sea, I saw no land anywhere. The waves started getting high. Lightning bolts shot the sky in a never-ending array as the shock waves of the thunder crashed against our bodies. We went in circles, letting the waves build, and build, and build. We were cresting so high I could not see the bottom; even the lightning strikes seemed to be the same altitude we were. She grabbed my hand and we started riding the waves, wave after wave; seemed like we almost fell straight down only to rise again, over and over. Her head thrown back and her laughing into the lightning filled sky. The sky cleared, the water calmed to smaller ripples and she pointed to a huge one and we rode deep inside the curl until it crashed over us as we hit the shore.
She opened her eyes and smiled. “You have improved my husband, definitely.” She seemed weak.
“You okay? Not going to go coma or anything on me, are you?” I asked, worried.
She touched my face. “Not on your life. We have an hour or so, rock the boat, it makes nice ripples.” I obliged and we had a wonderful time trying to turn the boat over.
“They are on their way back,” she said. She called up the news. A poor young woman, eyes blood shot and breath short, sat askew on the ground on some lawn. “We are 3,000 miles away. I love a good orgasm as well as any woman but this is gonna kill us all!” She smiled weakly and fell when she tried to stand up.
“There you have it; more than one third of the world’s women swear they felt it. I fear we poor mortals were not meant to reside with gods. Pity, I wish my boyfriend could do that. Legends be damned.”
We sipped tea and then I started combing her hair.
“How can I survive when you do that to them 3000 miles away?” she asked.
“Truth? I think you feel the love, it controls. The rest feel the raw passion. It is only a theory, run it by Linda, she was made for it, not I. I still bet it is a side effect of her powers.”
“And Sylvia?” she asked.
“She is, was, and has always been my first true love. Hers is more intense,” I said. “If you timed it right it is the morning of our wedding day?”
“Yes, if any women can crawl to see it.” She giggled and then it hit her, rip roaring laughter, she was on the floor and holding her gut and tears were flowing and she was laughing so hard I didn’t think she could breath as she took gasping breaths. The rest came in and looked and saw she was totally cracking up with tears and laughter. They all gave me a look like, ‘Okay, what did you do now?’
“Nothing, I didn’t do or say a thing, I was combing her hair, then this,” I said.
She changed the sobs and laughter to gasps of air as she fought to get it under control.
Sylvia and Kathy helped her to her feet.
She looked at me and said, “See? If they can even crawl to it! It wasn’t a dream!” Splash, snot all over, total hysterics and she was hanging helpless in their arms.
I felt I had truly missed her sense of humor, even if it was scary.
I told them I was going upstairs to find my sash and asked to see if they could get her under control.
I found the sash and sword and started to go down stairs, it was so loud it almost rattled my teeth; they were all screeching and screaming and laughing.
I went in and damned if they weren’t all curled up on the floor. I even heard Rodel, he was screeching.
“Rodel, please!” I said.
He managed to stop long enough to say, “She’s right, ‘not ah 1 ah and ah 2 ah’. Ah 1 ah and ah all ah!” He screeched again and Sylvia pointed at me and they all screeched some more and I was lost.
I finished a whole cup of tea before they got it under control for real, but even a smirk or grin would set them off. I just waited.
Finally Linda said, “She’s right, she is so right! Don’t you see?”
“How can I see when I have no idea what to look at?” I asked.
Between sobs and gasps, Linda said, “It has been so long since I laughed like that.”
“You remember her telling you her vision of the army all bent over and you going down the line poking each to the 1 and 2 thing?” she asked.
“Of course, all through that life and into this one you never let me forgot it,” I said. “The eternal stud doing his thing.”
“Think about it, it has come to pass. Only it is really one of us with you and the whole rest of the planet’s women are bent over, over and over and over to the 1 and 2!” and she burst again and they all went off.
I held mine, for about the second it took me to picture what she said, tea blew out my nose and mouth and I was choking and laughing. Now that was funny.
