by A'zayler
Arizona sat down on one of her barstools. “No, but he seemed so sad when he hugged me today.”
“That’s because he was. By no means do I think Toro doesn’t love you. Nor do I think he’s intentionally hurting you this bad. However, the nigga showed up with the same woman that made you leave him. Come on, Z. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see when it’s time to let go. Zay is here and waiting. He wants to be with you. Even if you don’t want to be with him, just spend enough time with him to take your mind off of Toro. I love Toro a lot, but I’ll love him even more once you’re finally over him. That baby will be here soon, if you keep waiting, that’s going to nearly kill you. Don’t do yourself like that.”
Arizona nodded and wiped the fresh tears from her eyes. “How you younger than me, but you’re giving me advice?”
“Because my man treats me right.” They both laughed. “But for real, I’m just tired of seeing you cry and stuff. It’s time to man up, sis. You are way tougher than this. I would have never thought it would take you this long to get yourself together. Kick this mess and get back to the old Z. Please!” Honey said, dramatically.
“Man, go outside before your ghetto baby daddy start blowing the horn and stuff.”
“You ain’t lying. Let me go.” They hugged before Honey told her she would call her later and left.
Congo met her at the bottom of the stairs to grab Blaze’s carrier. Once all of them were secure in the car again, they drove to his parent’s house.
“When you want to move out? Because we can, now that we both have jobs.”
“Find us something and we’re out.” Congo’s answer was simple. “You know I been ready to go.”
“Don’t I know it?”
“What was Z’s crybaby ass up there doing?”
“Pining over Toro.”
Congo shook his head.
“That’s my nigga, pretty much my brother, but I love Arizona and it’s time for her to come up off this shit.”
“That’s exactly what I just told her.”
“Well keep telling her ass, maybe she’ll listen.” Congo turned on his blinker and switched lanes. “Hell, she may need to hit my mama’s nosey ass up and have her put her on my nigga Zay for real.”
Honey thought about telling him but didn’t know whether she should. She could trust Congo with any of her secrets, but this wasn’t her secret to tell.
“Maybe she does.”
“Shit, somebody.”
“You wrong.”
“No I ain’t, either. She can’t stay in limbo forever. Either she needs to take the nigga back or move the fuck on. All this other shit is starting to get on my gotdamn nerves.”
“Who you telling?”
Honey and Congo both laughed at the exhaustion in her voice.
When they got home, Congo grabbed Blaze and opened the door for Honey. They walked around the side of the house and entered the bottom door that they always used. It opened right up to their own little section of the house. Congo took care of Blaze while Honey took her shower then took his when she got out. Once they were all lying down in bed, Honey laid Blaze on Congo’s chest and scooted closer to him.
“You remember the first time I ever brought you here?”
“Yep. It was that night I snuck out and stayed in your car with you for all those hours.”
Congo chuckled. “Your ass was scared to go home to those crazy ass people.”
“You were scared to go in your house with Neeka so we’re the same.”
“Who was scared? I wasn’t worried about Neeka’s ass.”
“Um huh.”
Honey closed her eyes and thought about how far they had come and how much further they had to go. This was only the beginning, but she was ready for whatever else they had coming. She could feel it. It was big, and she was ready for it.
Chapter Five
You can’t reach what’s in front of you until you let go of what’s behind you.
It was the beginning of May and it was hot as hell outside. The sun was blazing and Arizona could hardly see around the rays. The large black sunglasses she had in her hand were slid on her face as she descended the stairs of her apartment and headed to her car. Dressed casually in a pair of dark blue jean shorts with rips at the bottom, a white top that hung loosely off her body, and a pair of dark brown Moccasin sandals, Arizona was ready for a much needed day out.
She had a hair appointment scheduled then she was headed to the nail salon after that. Today was her first day off work and she planned to enjoy it. Since being hired by Howard to be the exclusive decorator for all of his company’s properties, life had been great. She hadn’t wanted to take the job initially, but knowing she couldn’t live off of her savings forever, she decided to take it. Howard had become quite fond of her since Honey had begun working for him, so when he offered her the job she wasn’t all too surprised.
He had called himself having a crush on her since the first day he’d met her. Just excuse the fact that he had a whole wife at home. Arizona thought it was cute, and she appreciated the flattery, but Howard wasn’t even her speed. Even if she hadn’t vowed to be single until she began loving herself again, she wouldn’t have given him a chance.
It had been four months since she’d decided to take some time away from men to get herself together, and she was glad she had done it. She loved herself more than anything at the moment. After seeing Toro and Keyona that day at Congo’s parent’s house, she realized she was torturing herself and it was indeed time for her to let go. It hadn’t been an easy process, but she was more than happy that she’d stuck it out.
Honey nor Zay had been happy about it, but she couldn’t worry about them right then. She had to focus on Arizona, and now that she was where she needed to be, she wouldn’t ever allow herself to sink that low again. She was stronger, wiser, and independent. She was smiling more and just enjoying life in general. Although she missed Toro, and may have even still loved him, it was nothing like it had been before.
