Jared's Heart

by Fel Fern

  Settled on the bus, Matthias took out Jared’s letters. To pass the time, he read each one of them again. Finally, his hands trembled when he reached for Jared’s latest. It came with an unexpected surprise—a picture of Jared. A stranger stared back at Matthias. Gone was the frightened and angry boy he saw at the crash. A handsome young man stared back at him, jaw firm, and steady eyes. In the photo Jared wore a smile. He looked like any young man who didn’t take life too seriously, but Matthias knew better.

  Matthias saw the shadows under Jared’s eyes. The secret they shared, and bound them. His sin. Still, Matthias never failed to masturbate to the photo of Jake, late at night in his bunk. Christ. That just showed what a fucking bastard he was, but Matthias couldn’t help himself. Ten years in isolation made a man incredibly lonely.

  Jared could have stopped writing to him any time. Could have told Matthias to fuck off, but he never did, and Matthias never stopped writing back. Hell, he waited hungrily each week, hoping Jared would write back. They didn’t talk about vengeance every time. No, Jared talked about the mundane things, and Matthias did the same.

  He knew things, information Jared volunteered, like the fact the scared human had turned into a wolf in human clothing. Matthias knew Jared had become an enforcer of his wolf pack, and even in prison, Matthias knew the rumors surrounding the Darkfall Mountain Pack. Lone shifters and small groups avoided the town like a plague. A bloodthirsty pack that didn’t tolerate outsiders ruled Darkfall, but Matthias heard a different story from Jared. To Jared, Darkfall was his family, and it sometimes made Matthias envious.

  Matthias also knew things Jared couldn’t confide to anyone else, like the fact Jared struggled daily to keep his mask in place. A dark side lurked in Jared, and Matthias understood he was partly responsible for that. The right thing was to let go, to let Jared find his way out of the dark, and maybe a future where Matthias and his sin no longer mattered. Selfish bastard Matthias was, he couldn’t let go. Hell, he refused. Jared was his one last link to reality. Meeting Jared in the flesh and speaking to him—was Matthias’s last wish. He’d told Jared enough how he’d welcome death in his little wolf’s hand.

  The bus rattled onward, passing untouched woodlands. Matthias silently willed it to go faster. Funny how he couldn’t wait to get out of prison, so he could rush to his death. Either Jared would end him first, or the shifter mob would get word he couldn’t pay up. A hysterical laugh escaped him.

  “You all right there, buddy?” asked the guy next to him. He was young, probably in his mid-twenties, like Jared. Smelled human though, and he lacked the steel Matthias knew Jared possessed.

  “Fine,” Matthias managed, staring out the window.

  The guy started chatting, but mostly, Matthias tuned it out. Closing his eyes, Matthias tried to get some rest, the first time he slept on somewhere other than the hard bunk on his cell. Matthias’s bear paced inside him, seething and restless, but the animal wouldn’t win. Matthias’s time in prison tempered his control to a fine edge. Hell, Matthias was confident the bear wouldn’t even rise, even when Jared put his canines against his neck, and rip his throat out. It would be a fine death, better than being gunned down or torn apart by werehyenas in suits.

  “So, tourist or visiting friends or family?” the human beside him asked, curiously peeking at the letters Matthias clutched to him. Stuffing back in his backpack, Matt decided to answer him.

  “I’m seeing a very close…friend.” Was friend the right word? Jared would certainly scoff at Matthias’s label, but what else would Matthias call Jared? Normal folks didn’t usually bare the contents of their souls to random strangers. Not especially the guy who murdered their parents.

  Catching sight of the “Welcome to Darkfall” sign, Matthias’s heart started beating rapidly. When the bus stopped at the station, Matt suddenly hesitated, old fears creeping back. He wasn’t afraid to die, that much was certain, but seeing Jared made him apprehensive. What the fuck? Matthias shouldn’t be acting like some nervous kid on his first date, yet that was exactly the way he felt. He headed down the bus, and took a good look around Darkfall. The bus stopped at what looked like the town proper.

  Darkfall had a typical small town feel to it. Charming single-story shops lined the street Matthias disembarked on. He spotted a local grocer, an independently owned bookshop and a couple of antique shops. Matthias’s bear told me the residents were a mix of human and supernatural. His spine tingled, telling Matthias the paranormal locals were checking him out. Remembering Jared telling him about the town’s recent troubles and tangles with a fanatic group of human hunters, and before that, with a killer and another animal group, Matthias understood why security was tight.