“She caught it when she said ‘if anyone could crawl to the wedding’.”
Rodel’s squeaks and whistles finally settled down and he informed us there were three hours to go, and Linda’s father was almost at the door with about twenty others to get us, presentable.
I let them in. They filed by and went to the conference room. Most of the women seemed to be waddling and damn if it didn’t set them off again.
Latwasa came in, looked me in the eyes, and kissed me. “I thought your damn hands were dangerous! Jeez, I was so naive! I don’t know about the Head Hunters, but you are a dangerous weapon to us!”
It set all the wives off again. Latwasa looked at me. Sylvia took her aside and told her the private joke and its new application. Latwasa looked at me, rubbed her stomach, and blew a cork as well. “That is exactly what it felt like! Over and over and I thought it would never stop and at the same time wished it to go on. I was being sexed by my god and he didn’t know it, or care.” She smiled and kissed me again. “I assure you the pleasure was all mine!”
After that, and the following crackup, I was handed my sash and a suit again, multi-colored depending on how you saw it. I was ordered to go to Camelot and wait at the throne room for my wedding. I caught a glimpse of something blue being unwrapped. I went to the kitchen and retrieved my sword and I was off.
As I closed upon the gates, I noticed the normally crisp guards were even a little, um, pooped out?
I got a wan smile as the guard waved me through.
I went in and was directed by the caller to the room behind the thrones. The Chief was sitting in a chair, tired. She saw me and started to get up, and I told her to relax.
“I thought I saw it all, felt it all, knew it all. I was so mistaken. I use to feel it, when you were in the king’s cabin. It was wonderful and relaxing. Like The General made me feel. Even at fifteen and with the most passionate man on this planet at the time, I never felt what I have been through since you came back! How can one man screw a whole damn planet full of women and never touch them? Yet they know they were, and they love it, every agonizing second of it?” She sat shaking her head.
“Listen well, please do not do anything, umm drastic for a week or so, we are all weak, physically and mentally. I heard of deaths of some really old ones; they all were smiling, they say.”
I felt terrible, I was at fault. I started to say something but she stopped me.
“Do not blame yourself, they were all within a day or two and they died far happier than they would have otherwise. I thank you for them. I do fear a few more of these episodes and healthy women will start dropping like flies. Almost a reverse of what we use to do to our men. Payback maybe? We waddle like ducks, we actually hurt. If we all come up pregnant, I promise, you and I will speak and I will not be happy. I am too old to raise another child.” She was trying to be funny. “Well, get dressed and get ready.”
As I was putting on the suit My Captain came in. She said, “Guess my saying ‘no’ didn’t really matter did it? For the seed at the finish, I would have said ‘yes’. Only thing was missing you know.”
“I am sorry, we had no idea, really, no idea at all. I was told a few felt sympathetic reactions, some Amazon thing.” I looked at the gro
und.
She came over and helped me get the suit the rest of the way on.
“Do not be sorry, more than a few of us are not sorry. Do be careful. Well, let me help with the sash and sword.” She set it all in order.
She looked at me funny. She stepped close and probed me with her eyes. “Chief, you notice anything?” she asked.
“I forgot something?” I looked around.
Chief said, “No, I shall change the words, she is right. Rodel, same with Sylvia?”
“Yes, Chief,” he said.
“Humm, truly miraculous times. I go change the words.”
“Uh, someone fill me in please. I have had weeks full of surprises and I’m not sure my heart will take many more,” I said.
My Captain had tears in her eyes. “We knew of the souls recycling for all our existence, but never this-Linda was close, but never this.”
I took her hand and looked her in the eyes, “Please, what is it?”
“Just the biggest danger in the universe, Sire. John is dead, gone, Jake stands in his place. Come look in the mirror.” She took my hand and placed me in front of a full-length mirror.
“Uh, hum, that isn’t me. Some trick?” I looked; it was almost me, sort of, but not me. I don’t know, I felt the same.