She could actually hear his name and not get sad. Tears were a thing of the past and that’s how she liked it. She had saved up so much money that she’d redecorated her apartment and gotten herself a new car. During her rehabilitation period, she had rid herself of everything that had anything to do with Toro, including the car he’d bought her.
Arizona stopped in front of her eggshell colored BMW and got in. She turned her air on and headed to the beauty salon. She was more than happy when she got there that her stylist didn’t have a lot of other people waiting, and she was able to get right in the chair. She got her haircut touched up and was back out of the door. On her way to her car she dialed Honey’s number because she needed the back of her neck touched up and she didn’t like the way her stylist did it. She always cut her hair too close and made her look bald.
“Heyyy, Z. What you up to, sis?”
“Girl just leaving the salon. You at home? I need my back blended. You know Elaine can’t blend worth shit.”
Honey laughed. “Sorry boo, but I have a lunch conference with the architects from Simon and Hester.”
“You make me sick. I knew I should have called you before I set my hair appointment. You don’t ever have time to do nothing no more.”
“Girl, you know I have to get my coins.”
“I ain’t mad at you, boo.”
“Why don’t you swing by the barbershop and let Zay do it?”
Arizona got quiet for a minute because she didn’t know about that. “Why you playing?”
“I’m not. I’m for real. You’ve been running from the nigga all your life. After the way you dropped him last time, I’m sure he doesn’t want you anymore.”
“Shut the hell up, Honey. You ain’t right.”
“Girl, I’m for real. You must think you something? That boy ain’t gon’ chase your butt forever.”
“Oh well, we’ll see. I’m about to go by there.”
“Well, go ahead with your bad self and call me as so
on as you leave. I can’t wait to hear about this.”
Arizona told her she would before hanging up the phone and getting in her car. She thought about Zay and what he would say the entire time she drove. It had been months since she’d last spoken to him. After the little incident with Toro and Keyona, he’d tried to contact her a few times, but after receiving continuous rejection, he’d backed off.
She had missed his advances at first, but after a while, being alone became the norm. Honey had told her that he hadn’t asked about her or anything, which was a little painful, but what could she expect? She’d done him dirty two times in a row, and she couldn’t possibly think he would stick around until she weaned herself off of Toro.
Zay had made himself more than clear when he expressed his feelings to her. He had also made it his business to make sure she knew where he stood when it came to a relationship with her. She’d chosen to ignore it anyway, and because of that, she was sitting outside of his job rethinking her decision to even go there. She killed the engine and sat back in her seat just watching the other people pass by.
She strained to look into the window of the barbershop, but she still couldn’t see him. She saw a few men going in and out, some she recognized while others she didn’t. Twenty minutes had passed before she’d built up enough courage to get out. While walking across the street she almost changed her mind. The only reason she didn’t was because she was sure he had already seen her.
The large window of the barbershop was open, and she was almost positive that if she could see them, then they could surely see her. Arizona absentmindedly smoothed her already fixed hair into place before pulling the door open and going in. As soon as she walked in, all eyes were on her. For a minute, she almost felt self-conscious, but that dissipated quickly with the way Zay was looking at her.
His eyes said what his mouth hadn’t. He looked her up and down so intensely she almost felt as if he was looking through her. His eyes were dark and hooded, with his mouth slightly ajar. Arizona had already known before she left the house that she looked good. What she didn’t know was how good. Zay was definitely making her aware of it though. He stared at her for a minute as she stood at the entrance looking back at him.
It was like a moment frozen in time as they looked at each other. She probably would have still been looking had he not turned his head and went back to the man in his chair. Momentarily, she felt embarrassed because she felt like everybody in the shop was looking at her, when in reality they weren’t. It was just her and Zay. Although there was nothing caught in her throat, she cleared it anyway to give herself a moment.
“Z, what’s going on girl? I ain’t seen your ass in years,” Rick yelled across the shop. “Just ’cause Honey don’t work here no more don’t mean you can’t come kick it with your peoples.”
Arizona was thankful for that minor distraction, so she smiled at Rick and held her head down. “Don’t be like that, Rick. You know it ain’t like that. I’ve just been busy.”
“Busy doing what?”
“Working, boy.”
“Um huh. Where you work at?”
Arizona walked deeper into the shop and took a seat on the little red sofa and crossed her legs. She glanced at Zay for a second to see if he was looking at her before looking back at Rick. Disappointment set in for a second when she noticed that he wasn’t looking at her. He looked to be deep into the haircut he was doing.
“I’m not about to tell you all my business.”
“Well, if you ain’t gon’ tell me your business then at least tell me what made you bring your ass up in here today.”
“I need my hair tapered in the back and my Honey bunny couldn’t do it for me today. I was hoping Zay could help me out.”
Zay looked up at her when he heard his name. Once again, it felt as though he was looking through her, but this time she held her ground. She stared right back at him. She raised her eyebrows at him.
“You got time for me?”
He nodded his head. “You got time to wait?”
Arizona looked at the clock on her phone. “Yeah, I can wait.”
