Tainted Forever

by Terri Anne Browning

  “Not my choice,” I told him, my shoulders drooping under the weight of missing her. “I fucked up and kept something from her. Now she thinks I don’t love her enough. That I don’t put her first, ever. But I’m starting to see that she was right.”

  “And you don’t know how to fix that?” the rock legend demanded, his brows lifted in surprise.

  “Man, I don’t even know where to begin,” I admitted honestly.

  He sighed, scrubbing an inked hand over his face. I caught sight of the tattoo of his wife’s name on his neck. When he shifted, on the wrist of the hand rubbing over his face, I saw the name Michelle scripted there.

  “For seventeen years,” Zander spoke quietly, as if the memories were painful, “I put myself first over the woman I love and, unknowingly, our girls. It was only when I saw Anna again that I realized just how stupid I really was. I had the life I always wanted and dreamed of when we were kids. But I didn’t have her, and that made those dreams feel hollow.”

  I stood there, quietly watching the emotion playing across his face. I understood his pain, that hollowness. It was what I felt every second of the day without Kin beside me.

  “I can’t tell you what to do to show Kin you will put her first. It’s different for every relationship, dude. I mean, hell, I tried to quit the band to show Anna I was picking her this time, but she wouldn’t let me. If I didn’t have her, nothing else would matter in my life. The money, the fame, the fans? None of that compares to having the woman who fucking owns me lying beside me every night.”

  “I almost quit the band once,” I confessed. “But I think that was more for my sake than hers.”

  “Being selfish is part of a rocker’s DNA, it seems,” he said with a grimace. “We’re jaded and narcissistic at times. The only people who can stand us are the ones who really love us.”

  “I still don’t know where to begin,” I muttered, leaning my forearms on the bar top.

  “Start small and build from that. You kept something from her?” I nodded, remembering my mistakes. “Well then, begin there. Tell her everything. No matter how big or small, tell her everything. Even if it’s just about how much you hate the damn weather, talk to her about it. Communication is key to every relationship. Don’t hide anything, and for the love of Christ, don’t try to take on the world by yourself. When you love a woman and want her to spend her life with you, that makes you a team. Teams work together. Share the stress, the pain, or you are going to forfeit sharing the happiness.”

  I took all of it in, soaking up the knowledge from a man I’d always respected and idolized. That I could call him a friend now blew my mind, that I’d been on the same stage as him and his band, still tripped me out.

  Nate appeared, and Zander ordered enough beers for thirty people, making me think he planned on sticking around for a little while tonight. Producing two ice chests, Nate placed them on the bar top, and Z handed over a wad of bills. Lifting one of the chests, the rock legend thrust it into my arms. “Take that on over, kid.” He tipped his head in the direction of our group. “I thought I just saw your redhead come in.”

  He didn’t have to tell me twice. Just the mention of Kin was enough to have me almost sprinting back to the others, but I made myself walk at a calm pace, exuding a confidence I didn’t know I actually felt. Fuck, there was no use in kidding myself or anyone else. I was desperate for just a glance of my girl. If she was there to hang out, then that meant I might get to take her home.

  Wherever the hell “home” was these days. I still didn’t know where she’d moved to, and I was on the verge of actually stalking her to find out.

  Before I could reach the back corner, I saw the flash of Kin’s red hair. It flowed over her shoulders and down her back. She was wearing a white dress that was anything but virginal with how it molded over her curves. I wanted to rip it off her and mark every inch of her body as mine. The urge was strong and only grew when I saw the tool standing beside her, his hand at the small of her back.

  Annabelle said something that had Kin grinning. Kin pushed her hair behind her ear as she dipped her head to hear what the older blonde was saying over the music. With a nod, she sat on the corner of the chair beside Annabelle.

  I dropped the ice chest down at her feet, my shoulder bumping purposefully into the guy in the yellow shirt. What was his name? Derrick or something like that? As I met his gaze, my hate for him blazing out of my eyes, I saw a flash of irritation mixed with amusement, and I wanted to punch him in the mouth.

