by Lola StVil
Her words bite me like a poisonous snake. As the venom slowly moves through my subconscious, its weight drags me down more, letting me know Sailor probably hates me now. I know I hurt her even more by giving in for a second. As much as the thought of Sailor hating me hurts me, I know it’s for the best. If that’s how she feels about me, then we lose the risk of this ever happening again and her dad will be safe.
Sailor is quiet all through dinner, which her Dad sent over from the restaurant for us all. She barely eats anything and excuses herself after a couple minutes claiming she is tired. It’s clear the team can feel the awkwardness between us, but they wisely keep it to themselves.
I decide to have an early night myself. I can’t sit here and pretend everything’s okay. I just don’t have the energy for it.
“Aziza? Can I have a word?” I say.
She nods and follows me into the kitchen, leaving the others in the game room, gathered around the games console as they have some sort of tournament. I didn’t get the details. I don’t care what they’re playing.
“I need you to take over Sailor’s training,” I say.
She scoffs and I raise an eyebrow.
“Is that a problem?” I ask.
“Not for me. But it seems she’s causing quite the problem for you,” she replies. “She’s nothing special, Rye. For God’s sake just keep it in your pants. It’s not that hard you know.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I snap.
“Sure I don’t,” she sneers. “You managed it easily enough with me, didn’t you? Threw me away like trash after you got what you wanted. Just skip getting what you want and throw this ridiculous idea of you and Sailor away. That girl deserves better, Rye. I deserved better,” she says, looking away.
So that’s what this is about. Aziza is pissed off because we hooked up and now, I’ve moved on. It was never meant to be more than what it was. I thought she knew that. The last thing I want to do is hurt Aziza. She’s one of my best friends, and she was there for me when I needed her.
“I didn’t throw you away like trash, Az,” I say.
“Much,” she says. The acidic tone is gone and she sounds a little sad.
“I know it was only one night but I thought it was special, Rye. To me it was.”
I put my hand on her shoulder and wait until she looks up at me.
“And it was to me too. Az, you were there when I needed someone so badly I didn’t even know it. There are no doubts in my mind that you literally saved my life that night. I’ll never forget that. It meant something to me. Really, it did.”
She smiles, a strange smile that I can’t read. She looks into my eyes for a moment, her expression softening. She gently takes my hand off her shoulder and squeezes it for a second.
“I’ll train Sailor,” she says. “At least this way I know she will get real training.”
***
I wake up early. Sailor has a training session with Sunday. The logical part of my brain tells me to stay away from it, but I have no intention of doing that. I intend to hang back in the shadows and watch her session. I need to take her in, to find a way to focus when she’s around, and I think it’ll be easier to get a handle on it if she doesn’t know I’m there.
By the time I shower and get dressed, Nexus has sent me a message telling me she needs to see me urgently. I really want to go to Sailor’s session, but for Nexus to summon me that way, I know she must have something important to tell me. She could have the location of the dagger.
I go downstairs and absently eat some cereal that I don’t taste while I wait for Nexus to arrive. Why does she have to make me wait like this? She drives me crazy at times. Mel comes into the kitchen, taking my mind off waiting.
“Where is everyone?” she asks.
“Grace is still working on the location of the dagger. Sunday and Sailor are training, and Aziza is prepping for a training session later on today. I have no idea where Jinx and Ya-Ya are.”
“Jinx is probably up to no good somewhere and Ya-Ya is probably off on Rodeo Drive or somewhere.” Mel grins.
I laugh softly.
“It wouldn’t surprise me,” I say.
“Ya-Ya was up half of the night last night trying to persuade Sailor to let her put highlights in her hair.” Mel grins.
“Good to know that Ya-Ya’s main concern is that Sailor looks good as she fights the horsemen,” I say, shaking my head.
“Honestly, I’d be more worried if that wasn’t her concern. It would mean she was off her game,” Mel says. “I’m going for a walk into town. See if I can spot anything suspicious. Want to join me?”