  Still, it wasn’t hard to imagine, strolling these streets, his pup by his side. When the season turned cold, Jared would lean close to his warmth, and Matthias would happily share his heat.

  “What the fuck am I thinking?” Matthias muttered out loud, drawing some curious passersby.

  He didn’t need unwanted attention. Jared knowing he was here was one thing. The leaders of the Darkfall pack, the werewolf siblings that raised Jared and his sister would no doubt, kill him on sight, because not all rumors were baseless. Matthias’s bear warned him then, not of danger, but something else. Catching wind of a delicious scent, Matthias sniffed the air, looking for the source. Jared, Matthias mused, was nearby. Hell, he knew it, deep in his bones. What else explained the interest of his bear?

  Turning, Matthias’s gaze ignored the other passerby, solely focusing on the lean young man crossing the road. Same blond hair and dark eyes as the man in the photograph, but seeing Jared in the flesh shook Matthias up. Spurred his bear, who seldom showed interest in any other human being after Marie, his first wife. Their gazes locked and he saw Jared stumble, staring at him, knowing like he did. A strange magnetism connected them, and Matthias didn’t resist the pull.

  He walked, waiting for the moment for surprise to change to something else. Fury. Jared’s tempting lips twisted, a strange smile that felt out of place. A predator’s smile, reminding Matthias it wasn’t a lost human boy he looked at, but a young wolf raised on hate. They stopped, inches from each other.

  “Matthias, you look exactly like your picture.”

  Matthias couldn’t process the words immediately. Everything felt and seemed so surreal, especially the sound of Jared’s voice. He still heard it sometimes, Jared’s childlike accusatory voice, condemning Matthias as a coward.

  “You too,” Matthias said, voice harsh, still unused to conversing with another human being.

  He couldn’t sleep on the bus, plagued by thoughts of what he would say and how Jared would react. Now, he stood there, paralyzed and speechless. The longer they stood staring at each other, taking measure, the more Matthias sensed the anger in Jared. Not hot enough to burn, but the cold lasting kind, one that lasted Jared through the years.

  You fucked me up so badly, I can’t enjoy a normal relationship with another man, Jared once wrote. The selfish part of Matthias liked that, and savored the fact Jared was in some perverted way, irrevocably his. That the fates bound their lives together the moment his truck crashed into their car.

  Silently, Matthias willed Jared to finish the deed. Would Jared pull out his weapon of choice, and end him here on the street? Would he lure Matthias to some dark alleyway, and then slit his throat, making sure no one would ever find his corpse? What’s your next move, Jared?

  The twisted part of Matthias didn’t want to die though. He wanted to find out more, to learn what made Jared tick. Jared could have done the deed any moment, but he didn’t. He waited, maybe for Matthias to make the first move, to rewrite the script that damned both of their souls from the start.

  “Aren’t you going to say anything?” Jared demanded. There was an edge to his words. His pupils gleamed amber, wrestling control with his beast. Matthias took a step forward. Jared hesitantly took a step back. This dancing back and forth seemed ridiculous really.
r />   “Only this.” Matthias moved, too fast for Jared to anticipate.

  He saw Jared tense when Matthias closed his hand over the back of his neck, drawing him near. One second of hesitation might make Matthias lose his momentum and his recklessness. Christ, he couldn’t remember the last time he kissed anyone. He claimed Jared’s lips, all hunger and need. Matthias bit and nipped, kissed like he fucked, rough and without care. Heat flooded between them. Electricity sparked between their bodies and their animals knew with certainty, one damning truth. Mine. Yours. No one else’s.

  Fuck, that complicated matters, but at that moment, Matthias couldn’t care less. Matthias would think about the consequences later.

  Jared made it worse, yielding to him with abandon. Pushing Matthias away seemed far from his mind. Opening his mouth, Jared let Matthias’s prodding tongue in. Grinding his body against Jared’s, Matthias felt his aching dick, straining against his jeans. He would have been embarrassed if Jake didn’t sport a similar erection. With reluctance, Matthias released Jared.

  God knew he wanted more. Fuck.