  Kin glared up at me, brushing droplets of water off her leg from where the melting ice had splashed her. “Manners,” she growled at me. “You could at least say you’re sorry.”

  “You don’t like it when I lie, baby,” I told her with a shrug.

  Her nostrils flared, and she jumped to her feet. She was seconds away from getting in my face, and I was itching to argue with her—no, that was a lie. I was itching to have her get in my face so I had a reason to kiss her quiet. I flexed my fingers, ready to grab her ass and pull her in as close as I could physically get her.

  Yellow shirt douchebag put out his hand, catching her around the waist effortlessly before she could take more than a step toward me. “Easy, sweetheart. We came to have a drink and unwind. Not get tossed out before the first beer.”

  “Tiny won’t toss me out,” Kin assured him, but she was already calming down, and that only made me want to punch Derrick that much more.

  “Who’s thirsty?” Zander asked, finally putting down his own ice chest and grabbing two beers. Uncapping one, he thrust it into Kin’s hand and passed the other to the guy with his arm still around my girl, before holding out his hand to introduce himself. “Zander Brockman, brother. How you doing?”

  A bemused expression crossed Derrick’s face, but he shifted his hold on Kin so he was holding her and the beer and shook the rocker’s hand. “Derrick Stewart. Kin’s soon-to-be uncle.”

  “No shit?” Zander laughed. “I thought everyone wanted to be called ‘daddy’ these days, not ‘uncle,’ but whatever gets your rocks off, man.”

  “Z!” Annabelle snapped at the same time a growl left me. “Tact, baby. Please, use it.”

  Kin’s face looked like it was on fire with embarrassment, and she quickly tipped up her beer, draining most of it in one long swallow.

  “No,” Derrick said with a smirk. “I’m actually going to be her uncle. My sister is marrying Kin’s old man.”

  “Oh,” Annabelle murmured, then her eyes widened. “Oh! Shannon Stewart is your sister?”

  “One of them.”

  “While I would love to stand here and discuss my new family tree with you all,” Kin gritted out, “I think we’re going to go.”

  “I haven’t drunk my beer yet, sweetheart,” Derrick told her calmly before casually tipping the beer to his lips and taking a lazy swallow. “Relax, we’re all friends here.” His gaze locked on mine, hardening. “Right?”

  “Right,” Kassa said with a forced laugh. She moved onto Gray’s lap, making room for someone else to sit. “Jace, come on.”

  “I’m good here,” I told her without looking at her, staring down the man who was touching what was mine.

  “Derrick?” she asked hopefully.

  “I’ve been sitting behind a desk all day, so I need to stretch for a little while,” he evaded, his gaze locked on mine as we continued to glare at each other.

  “Fuck it, I’ll sit there,” Zander said as he dropped down between Gray and Kale on the couch, a beer in his hand. “I’m lazy. I like propping my feet up.”

  Annabelle tugged on Kin’s arm, urging her to sit back down beside her. After a small hesitation where I felt her eyes drilling into my head, she did. “Emmie reminded me earlier to make sure you think over what you two discussed earlier.”

  “What did you and Emmie discuss earlier?” Amara spoke up for the first time. “Is she forgetting I work for her again? Does she never actually relax?” />
  “I don’t think she meant to leave you out,” Annabelle assured the pregnant chick. “This was just a little tricky because Kin has been a bit…reluctant.”

  Kin sighed, propping her chin on her hand on the chair’s arm. “I got a record label offer, and they need a decision by Monday.”

  That was huge enough news that it pulled me from the stare down I was having with Derrick to look at Kin. But she looked anything but happy, while all I wanted to do was celebrate her accomplishment. It took years for some music artists to be offered a record deal. For others, even though they had the talent, it never happened. “Baby, that’s great news. What label?”

  She glared at me for another few seconds before giving in and telling me, “Petrova.”

  Now I knew why she hadn’t already given Emmie her answer. I didn’t understand why, but Kin hated Petrova personally. She’d never explained it to me, but I knew she felt uncomfortable around the guy when I introduced her to him. Maybe she saw something in him no one else could, not even Emmie, who could see through anyone a mile away.