“No trick, Sire, I stand behind My King Jake of old, John is not here,” My Captain said.
“So my beautiful Sylvia is now?” I asked.
“A truly beautiful pale blue Aawasa, as you will soon see. Sorry, all the marriages are annulled. Sylvia said she felt something strange was about to happen, guess she was right. That was why they were spreading the seed, before you changed; they sensed it. We needed the different DNA. Now you get to do it all over again,” she laughed. She got close and kissed me. “Happy weddings day, My King. All four of them.” She backed out smiling.
While this all happened it turned out the king gave up all rights to everything and moved out. Our things were coming from the wooden castle and my legs were shaking, and I could think of nothing.
The Chief said, “Mary and Bill will be back from their honeymoon tomorrow. For reasons I won’t discuss, I do not want his seed in the tribe, it is better, but still foul. Take him and Mary with you to Earth and leave them there, understood?”
I nodded.
She patted my face sweetly and said, “You’re a good boy, no matter what they say.”
“Attention, ten minutes, ten minutes all. Ten minutes,” the caller cried.
Chief took my hand and led me to the throne. She stood in front of it and said, “It goes over the air, a small reception, and a pass in review of a few hundred troops. Your captain has resigned her five star rating and took a four star with Big Guy. The General is now The General again. So you know.”
“Why did she resign back to four stars?” I asked.
“Conflict of history, she says, who knows, she got to honor you maybe?”
Rodel said, “The Great Mother told Linda it would all be different this time.”
“Well that sure is no lie. I can’t even sex my wives without the whole world knowing it.”
The caller said, “Let all who have business with The Chief present themselves at their proper places. One minute, one minute all.”
“Almost time,” Chief said.
Rodel said, “Message, Sire.”
I heard Aawasa/Sylvia say, “Make us proud, my husband.”
Rodel hit the bagpipes for a few notes as someone hollered, and he snickered as they changed to organ music, and ‘Here comes the bride’ was played. Coming from the main hall, a beautiful pale blue girl called Aawasa in a bright red dress and wearing a homemade necklace, was coming down the aisle. Two little girls threw rose petals, two others held her wedding veil train.
Behind her another beauty, Katawasa, wore a blue dress with a blue star sapphire necklace. I saw each had two girls on the train.
Third in line, my black beauty, Queastra, pure white dress, emerald and diamond necklace.
Fourth was Linda, the Bronze Goddess, a shimmering white and pale blue dress, and diamond necklace sparkling in the light.
I also noticed all but Linda had their katana hooked at their waists. Linda had her dazzling white Conan broad sword with its touch of blue.
“Knees are knocking,” I told Chief.
“All is as it should be,” she grinned. “We begin.
“Ladies and gentleman, dearly beloved, a slight change must be announced. All previous marriages of Ruler or King John, are annulled.” A bunch of oo’s and aa’s, more at the ladies, I think.
“We are gathered here today to marry this man Jake Spoonbill, rightful ruler and founder of the UNF to–” a lot of noise from the crowd as what she said started to sink in. “Must be your seed, they grow slow and dull witted,” she said.
Once the noise died down, Chief cried, “To—to Aawasa! To Katawasa! To Queastra! and to Bronze Goddess Linda!” I don’t think I ever heard Chief yell like that.
A roar, almost as I remembered.
“All must be done from the beginning, and so we begin.”
“Who stands for the bride, Aawasa?” Chief asked.
Big Guy, mace in hand, took a step forward. “I her adoptive father stand for her, let any having grievance step forward and die!” He looked left then right. “Thought so.” That got some laughter as he stepped back.
“Do you, Jake, King of Camelot, take Aawasa as your lawful wife to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, until death you do part?”
“I do,” I said.
“Do you, Aawasa, take King Jake as yours and accept all children presented as his to protect and love as your own until death you again part?” Chief asked. That was a change, I think.
