Flame

by J. P. Scott

  “Good morning! What brings you in this time of day?”

  “Just grabbing some coffee. I need to head down to Payson to meet up with George and the realtor.”

  “Oh, is there good news? Sold the property?”

  “I wish it were that easy. No, just need to discuss some options with George to see what he is thinking. So much to consider about the business and his future.”

  Cody’s smile tightened and he nodded in a way to indicate the he also knew what it was like to make tough decisions when it came to family. There seemed to be more to the story when it came to his parents. Besides providing his mom with meals from the restaurant, what else was Cody responsible for with them?

  “How long are you going to be in Payson?”

  “For a couple hours, I think. After the meeting, I’m going to spend some time with George. He’s lonely and not doing much socializing, from what I can tell.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that.” Cody looked away, as if thinking about something he was debating sharing. “Mind if I tag along? When you’re at your meeting, I have some things to take care of in town. I’ll pitch in some gas money.”

  “Sure, you can tag along. No need to worry about gas money.” I looked around, “Are you ready to go? Need to clock out or anything?”

  “No. It’s a day off. I was just stopping in to pick up tip money from credit cards payments. I’m ready, if you are.”

  We headed out to my car. Not too long ago, Cody hated me. He had every right to. I expected him to be nice to me when I was a customer, but helping me back to my place when I was drunk and now voluntarily offering to spend the drive to and from Payson alone with me seemed to indicate he thoughts about me had softened. Were we really past my horrible actions?

  “Feel free to pick any station you like. I have not been able to find anything that I like.”

  “There’s not much up here that’s good. Then there’s always trouble with reception as we wind our way down off the Rim. Mind if I connect my phone? I’ve got some stuff you might like.”

  I nodded and Cody busied himself with his phone and the control panel for the radio. He seemed to know all the right buttons to push even though it was his first time in the car. I had been driving the rental all summer and still barely knew how to operate anything aside from the gas and the brake. In seconds, Cody was playing some EDM music.

  I smiled, “Sounds like you would be right at home in a New York club. How do you know this stuff?”

  “We may be out in the middle of nowhere, but it doesn’t mean we don’t know what’s going on in the world.” Cody smiled, jabbing me about my bias against small towns. Was my view about rural America wrong? It was hard to connect with the broader world here. Radio, TV, newspaper, and internet options were limited. Back home, I was surrounded by media wherever I went. It was easy to be up on what was new and now and cool.

  “I’m just impressed, that’s all.”

  Cody seemed caught up in looking through songs on his phone that were part of the playlist he had selected on the streaming service. I focused on the road as we made our way through the forest and towards the drop down from the Mogollon Rim. There was about a 1,500 feet elevation drop from where Lakeside Estates sat at the top of the Rim to Payson down below. Eventually, Cody dropped his phone and joined me at looking at the scenery.

  “I never get tired of looking at all of these trees.”

  “Not even when it’s all the same? Doesn’t it feel a little monotonous after a while?”

  “No. I love it. Sometimes I imagine that it just stretches on and on forever. I’m always disappointed when I head down to Phoenix and the trees disappear. Or if you go too far north or east of here, everything just starts to be so open. It all just makes me feel so small and insignificant. Being around the trees is kind of like a constant hug.”

  I had never really thought about the trees or really any scenery like that. But the city sort of felt the same for me. Buildings high and tightly packed together felt like home. I had to agree that sometimes the open spaces seemed a little overwhelming. Back home, I encountered that feeling more by being out on the water.

  “Why do you need to go to Payson, if you don’t mine me asking?”

  Cody tensed his shoulders and stared out the window. “There’s just some things that I need to take care of.”

  “It’s okay not to talk about it. I didn’t want to pry into personal things.”

  “No, it’s okay. Thank you for asking. I just, I just don’t know what to do anymore to help my mom.”

  “Is she in trouble?”

  “Not trouble. Like, she’s not in any danger. She just has so much on her shoulders.” Cody drummed his fingers on his leg, “Trapped, I guess. She works hard to make a living and works harder to run a household. I’ve tried to talk her into leaving my dad and being on her own. I think she would if she could afford it.”

  “That’s rough. I didn’t realize it was so bad.”

  “And maybe it isn’t. Maybe I am making a small problem into a big problem. She’s a grown woman and knows what to do. I’m sure she could find a way on her own, if she wanted to.”

  “Hey, there’s nothing wrong with looking out for the ones we love. Sometime we are trapped and need someone to show us there is a way out. People get defeated.” I thought about Jonathan. Who had shown him that he needed help? What had been the turning point for him to enter treatment?

  “It took forever to convince her, but I finally got her to agree to open a joint account with me. I want her to have money separate from my dad that she can use when she needs it. It’ll be easier for me to help her out this way, too.”

  Beside me was one of the most caring people I had ever met. Here he was struggling to get his own foothold in the world and his main thought was bettering his mother’s life. Some people had expressed similar thoughts to me when I said I was coming out to Arizona to help George. Truth was, I came resisting the idea. Sure, I loved George and wanted the best for him. However, I would rather it had been someone else in the family who had the time and the money to leave their life behind for months, possibly a year or more.