  “So what’s the problem?” Aubree demanded. She was sitting all alone in the chair she’d been sharing with London earlier, and I just then realized the other Blonde was suddenly absent. “I’m not gonna lie, I screamed and jumped around like a Barbie girl on speed when we got the call that Petrova Records wanted to sign us.”

  “Ugh! I don’t know what my problem is,” Kin told her, frustration lacing her voice. “Just thinking of that old man makes me irrationally angry, and all I want to do is junk-punch him.”

  Annabelle wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “Okay, don’t worry. How about me, you, Amara, and Emmie have lunch tomorrow, and we can discuss everything? I would include Natalie, but she was saying she wanted to be at the house tomorrow when Lucy and the baby get home.”

  “Yeah,” Kin said, dropping her blue gaze down to the beer in her hands. “I think I need to talk this out with all of you.”

  Frustrated and wanting to talk to her about the deal she was being offered, to give her advice or just an ear to bitch in, I took a step toward her. Derrick moved to block me, standing protectively in front of her.

  Did he think I was going to hurt her? My hands fisted at my sides, and I tried to remind myself I would only alienate Kin if I punched out her almost-uncle.

  “Good Lord!” London’s voice suddenly cut through the tension. “That bathroom line was fucking ridiculous. I nearly pissed my pants waiting… The beers are here. Yay! Thanks, Z-man.”

  Zander lifted his beer with a wink. “I’ve got a soft spot for pretty blondes.”

  “You’re awful,” Annabelle said with a roll of her eyes.

  “Relax, baby. The only blonde I’m going home with is your beautiful ass.”

  She blushed, blowing him a kiss.

  While Zander and Annabelle were having their exchange, I noticed Derrick’s eyes were now glued on London. Or rather, her ass as she bent over the ice chest and grabbed four beers. Straightening, she handed one each to Roanna and Sin and returned to the chair with one for herself and Aubree. But before she could sit down, Derrick had moved and pulled her around to face him.

  She opened her mouth, yet whatever verbal ball-buster she was about to throw at him dried on her tongue as she looked up at him and met his gaze. “What’s your name?”

  London blinked up at him, then swallowed hard before answering. “London.” Then she shook her head and shrugged off his hold on her arm. “Who is this guy?” she asked Aubree as she flopped down beside her band sister.

  “Kin’s weird ‘uncle.’” Aubree made air quotes, making it sound dirty, and I couldn’t hold back the growl that rumbled in my chest.

  “I always knew she was freaky like that.”

  “I’m right here,” Kin snapped at the Blonde. Standing, she put her now empty bottle on the side table. “Derrick, I’m leaving. You can either come with me and take me home, or I’ll call an Uber.”

  “I don’t like you taking an Uber,” I told her, moving forward. “Let me take you home.”

  “Ubers are perfectly safe,” she snapped at me. “I never heard you complaining in the past.”

  “Because you were always with Lucy, and that meant Marcus was there to keep you safe. Let me take you home,” I repeated.

  “I’ve taken Ubers plenty of times all by myself, asshole. I don’t need you to hold my hand.”

  “When have you ever needed to take an Uber?” I demanded, frustrated that this was what we were actually arguing over.

  “All those times you zoned out on me and forgot I was even beside you and I got pissed and just wanted to go home.” Her smile was bitter. “Uber was my best friend when I was stranded with you because I was stupid enough to put up with your shit.”

  “What?” I was suddenly gutted, realizing I’d put her through even more than I ever realized. Damn it, was there no end to my fuckups? “I don’t remember any of that, Kin.”

  “I’m not surprised,” she muttered, pain lacing her voice so thickly my throat filled with a lump.

  “I got ya, sweetheart,” Derrick said, seeming to snap out of whatever daze he’d been momentarily under. With one last look at London, he caught Kin’s hand, tucking her close. “Everyone, it was a pleasure to meet you. Thanks for the beer, Zander.” He tipped his head at Annabelle, shot me a glare, then started to walk away.

  He was walking off with his hand locked around my girlfriend’s, keeping her close like she was the most precious person in the world to him. A savage sound left my throat, and I was moving to follow them before I even realized what I was doing.