“Bet.” He went back to cutting hair and said nothing more.
Arizona didn’t necessarily like the distance he was placing between them, but she could respect it. Instead of getting too deep into her feelings, she sat back and pulled her phone out. She sent a quick text to Honey, letting her know where she was and how things were going. They sent a few texts between the two of them before Zay’s customer stood from his chair and handed him some money.
Arizona watched the two of them exchange handshakes before Zay looked at her and patted the back of the seat for her to sit down. She gathered her purse and keys before walking to his chair and taking her seat. When he leaned over to place the cape around her neck and his hand grazed her skin, she couldn’t stop the shiver that took over her body. It shot from her neck down to her toes.
Being that the barbershop was already blazing in heat, Zay had to know that the shiver was because of him. Arizona’s body stilled briefly, as he finished snapping the cape around her. When he had everything set up, he sprayed his clippers and turned them on. He was about to start cutting when she leaned to the side and grabbed his wrist.
“I don’t want it too close. I hate looking bald.”
“I got you.”
Arizona turned back around and remained quiet the rest of the time he cut her hair. It didn’t take long, but it felt like forever because she was dying a slow death with him grabbing her neck and turning her head in various directions. Just having his hands on her was driving her crazy. She wasn’t sure whether it was because she just missed the touch of a man or because she really did feel something for him.
When he finally finished and unsnapped the cape, Arizona nearly jumped to her feet, but he held her still as he used his brush to dust the hair from her neck. When he gave her the okay to move, she began digging in her purse for her money, but he stopped her with a swift grab of the wrist.
“You good, beautiful.”
“You sure?”
“Come on, don’t insult me.”
Arizona closed her purse and thanked him. He told her she was welcome and turned his back. Not knowing what else to do, she stood there watching him. When he’d finished straightening up his station, he turned back towards her and walked to the back. He unsnapped his vest as walked. Arizona wanted so badly to follow him and at least see if they were friends, but there was no way to do that without putting everybody in the shop in their business.
She could have called him if she hadn’t erased his number one night when she felt on the verge of a breakdown. She had wanted to rid herself of any and everything that had to do with a man. Many nights after that she had regretted it, but she just forced herself to believe it was for the best.
“I’ll see y’all later,” she said out loud, before heading for the door.
They all spoke to her as she switched slowly out of the door. She caught a few stares and slick comments about her beauty and some about her legs in her shorts, but she was in no mood for any of that. Feeling brand new with her hair done, Arizona added a little extra pep into her step. All she had to do now was hit the nail salon and she would be set for the day. The front lights of the dark blue Titan flashed and caught her attention.
Arizona looked over her shoulder because that only meant one thing. Zay was walking across the street and headed to his ride. He looked at her and nodded before looking away. His demeanor was really bothering her for some reason. She was almost sure that she was going to regret what she was about to do, but she couldn’t help herself at the moment. Arizona turned toward him and placed her hands on her hips.
“Why you acting like that with me, Xavier?”
“Like what?”
“Like you’re not my friend anymore.”
He looked her up and down. “I’m not.”
Damn.
“For real?”
“Hell yeah, for real. I ain’t fuck
ing with you no more.”
Arizona felt crushed at his admission and how serious he sounded about it. “I’m sorry about everything, I just needed time to get myself together.”
“And you couldn’t tell me that instead of just ignoring me?”
“That was the only way I knew how to do it.”
“Cool.” Zay opened the door to his truck and got in.
Arizona thought maybe he was done talking to her, so she was about to turn around, but he rolled his passenger window down instead. He looked at her and didn’t say anything, so she assumed he was waiting for her to say something else.
“So you’re going to stay mad at me forever or just for a little while?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know yet. You hungry?”
“Yes.”
“You want to ride with me to grab some food?”
Arizona looked away to hide the smile that was about to cross her face before nodding her head and walking toward his truck. He leaned over and opened the door for her to get in. She had to use the step ladder on the side as always since it was such a big truck. Once she got in and clicked her seatbelt, Zay pulled out of the parking lot. He turned his music up and bobbed his head to the song that was playing.
He looked so handsome leaning slightly to the side as he drove. His strong arms flexing as he turned the wheel and maneuvered in and out of traffic. Arizona could hardly keep her eyes focused on the road because she was so busy watching him. She wondered if he could feel her looking at him because he hadn’t looked her way, not even once.
One time she thought he was about to, but he looked past her and out of the window behind her to make sure he could switch lanes. She tried to mellow out the eagerness she felt from being in presence, but she was having such a hard time. When he finally pulled his truck into the parking lot of the Applebee’s, Arizona unlocked her seatbelt and grabbed her purse. She was out of the truck and waiting for him before he could even turn the engine off.
She needed to give herself some fresh air before she became entrapped in nothing but his presence. Being at a table alone, having lunch with him, was surely going to be overwhelming. His little attitude would make it a lot more difficult. When he rounded the car, Arizona took in his appearance. The light blue shorts and white shirt looked simple but so stylish on him. The sneakers and gold chain and watch helped dress it up some.