  The images rushed through his head—Jared on his knees, looking up at him, and silently begging for permission. Matthias would hold his head in place, while he fucked his mouth with relish, while Jared looked at him, full of trust, his mouth hot and eager. Close to bursting, Matthias would painfully pull away. Once Jared was on all fours, he’d sink his cock home, to Jared’s waiting hole. Matthias would fuck Jared, relentless and hard, so Jared would know no one can ever penetrate his most intimate place except Matthias.

  Matthias deserved to be back behind bars for thinking such thoughts. Better yet, he should just ring up his contact in the werehyena mob and tell them his life was theirs to take.

  “The look in your eyes,” Jared muttered. “They tell me you want to do dirty things to my body.”

  Kissing Jared broke the invisible barrier between them, but Matthias knew one kiss couldn’t cure years of anger and hate.

  “And you know what yours tell me, pup?” Matthias noticed the way he stiffened by the nickname.

  “What?”

  “That you’ll fight me every way, but you’re going to enjoy every fucking second of it.”

  Jared scoffed, but Matthias could see the truth of the words shook him to the core. “You fucking arrogant bear.”

  Matthias smiled, showing him teeth. “You asked me to come here, pup. I came. What next?”

  “You know what.” Jared swallowed when he said those words. “You came here to die.”

  Matthias nodded. Jared didn’t know it yet, but the game had changed. Hell, Matthias could taste his reluctance, Jared’s confusion, and his anger for being unable to hate Matthias, not completely, not after that kiss and the way their bodies reacted. Bound to happen, Matthias supposed, with the crazy amount of time they invested communicating. His stomach saved the day, letting out a hungry rumble.

  Jared broke into an unexpected chuckle. “Come on, I know a good place to grab some decent grub. They also serve a wicked cherry pie.”

  Matthias’s bear perked at the mention of sweets. Well, Jared might be luring him into a trap, but who gave a fuck?

  Chapter Three

  Unable to help himself, Jared stared at Matthias, leaving his own food untouched. The big werebear ate everything in sight, wolfing down an entire steak with a couple of bites.

  “Are you going to eat that?” Matthias asked.

  Jared pushed his fried chicken to Matthias without another word. “Still hungry? We can get more food.”

  Matthias paused, as then blinked, looking at the stacks of plate on the side of the table. Guilt flittered across his features, a look Jared had become familiar with. “I—”

  “It’s fine. I said I’d treat you late lunch, didn’t I?” Besides Jared knew Matthias didn’t have much, in the way of cash, or the basic necessities.

  He took the menu and offered it to Matthias. Their fingers touched, and a tingle went up Jared’s arm. Drawing away quickly, Matthias grabbed the plastic menu, ignoring what passed between them.

  Saying nothing for a couple of moments, Jared watched Matthias tell the waitress his additional orders. The ex-convict looked leaner than Jared expected. Head shaved close to his skull, Matthias’s rough features stood out.

  Without knowing why, Jared took silent stock—broken nose, small pearl-like scar on his fucking tempting generous mouth, and slate gray eyes that turned gold when he changed. Just like Jared, except when Matthias thought Jake wasn’t looking, those eyes looked heart-wrenchingly haunted and wounded. He was scarred both inside and out, and the more Jared got to know Matthias, the more his resolve grew shaky.

  Jared thought by accepting Sergio’s gift he’d become strong, both mind and body. It seemed he neglected the former.

  “Jared! I’m fucking glad you’re here,” a voice interrupted Jared’s thoughts, and as the figure neared, Jared noticed Matthias tense.

  Mark Burke, fellow pack member, came by the side of their table, about to say more, when he noticed Matthias. “Ah, sorry, didn’t know you had company.”

  Mark shot him a sheepish look, but couldn’t hide his curiosity. “Not going to introduce your friend, Jared?”

  Jared gritted his teeth. This was exactly the kind of situation he wanted to avoid. Matthias coming to Darkfall made things complicated. He didn’t know Mark well, but they worked side-by-side a couple of times. Mark worked at the Paranormal Rescue Center, and Jared didn’t mind helping out with a case or two about a wounded or lost shifter.

  “This is Matt, he’s a visiting friend.”