  “Ease there, bro.” Gray’s voice hit me at the same time his arms locked around my shoulders from behind, trapping my arms at my sides. “Can’t let you go off killing people.”

  The prison time might have been worth it if it meant I got to break Derrick’s neck.

  Chapter 20

  Kin

  I wasn’t in much mood to discuss the record deal as I sat down to lunch with Aunt Emmie and Annabelle the next afternoon. After fielding calls from Jace all night once I got home, then again earlier that morning, I wasn’t sure how stable my irrational anger at a man I’d only met once really was.

  Annabelle and Aunt Emmie seemed completely at ease, however. Ordering their lunch like they were starving and discussing Lucy and Hayat and how glad Aunt Emmie was that Jesse could relax a little now that the baby had been born and Lucy was doing so well. Amara was next on their conversation list, and I wished she were there with us, but she’d had a last-minute doctors appointment.

  It was only as the waiter placed our food in front of us that Aunt Emmie got down to business. “I have a number that I would like to throw at Petrova. It’s on the high side to give us room to negotiate for the number I think would make us all happy in the long run.”

  “Why does it have to be Petrova?” I demanded suddenly, my voice snappy.

  The two women shared a look I chose to ignore because I didn’t want to see their mom-minds working overtime.

  Aunt Emmie’s fork landed on her plate with a loud clatter, and she grabbed both my hands across the table. “Kin, why are you so against Petrova?”

  “I don’t even know, okay?” I swallowed roughly and met her gaze. “I’ve only ever met him the one time when Jace introduced us the night TK got signed. He… I guess he made me feel insignificant. Like he thought I was just Jace’s arm candy or something.”

  Big green eyes narrowed. “Did he do or say anything to you?”

  “No,” I said with a shake of my head. “I felt overlooked, I guess. Replaceable.”

  “That is typical Petrova,” Annabelle told me, her voice sensible. “He’s a misogynist. The only woman he even considers on his same level is Emmie, and I’m pretty sure that’s because he’s scared shitless of Jesse and Nik. But the bastard knows talent when he hears it, and he knows you’re dripping in it. Not only do you have a sound—and an e
ntire brand that could sell millions of albums—you also have a gift for writing songs that has already gotten Petrova Records artists on the charts for consecutive weeks. You have at least five different songs on the radio daily. That’s huge, and he’s not going to let you slip through his fingers.”

  I felt myself start to glow under her praise. I knew it was her job to reassure me as her client, to stroke my ego and get me to do what she wanted, but nothing she just said was untrue. I knew my talent, knew my worth.

  And I never should have let one old man make me feel like I wasn’t good enough to be with Jace.

  Even if he had been right.

  Fuck no. I wasn’t going to think about that.

  “Let’s hear the numbers,” I finally told Aunt Emmie, giving in.

  For the next half hour, we talked shop, and I had to admit I was happy with the starting number she was going to toss at the record execs. Hell, I was happy with the number she was really aiming for if they turned down the original one.

  The only issue I had with any of it was touring.

  “I can pull you together a band,” Aunt Emmie assured me. “One that will grab enough attention that they will draw fans out to see them and, in the process, pull the attention to you once they hear you. Or I can arrange for local bands in each city to have the chance to come out and get a little exposure for themselves by performing with you.”

  “A new band every city?” That just made me more nervous. I would have to depend on new people every single time I got on a stage.

  “It’s just a possibility I’m throwing out there,” she said with a smile that said I could trust her. “Whatever you are most comfortable with, I’ll make it happen.”

  “Yeah,” I muttered, my voice weak.

  “What if the band was made up of people you’re already comfortable with?” Annabelle tossed out the idea. “Between Demon’s Wings and OtherWorld, we could mix and match a few of them for a week or two until you’re more comfortable with bigger crowds. Shane would be willing to help, I’m sure, and I can get Z to fly out for a few concerts. Wroth can make an appearance or two as well. Maybe Liam. I’ve been promising the Blondes that Gabriella would do a live performance with them for a while now. That would work out for all of you.”