“I’m waiting for Nexus,” I say. “She might have something.”
Mel nods and heads out of the kitchen. She pauses at the door and looks back.
“For what it’s worth, I think you are exactly what Sailor needs and I think it’s shitty that the gods won’t let you two be together after everything you’ve both given up for this,” she says.
It seems that everyone thinks that except the gods. And maybe Aziza. There has to be some way around their archaic rules, but I’ll be damned if I can think what it is. Maybe Nexus can brew some sort of protection potion for Sailor’s dad.
Finally, after what feels like forever, Nexus appears in the kitchen doorway.
“Hey,” I say. “Do you have something for us?”
“I have something for you, Rye. A warning. Get your damn hormones in check before Sailor ends up paying the price.”
“What are you talking about?” I bluff.
“Don’t try that one on me, Rye. I know you two kissed. Luckily for you, I know more than the gods, but you got lucky this time. Next time, you might not be so lucky.”
“There won’t be a next time, will there? They’ve made damn sure of that,” I say. “Or maybe there will be. Maybe I’ll just think fuck it and go for it with Sailor. Will the gods really kill her father? Do they really want to get on the wrong side of the one person who can save us all?”
“It’s too much of a risk, Rye. You know what they’re like. If they think for a second you’re willfully defying them, they’ll act out of anger before they consider the consequences. You need to be more rational than that. You need to consider the consequences of your actions.”
“She thinks I hate her, Nexus,” I say. “It’s killing me to have her feel that way.”
“And how do you think she’ll feel if the gods kill her father and she finds out you knew that’s what you were risking? Rye, I know you lost your family and I know how much that hurt you. You of all people know what that’s like. Don’t make Sailor have to pay the gods’ selfish price.”
“I won’t. I promise. But shit, Nexus, it’s so hard to be around her and not be able to be with her.”
“I know,” she says softly. “But you’re here for a mission, Rye, and that has to come first.”
“Do you agree with it? The gods’ rule?” I ask.
“That’s not for me to decide,” Nexus says. She pauses and then goes on. “But if it were up to me and that girl manages to save the world, then she should be allowed to love whoever she wants, god or not.”
Somehow, knowing Nexus is on my side, even if she has to push me to obey the rules, makes me feel a bit better.
“Thanks, Nexus,” I say. “Do you have any developments on the dagger’s location?”
“Soon,” she says, and with that, she’s gone.
Great. Even Nexus has nothing better to do than worry about what Sailor and I might be doing.
I check my watch. Sailor’s session with Sunday will be over now and she’ll be waiting for me. Except it won’t be me who comes, it’ll be Aziza. I wonder if I made the right choice. Those two clearly don’t get on. I did though. Aziza is a good fighter, probably only just behind me in terms of her skills, and I know she won’t let her distaste for Sailor affect her training. Not like me, who can’t seem to let my feelings for Sailor not affect every damn thing I do.
&nb
sp; I slip outside and go to the warehouse. I sneak in while Sailor is distracted practicing a new move Sunday must have shown her, and hide behind the shelving unit. I tell myself it’s so I can watch Sailor’s progress rather than watch her. I just make it in before Aziza shows up. Sailor’s eyebrow goes up when she sees Aziza.
“Where’s Rye?” she demands.
“He thought it was time you took on an opponent who doesn’t really care if she hurts you,” Aziza sneers.
“Bring it on,” Sailor says.
If she’s particularly upset that I’m not the one training her, she hides it well as Aziza advances on her and instantly throws her down.
“First rule. Don’t expect your enemies to warn you when they’re about to attack,” Aziza says as she pulls Sailor back to her feet.
Sailor actually grins as Aziza advances on her again. Aziza is pushing her harder than I ever did, and Sailor is loving it.
“Keep your guard up,” Aziza demands. “Focus on me but don’t let me be your sole focus. Others could be sneaking up on you.”