  “How much does she need?”

  “If she’s going to be able to move out on her own, I think a couple thousand for expenses plus a couple more as a buffer for anything unexpected that comes up.”

  “Do you have that kind of money?” I winced as the words left my mouth. That had to sound incredibly condescending and insulting. Just because he worked as a bartender and waiter did not mean he did not have money.

  Either he did not take offense or had expected that kind of reaction. He did not respond with a glare or a snap back. “I’ve been saving up for culinary school.”

  Cody was going to sacrifice school and give the money to his mother? That seemed like a bad idea. “From what you’ve said, there isn’t an immediate need. Is it possible that by going to school and getting a higher paying job that you’ll be able to help her better? Maybe you’ll end up living somewhere farther way and with more opportunity for her.”

  “I hadn’t thought about that.”

  “Have you talked with her about your plan?”

  “She knows about the account. But she thinks I’m just going to put a couple bucks in it with each paycheck.”

  It sounded like Cody was operating off of impulse and maybe had not thought everything through. “Maybe you should talk to her about it. At least get her used to the idea that she might have the funds. But I doubt your mom is going to want you to sacrifice or even delay school on her account. She’s going to put up quite a fight. If you come on too strong, she might even refuse any help.”

  Cody stared out the window some more and was quiet. I thought I saw him reach up and wipe his cheek. He was wearing sunglasses and I could not tell for sure if he was crying.

  “I know you want to do all you can to help her. Maybe there’s another way.” Was I getting through to him? Or was he hell-bent to do what he wanted regardless of
what I had to say? “Look, I may be the last person you are looking to take advice from, but know that I want good things for you. You’re a good guy and deserve good things.”

  He made more swipes at his cheeks. “I don’t always feel like a good guy.”

  “I think we should be suspicious of anyone who outright claims to be.”

  There were a few more minutes of quiet except for the music and the sound of the pavement beneath the wheels. “Thank you for listening. Your advice makes sense.”

  “Got any advice for me? I’m clueless about what is the right answer for George.” I gave him a sketch of what Nancy had described in her notes about the possible options. The tension eased as Cody listened. If nothing else, the focus on my problems was taking his mind off of his own.

  “To be honest, none of them sound like great options. Sell everything and George has to say goodbye to his life. Sell it in pieces and it is a slow, possibly painful death.” Cody was right in his analysis. Still, maybe George would surprise me with what he wanted. And maybe there was a better option that I had not thought of, just like I had advised Cody. I needed to let this play out, give it the thought it needed, and hope I made the right decision in the end.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  “Well, those are some options.” George took off his glasses and set them on the stack of papers I had presented him. Nancy had walked us through the proposals, covered the pros and cons, and did her best to answer George and my questions.

  “What is your gut-reaction, George?” He was hard to read today. He had listened quietly, raising his finger to indicate he had a question when Nancy was going over the numbers. All of his questions showed George’s sharpness and good business sense.

  “Huh, my gut reaction? I think I might be better off dead.”

  I shook my head and rolled my eyes. I was not surprised by a dramatic and over-the-top response from him. I was also pleased he had not thrown the papers across the room and told us to get out. He was at least considering the options where he sold the business, all or in part.

  “George, why don’t you take a few minutes to think things over. If you have any additional questions, I’ll be happy to answer them. I need to talk to your nephew for a few minutes.” Nancy stood up and headed to the door. I followed and joined her out in the hall. We kept George’s door open but walked down the hallway to add some distance.

  “That went better than I expected.”

  Nancy looked at me, “Me, too. I just wish it was better news about what I think can happen. It’s such a large property but also well past its prime. A buyer is going to be hard to come by.”

  “And how about the dozen or more buyers we would need to sell off the pieces?”

  “Also going to be tough. Things have improved a great deal since the market crash. Still, not everyone’s enthusiastic about sinking money into vacation homes. Even with the rise of apps for vacation rentals—this isn’t really the prime location for that. If we were down in Scottsdale, we would have a different story.”

  “I really appreciate your work, Nancy. George and I have a lot of things to think over.”

  She nodded and reached out to pat my upper arm. “I’ve dealt with plenty of families trying to get estates in order, but nothing that is quite this magnitude. How is J.C.—Jonathan working out?”

  “He’s good. He’s gotten a lot done. You should stop by and check things out.”

  “I will. And I’m glad he’s doing a good job. I really appreciate you hiring him.”

  Nancy’s interest seemed to be a bit more than that of a business referral. “I take it you know him from when he lived here before he was up in Colorado? Did you guys go to school together?”

  “Same graduating class, actually. He’s my cousin. I’ve known him for a really long time. We were tight back in the day.”

  “Does he usually go by J.C.? He’s never corrected me from saying Jonathan. But I do remember it from his business card, as well.”