  Mark raised his eyebrows, clearly not buying his “just friends” excuse. Jared might be pack enforcer. Had seen his fair deal of shit, but compared to Matthias, he looked harmless. Broad-shouldered, made of lean muscle and ink, Matthias took the bulk of the booth. Not saying a word, made him look dangerous, not someone to fuck with. Hell, any shifter in their right mind would be wise to stay clear.

  “Mark, if it’s not important, can we talk about it later?” Jared asked.

  Mark shrugged. “Sure, its pack-related business, but some other time then.”

  After he walked away, silence ensured.

  “So, no one knows I’m here?” Matthias eventually asked.

  Jared nodded, playing with his fork. “Jane would freak out, and Sergio and the others, who knows how they will react?”

  “I see. That’s good.” Matthias seemed to consider something. “What’s next after this?

  “I don’t know,” Jared said shakily. “Want a tour of town?”

  A desperate excuse and they both knew it. Jared started out, wanting to finish out what he started, but he couldn’t discount the way his wolf reacted around Matthias’s bear. The unthinkable, but Jared couldn’t dwell on it.

  “A tour. Sure.” Matthias nodded, it seemed he didn’t want this, whatever this twisted date was, to end.

  They finished their late lunch, moving on to less serious topics. A kind of tragedy and sadness lingered around Matthias, who’d been locked up for so long he couldn’t remember how to interact with the real world again. Jared had been his one connection to reality, Matthias had confessed. Eyes downcast, he told Jared how he’d waited for his letters.

  “I’m a sick fuck, huh?” Matthias asked.

  “If you are, then I am too. I kept your letters, every single one, even the newspaper clippings about your case.” Jared let out a laugh, surprising Matthias.

  “That…isn’t healthy, Jared. If you have me on your mind, how will you find a suitable mate?” Matthias asked, although Jared could see his words pleased the werebear. They held on to pieces of each other for years, why would they want someone else? Jared didn’t voice his thoughts out loud though. Christ, he feared what would happen if he did take that first step to telling Mathias how badly he wanted him.

  “Come on. Let’s walk around, I’m fucking full,” Jared suggested. They went back on the street, and circled the town proper twice on foot
, because Darkfall wasn’t that big. Noticing the way Matthias kept sneaking glances at the vast woods surrounding the edge of town, Jared finally understood. By then, the sun had set, and they ran out of street to walk, with human feet at least.

  “How long has it been, since you last shifted?” Jared asked.

  “Too long,” Matthias whispered. His voice was full of pain and longing.

  Jared offered his hand, and hesitantly Matthias laced his large and callused fingers with his. They walked past paved roads and houses on the outskirts of town, and left behind the human world. Jared’s sneakers crunched on soft earth, familiar terrain. Every wolf in the Darkfall Mountain Pack knew every tree and rock, every nook and cranny, and dark secrets of the woods. Without another word, Matthias wiggled out of his shoes, surprised Jared came close.

  Touching the hem of Matthias’s shirt, Jared realized he didn’t know what the hell he was doing. “Let me.”

  He thought Matthias would pull away, but he gave Jared a curt nod, and let him peel off his shirt. Seeing the firm expense of muscle, Jared’s breath caught in his throat. Discarding the shirt, Jared placed a hand over Matthias’s firm stomach, tugging at the slight dusting of dark hair, disappearing under his jeans. Jared didn’t need to look down to see Matthias’s erection.

  He could smell Matthias’s arousal, and he knew Matthias could do the same. Focusing his gaze elsewhere, Jared moved his hand upward, fingertips brushing against the brickwork of abs, one firm pectoral. He gave Matthias’s shoulder a gentle squeeze, and then leaned in close for a kiss. Matthias placed a hand over Jared’s chest, halting him, and Jared wondered if Matthias could hear his racing heart, and what he made of it.

  “Don’t. Jared, you’re going to make me lose control, and this is wrong,” Matthias whispered.

  A little angry, Jared took off the button of his jeans, heard his hiss as he yanked the zipper down, and stepped back. Christ, it took all of Jared to show cold indifference, to take off his own clothes, all the while feeling the burn of Matthias’s stare. Jared had never been concerned about his body before. He worked out regularly at the gym, because as an enforcer, he needed to be in top form to deal with fights. Now though, he became keenly aware of his own body, and the way Matthias looked at him, like he was edible.