As she says it, Aziza launches herself into the air, springs over Sailor, and spins in midair. She comes down and wraps an arm around Sailor’s throat.
“You’d be dead now.”
She pushes her back, and Sailor gets a decent kick in.
“Higher,” Aziza commands.
Sailor kicks out again, but it’s no higher.
“I hear your dad wants you to meet his girlfriend and play happy families,” Aziza says as she steps toward Sailor.
Sailor kicks higher, with more force, and I smile to myself. I could never do what Aziza is doing. She’s using Sailor’s emotions to strengthen her. Sailor punches toward Aziza, but she easily blocks it.
“Is it your dad that’s bothering you or is it Rye dating the prom queen?”
Sailor punches again, harder this time. Aziza blocks the punch, but it sends her back a step. She grins at Sailor.
“Or is it that Rye went on a date with a human and the gods didn’t do shit about it?” Aziza taunts her as she steps in, throwing a punch.
Sailor roars and grabs Aziza’s wrist. She throws it to one side and throws a punch. She catches Aziza in the mouth and Aziza goes down.
“Shit. Shit. I’m sorry,” Sailor babbles. “I didn’t mean to hit you.”
She holds out her hand to Aziza. Aziza reaches up but instead of letting Sailor pull her up, she pulls her down.
“Sit for a moment,” Aziza says.
Her lip is split and she wipes the blood away. She looks at Sailor and when she looks at her, her expression is different. It’s like she sees what I can see for the first time. That Sailor is no weak little human. That she’s strong, able, and ready for this. I’m not certain I’m right, but I’m pretty sure Sailor has just gained Aziza’s respect.
“I’m really sorry. I don’t know what came over me,” Sailor says.
Aziza smiles and shakes her head.
“It’s nothing that won’t heal. And I had it coming.”
Sailor gives her a half smile.
“I should really just let this whole Rye thing go, shouldn’t I?” she says.
Aziza shrugs.
“Probably. But that’s not what’s really bothering you is it? Why is meeting your dad’s girlfriend bothering you so much?”
The taunting tone Aziza was using earlier is gone and now she sounds curious. Sailor studies her face for a moment and evidently decides to trust her. She smiles sadly.
“It’s funny because I agreed to come here so my dad could start over. After he lost my mom, he was a shadow of himself. Like all the life was gone out of him. I would have given anything to see him happy again.”
“So what changed?” Aziza asks.
“I…it sounds stupid, but I wanted him to get over my mom and be happy, not replace her and forget her. He told me his date the other night was the best date he’s ever had, and I feel like he’s forgetting my mom. If we don’t keep her memory alive, then who will?”
“I get it,” Aziza says. “But think about your mom, Sailor. Would she want you both to live in the past, consumed by memories and being miserable?”
“No,” Sailor says. “And on a logical level I know that.”
“But the heart isn’t logical,” Aziza finishes for her.
“Exactly,” Sailor says.
She looks at Aziza differently too now. Like for the first time she’s seeing the real person underneath the ice queen act. Aziza grins at her.
“Yeah. I do have a heart. I just keep it well hidden.”
Sailor laughs.
“Look, Sailor, I know I’ve been a bit harsh on you, but there’s so much at stake here. We can’t afford to let you off easily. The others, they don’t see that. They want you to feel welcome and so do I. But honestly, I’d rather see you alive to hate me. Someone needed to be the one you had something to prove to.”
“It worked,” Sailor says. “When the Savior Spirit touched me, I could hear you all from a far-off place. And you know what got me back on my feet? Hearing you say I was weak.”
“See. I might not be all warm and fuzzy, but I know people.”
Aziza jumps to her feet.
“Come on. Let’s go for a run. It always helps me clear my head and maybe it’ll work for you.”
Sailor nods and gets to her feet and they sprint out of the warehouse. I should probably stop them. It’s not necessarily safe out there, but then they’ll know I was watching them. And if Sailor is with Aziza, she’s as safe as she’s ever going to be.