She took my hand and squeezed it. “I do,” she said.
“I, Chief of Tribe and President of the UNF, pronounce you husband and wife and King and Queen of the planet called Camelot. Kiss the bride and turn to greet your subjects.”
I lifted her red veil and kissed her. I heard me say, “A million times would be but a start.”
We turned and the crowd went wild as they saw who was there--we were the same, but we weren’t.
Chief held her hands up until it quieted down. “Turn back,” she whispered.
We turned back and Chief moved Aawasa to her throne where she stood.
Chief continued, “We are gathered to marry King Jake to Katawasa, who stands for her?”
I didn’t have to look as The General took a step forward, and said, “I give my daughter and ask all with a grievance to step forward that they may taste my blade.” He Looked left and right and stepped back.
“Do you King Jake…” I heard and responded and listened to my heart pound until Chief asked Aawasa to step forward and placed her hand on ours; she did and squeezed.
“Do you Aawasa find grievance or fault with Katawasa joining your family?” Chief said.
“I welcome her with open heart,” Aawasa said.
“Turn and kiss your second wife and second Queen of Camelot.”
I lifted the blue veil and kissed my Katawasa. “A million times, but a start.”
She and Aawasa stood by their thrones.
There were no shocks or surprises until Chief asked. “Who stands for Queastra?” I saw her wink at me.
A deep, rich base voice said, “I, her Father, Chief of the Southern tribe, stand her to be married and defy any to find grievance.” A tall, huge-chested black man with blond hair and bright green eyes stepped forward.
Queastra went all wobbly and I held her. “Father? You said I couldn’t marry any white trash, only black! Why are you here?” she asked in shock.
“What I said was to try to protect my mentally ill daughter who wanted to run off and marry a space traveling king, and what I say now—now that I know she spoke truth are, obviously, um, different, and I stand proud of her.” He was crying.
Queastra ran down, kissed him, returned, and took my hand.
I remembered
the rest and Chief calling Aawasa and Katawasa, and we were as one.
I Lifted the white veil and kissed my beautiful Queastra, and again, “A million but the start.”
I remember all standing in front of their thrones and it dawning on me another had been added.
Linda stood holding my hand lightly and the words, “Who stands?”
Big Guy started to, backed up, then stepped forward again and stood for Linda. It was a bit confusing.
And Chief using ‘Bitch Spawn’ and ‘Bronze Goddess’, and all of us stood with five hands on each other and Chief added hers, saying, “You are one! Turn, My King and Queens of Camelot, and meet your subjects that they may honor you by tormenting all the Koteck we sent to hell!”
Well, pandemonium might be a very mild way to describe it.
~~~
Far, far away, a commander grabs his head in pain; he knows not why, but has fear.
~~~
We all heard The General say, “My blade is still sharp, My King.”
Katawasa said, “Father, please, you know he’s done nothing wrong through one life and now this the second.” She stomped her foot.
“My sharp blade insures it stays that way too.” He smiled. Oh well, it had gotten quiet for almost a second.
Chief asked, “Do two at once? The Royal Precession and Pass In Review as of old? The new mounts are all tamed and wait. Proper sidesaddles and all.”
Aawasa eyeballed me and asked, “My husband?”
“Since most of the women in view look like they are about to fall, an excellent idea,” I said.
Chief whispered, “Wonder why?”
The wives just smiled.
Linda and I called our mounts; the others mounted their new Golden Ringed Sabertooths.
Aawasa was to my left.
Katawasa was behind Aawasa with Queastra behind me.
Linda behind Katawasa and The General behind Queastra
Big Guy behind Linda and Queastra’s Father behind The General.
We rode slow, the women sidesaddle, and little girls running their butts off keeping the trains off the ground. We had a proper parade ground and it was packed with troops. A quick trip around and My Captain stood at the head of the troops with two more, a one star and two star.
Blood Sabers Page 17