  Nancy laughed, “It’s an old habit. We used to all go by initials. Sometimes I still find myself about to write N.C. if I have to handwrite a note to someone. For Jonathan, it was more of nickname that stuck. All of his friends in high school called him J.C. He tended to call his friends by at least their first initial. His parents were so confused sometimes about which friend’s house he was going to most Friday nights.”

  “Almost like a code.”

  She laughed, “I guess it was. Especially at times when he was going to hang out with someone his parents didn’t approve of. If he had another friend with the same first initial, he could openly make plans on the phone while anyone listening might assume it was someone else. Life before cell phones.”

  “Any close friends named ‘G’?” I asked the question before I could stop myself. No need to bring Nancy in on the discovery of the love letters. Still, I was curious as to the identity of the lover. My heart raced as I realized that Nancy may not know that Jonathan was gay. Was I on the verge of outing him?

  “He’s told you about him?” Nancy looked off to the side, clearly thinking about Jonathan and this mysterious man. “The one that got away, I guess.”

  I had so many questions that I wanted to ask her. Was he still around? What was he like? What happened to end their relationship?

  “Ultimately, things have worked out for the best. J.C. is on his feet again. If he’s at least talking about ‘G’ to you, that must mean he has made some headway in processing that relationship. That speaks well for his recovery.” Now it was Nancy’s turn to pull back in the conversation. She put her hand over her mouth in surprise at what she had said.

  “He told me about why he was in Colorado. Don’t worry. You haven’t said anything.”

  “I shouldn’t speak so casually.”

  “I won’t tell anyone.”

  She smiled. Then, her eyes narrowed. “You two seem to do a lot of chatting about personal things. Jonathan’s not usually the kind of person who shares a lot about his past. He must feel very comfortable with you.”

  We had definitely been spending a lot of time together. The fact that it had earned me the privilege of him feeling comfortable to share things with me made my heart flutter. Should I tell her that the two of us had more than just a working relationship? I felt like that was news Jonathan should be in on sharing.

  “We have plenty of time to talk. It gets kind of quiet at night.”

  “Well, if it means he’s not hanging out in that god-awful camper. That things needs to be burned.” I smiled at the thought. I was glad I was not the only one who looked at the camper and shook his head.

  “I’ll continue to invite him to dinner then.”

  She glanced at her watch and said she had to be going. We returned to George’s room where he was looking over the proposals some more. He barely grunted as Nancy collected her things and said goodbye.

  I sat down across from George. “I know you need some time to look things over. I’ll come down in a couple days and we can have a serious discussion about what you want to do.”

  “Is there really no other way?”

  “Not that I’ve been able to think up, George.”

  “And you don’t want to run the business?”

  There was another option. I had been avoiding adding it to the list of possibilities. Mainly, I knew that it would break George’s heart that I did not want to take over the business and run things. Still, here it was.

  “George, I wish that I did. But I think we both know living out here in the forest is not really my style. I miss the city and walking to get a bagel and schmear from my favorite shop down the block. I miss the noise and the hustle and bustle.” I doubted anything I said really connected with George. If I did not want the business, that meant he would see it get sold off in one way or another.

  “Anything I can do to sweeten the deal?”

  I tried to smile, “Spending years with you running the business is a pretty sweet thing, Uncle George. It’s just not my thi
ng. What else is there here for me?”

  “I’m sure you’ll find someone to settle down with.”

  I wanted to laugh at the absurdity of George’s words. Was it really that crazy? I had started the summer unexpectedly attracted to Alex. Now Jonathan had come into my life. Was it possible to find love in a small town? Could I find a love that would last like George and Anna’s had?

  I shifted in my seat, uncomfortable with my thoughts. George and I had very limited experience talking about my love life. He knew I was gay, had met my ex-boyfriend Ethan when he came out to visit, and even knew that Alex and I had an attraction to each other. Was he ready to hear more? Was there really more to tell? What was happening between Jonathan and me? It was more than just sex, but was it love? When there was no longer a reason for me to be in Arizona, would he want to go with me? Would I want to stay?

  “You’ve met someone, haven’t you?”

  “Geez, George. Why would you ask me that?”

  “If you could only see how uncomfortable you are. Normally, you walk in here all cocky and self-assured. You’ve got the answers. You’re in control. You didn’t just come right out and deny. Things started turning in your head as if there was someone you were at least interested in.”

  I sighed. “I guess you know me pretty well, George. I have been seeing someone.”

  His eyes narrowed, “It’s not that Cody kid, is it?” George had a dislike for Cody because of things he had done in his past. George may know me well, but I was glad that he had been far removed from me when I had my escapades in my twenties. He would not think very highly of me either.

  “No. He’s cute and all, but he’s with Alex. He is sort of a friend, I guess.”

  George leaned in, “Are you sleeping with a guest?”

  “No, George. For fuck’s sake. What does it matter?” There had not been a guest—besides Alex—that I had ever looked at in a sexual way. Even if things had continued with Alex or if there had been other guests that I wanted to fool around with, we were consenting adults.