***
After spying on Sailor, I went back to my room. I could hardly spy on her session with Grace without being seen, and after that, Ya-Ya insisted on some beauty therapy. It’s a waste of time, but there’s only so much training Sailor can do in a day, and watching how fast she was when she was fighting Aziza, I think she’s as good as there. She’s starting to trust her instincts, and the more she does that, the more her natural fighting skills will come out.
I’ve hidden away in here all day because I can’t bear to face Sailor right now. I mean, what am I supposed to say to her? Nice kiss, now leave me alone?
A light knock pulls me out of my head.
“Come in,” I say.
Mel sticks her head around the door.
“Hey. Nexus has just contacted Grace with a possible location. She’s taken Sunday, Jinx, and Aziza to suss it out. Ya-Ya and I have training. Can you see that Sailor gets home okay?”
“Sure,” I say.
What else am I supposed to say? I can hardly tell Mel and Ya-Ya to miss training when I’m the one who insists on its importance. I’d have to have a better reason than not trusting myself around Sailor. Damn Nexus. It’s like she’s trying to tempt me. Knowing her, she is.
I force myself to appear casual as I move through to the games room to find Sailor getting her jacket on.
“You ready?” I ask.
“Yup. And I don’t need an escort thanks,” she says.
I sigh.
Here we go again.
“Well I don’t want to have to explain to Nexus why I let the Paradox wander through the woods on her own, so you’re just going to have to suck it up,” I say.
She rolls her eyes and heads for the door, but she doesn’t argue further when I catch up to her and fall into step behind her. Her silence doesn’t last long.
“What would Felicity say if she knew you were walking me home?” she says.
I shrug.
“Who cares?”
“What would she say if she knew you kissed me and then avoided me like the plague?”
“Again, I don’t care what she’d say. But you obviously have something to say about it, so why don’t you just spit it out?”
“Me? I’m not the one playing childish games, Rye. You say the mission is the most important thing and you shirk your responsibilities and send Aziza in to train me.”
“So Aziza wasn’t a good trainer?” I ask, avoiding her obvious impli
cation that I’m avoiding her.
“Yes actually, she was brilliant. But that’s not the point,” Sailor says.
“I don’t know what you want me to say, Sailor. We kissed. It was a mistake. End of—”
“I want to know why you’re avoiding me,” she says.
I know what she’s doing. She’s trying to get me to admit that I liked the kiss and I’m avoiding her because I’m scared of the consequences. I can’t do that though. I can’t let her think that she and I are even a possibility. I won’t risk making her an orphan.
“Because honestly, I couldn’t stand another day of you whining about my date, your dad’s date. Do you just hate to see people happy or what?”
I know I’ve gone too far when Sailor’s eyes fill with tears and she takes off running.
“Shit. Sailor, wait, I’m sorry. That came out wrong,” I shout.
I’m shouting to thin air. For the second time this weekend, she caught me off guard and took off so damn quick I’m left eating her dust.
I jog after her. My jog becomes a frantic sprint when Sailor’s terrified scream shatters the silence of the woods.
I follow the sound of Sailor’s scream, panic flooding through me. If anything happens to her I don’t know what I’ll do but it won’t be pretty.
I come out of the trees into a small clearing where Sailor stands with two men. One of them has an arm around her neck, almost cutting off her air supply and using her body as a shield. The other one stands beside him. He gives me a cocky grin as I run into the clearing.
“Come any closer and she dies,” the man holding Sailor hisses.
She kicks at his shins and struggles to get free, but his grip is too strong for her, and something in his voice tells me he won’t hesitate to snap her neck if I ignore him. I stop a couple feet away from them. I have to distract them, get the one holding Sailor to drop his guard and loosen his grip so she can wriggle free.
“It was rather irresponsible leaving such a pretty young thing to roam the woods alone. It’s dangerous out here. So many unscrupulous characters would love to get their hands on the Paradox.”
